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"Life performance training"

JNL

Cyburbian
Messages
2,449
Points
25
I am about to spend a whole day in "Life performance training" - everyone at work has to attend.

Here's the blurb:
"The purpose of the workshop is to illustrate the different ways that we communicate and perceive the world around us. This enhances team dynamics because once we understand and accept the differences in our colleagues, we can be more tolerant, and as a result reduce stress levels."

Oh man.... :-s
 

SkeLeton

Cyburbian
Messages
4,853
Points
26
What kindda BS is that?!?!?!
Group therapy? nah.. better use shock therapy (on others ;))!
 

SGB

Cyburbian
Messages
3,388
Points
26
"And after we finish a round of 'Kumbaya,' we'll end to day with one great big GROUP HUG!"
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
10,623
Points
34
I understand the differences in my colleagues and they are still all STOOOPID!
 

biscuit

Cyburbian
Messages
3,904
Points
25
So what does it involve? An outdoor ropes course, trust falls with co-workers and sensitivity training? I'll pass thank you.
 

ecofem

Cyburbian
Messages
206
Points
9
... and I thought it was bad when my employer made us all sit through a Myers-Briggs seminar.....
 

nerudite

Cyburbian
Messages
6,544
Points
30
Tell them that your stress would be reduced if you didn't have to look out at a hazardous waste warehouse everyday. ;)
 

JNL

Cyburbian
Messages
2,449
Points
25
I heard a rumour that we get to find out what colour is associated with our personality type... and which colours we do and don't get along with... I can't wait! (heavy sarcasm)
 

Plannerbabs

Cyburbian
Messages
1,037
Points
23
Watch out for that ropes course--the last time I did one, I almost got hit by lightening. And it wasn't the epiphany kind, either.
 

JNL

Cyburbian
Messages
2,449
Points
25
biscuit said:
So what does it involve? An outdoor ropes course, trust falls with co-workers and sensitivity training?
Not even... 35 people packed into a small room for a whole day :-(
 

BKM

Cyburbian
Messages
6,463
Points
29
What color are you?

In the United States, I would hope that good Christians would make a claim that this would be "establishment of religion" :)

Reminds me of a different note: I'd snagged a copy of a local freebie called "Common Ground" which is chock full of chakrah workshops, past life regression, channeling seminars and the like. We all had a good chortle about it-but I later observed one of the engineers carrying his own copy of said rag. This guy is really dry and down to earth. One never knows!
 

biscuit

Cyburbian
Messages
3,904
Points
25
JNL said:
Not even... 35 people packed into a small room for a whole day :-(
Well if that doesn't help you relieve work related stress I don't know what will.;)
 

Big Easy King

Cyburbian
Messages
1,361
Points
23
It's unfortunate that you have to attend, but try to make the best of it. Make it understood that you won't say a word unless you're paid. "Dollar, dollar bills, y'all!"
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,995
Points
31
Peace dude!

Everything I needed to know about loving my fellow man I learned in the Army. There is nothing in this world like using fire and maneuver to close with and kill the enemy to teach you to respect your fellow soldiers, no matter what their race, ethnicity or religion. As a diverse group we respected each other’s differences and worked as a caring and empowering team in order to slaughter the enemy and break his nation's things. Killing as a groupt truly transcends all of these artificial barriers and enhanced our harmony with the greater society from which we came. All people win, well except for the group you are trained to kill.
 

Zoning Goddess

Cyburbian
Messages
13,852
Points
39
Two of the "core" employee courses at my happy place of employment are Diversity in the Workplace (it is a riot watching the road crews in this one) and "Techno-Manners" (like most of us even care that there are "copier manners"...).
 

Rem

Cyburbian
Messages
1,523
Points
23
It sounds like it might actually be an intelligence test. You only pass if, instead of showing up, you take the day off.
 

Mastiff

Gunfighter
Messages
7,181
Points
30
You just have to bring the right tools...

- Woopie cushion
- Small water pistol (under the table shots)
- Gameboy (to pretend is a PDA)
- Rubber bands
- Firecrackers
- Laser pointer

You get the idea!
 

Zoning Goddess

Cyburbian
Messages
13,852
Points
39
Mastiff said:
You just have to bring the right tools...

- Woopie cushion
- Small water pistol (under the table shots)
- Gameboy (to pretend is a PDA)
- Rubber bands
- Firecrackers
- Laser pointer

You get the idea!
A key-chain Etch a Sketch also comes in handy. Just be prepared for your fellow attendees to try and steal it, just to stay sane.
 

Dan

Dear Leader
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
18,699
Points
69
Re: Peace dude!

el Guapo said:
Everything I needed to know about loving my fellow man I learned in the Army. There is nothing in this world like using fire and maneuver to close with and kill the enemy to teach you to respect your fellow soldiers, no matter what their race, ethnicity or religion. As a diverse group we respected each other’s differences and worked as a caring and empowering team in order to slaughter the enemy and break his nation's things. Killing as a groupt truly transcends all of these artificial barriers and enhanced our harmony with the greater society from which we came. All people win, well except for the group you are trained to kill.
Folks, we have a winner! What kind of award, I don't know, but we do have a winner.
 

Seabishop

Cyburbian
Messages
3,838
Points
25
Remember, no matter what they say - mass suicide will not lead to greater workplace productivity.
 

Repo Man

Cyburbian
Messages
2,549
Points
25
That reminds me of workplace sexual harassment seminars, which are usually followed by about 2 days of tounge-in-cheek sexual harassment jokes.
 

Seabishop

Cyburbian
Messages
3,838
Points
25
Repo Man said:
That reminds me of workplace sexual harassment seminars, which are usually followed by about 2 days of tounge-in-cheek sexual harassment jokes.
That's a really nice sweater Repo Man. Have you been working out? ;)
 

JNL

Cyburbian
Messages
2,449
Points
25
Well I survived. It was about "precognitive communication" - you get classified as either Visionist, Pictorialist, Rationalist, or Sensationist. We had to find which of these we were most like, and then we spent the rest of the day working with others classified the same as us... but, I was the only "Pictorialist" in my workplace!! So of course I got a few hassles for that. Basically the day was about learning how to communicate with the other 3 types.

Worst part was the last hour we spent writing two positive words to describe our impression of each person in the room then reading them all out! They didn't explain how this related to the day's activities. I have to follow up with the workmate who described me as "controlled"....!
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
10,623
Points
34
JNL said:
Worst part was the last hour we spent writing two positive words to describe our impression of each person in the room then reading them all out! They didn't explain how this related to the day's activities. I have to follow up with the workmate who described me as "controlled"....!
I would have a real problem with that with two people at work. Unless the c word can be construed as a positive description. Prudence will back me up on that.
 

JNL

Cyburbian
Messages
2,449
Points
25
People did struggle... one guy who never speaks to anybody refused to do the exercise.

We had a list of words to choose from which sort of made it easier but also kind of undermined the value of doing it. The manager picked "tenacious and strongwilled" to describe me!! He he.
 
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