Marriage Proposals

[Tranplanner]

Alright, we seem to have another cyburbanite set to join the marriage clube! I thought we might compare proposal stories...

I'll go first.

It was Thanksgiving weekend (Canadian Thanksgiving) of 2001...I had finally made up my mind to ask Caroline about two weeks before that. Took a week to pick out a ring, and managed to stash it, and a bottle of champagne into my bag as we headed up north to her family's for the long weekend.

On Saturday, I was out with her dad, so I asked his permission - while he was driving. That went alright, though perhaps it would have been better not to do it in a moving vehicle. (I had be trying to get her mom and dad alone together to ask, but that was too hard - plus her mom probably would not have been able to keep quiet).

Sunday morning, bright and early, I asked Caroline to go out to Onaping Falls, northwest of Sudbury, for a walk. She didn't want to go. She was busy helping make Thanksgiving dinner. I was this close to just asking her right then and there in the kitchen, in a very sarcastic manner. Glad I held out. In any event, I persisted, and finally - in a bit of a huff, she relented and off we went.

Onaping Falls is a very nice spot - the Group of Seven did some work around there. Anyway, we found a nice sunny rock overlooking the waterfall, and I gradually eased the box out of my pocket as I began my speech. It took her a few seconds to clue in, but when she did, it didn't take long for her to say "yes".

Awwwwww......

 

[Downtown]

Rob totally outdid himself for this one. He was back in NY and I was still a Clemson grad student.

He secretly flew down to Clemson, spent Friday night at my friend's apartment and Saturday morning, my friend showed up at my apartment with rose and a poem that basically told me to go to my car, where there was another rose waiting and a poem that told me to go to the Botanical Gardens (where Rob and I used to walk with Parker every day). At the info station was yet another rose, with a poem to go to the gazebo, and at the gazebo, on the chair swing was a book of love poetry that was hand calligraphied, a bottle of champagne and 2 glasses and a dozen roses and a poem to sit down and read the other poems.

Then rob walked up in his interviewing suit, with ANOTHER dozen roses and got down on one knee, pulled out the box, and i'm pretty sure he asked me to marry him and something about walking through life, blah blagh, but I wasn't really paying attention to anything but the opening of the box. So of course I said yes, and he'd made dinner reservations at the italian restaurant where we had our first real date, and booked us a night at a nice hotel.

He's still coasting on that one.....

 

[biscuit]

I just popped the question to my girl about three weeks ago and decided to use the element of suprise. This means that I couldn't take her to a romantic dinner or scenic location (I had thought about an elaberate set-up on Mt. Washington) or even do the gentlemanly thing and aske her parents first (they would never be able to keep the secret.)

So on a random friday afternoon I showed-up at her house with a dozen orange-pink roses (her favorite) and told her they were to cover me for any screw-ups during the next month. I then convinced her to walk uptown with me for dinner - On the way was the town square park where I wanted to ack her. As we walked through the park we talked about a cousin of mine who had just eloped and I asked her what her parents would think if we were to do that. She said, "No way, they would kill us." I then reponded "Well, I guess we'll have to do it the old fashioned way." and dropped to my knee, pulled out the ring from my pocket and asked her to marry me. She was so shocked that she didn't answer at first and just stared at me waving her arms around in the air.

It wasn't the worlds most romantic gesture but it was a perfect compliment to the "bet ya didn't see that one coming" nature of our relationship.

 

[SW MI Planner]

The Michigan Society of Planning was holding their annual conference at the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island the last full week of October 2001. I asked Chad to go with me, since he hasn't been to the Island in a while, and neither of us had been to the Grand.

The second night of the conference I had to set up for a presentation I was giving the next morning, and Chad said he would stay in the room. On the way back to the room, I saw Chad come out into the hallway, and noticed that he still had his suit on, which I thought was weird. I walked into the room, and he gave me a hug, and said he wanted to have a nice romantic night and brought me to the table that had a rose, bottle of wine, and glasses. We each drank a glass of wine and talked casually. I don't know what I was thinking, but I had absolutely no idea he was about to propose. I was sitting on the bed, and he knelt down in front of me and said "I have a question to ask you...". At this point, I think I was in shock. In disbelief, I said "Are you serious?". He pulled a box out of his jacket and opened it, and I said (while crying) "Oh my God, I guess you are!!". So, he (while crying) asked me to marry him, and I (still crying) said "Hell yeah!" and we both hugged (still both crying). Afterwards we called my mom and dad, my sister, and his mom. Then we went downstairs to the piano bar and had another glass of wine and danced. After that, we went back to the room and watched "Meet the Parents".

Needless to say I was pretty exhausted for the presentation, but oh well.

 

[IPlan]

Proposed this past summer, last weekend in August.

I had asked her father in the first week of August, I was not allowed to let her mother know.

We went out gor dinner at a resturant she had wanted to got to for a few weeks, and the plan was just to go back to her parents place after.

She had always wanted to get married in the back yard, but I was not sure if that was going to happen, so when we came back to her house, I convinced her to go into the back yard (not any easy task). I then gave her a card I made, with a poem in it. As she was just finishing the card and poem, I got down on one knee and pulled out the ring and proposed.

She went nuts.... we get married this summer in August. Not in the backyard.

 

[Tranplanner]

Congrats IPlan?!

 

[jmf]

My proposal story was in the Valentine's Day thread:
here

 

[Seabishop]

I was still in grad school but we’d been dating for a few years already. Since we were best friends before we even dated, we would talk about getting married after about a month.

I got a ring and it was burning in my pocket until that Friday. The day before I tried to get her up this romantic lookout tower with me but she was too tired. On Friday we went to a fancier than normal dinner and drove down to an oceanfront park near the lighthouse. I wanted to ask her on the rocks but it was cold and rainy so I asked her in the car overlooking the ocean - I couldn't wait for nice weather at that point. She said yes right away. She kind of knew it was coming but that just added good tension - especially when her mom acted “weird” when she called her.

That was 6 years ago tomorrow and our wedding was 4 years ago tomorrow.

 

[Planderella]

My fiance first asked me to marry him on our second date (we've known each other for years) and I didn't take him seriously so I responded "yeah sure." He kept asking over the next couple of months but I REALLY took him seriously when he put the proposal in the Valentine's Day greetings section of the newspaper. It may not have been the most romantic gesture, but it was the sweetest thing that I had ever read. I don't have my ring yet, so I have a feeling he's got something else up his sleeve.

 

[Seabishop]

Happy Anniversary!

I understand the whole "burning a hole in the pocket" feeling. I would have liked a more romantic proposal, but I couldn't wait.

Thanks. I've never been so paranoid about losing something. Unfortunately, we'll spend tomorrow taking care of our sick little girls.

 

[Habanero]

It wasn't anything crazy, we've been talking about it and finally he just asked me if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. That was it. The ring is being sized so I can't even wear it ! I look at at all thetime though (yes, I took a picture of it, my entire family is back home to I wanted to email it to them).

*sigh* I can hardly wait until next week!

 

[PlannerByDay]

After reading this series of posts I have a questions.

Let's say there is this guy, who is in love with his girlfriend and even after only a few months has considered marrying this woman. Now they have talked about it, and the feelings are mutual.. So he knows she'll say yes.

So this guy I'm talking about has been thinking, It's 2003, a lot of the old fashion rule are falling by the wayside as people become more open and less traditional.

Is it still important for this guy to ask permission of the father to marry his daughter?

I know, I know it all depends on the individual, but what if he doesn't have much opportunity for various reasons, the primary one being there is a significant distance barrier. Is it still the best thing to do? Should he wait until they plan some sort of trip the visit her parents? Then what if there is not good opportunity? Will his new inlaws think poorly of their new son in law?

Can you ask via telephone?

 

[Wannaplan?]

Is it still important for this guy to ask permission of the father to marry his daughter?

My girlfriend says no, but I say yes. It's about being a man, about being part of the new family. It sets the tone for the rest of your life with this woman and her family.

Can you ask via telephone?

Absolutely not.

 

[giff57]

I said "lets do it" and she thought I meant get married, so we did......

 

[Plannerbabs]

My father is pretty traditional in some things, so my fiance (husband in four weeks and counting-aackk!) asked my father before he asked me. It was a nice gesture on his part and sort of sealed the deal, made it more romantic. On the other hand, we've been dating for years, my father isn't that hardcore traditional--so future mr. plannerbabs and i are walking down the aisle together. My dad is too progressive to "give" me away. But asking is a nice gesture that the future father in law is sure to appreciate.
Edit--he asked my dad privately while the 2 of us were up visiting my parents for dinner. You definitely have to do it in person.

 

[Tranplanner]

Is it still important for this guy to ask permission of the father to marry his daughter?

I would say that if you want to ask permission - ask both parents. IMHO, just asking the Dad is not really appropriate. I don't mean that in a PC way, but more in a "the mother has just as much at stake" way.

I ended up just asking my father-in-law because a) I couldn't get both my wife's parents together, alone, that weekend and b) I realized her mum wouldn't be able to keep a secret for more than 5 seconds.

You're correct though - it really does depend on the individual, and especially on your wife's relationship with her parents. I am very glad I asked - I almost didn't because my first thought was - "why the hell do I need her parents' permission in this day and age".

Can you ask via telephone?

I wouldn't. A nice handwritten letter maybe? Otherwise, looks like you're making a trip there pal!

 

[biscuit]

Is it still important for this guy to ask permission of the father to marry his daughter?

It may be best to tell him your intentions and then ask for his blessing, not his permission. After all, what would you do if he said no?

Being that I was raised to do so, I wish I had asked my future in-laws beforehand. But as I stated above, there was no way they could have kept it a secret. Plus, we had been dating for four years and I had just moved 600 miles for the girl so it was expected that I'd ask her to marry me.

Can you ask via telephone?

No. It would be better to no ask at all than to do it over the phone. The only thing worse than that would be via e-mail.

 

[SW MI Planner]

I think it depends on the person. My dad is very easy going and laid back - my sisters husband didn't ask, but Chad did. And I don't think he really *asked* - I think it was more like letting him know that he was goign to propose and asked for his blessing, like biscuit said. There's no way he could have told my mom - she would have spilled the beans in a heartbeat, whether she meant to or not.

I personally don't think it would be bad to ask via phone, especially if there it is long distance. But again, it would have to depend on the person.

 

[Gedunker]

Would you want your future son-in-law to ask you or seek your blessing? Would you want him to call or PM you?

I asked my F-I-L and I think I was more nervous with him than I was with Mrs. Gedunker :-0

Good luck with it all!

 

[Budgie]

My Story

My story involves four roomates. I proposed to two of the roomates. Experienced "heavy petting" with a third roomate. The fourth roomate was a Jesus freak who was infatuated with me (poor thing). HA !!!!!

OOPS, I forgot my transvestite experience in which they were involved.

 

[nerudite]

Tradition schmadition...

After talking about marriage a lot over the summer, *I* decided to surprise Elmo and ask *him* this past weekend. And he said yes by the way, so it looks like we'll be joining the wedding clube sometime soon too.

 

[Cardinal]

Maybe age makes a difference. I'm in my mid-30's. I am probably going to marry a woman in her mid-30's. After so many years outside of their home/influence, I don't see any reason to ask. On the other hand, if I end up marrying a woman significantly younger that me -- say, oh, in her lower 20's -- I still wouldn't ask her father. I value my life too much to take that risk.

 

[biscuit]

Re: Tradition schmadition...

After talking about marriage a lot over the summer, *I* decided to surprise Elmo and ask *him* this past weekend. And he said yes by the way, so it looks like we'll be joining the wedding clube sometime soon too.

CONGRATULATIONS!

And now another one has fallen into the trap and will be joining us in... er, couldn't be happier for you.

 

[Gedunker]

Re: Tradition schmadition...

After talking about marriage a lot over the summer, *I* decided to surprise Elmo and ask *him* this past weekend. And he said yes by the way, so it looks like we'll be joining the wedding clube sometime soon too.

Congratulations!

I'm wondering -- tradition schmadition -- did you get him a diamond ring? ;-)

 

[Richmond Jake]

I never formally proposed to the ex...after a few months of dating we mutually assumed we'd get married. Never asked the father-in-law either because I didn't think it was any of his business. Not too romatic but that's just me.

 

[nerudite]

Re: Re: Tradition schmadition...

I'm wondering -- tradition schmadition -- did you get him a diamond ring? ;-)

Nah... we're both pretty unique people, so we'll probably get some strange wedding rings instead.

 

[Big Easy King]

My fiance first asked me to marry him on our second date (we've known each other for years) and I didn't take him seriously so I responded "yeah sure." He kept asking over the next couple of months but I REALLY took him seriously when he put the proposal in the Valentine's Day greetings section of the newspaper. It may not have been the most romantic gesture, but it was the sweetest thing that I had ever read.

I knew the first time that I saw her that she was the "one." I was very serious when I asked her to marry me on our second date. Her "yes" followed shortly thereafter. I'm very blessed!

 

[Downtown]

On asking the father for permission:
I totally think it depends on the situation. Rob asked my dad and I think my dad was kind of taken aback, but it was still a nice gesture.

And no - If you are going to ask "permission", I would NOT do it on the phone.

 

[PlannerByDay]

It may be best to tell him your intentions and then ask for his blessing, not his permission. After all, what would you do if he said no?

Yikes, I'd hope he/they wouldn't say no. I like that suggestion of making my intentions known verses asking permission

Any such action by me is a ways off (I think) but obviously I've been thinking about it. I guess I'm thinking about it in the event I take any trips over the holidays.

As far as the phone thing. I only threw that out there, but didn't think I'd do it over the phone and would NEVER do it via e-mail.

 

[Seabishop]

Congratulations Nerudite, but are you sure you want to marry a man whose not even in the clube?

 

[Plannerbabs]

Good luck. And welcome to the hellish---I mean joyful experience that is (near-assumed) engagement.


(can't wait till this is over can't wait till this is over can't wait till this is over).

 

[Budgie]

IMO,

* never by phone.
* ring necessary to demonstrate commitment and forethought.
* romantic situation is a must so that it's memorable.
* avoid alcohol consumption 24 hours before proposing.
* father-in-law (optional) depends on how she feels about the necessity of it. Didn't this tradition die a slow death after the Victorian age. She may feel like it's her decision not her fathers. Regardless, announcements to immediate family should be made as a couple and in person, whenever possible.
* Long engagements are ackward and should be avoided, 6 months is plenty.
* Don't be annal about the ceremony and reception, if you don't the mother's of the bride and groom will drive everybody insane, let them do it themselves and stay out of the frey. There's no such thing as a perfect wedding, so don't sweet the small stuff.

 

[SlaveToTheGrind]

My finance and I just assumed after dating for awhile that we would get married. Stopping at every damn jewelry store was a suggestive hint. She finally decided what type ring and setting she wanted, so I locked that away in the brain.

My parents were moving so we flew back to Des Moines to see them and see my friends one last time. Plus, the fiance go to see where I lived. Well, while I was playing golf, my mom and fiance went to the mall and had a ring resized to fit the soon to be Mrs. When my mom was a child, she won diamond in some contest but was too young so my grandmother claimed the stone. They set the diamond in a setting for my mom soon after. Well, she gave me the ring and said I could have and use it until I bought the ring the fiance picked out (she got to keep the first ring)

Well, I asked the fiance to a nice dinner and even brought home a nice car to drive (worked at an auto dealership between school and finding my first job). Since we both ski, after dinner, we went on the slopes of the Park City resort and hiked around. Skiing was not open yet but there was plenty of snow. Got down on one knee and proposed holding the ring as tight as I could since if it fell in the snow, it would be gone. She said yes, jumped on me and rub snow all over my face.

 

[Rumpy Tunanator]

Re: My Story

My story involves four roomates. I proposed to two of the roomates. Experienced "heavy petting" with a third roomate. The fourth roomate was a Jesus freak who was infatuated with me (poor thing). HA !!!!!

OOPS, I forgot my transvestite experience in which they were involved.

Go on, tell us more.

-Asking for permission? I don't know about that, it sounds kind of like borrowing property or something. Asking for a blessing, yeah that sounds more appropiate. If I was going to get married I think I'd just go down to city hall or a Vegas drive through chapel. I don't like big crowds.
-Over the phone or in person, depends on the situation or on how bad you want your inlaws to hate you. I'd rather go with the singing telegram personally.
-As of late who knows if I'll ever get married, I'm not sure about the whole situation at the moment. I'm also broke.
-A shotgun wedding sounds fun though

 

[The Irish One]

After talking about marriage a lot over the summer, *I* decided to surprise Elmo and ask *him* this past weekend. And he said yes by the way, so it looks like we'll be joining the wedding clube sometime soon too.

You're beyond cool, congratulations!

 

[PlannerByDay]

Re: Tradition schmadition...

After talking about marriage a lot over the summer, *I* decided to surprise Elmo and ask *him* this past weekend. And he said yes by the way, so it looks like we'll be joining the wedding clube sometime soon too.

Congrats. Nerudite,

Actually I could see my girlfriend doing the samething.

 

[Budgie]

Re: Re: My Story

Go on, tell us more.

I don't want to hijack this very important thread by recalling traingles that the writers of Knots Landing would be jealous of. I also want to protect the innocent and avoid having a liable suit slapped on me.

Congrats Nerudite and Habanero !!!!! You have to invest alot, but the benefits of a lifetime committment can be profound and subtle. You reap what you sow, so compromise on somethings and demand on others. Knowing when to cave and stick to your guns is the hardest part of any relationship. Don't loose your individuality and don't try to squash your spouse's individuality.

 

[Richmond Jake]

Re: Re: Re: My Story

You reap what you sow, so compromise on somethings and demand on others. Knowing when to cave and stick to your guns is the hardest part of any relationship. Don't loose your individuality

Sounds alot like the planning profession.

 

[Michele Zone]

Maybe age makes a difference. I'm in my mid-30's. I am probably going to marry a woman in her mid-30's. After so many years outside of their home/influence, I don't see any reason to ask. On the other hand, if I end up marrying a woman significantly younger that me -- say, oh, in her lower 20's -- I still wouldn't ask her father. I value my life too much to take that risk.

Well, then, clearly you have to rely on another wedding tradition: the best man. He was your 'best man' (with a sword) that you wanted next to you during the ceremony to cover your back in case her family showed up and attempted to liberate their kidnapped daughter before it was too late.

I wasn't kidnapped -- in fact, I am the one that asked him "So, how about next month? Does that work for you?" and then began to explain why it was a good idea when he began to backpedal (we had been talking about marriage for over a year -- sheesh) -- but, with my devoted, loving family, if we hadn't simply eloped in secret, we would have probably needed a best man to cover our backs if they had known when and where the ceremony was happening -- er, if they had known THAT the ceremony was to take place and thus had the opportunity to try to find out when and where... or something like that.

 

[otterpop]

My marrage proposal was pretty striaght-forward. It wasn't a surprise because my love was then on a fiance visa and we had to be married within 90 days or she faced deportation.

I took her to our of our favorite spots where we lived - Ketchikan, Alaska. It overlooks the ocean (Tongass Narrows). We sat on a fallen tree. When the time seemed right I put the ring in my hand and commented that the ring she was wearing (on her left ring finger) looked very nice, but I thought this one looked much better, and then I gave her the antique diamond engagement ring my Uncle Frank had given his wife. Domy was very happy, to say the least.

I married well, but I don't know if she can say the same.

 

[Duke Of Dystopia]

If it is not to late RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE

OK, so it might not be quite that bad, but this is one clube I am glad I am not in. I have no problem with committment, but until the legal rules change to reflect that one side usually gets pasted in divorce, I won't do it again. With "No Fault Divorce", I can see a long cold wait in hell.

Congrads though, I do hope it works for you. You have good odds, 50/50.

 

[Mastiff]

Mine was a formality... for insurance reasons.

I said, "FINE! We can go to the Justice of the Peace on Sunday, but ONLY after the Eagles play and BEFORE the Flyers game starts...

Really.

Ain't love grand?

 

[NHPlanner]

I have no problem with committment, but until the legal rules change to reflect that one side usually gets pasted in divorce, I won't do it again.

Not to hijack the thread (I know, too late), but the divorce I'm going through has not been ugly at all. We're going back to pre-marraige conditions (what was mine is mine, what was hers is hers, equitable split of the rest).

Seems odd to be posting this in a thread that I had the first reply to though.....

 

[Gedunker]

We got married in a civil ceremony at the county museum (former Carnegie Library) in front of about 6 people. Very low key. Dinner that night at Louisville's best restaurant (IMO). Then a quick trip to Chicago.

All of you about to enter the wedding clube are no doubt discovering the industry that weddings have become. The money people spend seems obscene to me. :-#

 

[Duke Of Dystopia]

....the divorce I'm going through has not been ugly at all. We're going back to pre-marraige conditions (what was mine is mine, what was hers is hers, equitable split of the rest)......

I am well aware that some times its not ugly. I am guessing you don't have kids though, or if you do, you damn near live next door.

On a positive note, because I actually have nothing against the institution whatsoever. In fact I am jealous of those in good relationships. My best advice?

You have to talk about ALL your issues but problems do not have to be solved in any short length of time.

The person you knew before you got married is no longer the same after they say "I DO". Stay flexible, and be ready to change.

like I said, GOOD LUCK!

 

[nerudite]

The money people spend seems obscene to me. :-#

Yeah, I totally understand that. No matter what we do, it will likely be on a shoestring... so it will be very simple. But then, I've always thought it would be cooler to downplay the wedding itself and spend more money on having a reception party and/or really nice honeymoon. Now that I'm in my 30s, I doubt my parents will chip in to help pay for things.

 

[NHPlanner]

I am guessing you don't have kids though, or if you do, you damn near live next door.

LOL....you've definitely not been around cyburbia long enough....I've bored many a cyburbanite with pictures of my daughter (not biologically my daughter, she was 12 months old when I met my wife). I'll have visitation rights for one night a week and every other weekend. And yes, my wife lives across town from me.

 

[PlannerByDay]

I've always thought it would be cooler to downplay the wedding itself and spend more money on having a reception party and/or really nice honeymoon. Now that I'm in my 30s, I doubt my parents will chip in to help pay for things.

Should I take the plunge into marriage, I would like to downplay the wedding and throw one hell-of-a party and go on a fun honeymoon.

Really, you don't think the parents would chip in? Would this be your first marriage or second. If it were you second I would understand. Personally, if the parent don't chip in for mine, I'm not having some big ole wedding. I'm either heading to city hall or Vegas, then throwing a party when I get home.

 

[Budgie]

Yeah, I totally understand that. No matter what we do, it will likely be on a shoestring... so it will be very simple. But then, I've always thought it would be cooler to downplay the wedding itself and spend more money on having a reception party and/or really nice honeymoon. Now that I'm in my 30s, I doubt my parents will chip in to help pay for things.

What makes me sick is the amount and cost of toys my children get from everyone and yet no one is willing to help plan for their post-secondary education. I always refer to it as the "orgy of excess". The spouse and I both hate it and lobby against it.

 

[nerudite]

Really, you don't think the parents would chip in? Would this be your first marriage or second. If it were you second I would understand. Personally, if the parent don't chip in for mine, I'm not having some big ole wedding. I'm either heading to city hall or Vegas, then throwing a party when I get home.

This is my first marriage, Elmo's second. I don't think my parents will chip in, but I guess we'll find out at Christmas when they come up and visit. Other than my first year of college and occasional help with tuition thereafter, I haven't received much aid from my parents. Who knows though... I guess I'm not going to hope for anything, because I don't want to be let down or disappointed. Anything I get from them will be gravy...