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My family makes me look better by comparison:

Chet

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Any of you have those relatives that make you look better by comparison? I've got several:

Cousin knocks up chick, marries chick, has child, diviorces chick. Knocks up ex-wife. Convinces her to abort it. Then knocks up his new chick the same month. Married new chick.
 
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My Harvard-educated cousin (same age as me) works as a hostess in a popular Boston restaurant whereas I toiled for 8 years in undergraduate and graduate school at a public university and am now considered a legitimate professional.

Sorta pales in comparison to bturk's cousin, but still.....
 
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Lordie where to begin. I have an aunt that so thoroughly over-protected and spoiled her three kids that not a single one has anything remotely akin to "social skills" and all have developed some sort of psych problms - OCD, depression, social anxiety, etc.
 

Dan

Dear Leader
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(Have the flu, and I can't concentrate on work.)

Gawd ... my family is squeaky clean. We're talking no divorces, little dysfunctionality, nothing. The big scandal is that one of my cousins is a lesbian. Yawn.
 

PlannerGirl

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I have this 22 year old sister, got a full ride to college-flunked out got mixed up in drugs while she was modeling. top that with bad men and her college career is over. got some big tatts that ruined any hope of modeling in the future.

she moves to Fla, get married to the spoiled son of a lawyer labor day weekend-she filed for divorce last week. after he used up her life savings, trust fund, cheated on her and refused to work

so now she is 22, got a couple STDs, divorced, no education and no skills-oh yha and no money.

sigh
 

Repo Man

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Some family members have done stupid things in the past, but in general they all lead productive lives. I think that all of my cousins have finished college, and about half have gone on to grad school or law school afterwards.

I kind of wish that I had some messed up relatives to make family reunions more interesting. I have some friends with weirdo families that I love hearing about.
 

el Guapo

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Not a darn one of you would believe me if I really told the truth about one very special relative and I'll just leave it at that.
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
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El Guapo said:
Not a darn one of you would believe me it I really told the truth about one very special relative and I'll just leave it at that.
No, please do tell....
 

Repo Man

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Ohhh I almost forgot... I have a cousin that lives in vegas who has zero social skills. He finally moved out of his parents house at age 35 and got a job fixing slot machines in vegas. He creeps everyone out at family gatherings because he is so strange. One of my cousins wan't even go to reunions because he is so creepy. A few years back he made some professional tape of him singing religious songs and hymns that he wrote and performed himself. He dedicated the tape to his family and to the memory of "Our Beautiful Princess Diana" He sent everyone a copy for Christmas. So my family and my cousins got together and played the tape. I was rolling on the ground laughing at how terrible this was. I am sure this was not his intent. Needless to say, I am going to hell.
 

Chet

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Then there's my sister in law that cheated on her husband with one of her coworkers. When the cheater's wife found out, she killed herself, then the sis in law throws a birthday party a week later in the dead's house. Cheater's kids are so freaked out by mom's death and the sudden appearance of "new" mom, that they can't even go home and have to live with their grandparents.
 

Jeff

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All right...let's just say I have a 40 y/o aunt and uncle who party like they are 22. Coke, E, pot, you name it. And they have 4 kids andlive in my grandmom's house.

Grandmom is the permanent baby-sitter. They put the kids in bed at 9pm hit the clubs all night, and return home just in time for the kids to get up.

OK...my cousin..she's 28 and has a 10 y/o daughter and 1 y/o son (different fathers of course). The 10 y/o got left back in school last year because she missed over 100 days of school (mom didn't feel like taking her).
 

Cardinal

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Wow! I have a pretty normal family. I might be the strangest one of the lot, but not too bad, I hope.
 

el Guapo

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bturk said:
Then there's my sister in law that cheated on her husband with one of her coworkers. When the cheater's wife found out, she killed herself, then the sis in law throws a birthday party a week later in the dead's house. Cheater's kids are so freaked out by mom's death and the sudden appearance of "new" mom, that they can't even go home and have to live with their grandparents.
Ok- bTurk wins.
 

Jeff

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El Guapo said:


Ok- bTurk wins.

No...!! I got more white trash family, I just didn't feel like typing it all right now....

I challenge bTurk to the White Trash Family of the Year Award....
 

Chet

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Cousin #2 married into the local mob. (jtfortin - know the Ballestreri name?).
 

Jeff

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I have a family member who lives in Villas, NJ (think mobile homes).
 

Chet

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How about the my great uncle that lived with his wife. And his mistress. In the same house. For over 30 years. The wife wouldnt diviorce him because she was ultra catholic, so she just 'accepted' the sinners in her house.
 

kms

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My mother in law tells people in town that my youngest son was not fathered by my husband. We have been married for 17 years. In comparison - his oldest sister 1 child, 1 husband, two live-ins, one husband, another child. Next sister - 1 boyfriend, 1 live-in, 1 live-in who became husband #1, ex-husband #1; 1 live-in that produced 1 child, husband #2, ex-husband #2; she won't let current boyfriend move in. All of this in the 18 years I have known this family.

Funny thing, if the youngest was fathered by someone other than my husband, his mother might have to accept me as one of them. Ick.
 

donk

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I'll wade in here, the good threads always start after I go home.

My direct family is the screrwed up one in the big picture, but do have a few colorful relatives.

1) manic depressive aunt that nobody new was MD until my grandmothers funeral. Her idea of fun was trying to make at least one person cry at every holiday. After one particularily ugly figth with my grandmother (think dishes being thrown) my granmother's response was " and you think you are getting my china"

2) My stock broker uncle has lyme disease that has driven him insane, after divorcing my aunt for a friend of my aunts that is younger then his daughter he spent all of his savings to impress her and now works as a night manager at a wawa.

3) My step father is a bit of a legend at UCC for having driven over his house mistress with a motorcycle in the hallway. A friend of mine that went there was telling this story and then my step father said, that it was him. it has been verified by a few of his friends.

4) Not my family, but from a reliable source. imagine a 34 year old grandfather.
 

Tranplanner

maudit anglais
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Hmmm....my family is so normal in comparison with all these other stories. I guess that means I'm the freak.

One of my sister-in-laws is a hypochondriac attention-seeking selfish little beyotch, but other than that we're all really really boring. Must be a Canadian thing. Donk must be an abberation.

Donk - what is a wawa? Do you mean the town of Wawa?
 

donk

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Wawa is a chain of convenience stores in NJ, NY and PA. The logo is similar to the big goose in wawa though. Think beckers or max milk.

I have lots more stories about my dysfunctional family, but don't want to share too many of them or I'll taint everyone's opinion of me here, not that midget strippers did'nt already.
 

PlannerGirl

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they have those silly wawa places in Maryland now too-i just cant get over the name-i knew kids that called their bottles wawa

shrugs
 

Chet

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Michael Stumpf said:


Maybe there wont be room for all of us?
Heck, I'll be driving the bus. rudence is riding shotgun. KMateja will be in the back of the bus making s'mores with Nerudite.
 

donk

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But it won't be a "short bus" I don't think we could all fit with all of our baggage.
 

Cardinal

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Funny, I would expect them to send the short bus for us.

I know hell will be fun. All my friends will be there.
 

Seabishop

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Drugs, alcohol, mental illness across the board, relatives shooting other relatives, kids taken away by the State, suicide, lifelong unemployment for no good reason, weird sexual things . . .

Trust me, I win this contest! Luckily the worst of this stuff isn't in my immediate family.
 

Seabishop

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PlannerGirl said:
hey watch the wierd sexual things part!
Luckily thats the stuff that I've heard about the weird cousins who I've seen once or twice at funerals.
 

Habanero

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KMateja said:
Lordie where to begin. I have an aunt that so thoroughly over-protected and spoiled her three kids that not a single one has anything remotely akin to "social skills" and all have developed some sort of psych problms - OCD, depression, social anxiety, etc.

Kelly, are you a long lost cousin or something? :) This is totally my aunt!
 
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My dad's family - now there is a case study in dysfunction:
-Alcoholic Father - when my dad was 13, grandpa lost his license (but not for the first time, i'm sure) and had my dad drive him around, because somehow it made sense to have his son illegally drive him around than for him to illegally drive himself.
-Manic Depressive/Abusive/Neglectful Mother - when my dad was 7, she made pot roast for dinner. My dad's sister complained that "Aw... Pot roast, again?" so my grandmother said: "Fine. You don't like my cooking? I'm never cooking for you kids ever again." and she never did. my dad grew up eating foods a 7 year old can fix: scrambled eggs and spaghettios.
-Sister, thrice divorced, lives on commune in AZ, writing a science fiction movie that features no violence or sex
-Brother is an alcoholic, once divorced, now married to a pathological liar that has boasted to not only being the first female fire fighter in NYC, but also has trained Shamu the whale.

It is absolutely amazing to me that my dad turned out as well as he did. He enlisted in the Navy 66-68 to get out and pay for college and he just thrived in that environment. My uncle enlisted in the army, was dishonorably discharged and came back missing 4 teeth.

sigh.
 
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KMateja said:
-Sister, thrice divorced, lives on commune in AZ, writing a science fiction movie that features no violence or sex

sigh.
Wow.....even rated G movies have some elements of violence in them. Check out some of the Disney classics.
 

Zoning Goddess

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Hmmm. The only one I can think of in my family is my ex-stepdaughter, who has 3 kids with 3 different guys. The first guy was married, but not to her. Child number 2 is now 9; she left him with his dad in Mississippi 7 years ago and hasn't seen/talked to him since.
Well, then I guess there's her brother. Arrested once for beating his wife's child, divorced her since the state wouldn't let him live in the same house with the kid. Moved to Texas, rides a horse in one of those medieval/knight shows. Has a mail order ministry degree and a website devoted to himself and his religious scam.
I guess it's really my ex's family that's dysfunctional, then.
 

nerudite

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Abnormal is Normal these days...

My brother alone would take the cake here...

Ex-heroin addict with severe psychological problems (manic depressive, paranoid schizophrenic, absessive compulsive disorder,... and then I lost count). After nearly killing himself with a heroin OD, the ambulance wouldn't pick him up because he was in the wrong part of town and he didn't have insurance... so my mom had to drag him to the hospital. My mom was treated for anxiety when she started having an attack at the hospital. I was afraid more for her life, so after that, he came and lived with me on Whidbey Island (nothing harder than pot there)... and I detoxed him and got him into a psychiatrist. He's now on more meds than I can name.

After burning me and my parents out, he found his birth mother (we are both adopted from separate families). He started living with her last year, and has caused so much strife that she is breaking up with her husband (who is a reverend of some sort). Just before Christmas, my brother and his birth mom moved down to some town north of Arcata in Humboldt County where they are living in the only motel in town. I have no clue how he is doing at this point... all I know is that I'm secretly thankful that he has a record, as he can't come visit... because last time he came to visit, he stayed a year.
 

nerudite

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bturk said:


Heck, I'll be driving the bus. rudence is riding shotgun. KMateja will be in the back of the bus making s'mores with Nerudite.

Mmmmm.... hell-roasted s'mores. Drooool...
 

el Guapo

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We work in the same building as Catholic Charities and some of the other first contact services. So we get quite a few of life's bad decisions through here. It is hard to remain compassionate when you see the results of stupid decisions everyday.

A phrase often heard around here is "Yep - that one had six children by age 22 and none of the children have the same dad." We got to get throught to these people somehow.
 

jmf

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KMateja said:


you bring the chocolate, i'll bring the marshmellows!
I'll bring the graham crackers. Yummy....it's lunchtime here!

My family is pretty normal (??????) but that may have to do with the size. My mom is an only child. My dad has two sisters. I have only one sister. She is a bit of a granola eating, tree hugger and anti-material goods but she is getting better dealing with the rest of us meat-eating, car owning, home owning family memebers.

The oddest thing was getting a call from my dad to tell me that my grandfather had gotten married (my grandmother had died years before). I asked to whom, he said he didn't know and didn't ask. Needless to say the marriage didn't last long.

My husband's family has a little more intrigue but there are so many of them I still (after almost 10 years) don't have them all straight.
 
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aside from my anti-social cousins, my mom's family is pretty normal, upstate new york, german/english farming stock - not really too many big dramas - just lots of 80's hair, fringed leather jackets and late teen weddings. its just a different way of life.
 

nerudite

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On the more fun note...

My dad's family hails from Dan's "town next door" (or something close to it) down in Florida. They are into harley rallys, drag racing, and generally into T&A.

Mom's side consists of genius misanthropes. My aunt is the good natured California space cadet. She collects animals that have been thrown aside: quadraplegic squirrel that gets fed through a tube, a few snakes and lizards, three dogs with various ailments, a blind opposum, a few birds (including an awesome talking african grey)... when I called at Christmas I got the run down on her new baby: A 20-lb cuban rock lizard. She actually has to have a permit for it because there are less than 2500 of them in the wild. This one has some disease or other and need special attention. I'm pretty sure she has most of the food chain represented in her house.

My uncle is true genuis, and is the biggest of all the social misfits in the family. He graduated from USC film school with his
best friend, but then was too proud to start at the bottom and work his way up. Way too smart for that... so now he manages a cigar shop and is putting together an arsenal. I would describe all of his guns/shotguns/automatic rifles for EG, but I can't tell them apart. It looks impressive... in a kind of scary way. Oh yeah, and uh... my 42 y.o. uncle still lives next door to his mother in the apartment complex she owns (and he lives rent free)... so I still consider this living at mom's place.


Hey... bturk is right... I do feel normal by comparison. :)
 

donk

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I forgot some crazy points

my mother is not the best for relationships. i have had 2 step fathers.

Step father #1 is now a buddist monk.

Step father #2 story.

My step sister's mother is/was a stripper. Step sister's mother's father is a professional gambler in vegas, my step father is not even 100% sure she is his daughter.

I have a trump card for weird family stuff, but won't play it unless really needed.

Boy when you sum your family up in 3 lines it sure can look bad / much worse then it is.
 

nerudite

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donk said:
My step sister's mother is/was a stripper.
Oh yeah... my sister was a stripper too. I didn't even think of that as abnormal. For some reason, I always think of her as the normal one. Her stripping stint was short... after she stopped nursing a lot of the eye candy was gone and she quit/lost her job. It was so long ago that I forgot until you brought that up donk! Hehehe.
 

pandersen

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Bizarre Relatives

Cripes - I thought all the people who held 9-5 jobs had regular families.

Reading the responses here, I'm convinced that all the folks who appear on the "Springer" have at least one planning professional as a relative.

For those of you curious about my kin, sorry to dissapoint! Seems we Canucks are a rather boring lot. My family doesn't have crackheads, deviants or criminals (that I'm aware of, anyway). Hell, none of my relations even feel the buring desire to rebuild a Cleavland 351 engine in the middle of the dining room.
 
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