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Cyburbans 🧐 Nero: the Chuck Norris of planning

MD Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
3,124
Points
49
I once was a test driver for the American Motors Corporation (AMC)... yes I know that was a while back. I drove the midnight shift and went to junior college during the day. The proving grounds were on the Michigan International Speedway Track.:h:

Between this and taking a Blackhawk to meetings, you may be well on your way to becoming Cyburbia's "Most Interesting Man".

Nero: He once moved a structure into compliance with the required setbacks simply by glaring at it.

Moderator note:

Maister: this is too much fun. Split from 'You might be surprised to learn that...'
 

Whose Yur Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
12,015
Points
46
Between this and taking a Blackhawk to meetings, you may be well on your way to becoming Cyburbia's "Most Interesting Man".

Nero: He once moved a structure into compliance with the required setbacks simply by glaring at it.

Nero once made an entire audience of Agenda 21 types new urbanist with a simple, eloquent speech.
 

AG74683

Cyburbian
Messages
7,171
Points
40
Nero issued a letter of violation for a statue being over the height limit.

He filmed the results...

 

HomerJ

Cyburbian
Messages
1,149
Points
18
Nero once rode his bicycle to work...

...And so did everyone else the very next day in his fair city
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
Messages
20,882
Points
57
Nero does not always take public transportation. But when he does, the train waits for him.
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
15,544
Points
60
Nero doesn't speak up much, but when he told the city council member to 'shove it' he was immediately promoted.
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
30,162
Points
74
When Nero invites the general public to attend a meeting Chuck Norris not only shows up but sits in the front row looking attentive.
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
15,519
Points
53
Nero once saw a junkyard in his town. Only once.

Adult uses stay 1500' from Nero. If he moves, so do they.
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
15,519
Points
53
The Death and Life of Great American Cities was written about Nero's time in New York.
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
30,162
Points
74
Copies of Zoning Codes written by Nero aren't provided by the municipality. Residents are instead asked to come to City Hall with paper and charcoal if they wish to make etchings of the stone tablets they're written on.
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
Messages
20,882
Points
57
When Nero schedules a public hearing, the public shows up to hear what he has to say.

When Nero works on a project, the term NIMBY means Nero In My Back Yard. Property values go up and the neighbors rejoice.
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
30,162
Points
74
I'm not saying everyone worships Nero, but the local governments that hire him are frequently sued for violating the principle of separation of church and state.
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
30,162
Points
74
Reports submitted by Nero make no mention of any "staff recommendations". They're simply called "instructions."
 

Whose Yur Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
12,015
Points
46
A person once didn't follow one of conditions that Nero wrote for a conditional use. That person is now in the witness protection program living in mortal fear.
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
Messages
20,882
Points
57
Nero's Zoning Ordinance does not reference variances. You do as the regulations say or you don't do anything at all.

A project financier once told Nero that he would take his money some place else because Nero's ordinance did not permit cul-de-sacs. That man's name was Jimmy Hoffa.

All approvals are staff approvals for Nero. The commissions just make sure that Nero has the information needed to make a decision.
 

Otis

Cyburbian
Messages
5,168
Points
31
Nero doesn't hold public hearings. The public holds Nero listenings.
 

Nero

Member
Messages
248
Points
10
You Guys Made My Day!!

I would love to show you some of the pictures I have collected. I have them on my Facebook account you all are welcome to visit.:-$
 

giff57

Corn Burning Fool
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
5,456
Points
34
I would love to show you some of the pictures I have collected. I have them on my Facebook account you all are welcome to visit.:-$

Have you joined the Cyburbia Forums Facebook Page? if you do so we can find you.
 

Otis

Cyburbian
Messages
5,168
Points
31
The APA now recommends that all cities with form-based codes replace them with the Nero-based plan. Singular. There is only one Nero-based plan and it is perfect for all cities.
 

luckless pedestrian

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
13,333
Points
55
The APA now recommends that all cities with form-based codes replace them with the Nero-based plan. Singular. There is only one Nero-based plan and it is perfect for all cities.

love this one!

Nero doesn't worry about customer-driven policies, as the customers serve him
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
15,519
Points
53
NIMBY now refers to Nero In My Back Yard and people show up meetings to make sure it happens.
 

Nero

Member
Messages
248
Points
10
A rusty needle

I did get Malaria while I was in Nigeria and got a shot from some guy who said he was a doctor with something that looked like a 1940s era needle.... he did not have any alcohol to swab the area on my rear-end so he asked me if I had any "after shave" he could use to steralize the area...:-c
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
30,162
Points
74
When you look up the definition of "correct" in the dictionary they have a picture of Nero next to it.
 

JNA

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
26,678
Points
70
Seagulls are so afraid of Nero they stay not just the Town or County Next Door but the next state over away.
 

Whose Yur Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
12,015
Points
46
I did get Malaria while I was in Nigeria and got a shot from some guy who said he was a doctor with something that looked like a 1940s era needle.... he did not have any alcohol to swab the area on my rear-end so he asked me if I had any "after shave" he could use to steralize the area...:-c

Wow-you get a choice of malaria or tetanus.:-c8-!
 

The One

Cyburbian
Messages
8,282
Points
30
Hmmm.....

While RJ is cool........he is NO NERO:h:

Nero doesn't take pictures of Macy*s.....Macy*s take pictures of Nero!
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
15,519
Points
53
Every city's economic development plan is now just two words, "Hire Nero."
 

arcplans

As Featured in "High Times"
Messages
6,750
Points
35
The California Coastal Commission always approves items on merely consent when they read Nero was the Staff Planner
 

The One

Cyburbian
Messages
8,282
Points
30
WOW!!

The California Coastal Commission always approves items on merely consent when they read Nero was the Staff Planner

I don't think people outside of California can REALLY understand the gravity of this statement:-c

Nero FOUND Sasquatch!! Turns out it was Whose Yur Planner all along.....
 

JNA

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
26,678
Points
70
Every city's economic development plan is now just two words, "Hire Nero."

Replace economic development with any other topic - urban design, transportation, landscape, park& rec, housing, greenway & trails, cso separation.

========================================================================================================================

But Nero does not do oil train derailment explosion/fires response plans.
 

Otis

Cyburbian
Messages
5,168
Points
31
But Nero does not do oil train derailment explosion/fires response plans.

No need to. When they see him coming the fires know to go out, the oil knows to get back in the tank cars, and the tank cars know to get back on the track. They know what's good for them.
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
15,519
Points
53
There is no Ebola threat in Nero's city. When Nero coughs the Ebola virus gets sick.
 
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