New game

[giff57]

Ok folks, you've heard of this game. Add to the epic novel I am about to start below.

It was a dark and stormy night. The storm sewers were overcharged because the idiot engineer forgot to calculate the water coming off the Super Walmart parking lot. Dirk and Linda Lou had just exited the Wal Mart parking lot when their car stalled in the standing water. Linda said "Dirk.........

 

[green lizard]

Ok folks, you've heard of this game. Add to the epic novel I am about to start below.

It was a dark and stormy night. The storm sewers were overcharged because the idiot engineer forgot to calculate the water coming off the Super Walmart parking lot. Dirk and Linda Lou had just exited the Wal Mart parking lot when their car stalled in the standing water. Linda said "Dirk.........

"EEEEEEEE!". and Dirk screamed,"Get out and swim for it!"
and he dove out the window into the inky black water leaving
Linda to scream, "EEEEEEEEEEE!" She then relized that Dirk
was a wus and wa not coming back for her. She dove into the
cold, cold water and under her flimsy tee-shirt she felt her......

 

[Zoning Goddess]

Re: Re: New game

"EEEEEEEE!". and Dirk screamed,"Get out and swim for it!"
and he dove out the window into the inky black water leaving
Linda to scream, "EEEEEEEEEEE!" She then relized that Dirk
was a wus and wa not coming back for her. She dove into the
cold, cold water and under her flimsy tee-shirt she felt her......

breastfeeding boobs explode because they thought they were in the driver's seat. Dirk immediately realized that Linda Lou would die if he could not rescue her, so he threw an AICP study guide into the water, expecting Linda Lou to grab hold and float until help arrived. He then left to attend a County Commission hearing.

 

[Chet]

Re: Re: Re: New game

He then left to attend a County Commission hearing.

CHAPTER 2

"ORDER ORDER!" shouted the Chairman. "Or I'll shut this meeting down so help me God"

 

[Cardinal]

Re: Re: Re: Re: New game

CHAPTER 2

"ORDER ORDER!" shouted the Chairman. "Or I'll shut this meeting down so help me God"

Jenna strode into the room clad in tight-fitting black leather. "You can't invoke God in a public meeting!" She exclaimed. "It's a violation of the separation of church and state!" She tossed back her long blond hair. "Grrr..." she hissed as she cracked her whip.

 

[Zoning Goddess]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: New game

Jenna strode into the room clad in tight-fitting black leather. "You can't invoke God in a public meeting!" She exclaimed. "It's a violation of the separation of church and state!" She tossed back her long blond hair. "Grrr..." she hissed as she cracked her whip.

It then became clear that Jenna was a figment of a Cyburbia male's imagination and was linked to his fantasies of PlannerGirl, whips and chains..

 

[Chet]

Chapter 3. The camera cuts to the Dungeon scene.

Dan is tied to the table with pink fuzzy hand cuffs. Downtown is canning his shoulders with the cat-o-nine tails. Chet sits in the corner with the videocamera filming every wrything twist and contortion. Prudence cues the music. The room is filled with the '89 smach hit Groove is in the Heart by Dee-Lite.

 

[NHPlanner]

Chapter 3. The camera cuts to the Dungeon scene.

Dan is tied to the table with pink fuzzy hand cuffs. Downtown is canning his shoulders with the cat-o-nine tails. Chet sits in the corner with the videocamera filming every wrything twist and contortion. Prudence cues the music. The room is filled with the '89 smach hit Groove is in the Heart by Dee-Lite.

When suddenly.....BZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZ.....

Awakening in a cold sweat, Michael Stumpf rises from his bed, to see a possum staring back at him outside his bedroom window.....

 

[H]

When suddenly.....BZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZ.....

Awakening in a cold sweat, Michael Stumpf rises from his bed, to see a possum staring back at him outside his bedroom window.....

And he said my lord, that’s no possum, that’s an O possum , and it has my grandfathers gold retirement watch in his mouth…

 

[NHPlanner]

And he said my lord, that’s no possum, that’s an O possum , and it has my grandfathers gold retirement watch in his mouth…

After carefully removing the watch from it's mouth, and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Stumpf realized this is no O possum.....it's a raccoon!

 

[el Guapo]

Sure it was a Racoon. The UN agreed it should be a rodent. That much was established...but back to the watch. It was the very same gold retirement watch that Neil Armstong took to the moon aboard Apollo 11, the same watch that Ho-Chi-Minh was given by Jane Fonda, the watch that held the microfilm the Albanians were so desperate to gain posession of...

 

[Cardinal]

The raccoon was safe, at least for now. Still, the Albanians were getting close -- too close. All day long a shadowy figure in a Hawiian shirt, with straws protuding from his nose, kept stalking the poor animal, intent of killing it. If he was going to fight off the Albanians, Scruffy would need massive ordinance. The only place to find that kind of firepower was in a metro area where "Liberty" and "Independence" were more than just words.

 

[simulcra]

The raccoon was safe, at least for now. Still, the Albanians were getting close -- too close. All day long a shadowy figure in a Hawiian shirt, with straws protuding from his nose, kept stalking the poor animal, intent of killing it. If he was going to fight off the Albanians, Scruffy would need massive ordinance. The only place to find that kind of firepower was in a metro area where "Liberty" and "Independence" were more than just words.

While scruffy was contemplating his options, suddenly, a man on a bar stool in slow pursuit by the police ran over him. The blood exploded everywhere in grutesque grimness. Dirk, who happened to be passing by, got caught in the blast radius, and he began to shout, "

 

[donk]

OT / Fact Check

walmart claims that there will never be any standing water in their parking lots fo rmore then 5 minutes and that all 1/100 year storms will clear teh lot within 15 minutes. The standing water at teh beginning of the story is just so unbelievable, now the parts about scruffy the international raccoon of mystery....

 

[DecaturHawk]

The raccoon was safe, at least for now. Still, the Albanians were getting close -- too close. All day long a shadowy figure in a Hawiian shirt, with straws protuding from his nose, kept stalking the poor animal, intent of killing it. If he was going to fight off the Albanians, Scruffy would need massive ordinance. The only place to find that kind of firepower was in a metro area where "Liberty" and "Independence" were more than just words.

Originally posted by Solpsa
While scruffy was contemplating his options, suddenly, a man on a bar stool in slow pursuit by the police ran over him. The blood exploded everywhere in grutesque grimness. Dirk, who happened to be passing by, got caught in the blast radius, and he began to shout, "

"Kansas City! Kansas City is the only metro area where Liberty and Independence are more than just words! Hie thee to Kansas City, and avoid thee any connections via St. Louis! And don't be put off by the fact that the airport is an hour from downtown! Go! Go!"

 

[Cardinal]

There's only one person who can save Scruffy, the watch, and the barstool... Prudence.

 

[giff57]

There's only one person who can save Scruffy, the watch, and the barstool... Prudence.

Prudence is a private dick with an eye for the ladies, even the punked out blue haired ones. .....

 

[PlannerGirl]

ah but will his Republican ways prevent him from helping our Scruffy, poor little beast.

 

[tsc]

He stuffed Scruffy in his shirt, grabbed his wallet, and headed for Kansas City. Time was of the essence, so he ran to his silver Volvo 240 sedan and sped down the road....

 

[PlannerGirl]

Gotta get scruffy to that new huge store-lots of room to hide there~!

 

[tsc]

He was speeding down the road, and saw a Nebraska Funiture Mart, and thought...there must be a place to hide Scruffy there.

 

[Chet]

Then the world realized that scruffy was a euphemism for anal sex, that Prudence was a log cabin republican, and there was indeed a solution.

To his good fortune, in walked Mike D.

 

[Cityscape Dreamer]

He was speeding down the road, and saw a Nebraska Funiture Mart, and thought...there must be a place to hide Scruffy there.

He instead turned into the Cabela's store next door, where, unbeknownst to him, Scruffy's own long lost mother sits on permanent display in the taxidermy supply aisle.

 

[Zoning Goddess]

He stuffed Scruffy in his shirt, grabbed his wallet, and headed for Kansas City. Time was of the essence, so he ran to his silver Volvo 240 sedan and sped down the road....

He must get Scruffy to Nebraska Furniture Mart, the greatest big-box of all, in Kansas City. Perhaps Dan has escaped from the pink fuzzies and will be there.

 

[Queen B]

He must get Scruffy to Nebraska Furniture Mart, the greatest big-box of all, in Kansas City. Perhaps Dan has escaped from the pink fuzzies and will be there.

Of course Dan is there, still in his pink fuzzies. The Dungeon furniture is one of the displays at Nebraska Furniture Mart. Whips and chains and handcuffs have always sold HOT in the bible belt.

AND Dan says "Darn Downtown, thought we would have been out of here before the place opened.

 

[Chet]

Downtown replied, "We would have, but we had to stop to hide the bodies of Jordanb and Michelle Zone." No one will ever think to look in the appliances!

 

[SlaveToTheGrind]

"By the way, Dan, I don't know what it is, but those fuzzy pink handcuffs really do something for me. Let's go back to my place" coos Downton.

 

[el Guapo]

Downtown said "but first, have you met my mom?" as she pointed to a nicely dressed lady wearing a batman outfit standing in the Cabellas parking lot.

Dan, being the bold and quick witted one that he is said "not that you can prove." Just as the last word left his mouth the gastly stench of oveheated racoon, liunx geek and busty women hit his olfactory glands...

 

[PlannerGirl]

Poor scruffy was at this point terrified-"who ARE these fruitcakes" he thinks to himself and "what have i gotten myself into"

 

[Cardinal]

Was there a shovel nearby for him to clean up the mess? Was there a Tennesseean who might want to eat it? Dan found a shovel and cast the corpses into the swollen Missouri River.

"Hey!" It was the voice of a woman who had just been hit in the face with a raccoon while floating in the river with the help of an AICP studying guide and the star from a Wal-Mart sign. She paused briefly to remove a watch from the mouth of the raccoon before struggling out of the water. "Made in Albania" it said. "My name is Linda Lou." she said.

 

[Zoning Goddess]

Was there a shovel nearby for him to clean up the mess? Was there a Tennesseean who might want to eat it? Dan found a shovel and cast the corpses into the swollen Missouri River.

"Hey!" It was the voice of a woman who had just been hit in the face with a raccoon while floating in the river with the help of an AICP studying guide and the star from a Wal-Mart sign. She paused briefly to remove a watch from the mouth of the raccoon before struggling out of the water. "Made in Albania" it said. "My name is Linda Lou." she said.

"Hey" said Dan. "Do you like pink? Would you like to go back to my place and meet my raccoon?"

"Well" said Linda Lou....

 

[H]

"Hey" said Dan. "Do you like pink? Would you like to go back to my place and meet my raccoon?"

"Well" said Linda Lou....

... "as long as there is no 'scruffy' involved" ...

 

[Downtown]

... "as long as there is no 'scruffy' involved" ...

Just then, Downtown's furiously irate husband squealed into the parking lot. He was just about to engage Dan in a bout of fisticuff for dallying with his enormously pregnant wife when he was interupted by......

 

[NHPlanner]

Just then, Downtown's furiously irate husband squealed into the parking lot. He was just about to engage Dan in a bout of fisticuff for dallying with his enormously pregnant wife when he was interupted by......

"LOOK AT THAT!!" screamed Linda Lou, pointing at the sky, "Is that what I think it is?"

Dan peered upward and .....

 

[giff57]

"LOOK AT THAT!!" screamed Linda Lou, pointing at the sky, "Is that what I think it is?"

Dan peered upward and .....

Saw a flimsy "balloon framed" house careening towards them on a semi trailer. The mullet headed driver yelled......

 

[NHPlanner]

Saw a flimsy "balloon framed" house careening towards them on a semi trailer. The mullet headed driver yelled......

"Damn....I just spilled my Budweiser....Watch out y'all, I think I'm gonna cut some desigh-life out of this thing."

Downtown's husband, taking advantage of the distraction.....

 

[Cardinal]

"Damn....I just spilled my Budweiser....Watch out y'all, I think I'm gonna cut some desigh-life out of this thing."

Downtown's husband, taking advantage of the distraction.....

Hopped into his car with Downtown and sped off, leaving Linda Lou and Dan alone. "Waddya say we grab a couple beers and cut the rug in that bar over there?" suggested Linda Lou, pointing to a balloon framed bar with a neon sign over it, announcing its name as "The Jug." As they entered, neither saw a drenched raccoon pulling itself up the riverbank, the mullet-headed plan commission chairman get out of his truck, a half dozen rabid Albanians parachuting into the parking lot, or Prudence riding in on horseback. Their timing was remarkable, since none of them had a watch.

 

[Queen B]

The Bouncer wiped the dribble from his chew with his right hand as he motioned for them to C'mon in' with his left and as they past he commented to them. Ya'll ain't from round these parts, is ya? As he checks the time on his watch.
As the music from Deliverance plays in the background. They all enter the bar.

 

[Michele Zone]

Where they meet the ghost of Michele Zone, bemoaning how she always did want to be a writer and she would have tried harder to avoid being murdered if she had known such great and grand fiction writing opportunities were awaiting her in this particular part of cyberspace and...

 

[SkeLeton]

real life. In a corner of the bar, SkeLeton appeared after being teletransported from a hidden city of the planet. Following his evil plan, he hypnotized Dan and stole the information about the cyburbia server and then prepared to sell it to....

 

[Zoning Goddess]

real life. In a corner of the bar, SkeLeton appeared after being teletransported from a hidden city of the planet. Following his evil plan, he hypnotized Dan and stole the information about the cyburbia server and then prepared to sell it to....

Huston. Who, despite the cute doggie avatar, always believed Charlie Daniels when he sang "The South's Gonna Do It Again". "Haha", he whispered, "the South will now rule Cyburbia. Be gone, you Midwesterners, ya'll!!" Little did he know, the pink fuzzies contained more power than the server, and that Dan...

 

[JNA]

... was not hypnotized but had fooled everybody with his life-sized cardboard cut out. Dan had made good on his escape to his secret retreat high in the Colorado Mountains, where he was protected by...

 

[Michele Zone]

... was not hypnotized but had fooled everybody with his life-sized cardboard cut out. Dan had made good on his escape to his secret retreat high in the Colorado Mountains, where he was protected by...

The appearance of an apparition -- the Ghost of Michele Zone -- distracting everyone from The Real Plot to do some obligatory attention-mongering and generally dazzling folks with BS.

Hearing the news that a total stranger in his sexual prime (and, thus, practically jail bait) deems her writings to be worthy of a writing career In Real Life, her disembodied Spirit is crushed by the realization that her untimely demise at the tender age of 38 stole her glory just as she was on the verge of Real Success. Her only hope now is that perhaps the Power of The Pink Fuzzies is sufficient to resurrect her.

(If it works, we can also toss in a bonus resurrection of JordonB. Naturally, if Michele Zone were still alive, JordonB could be readily brought back to life since, as a Real Woman, she always did know how to make the dead rise. But, alas, she is no more and JordanB has no more hope than she.)

If the Pink Fuzzies turn out to not be a magical religious artifact (which must be why they sell so well in the Bible belt), perhaps Zoning Goddess can prove she is a Real Goddess and breathe life back into them with a wave of her hand. (I had so much more respect for you when I thought Zoning Goddess meant you were awesome at your job. Of Course men Worship You -- you're female, aren't you? That's redundant. I had hoped your moniker had deeper meaning than The Obvious.)

And the camera pans to...

 

[giff57]

And the camera pans to...

Scruffy in the corner of the bar eating an entire jar of pickled eggs. When one of the mullet headed patrons yells "hey there fella........

 

[PlannerGirl]

Scruffy thinks to himself "oh boy im a fuzzy critter with a red neck near by-i might get pickled myself, best make a break for it!"

Scruffy scampers off...

 

[Chet]

In walk two strings. They order two pints of lager. The bartender says "we dont serve strings here."

The two strings intertwine thenselves, and frizz their heads, and order two lagers. The bartender says "I told you, we dont serve strings here. Don't you understand?"

The strings reply "We're a frayed knot"

Then suddenly -

 

[tsc]

Scruffy scampers and scampers and scampers in search of an exit in Nebraska Funiture Mart... but there seems to be no exit... as if he is in some strange universe...that is a furniture store.

 

[donk]

In a moment of great contemplation, well as deep as a raccoon can contemplate, Scruffy realizes that he is in a furniture store because he thinks he is in a funriture store. He thinks quickly of where he'd rather be and poof......

 

[H]

In a moment of great contemplation, well as deep as a raccoon can contemplate, Scruffy realizes that he is in a furniture store because he thinks he is in a funriture store. He thinks quickly of where he'd rather be and poof......

In the land of the Amish where the furniture is of good quality….

 

[tsc]

but alas... he saw he was just in anther deparment of the Nebraska furntiure Mart.. so he squeezed his little eyes harder and blink.. found himself.....