• Ongoing coronavirus / COVID-19 discussion: how is the pandemic affecting your community, workplace, and wellness? 🦠

    Working from home? So are we. Come join us! Cyburbia is a friendly big tent, where we share our experiences and thoughts about urban planning practice, planning adjacent topics, and whatever else comes to mind. No ads, no spam, no social distancing.

Office romances

Office romance?

  • They're OK, as long as you're discreet

    Votes: 6 16.2%
  • No way, no how!

    Votes: 23 62.2%
  • They're OK, no matter who knows about it!

    Votes: 2 5.4%
  • Other, below

    Votes: 6 16.2%

  • Total voters
    37
  • Poll closed .

Zoning Goddess

Cyburbian
Messages
13,852
Points
39
My two best friends since junior high met up in a town nearby last night, first time they'd seen each other since we were in college. My son had just gotten braces and was NOT HAPPY, so I couldn't go along. So, we had a long conference call, and one of the topics they brought up was my infamous office romance in my first post-college job. The romance did not end happily, and I think I drove my two friends to distraction with my anguished phone calls. I left for another job,
he married, I married, and I haven't seen him since I passed him on the courthouse steps the day of my divorce hearing.

What are your stories?
 

giff57

Corn Burning Fool
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
5,443
Points
34
The last place I worked, one of the previous planners had an office romance that ended badly. My first day of work, my boss said "I have one rule, don't F*** the help". I was like ohhhhh kayyyyy . I didn't find out about the history for a while but it made sense after hearing the story.
 

ludes98

Cyburbian
Messages
1,264
Points
22
I met my wife at work. We worked in different areas and had been out for cocktails after work a few times. We started dating discreetly and she told me that she was leaving the company. We started dating seriously after she left and were engaged 2 years later. It worked for us, but it doesn't work really. If she hadn't left the company I might have if I wanted to keep seeing her. I have had the bad experience too.
 

Richmond Jake

You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!
Messages
18,313
Points
44
I witnessed one once. An assist. dir. started dating an entry level planner (May-December romance). They eventually got married but it caused lots of friction in the department. She eventually had to transfer to the redevelopment agency to a position that offered fewer career opportunities. I voted no way.
 

Dan

Dear Leader
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
18,707
Points
69
As long as they're not someone I'm supervising or otherwise superior to, I don't see a problem with it. Whenever I've dated someone in the workplace, it was always another department.
 

Doitnow

Cyburbian
Messages
496
Points
16
I think that the office size and number of people matter.
In a small (less than ten) office a romance can affect the work. In large offices which have departments its easier.
I dont think theres anything wrong with office romances as long as they dont affect the work.( Invariably they do :-( ).
My experiences are different as the only office I worked in was my own( I was boss).
There were definitely three occassions when there were sexual connotations during interactions with some of my subordinates. One secretary (which I had ro ask to leave), A computer data entry executive( who got married and left the job) and a junior architect who may have been a little sentimental about me( I think so). The junior architect left after the project was over.
As a good boss( serious and work oriented) I had to be very clear not to get involved within my office( outside yes yes, I have friends and all) and definitely was a villain to the couple of male junior planners/engineers who got little time to interact with the female colleagues, thanks to my watchful hawkeye.
:p
 
Messages
3,690
Points
27
I voted no way, no how. And then realized that technically, *I'm* having an office romance. But rob is in the a different department, and we really don't have to work together, and if we *were* just dating, and then broke up, we still wouldn't have to see each other.

I think overall, they're just bad news.
 

AubieTurtle

Cyburbian
Messages
894
Points
21
"Don't get your honey where you get your money"

"Don't dip your pen in the company ink"

;)

I agree with the folks who think it is ok as long as they are in a different department. Most relationships end in breakup, so if you can't avoid them, at least for a while, it can be bad. Also it is hard to be professional and completely objective with decisions that can effect your significant other.

My biggest concern would be when the relationship gets serious enough for shacking up. Every relationship is different but I think it is important to have some space from each other each day. That's kind of hard when they are two cubicles over.
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
10,623
Points
34
A twist:

The last place I worked a secretary started dating her bosses' little brother. As far as I know its still going on, but damn how do you maintain professional distance as the boss.
 

nerudite

Cyburbian
Messages
6,544
Points
30
No way no how. I've seen three or four and they never end well. There are two people in our office that dated before I was hired. They seem 'ok' now, but I guess there is still some animosity and mistrust. At one point the woman tried to get the man fired. I've never been party to office romance (although I have had a lot of crushes of the years on co-workers).
 

Repo Man

Cyburbian
Messages
2,549
Points
25
Mod - feel free to delete this if inapproprate..

"Dong get your p___y or your penis where you get your paycheck.

My girlfriend of 3+ years and I met at the workplace. We were both interns at the same time.
 

Zoning Goddess

Cyburbian
Messages
13,852
Points
39
Must be the hot southern blood. It must be tame where ya'll work. We've had the Planning Director meeting her married boyfriend in her office on the weekend. The deputy county manager meeting her counterpart in her office after hours. Oh, same person on both counts. A secretary working her way thru every guy imaginable, including themiddle-aged division manager who dumped her to go home to Lebanon for a virgin.
 

Queen B

Cyburbian
Messages
3,178
Points
25
Previous life..
Husband working for non-profit. When I got though with school, I went to work there also it worked pretty well for 15 years, but I do believe that it complicated things when they decided to move him in the office next to mine. I could always hear the sound of his voice. At that point we just couldn't get time apart.
Interesting part was that we went through the whole divorce with our offices next door. And people just couldn't believe that we could be civil. Now I am really hesitant to work at the same place.
 

vaughan

Cyburbian
Messages
335
Points
11
another little twist...

I spend a couple of years working around the country as an archaeologist living in hotels and tents, and wow! hotels are petrie dishes for hormones. you work all day with the same 10 people, you come back to the hotel in the evening where there's nothing to do except hang out at the bar, you wander back to your rooms to watch tv and where there's nowhere to sit except the bed... then you get up and shovel together the next morning...

I had several hormone-and-proximity-fueled romances over the course of a couple of years that, were I to be on the outside, would have been no way, no how..

I vote no, no, no.
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
Messages
10,080
Points
34
vaughan said:
another little twist...

I spend a couple of years working around the country as an archaeologist living in hotels and tents, and wow! hotels are petrie dishes for hormones. you work all day with the same 10 people, you come back to the hotel in the evening where there's nothing to do except hang out at the bar, you wander back to your rooms to watch tv and where there's nowhere to sit except the bed... then you get up and shovel together the next morning...

I had several hormone-and-proximity-fueled romances over the course of a couple of years that, were I to be on the outside, would have been no way, no how..

I vote no, no, no.
I worked for a while in a job that had me traveling every other week. You're right. What is there to do? People seem to be a bit less inhibited when staying away from home. I usually traveled alone and would occasionally meet an attractive woman traveling alone, sometimes at the bar, or perhaps at the pool.... If only I were still in the shape I was when I was in my twenties.
 

SkeLeton

Cyburbian
Messages
4,853
Points
26
my unexperienced opinion (which is practically the same to most who have responded):
no way... it'll make eventual break-ups even harder...
JMHO.
 
Messages
7,649
Points
29
Generally speaking, most folks are too immature to deal with such a situation very well if things need to end. And I think that, especially if you are a woman, this can be a real career killer -- regardless how it turns out, like the example of the couple that stayed together and SHE had to take a career-limiting transfer. It is extremely common for the woman to make career sacrifices for the sake of the relationship that most men would never consider for even 2 seconds. Women tend to take time off work to raise kids, etc. It is a cultural norm for women to put "relationships" of all kinds above career. Having done it myself, I cannot say that I think that is all bad. But, I, personally, do not think I would care to make such choices merely for "dating" type stuff. Therefore, knowing ahead of time that it would probably involve such a choice at some point, I would seriously hesitate and think hard about a lot of factors.

But that isn't likely to be in issue in my life.
 
Last edited:

AubieTurtle

Cyburbian
Messages
894
Points
21
Perhaps the woman would get transfered into a position where she could approve a sewage treatment plant next to her ex's home. :)
 
Messages
7,649
Points
29
AubieTurtle said:
Perhaps the woman would get transfered into a position where she could approve a sewage treatment plant next to her ex's home. :)
I know you are just being funny, but that type of action falls under my comment "Most folks are too immature to handle it well if it needs to end". :-D
 

Floridays

Cyburbian
Messages
769
Points
21
My boyfriend and I both work for the County but in different departments. This has been fine (so far), but I still think everyone should exercise caution in this area! Stop to think how the situation will be if a breakup occurs...amicable? uncomfortable? :-\
 

Tranplanner

maudit anglais
Messages
7,918
Points
37
Chet said:
A twist:

The last place I worked a secretary started dating her bosses' little brother. As far as I know its still going on, but damn how do you maintain professional distance as the boss.
Bah. That's nothing. My wife is my former bosses' daughter. I left before we "came out" - the pressure was enormous, and while from a purely objective point of view perhaps I shouldn't have persued a relationship with her while I was working for her dad, I guess it's true what they say - you can't stand in the way of true love. My wife and I are completely happy with each other, and every day is better than the one before [/sappiness]

It was ugly for a few months after he found out, but my FIL and I are best buddies now. As he put it - once his daughter set her sights on me, I was doomed.

Office romances are one thing. Office affairs are another.
 

PlannerByDay

Cyburbian
Messages
1,827
Points
24
I said NO WAY NO HOW.

In my office there were two couple who were married. Since one of the couples had divorced while the wife of the other couple got a different job.

I never thought it was a cool situation and you could always tell when there was a problem between them .
 

Seabishop

Cyburbian
Messages
3,838
Points
25
"OK as long as you're discrete." I wouldn't NOT date someone if we were perfect for eachother just because we worked together. Of course, I also wouldn't hold hands with her all day either.
 
Top