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Online dating?

Mastiff

Gunfighter
Messages
7,165
Points
30
Jessie-J said:
Last night was fun. He's easy to persuade. Let's just say that things had to be stopped before they got out of control. :)

What's "out of control"? Did it involve power tools, bacon grease, and lots of leather?

(Not that I've ever been out of control...)
 

Jessie-J

Cyburbian
Messages
384
Points
12
so....about online dating.....

I posted my pic at hot or not and got a 7.8 with one pic and a 6.4 with another. Haven't met anyone through that, but I don't think I will. All the guys on there have their shirts off to show off their bods in the pics....I'm thinking I'll stay clear of that...

Ok, now, what do I do about the guy from last night at this point?
 

Cullen

Member
Messages
33
Points
2
Online dating is a funny thing.

if you are young and want to meet lots of people, something fun to do is friendster.com, you register and then get your friends to register and they meet people online and in real life and register with them and a wide web of relations is established, like 6 degrees of separation. It is completely free. They bill it as sort of a dating site, but really, it seems to just work out to be a place where you meet old friends who you haven't been in touch with for awhile. Thats how it seems to happen with me and my friends. This could change some social situations, and bring you off your normal beaten path, which is a good thing when looking for dates.

Another very interesting development is the sims online, an online video game put out by maxis. There is a small monthly subscription fee. Yes, it is a video game, but it is played by a very wide variety of age ranges and both sexes. If you are interested in meeting someone online with a good personality, this is a good place. You control a simulated character who has no real duties or goals except to have fun, make money, meet people and develop your character. You get to meet people, hang out and do activities with them, while having online conversations, about whatever, ones self, location, ones job, the sim task your character is doing, all sorts of things. Its really cool, and surprisingly easy to meet people. You can make friends and become lovers and even get married in the game with anybody else who is playing. This can lead to nice real world relationships because one has already chatted a lot together and done some activities together.

I don't know really how accurate my reccomendations may be because I have never actually got into a relationship myself this way, but it seems like it could work. In any case, these two services offer an interesting and fun alternative to online dating.
 

Dan

Dear Leader
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
19,338
Points
71
I hate forwards, so I'll retitle it to fit one of Cyburbia's enduring inside jokes.


Dutch Womens' Rugby Player Association
Guide to Deciphering Personals Ads


STRONG, BEAUTIFUL, INDEPENDENT WOMYNS' ADS

40-ish................. mature and aware of her womynhood.

Adventurer............. not bound by patriarchal rules of 'monogamy' meant to enslave womyn.

Athletic............... proud and strong, not displaying excessively large secondary sex characteristics to satisfy a patriarchal definition of 'beauty.'

Average looking........ as judged by your subjective and irrelevant standards of beauty.

Beautiful.............. a sister who is not yet aware that she is reinforcing subjective and irrelevant standards of beauty. Bitch.

Contagious Smile....... forced to appease the patriarchy with false mirth.

Educated............... B.A. in womyn's studies/herstory.

Emotionally Secure..... a male-centric definition in which suppression of emotion is considered the "correct" state of being.

Feminist............... you go, grrrl!

Free spirit............ sister who has cast off the chains of patriarchy to serve the Goddess, Ovum-Gaia.

Friendship first....... a sister who resists the patriarchal overlords who will consign her to the chattel role of breeder/mother.

Fun.................... an Anarcho-Surrealist-Insurrectionary-Feminist, who wishes to smash the 'man'-made chains of the capitalist, sexist, racist, ageist, class divided society, but is willing to go out for coffee.

Gentle................. a Poststructuralist-Feminist, who doesn't consider herself a gendeRevolutionary.

Good listener.......... a sister whose authentic experiential voice is silenced by the constructivist-empirical-industrial complex.

New age................ finding the inner Idyllic Goddess and avoiding the patriarchal chains of the razor.

Old-fashioned.......... a sister who comes to true understanding of the Goddess and Hir works through reimaging the Womyn of the Bible

BODY-OBJECTIFYING, DOMESTIC SLAVERY-SUPPORTING, SEXUALLY COERCIVE, ANARCHO-MISOGYNISTIC MALE ADS

40-ish................ pig.

Athletic.............. pig.

Average looking....... pig.

Educated.............. pig.

Free spirit........... pig.

Friendship first...... pig.

Fun................... pig.

Good looking.......... pig.

Very good looking..... pig.

Honest................ pig.

Huggable.............. pig.

Likes to cuddle....... pig.

Mature................ pig.

Open-minded........... pig.

Physically fit........ pig.

Poet.................. pig.
 

SkeLeton

Cyburbian
Messages
4,837
Points
26
Cullen said:
Another very interesting development is the sims online, an online video game put out by maxis. There is a small monthly subscription fee. Yes, it is a video game, but it is played by a very wide variety of age ranges and both sexes. If you are interested in meeting someone online with a good personality, this is a good place. You control a simulated character who has no real duties or goals except to have fun, make money, meet people and develop your character. You get to meet people, hang out and do activities with them, while having online conversations, about whatever, ones self, location, ones job, the sim task your character is doing, all sorts of things. Its really cool, and surprisingly easy to meet people. You can make friends and become lovers and even get married in the game with anybody else who is playing. This can lead to nice real world relationships because one has already chatted a lot together and done some activities together.

AFAIK Cullen, The Sims Online was a total fiasco. New commers to the game get bored quickly, because to win money they have to work a lot in an excesively overocupated market (You're doomed to failure if you start a Pizza parlor), hence making a great majority of the "characters" poor, which obviously bums people, and some even are begging for money or food inside the game (lots of fun! One thing is emulating reality, another is copying reality). The rich people that got in first always keeo winning money and the top places are basically the only ones visited.
That's at least what I've heard of that game...
 

Jeff

Cyburbian
Messages
4,159
Points
27
Jessie-J said:
so....about online dating.....

I posted my pic at hot or not and got a 7.8 with one pic and a 6.4 with another.

I wouldn't pay attention to hot or not ... you have a....holes like me who give everyone a 1, especially the supermodel types. Normal girls I tend to give a fair rating to though.
 

Budgie

Cyburbian
Messages
5,262
Points
30
Dipping

So, since I'm entering a state of mutual 6 month separation from my spouse beginning on Monday, should I dip my toe or other body part into the on-line primordial dating stew? What is an aging stocky thrasher to do?

I'm listening to "Starstorm" by UFO and loving it. Does anyone else in the world even know who UFO are? I am the embodiment of the Anti-hip. Advice? PM if you want to be brutally honest.
 

Zoning Goddess

Cyburbian
Messages
13,843
Points
40
Dan said:
I hate forwards, so I'll retitle it to fit one of Cyburbia's enduring inside jokes.
New age................ finding the inner Idyllic Goddess and avoiding the patriarchal chains of the razor.

Let me just say that this anomaly does not apply to ALL goddesses...
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
30,148
Points
74
Rebirth of online dating thread

In strict adherance with Cyburbia guidelines, I am reviving an older thread instead of starting a new one on the same topic.:)

It's almost 2006 and I'm guessing the universe of online dating has changed considerably since 2003.

What general advice would you give to a divorced 20-something woman (obviously, I'm not asking for my sake) who's looking to explore the big bad world of on-line dating? How best to 'sell' oneself and how best to avoid scummy guys?
 

SkeLeton

Cyburbian
Messages
4,837
Points
26
Maister said:
In strict adherance with Cyburbia guidelines, I am reviving an older thread instead of starting a new one on the same topic.:)

It's almost 2006 and I'm guessing the universe of online dating has changed considerably since 2003.

What general advice would you give to a divorced 20-something woman (obviously, I'm not asking for my sake) who's looking to explore the big bad world of on-line dating? How best to 'sell' oneself and how best to avoid scummy guys?

Well, I'm not into it anymore, but I guess it's as before... since your person there is (probably) in her late 20's, I'd sugest exploring Online Boards and communities like this but of her own interests, besides the typical MSN, AIM, whatever other IM program she wants...

A small advice is to avoid the desperate options like match-making sites... IMHO that just atracts creeps... :p
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
Messages
20,877
Points
57
Online should be an opportunity to meet new people. I would say that success is maybe 2%. But, she meets a 50 possible people, then it raises the odds quite a bit, but it is not the first place that I would suggest meeting people. Instead, go into an environment that is rich in numbers of people with similar interests.

1. Take a night or afternoon class at a local college or university. She is in her mid 20’s and the average age of a University student is 26... it will be ok. If possible, she should do a lot of reading at the campus library in a section that interests her. If she finds a topic interesting, someone who is taking classes and is also interested in the same topic will probably also be there. Places such as coffeehouses that surround the campus will also be full of people, most of which will be single.
2. Attend a young adults group at a local place of religious standing. Many churches, regardless of religion will have groups for socializing. She may need to travel past several institutions that might have such groups to get to one that has the desired demographic characteristic.
3. Join a group or gym. Civic groups, volunteer opportunities, and gyms are great places to meet other people. If joining a civic group, she should sign up to help out with some type of fundraiser or activity that is of interest to her. By doing that, she will have the opportunity to meet others who have the same frame of mind.

If going on line, have her post a real picture, be very honest, and be open to the possibility that the person might be from another community, up to 100 miles away.


Additionally I would recommend this book.
 

Tide

Cyburbian
Messages
2,719
Points
24
I met my current girlfriend (and probably future wife) on the internet. It wasn't so much a dating website and I wasn't activly looking and neither was she, but she saw my pic and just said I had a nice smile and it started with that just about a year ago (December 10th).

The most important things about "dating" online is lots of pictures, the good and the bad ones... Be honest about everything, don't lie because if you ever meet it'll be found out... and talk on the phone when you are ready and talk a lot, about everything. We talked online since last December and on the phone from Valentines Day 2005 till we finally met in July 7th 2005... and it's been great so far.

us.jpg
 

Seabishop

Cyburbian
Messages
3,832
Points
25
As an aside, is the gym really a good place to meet people? I think of the gym as a place where women don't want to bother with guys hitting on them. I never see strangers talk to eachother at the gym. I'm not looking to pick up girls, I'm just sayin'.
 

Jaxspra

Cyburbian
Messages
3,514
Points
24
Seabishop said:
As an aside, is the gym really a good place to meet people? I think of the gym as a place where women don't want to bother with guys hitting on them. I never see strangers talk to eachother at the gym. I'm not looking to pick up girls, I'm just sayin'.
Agreed..the gym is about the last place I would want to talk to a guy; I am sweaty, tired, hair a mess, etc...not sure where I do want to meet guys but the gym is not the place (IMO)
 

natski

Cyburbian
Messages
2,579
Points
22
Jaxspra said:
Agreed..the gym is about the last place I would want to talk to a guy; I am sweaty, tired, hair a mess, etc...not sure where I do want to meet guys but the gym is not the place (IMO)


I also agree with this....... I got sick of guys who think that they are buff and gods gift to women cause they work out, thinking that, that gives them the right to perve on you and hit on you at the gym till the point where i am too scared and frustrated to go back!

If i want to go to the gym, i dont want to be getting picked up/perved on by guys... i just want to workout!
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
Messages
20,877
Points
57
Seabishop said:
As an aside, is the gym really a good place to meet people? I think of the gym as a place where women don't want to bother with guys hitting on them. I never see strangers talk to eachother at the gym. I'm not looking to pick up girls, I'm just sayin'.
That is a good and common question.

It can be a great place to meet people. The biggest thing is to talk to people and network. I would not suggest talking to someone in the middle of a bench press, but for weight lifting, you have to rest at least a little between sets. Additionally, there is nothing wrong with talking briefly while on the cardo equipment as long as either of you are not out of breath.

Another big thing is to think outside of the box as to whom you might talk to. It is important to remember that regardless if they are a guy or a girl, almost everyone knows someone who is single. So become friends with both guys and girls. Not only might you get a friend to work out with (heck if both of you are going to the gym at the same time) and you might end up on a date with a friend of his.

Finally there is also the staff. It is amazing that not only are many of the people who work at a gym are very fit, many times they are also very nice. Some of the best dates I have ever been on were with girls who taught an aerobics class, a palate’s class or just worked at the front desk.

It is all about being social, interactive, and utilizing everything in your environment to achieve your desired result.

Jaxspra said:
Agreed..the gym is about the last place I would want to talk to a guy; I am sweaty, tired, hair a mess, etc...not sure where I do want to meet guys but the gym is not the place (IMO)

So if a guy thought that you where attractive when you where not all dolled up, that would be bad. I also think that if a guy was interested in a girl that had put no effort into her hair or makeup, and still thought that she was attractive, that would be a good thing. Even more so with the girl knowing how impressed the guy will be when she is in a little black dress with her hair and makeup all done up.

I think that it is a great way to see if women are naturally attractive, or if it is just because of a bunch of makeup that they put on.

natski said:
I also agree with this....... I got sick of guys who think that they are buff and gods gift to women cause they work out, thinking that, that gives them the right to perve on you and hit on you at the gym till the point where i am too scared and frustrated to go back!

If i want to go to the gym, i dont want to be getting picked up/perved on by guys... i just want to workout!

I agree that some guys at the gym can be jerks. Those give many of us a bad rep. But if some guy who was fit and polite was nice to you, and asked you your name, would you be a stuck up B*&*^# or would you start a conversation with him?
 

Zoning Goddess

Cyburbian
Messages
13,843
Points
40
michaelskis said:
But if some guy who was fit and polite was nice to you, and asked you your name, would you be a stuck up B*&*^# or would you start a conversation with him?
Not that I'm in the market anymore...but, does the guy have to be "fit"?? Can't he just be another gym user? We're not all fixated on body types.

So if you were at the gym and a woman with no makeup and who was not "fit" hit on you, would you be a stuck up B##stard or would you start a conversation with her?

Same as if you were at work, the library, a bookstore, a supermarket, the mall, etc.; if you don't invite someone's advances, you're a b@tch??? How about we have a life, boyfriend, etc??
 

jordanb

Cyburbian
Messages
3,225
Points
25
Zoning Goddess said:
So if you were at the gym and a woman with no makeup and who was not "fit" hit on you, would you be a stuck up B##stard or would you start a conversation with her?

It's best if the men of cyburbia don't answer this. ;)

In the alternative they can lie, of course. There's always lying.
 

Zoning Goddess

Cyburbian
Messages
13,843
Points
40
jordanb said:
It's best if the men of cyburbia don't answer this. ;)

In the alternative they can lie, of course. There's always lying.
You've gotten a lot funnier than when you started on Cyburbia. Thumbs up!:-D

michaelskis said:
I think that it is a great way to see if women are naturally attractive, or if it is just because of a bunch of makeup that they put on.
Like all you guys are perfect from the git go. Sheesh. If you have 1/2 a brain you are attracted to the person, not what goes on under the makeup. Let's play "I'll be shallow".
 
Last edited by a moderator:

natski

Cyburbian
Messages
2,579
Points
22
michaelskis said:
I agree that some guys at the gym can be jerks. Those give many of us a bad rep. But if some guy who was fit and polite was nice to you, and asked you your name, would you be a stuck up B*&*^# or would you start a conversation with him?

Well i guess it would all be in the approach- if he came over (not strut over) and seemed genuinely interested- i would not be rude at all- thats just plain mean- considering the guy prob spent his whole workout considering whether to approach me or not!
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
Messages
20,877
Points
57
Zoning Goddess said:
So if you were at the gym and a woman with no makeup and who was not "fit" hit on you, would you be a stuck up B##stard or would you start a conversation with her?
That did happen to me, and we ended up seeing each other for a few months when I was in college. She was not "fit" but she was still very attractive and had an amazingly interactive personality. It did not matter what the situation was, she was always up beat and always cheered up the whole room. Things did not work out because we both wanted to go very different directions in our lives.

Zoning Goddess said:
Same as if you were at work, the library, a bookstore, a supermarket, the mall, etc.; if you don't invite someone's advances, you're a b@tch??? How about we have a life, boyfriend, etc??
In that case they should be honest and genuine. If she said something like, “thank you, but I am already seeing someone” or “thank you for the offer” (to go out for lunch, coffee, or something) “but I am not interested. I to appreciate the offer though.” Being polite and honest can work wonders for turning someone down.

Both are very good questions and the it shows that there is a misunderstanding between what many guys expect. When it comes down to it all, being honest and open-minded is the bast option for both sexes.
 

RandomPlanner

Cyburbian
Messages
1,830
Points
28
IRL/Online Question....

OK. What if you met the guy in person first (friend of a friend from out of town), and now he's gone. Do I try to start a relationship online or over the phone with him from 1000 miles away, or do I just chalk it up to another cool guy who's not for me - because of the distance? (Problem is that we saw each other 4x in the week he was here, but we didn't establish if we liked each other or not because most of the settings were group things.)
How do I continue? Or do I just leave it alone and say hello next time he's in town??
 

Jaxspra

Cyburbian
Messages
3,514
Points
24
RandomPlanner... said:
OK. What if you met the guy in person first (friend of a friend from out of town), and now he's gone. Do I try to start a relationship online or over the phone with him from 1000 miles away, or do I just chalk it up to another cool guy who's not for me - because of the distance? (Problem is that we saw each other 4x in the week he was here, but we didn't establish if we liked each other or not because most of the settings were group things.)
How do I continue? Or do I just leave it alone and say hello next time he's in town??
This is just my opinion and I am sure many others here will disagree. I think long distance relationships are hard and not worth the effort unless one is willing to relocate at some point. The same thing sort of happened to me last year, I went to Florida to see a friend that had moved out there, we got very close and I didn't want to come home. We emailed and talked on the phone for about 2 months but it was going no where, we both knew it. Chalked it up to a great week and remain close friends. He comes in town for holidays and stuff but thats about it.
So I would leave it alone and say "hey" next time he's in town....
 

RandomPlanner

Cyburbian
Messages
1,830
Points
28
Jaxspra said:
This is just my opinion and I am sure many others here will disagree. I think long distance relationships are hard and not worth the effort unless one is willing to relocate at some point.....
Well, the one time we did get to spend just the 2 of us, he told me why he loved living where he does. Honestly, I'm not sure what expression was written on my face at that point, but he then told me that he loves where I live and could easily see himself settling down in this area. Since then, in an email, he told me that sometimes it's hard not being in one place all the time (I had told him I was envious of all the traveling he does).
But I definately see your point about long distance relationships. That's why I'm not sure if I want to persue anything. UGH.....:r:
 

SW MI Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
3,196
Points
27
RandomPlanner... said:
OK. What if you met the guy in person first (friend of a friend from out of town), and now he's gone. Do I try to start a relationship online or over the phone with him from 1000 miles away, or do I just chalk it up to another cool guy who's not for me - because of the distance? (Problem is that we saw each other 4x in the week he was here, but we didn't establish if we liked each other or not because most of the settings were group things.)
How do I continue? Or do I just leave it alone and say hello next time he's in town??

This happened to a good friend of mine - she reconnected to her high school via email, and they are now married! But, I agree with Jax, that one or both of you will have to want to relocate at some point. There's no harm in talking to him!
 

Salmissra

Cyburbian
Messages
6,287
Points
35
SW MI Planner said:
This happened to a good friend of mine - she reconnected to her high school via email, and they are now married! But, I agree with Jax, that one or both of you will have to want to relocate at some point. There's no harm in talking to him!
+

Might as well give it a shot! You don't have to make a relocation decision right away, so try it out. Drop him a line and see where it leads.
 

Man With a Plan

Cyburbian
Messages
219
Points
9
Seabishop said:
As an aside, is the gym really a good place to meet people? I think of the gym as a place where women don't want to bother with guys hitting on them. I never see strangers talk to eachother at the gym. I'm not looking to pick up girls, I'm just sayin'.

Are you kiddin- women love to hit on people at the gym! All you have to do is talk about your "traps" workout and cleverly hint that you go tanning, use teeth whitener, and drive an IROC.
 

zman

Cyburbian
Messages
9,244
Points
33
Actually, I was getting the "eye" from a semi-atrractive female at the gym last night.
Of course, I love my GF and was focused on my workout, but it was nice to know I still "got it" ;):-$
 

Bear Up North

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
9,323
Points
31
zmanPLAN said:
Actually, I was getting the "eye" from a semi-atrractive female at the gym last night.
Of course, I love my GF and was focused on my workout, but it was nice to know I still "got it" ;):-$

Dang it, Z-Man.....give the woman her eye back.

Bear

:-c ;) :-D :)
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
Messages
20,877
Points
57
Bear Up North said:
Dang it, Z-Man.....give the woman her eye back.

Bear

:-c ;) :-D :)

I must agree with my beer drinking bear friend!

A wise friend of mine told me once that women are like cars. Every year a fancier model will come along and it is completely ok to look at them. But if you test drive them, you run the risk of getting rid of your other car.
 

jordanb

Cyburbian
Messages
3,225
Points
25
^-- So what you're saying is that a guy aught to go for the "lease" option, eh?

;) :-D :p :a:
 
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