Party at Michele's -- Donate your Irony

[Michele Zone]

Pity Party, that is.

I have just been informed by my husband that I have not taught any math to my kids for the last 5 1/2 years of homeschooling, they are Loozers who will never amount to anything because I am such an irresponsible individual who allowed them to drop out of elementary school... and a few zillion other old, unresolved arguments.

These conversations always feel like an episode of The Twilight Zone. It makes me question if I actually was inducted into Mu Alpha Theta at age 16 in 11th grade. It makes me wonder if I have hallucinated the homeschooling website that grew in response to "popular demand" for my advice. It makes me feel like I must have been trippin' on acid when I had all those fantasies that total strangers kept asking me to write a math book and that I have more math stuff on my website than probably anything else because I got sick and tired of forwarding the same e-mails and teaching the same basics in math to college educated (and usually gifted themselves) parents who couldn't figure out what to do with Kids Like Mine.

Oh, yeah: He has informed me that my oldest child is NOT handicapped. I guess I should cancel his next doctor's appointment at the children's pulmonary clinic in another city. God, I have all those doctors fooled too.

Someone please Kick Me. It might make me feel better.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled NPR programming about Budgie's Love Life and Dan's Dating Advice on how to be a Player and el Guapo the Peacenik Liberal on how to show proper respect for our misunderstood friends in the middle east. Our Guest Speaker will be Cardinal and his anti-nature lecture.

EDIT: Oh, I have thought of a few more: Habanero will teach us the art of stuffing a bra and making the most of a boyish figure, ZG will give tips on how to shop for tall women, and TIO, our Spanish Uncle, will enlighten us on his Ethnic heritage and give the next lesson in Spanish.

Any others???

 

[mendelman]

Should be a nice party.

Sounds as if your husband is clueless about you and your children.

Nice bizzaro world/twilight zone cyburbia.

 

[Zoning Goddess]

I will be glad to speak on shopping for giantesses.

Don't forget your lecture on Munchausen (sp?)-by-proxy. ;-)

Has hubby always been such a mean-spirited dweeb?

 

[BKM]

Wow. Pretty clueless guy, it sounds like.

 

[Jen]

My teeny weeny pity party story: Three breaks in one week should be enough no? First, my 8yo last Thurs nite fell off a slide and broke her elbow, my first trip to the ER as a parent, luckily only a small break w/ no displacement and she was tough about it too ! Next, my two year kitchen remodel is coming to an end FINALLY, Last Saturday theywere to be delivering the countertops, the day wears on and no Sam Stone, we have meaty guys with strong backs waiting to help with the slabs, Sam calls with bad news the slab broke. Great I have two breaks.

Tuesday, Sam cuts another slab of granite stone, it fissures in finishing and breaks!

Three breaks in one week! But he did deliver the other countertops and they look sweet!

Ah well maybe we'll get some granite cabinet pulls from the scraps :-D

 

[michaelskis]

You forgot my daily incarnation of Andy Roony when I come up with meaningless noontime questions!

After reading many of your posts, I really start to wonder what your home life is like? It does sound like your hubby and you live on different continents. I am a firm believer that if you do not like the situation you are in, change it. It can be as simple as that. Always realize the possibilities to make your life not only better, but great. I have read several biographies of people, who have overcome emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, social, and political disabilities to go on to be amazingly great people. I feel that you can change the aspects of your life that are holding you back, or preventing you from achieving greatness. Don’t let something like this bother you. IF you feel you know your children better, you do what you believe is in their best interest.

 

[Wannaplan?]

I have to dash out of this discussion real quick because...

...misery loves company. I have too much of it in my life right now. And I don't need to hear about anyone else's. When the pity comes to party with you, seek out those who love you and start a different kind of party. Swig a beer, toke a doobie, drop some E, just go out dancing, whatever.

 

[Richmond Jake]

...misery loves company. I have too much of it in my life right now. And I don't need to hear about anyone else's

Ditto. Maybe another thread should be started: Who is the most miserable Cyburbian?

 

[Michele Zone]

I will be glad to speak on shopping for giantesses.

Don't forget your lecture on Munchausen (sp?)-by-proxy. ;-)

Has hubby always been such a mean-spirited dweeb?

Oh, I forgot all about my Munchausen Syndrome. I am sure a few doctors would agree, yea verily, and happily lock me up.

Actually, ZG, I don't complain that much because he has evolved so much: I married a Dinosaur and he has, with much personal sacrifice and hard work, transformed himself into Cromagnon Man. I am so proud of him.

 

[sisterceleste]

Any others???

I taught Trail Nazi to say "A$$-hole" without moving her lips. Told her it was a requirement of being a professional urban planner. Real handy at public hearings and staff meetings.

 

[Michele Zone]

You forgot my daily incarnation of Andy Roony when I come up with meaningless noontime questions!

After reading many of your posts, I really start to wonder what your home life is like? It does sound like your hubby and you live on different continents. I am a firm believer that if you do not like the situation you are in, change it. It can be as simple as that. Always realize the possibilities to make your life not only better, but great. I have read several biographies of people, who have overcome emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, social, and political disabilities to go on to be amazingly great people. I feel that you can change the aspects of your life that are holding you back, or preventing you from achieving greatness. Don’t let something like this bother you. IF you feel you know your children better, you do what you believe is in their best interest.

A) He is in the infantry and has been gone 6 months out of the year for many of the years of our marriage. Duh! Yes, it like we "live on separate continents": he has been in Texas for the last 4 months while I stayed in Cali.

B) Hmmm, I am so tempted to suggest you listen about as well as my husband does. Have you missed my Die Hard Optimist, Michele Just Wants to Have Fun, tortured life story? Oh, I get it: I have succeeded so well that you completely miss the "tortured life story" part. Maybe I should take this as a compliment.

 

[Michele Zone]

Wow. Pretty clueless guy, it sounds like.

He is clueless about my life and our kids. But we also have really serious communication problems and completely incompatible world views.

I think when he said our son is "not handicapped", he was trying to say that the kid can have a conventional job. I do not agree and I think that is totally clueless too. But I think he was trying to apply a "can do" attitude ([heavy sarcasm]I am sure everyone here has noticed that I am a lazy and a pessimistic person with an excuse for everything who allows the slightest obstacle to completely stop me in my tracks[/heavy sarcasm]) and ... he and I just have completely different ideas about what "success" means. Sigh.

OT: So, does Chick-fil-a work for you? This mall has no food court and I would be happy to meet you at the food court on Travis but I think you would have a little trouble getting past the armed guards at the gate. 8-!

 

[Michele Zone]

I taught Trail Nazi to say "A$$-hole" without moving her lips. Told her it was a requirement of being a professional urban planner. Real handy at public hearings and staff meetings.

Where do I sign up for your valuable and useful class? Calling my husband an a-hole to his face has never been helpful. Maybe there is a better way and you can Enlighten me, oh wise Sister Celeste.

 

[michaelskis]

B) Hmmm, I am so tempted to suggest you listen about as well as my husband does. Have you missed my Die Hard Optimist, Michele Just Wants to Have Fun, tortured life story?

I recant my above suggestions and words of optimism, and step out of the thread. I will close with a story…

“A faith full person once fell out of a boat, and had faith that God would save him. After a few minutes of paying a fishing boat came by, they called over to the faithful man, and tossed him a rope. The man pushed the rope away and hollered back, “GO A WAY, MY LORD WILL SAVE ME” so the boat kept going. A little later a cruse ship came by, and they dropped a life boat down with a crew to help the man, but he swam away saying GO AWAY, MY LORD WILL SAVE ME” so the brought the boat back onto the ship. Finally a coast guard helicopter and a diver with a rope jumps into the water next to the man. The faithful man punched the coast guard and once again said GO AWAY, MY LORD WILL SAVE ME… after a few more minutes, the wave started to get bad, and the man drowned. When he got to heaven, he looked at God and said why did you abandon me? God looked at the faithful man with a frustrated look on is face and replied, “ABANDONED YOU? I send you a fishing boat, a cruise ship, and a helicopter, WHAT MORE DID I NEED TO DO?”

When you make statements to invoke pity and some one gives you optimistic advice, it is usually in bad taste to show your superior knowledge to even slightly belittle the persons comments. A simple “Thank you for your suggestions and willingness to help Mike, but there might be more to the situation that you might not know about” would have done just fine…

Enjoy your party.

 

[Michele Zone]

Should be a nice party.

I am a Fabulous Hostess. My parties are always great.

 

[Michele Zone]

I recant my above suggestions and words of optimism, and step out of the thread. I will close with a story…



When you make statements to invoke pity and some one gives you optimistic advice, it is usually in bad taste to show your superior knowledge to even slightly belittle the persons comments. A simple “Thank you for your suggestions and willingness to help Mike, but there might be more to the situation that you might not know about” would have done just fine…

Enjoy your party.

Mike I did say that I took it as a compliment. There was no intent to belittle you. But it does make me do a double take and wonder if you know what you are talking about.

I have a really ironic and morbid sense of humor and my skin is not terribly thin. I know this makes me appear to be an ogress sometimes. But I have had the genetic testing and they assure me that I am not of that species. They still don't know what in heck I am. But "ogress" ain't it.

I am sorry you took it that way.

 

[Michele Zone]

I have to dash out of this discussion real quick because...

...misery loves company. I have too much of it in my life right now.

Oh, is that why our private conversation ended? Thank goodness! I figured I had just offended you. lol

 

[Michele Zone]

You know, Mike is not the first person to completely misunderstand where I am coming from. I am generally looking to cut up and have a good laugh at human foibles when something gets my goat. And this is the vein of other stuff I have written when I was under a lot of stress, if you still just don't get where I am coming from with my bizarre sense of humor:
http://califmichele.com/humor.html
Or (for slow modems):
http://califmichele.com/plain/humor.html

Mike, perhaps you genuinely haven't heard how much I have overcome because I really don't tell many of my personal "war stories" in public. I am careful about what I say because my "war stories" generally freak people out and/or they then feel really sorry for me. And I don't want people to pity me. I don't spend that much time feeling sorry for myself. And I often scare hell out of people with what does NOT phase me. Also, while I am genuinely sorry that you are hurt and offended, I think lecturing someone who is feeling down about how they should keep their chin up is kind of rude. They need to come to that conclusion on their own. In fact, it can be down right cruel, depending upon how serious the situation is.

Sigh, someone pass me a bigger shovel so I can dig my grave deeper at a faster rate. I have things to do today.

 

[Wannaplan?]

“A faith full person once fell out of a boat, and had faith that God would save... BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

I love God, too. Let me tell you a story!!!

A man in his 30s once had a stroke. It was a bleeder. As a result, he got severe speech and language deficits and could not move his right arm. He has limited range of motion in his right leg. He was in the hospital for two months and spent two addtional months in in-patient therapy. When he finally came home, his neighbor said to him, "Well, look at it this way: This is God's way of telling you to slow down."

Comforting words!

 

[Maister]

I love God, too..... This is God's way of telling you to slow down.Comforting words!

Is this by chance an autobiographical story?

 

[michaelskis]

I love God, too. Let me tell you a story!!!

A man in his 30s once had a stroke. It was a bleeder. As a result, he got severe speech and language deficits and could not move his right arm. He has limited range of motion in his right leg. He was in the hospital for two months and spent two addtional months in in-patient therapy. When he finally came home, his neighbor said to him, "Well, look at it this way: This is God's way of telling you to slow down."

Comforting words!

That is a good story

 

[Wannaplan?]

Is this by chance an autobiographical story?

Perhaps you are overlooking the point I am making?

That is a good story

Are you channelling Jack Chick?

 

[Gedunker]

Speaking of strokes: my 4yr old has a Patent Foramen Ovale (PFO) or "hole in the heart". Estimates range from 10% to as many as 25% of the population has this condition. Our pediatric cardiologist says not to worry, but my research indicates that PFO is the number one cause of strokes in people under the age of 55 8-! Now I can't get that commercial that says "a stroke is a brain attack" out of my mind.

 

[Duke Of Dystopia]

COOL, a PITY PPARTY!

Those are always fun, and it is guaranteed EASY to foment distress and unbridled anger. Time to set the keg up and loosen the wound with some alcahol, that will start the vitriol boiling!

Life is such a black pit. You would have made a good goth

I have no advice, if I had good advice or decision making I wouldn't need to be here Other than to keep plugging away is all you can do. Remember, it can always get worse!

Do you realize you started a ranting session about your infantry husband (you wonder why he is a dinosaur to cromagnon?) and then get on us when we commiserate with you. Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose?

 

[Maister]

Perhaps you are overlooking the point I am making?

Moi? miss the point?....
Actually, it bugs me too when people attribute perfectly explicable occurrences to 'divine intervention' or 'will of God'.......It was God's will you lost your job - was it God's will that my wife made me an egg salad sandwich today when I would have preferred PBJ.....who can say, He moves in mysterious ways ;-)

 

[Michele Zone]

Do you realize you started a ranting session about your infantry husband (you wonder why he is a dinosaur to cromagnon?) and then get on us when we commiserate with you. Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose?

I don't see it that way. Michael was not commiserating with me. ZG was and so were some others. It was a vent and I found the situation ironic. A lot of Mike's comments were kind of ridiculous and I was not trying to bust him out or anything when I did my cross-eyed reaction of 'Gee, did you miss the fact that I am a Die Hard Optimist?' Okay, it was sort of rudely blurted out when I had not been awake long but, seriously, I am still kind of cross-eyed and confused as to where his comments come from.

I do not usually vent like that in public. And I guess I have been reminded as to why. I also think 'Pity Party' was a poorly chosen phrase. I used it pejoratively because I don't really like venting about stuff. I often find it counter-productive. Given what this thread has deteriorated into, I begin to wonder if it would be better if one of the mods closed it. I really expected it to die on its own.

You know, Duke, you seem to generally not like me. Which is your perogative. But I really don't understand what seems to be a personal attack on me for no apparent reason other than, perhaps, "opportunity". What is the point? I don't recall any other threads where someone vented and was told "Keep your chin up and, oh, quit whining."

 

[Duke Of Dystopia]

You know, Duke, you seem to generally not like me. Which is your perogative. But I really don't understand what seems to be a personal attack on me for no apparent reason other than, perhaps, "opportunity". What is the point? I don't recall any other threads where someone vented and was told "Keep your chin up and, oh, quit whining."

Its not even if I don't like you or not, because that is not the point. We all have crapy days, and we all want to wallow in our own self pitty, and we wish fervently that people would "get it". Unfortunatly, for each of us there is different perspective.

As a representative of the male class, we like to fix things. If something is broke, we don't generally want to sit around in self pitty, we DO something about it or we IGNORE it (give or take a little between them ). So if you vent about your husband, you are not going to get comaraderie out of us, you will get solutions. The less we know about the situation, the more harsh and unhelpful we will be, but here is the catch, we are not going to wade through the Dr. Phill crap to figure it out online. If you post a carp, and then defend the dead fish, your not ready to fix anything, so whats the point?

Nobody wants to listen about something like that without posting a solution, because WE ALL have intractable problems that pull us down. Thinking about yours does one of 2 things.

A) It chears us up because we realize our own life aint so crapy, and the day just got better.

or

B) Reminds us how freaking crapy our life is and drags us down to the bottom of the pit where some nameless inner demon gets to chew on our soul for a while.

So, if your so optimistic, you might get that when someone says keep your chin up and keep plugging, they are trying to say "hey, so you had a crapy day, tomorow will be better". Thats about all the commiserating you can get online. So, keep plugging at your communication issues, all you can do is try, and hope, and have some faith that things will work out for the better in the end

 

[Michele Zone]

Duke, thanks for the clarification. I wasn't "defending" him, exactly. I was frothing at the mouth frustrated but I kind of thought that the many things I said about the overwhelming evidence that I do teach math, etc, made it fairly clear that this was a ludicrous communication thing, not really anything more than that.

We have made all kinds of progress with the communication issue -- so much so that OTHER people tend to tell each of us that we are "great communicators", yatta yatta. The degree to which that is an intractable issue for us is one of the reasons we see no reason to continue making each other miserable. :-D With the amount of effort we have put in, if it were Fixable, I think we would have Fixed it by now.

Yeah, I know men like to Fix things. And I do not generally have a problem with that. I suppose if I want to vent again sometime, I need to label it a vent. I do not expect anyone here to be able to fix my marital problems -- or anything else of mine. It is my sh*t. I know that. And it really doesn't matter where it originated: even if someone else "did this to me", yelling at their back as they leave about cleaning up the mess they have left me is usually a complete waste of time. It is kind of up to me to get my life together.

Actually, I feel that I DO have my life together -- or I wouldn't have the hubris to inform my husband that I have had enough and I don't want to do this anymore in the midst of a huge medical crisis that is still not completely resolved. When I was still sicker and would privately tell people I planned to divorce, a lot of folks would give me a very shocked reaction to the effect of "You CAN'T get divorced with your health problems" -- yeah, like I completely forgot about them when I made that decision. guffaw.

Anyway, I can't say I regret venting here. It served it's purpose -- which was to avoid whining endlessly to a friend (who has been really patient with me here lately) so we could get around to accomplishing something. The irony is that I spoke with 4 friends during the night, before anyone replied at all to my vent and they all made me feel better. If I knew how to delete a thread that I had started, I might have just deleted it before anyone responded. Oh well.

 

[BKM]

Perhaps you are overlooking the point I am making?





Are you channelling Jack Chick?

http://www.jhuger.com/tract/dtr/index.mv

(Warning: offensive humor)

 

[Rumpy Tunanator]

Oh man, that was great. I should print some of those up and hand them out to the preacher's crowd that is usually on the corner on fridays.

 

[Wannaplan?]

Got to the source www.chick.com then go to www.weirdcrap.com/chick for some real laffs. Be warned, that second site is not work-safe.