Until a few months ago, I was a semi-frequent poster quickly moving toward clube membership. More recently, however, I've done much more lurking than posting. That's mostly been because:
1. I got married last September (a good thing!), and Mrs. pete-rock still wonders what this whole Cyburbia thing is all about;
2. I became unemployed last September also, and while I've done free-lance planning and development work with CDCs, churches and small-time developers, it's not been easy or particularly fruitful (I'm still searching for a permanent gig); and
3. Constant tension with my two kids (ages 13 and 7) and occasional legal attacks from my ex-wife, largely due to #1.
[disclaimer]If you're uncomfortable with reading or discussing divorce/blended family issues, please just accept my explanation above for not being here. For just a little background, read on.[/disclaimer]
Prior to the wedding, the kids seem to really get along with my wife-to-be, but I always had the sense that my ex was giving them the negative vibes about my newfound "lack of values" (my wife and I lived together for two years before the wedding; don't worry, we met a full year after the divorce was final) and how "bad" Mrs. pete-rock was. Since the wedding, the kids have seemed to start believing the ex more and more. Over the last two years, Mrs. pete-rock and I have been cited by Children and Family Services for neglect (we let my two kids and Mrs. pete-rock's daughter go to a local park unsupervised that was one block away; it was dismissed by the department as unfounded) and constantly in court for child support adjustments and visitation.
My wife and I were in court just yesterday. We won an attempt by my ex to suspend visitation for one year. My ex got a protection order against my wife because my 13-year-old claimed to have been punched by my wife (didn't happen, I was right there; they argued but nothing else). The judge dismissed that motion and my every-other-weekend visitation is scheduled to resume, but there is no question the damage has been done, and maintaining a relationship with the kids will always be difficult at best.
I want to do what's best for the kids, and right now I'm wondering if that means drastically changing the nature of my relationship with them. What do you think?
1. I got married last September (a good thing!), and Mrs. pete-rock still wonders what this whole Cyburbia thing is all about;
2. I became unemployed last September also, and while I've done free-lance planning and development work with CDCs, churches and small-time developers, it's not been easy or particularly fruitful (I'm still searching for a permanent gig); and
3. Constant tension with my two kids (ages 13 and 7) and occasional legal attacks from my ex-wife, largely due to #1.
[disclaimer]If you're uncomfortable with reading or discussing divorce/blended family issues, please just accept my explanation above for not being here. For just a little background, read on.[/disclaimer]
Prior to the wedding, the kids seem to really get along with my wife-to-be, but I always had the sense that my ex was giving them the negative vibes about my newfound "lack of values" (my wife and I lived together for two years before the wedding; don't worry, we met a full year after the divorce was final) and how "bad" Mrs. pete-rock was. Since the wedding, the kids have seemed to start believing the ex more and more. Over the last two years, Mrs. pete-rock and I have been cited by Children and Family Services for neglect (we let my two kids and Mrs. pete-rock's daughter go to a local park unsupervised that was one block away; it was dismissed by the department as unfounded) and constantly in court for child support adjustments and visitation.
My wife and I were in court just yesterday. We won an attempt by my ex to suspend visitation for one year. My ex got a protection order against my wife because my 13-year-old claimed to have been punched by my wife (didn't happen, I was right there; they argued but nothing else). The judge dismissed that motion and my every-other-weekend visitation is scheduled to resume, but there is no question the damage has been done, and maintaining a relationship with the kids will always be difficult at best.
I want to do what's best for the kids, and right now I'm wondering if that means drastically changing the nature of my relationship with them. What do you think?