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Planning Books - Want 'em?

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,991
Points
30
Planners,

I'm doing a little annual cleaning up in my office today. Who among ye wants this big box of ever so slightly moldy, dusty, outdated, and racist bureaucratic planning manuals, and what do ye bid for my big box of oppression recipes?

Rules:
  1. Communications:
    1. NO PMs!
    2. Neither shall you email me.
    3. Neither shall you call me except on February 29th from 4:00 AM to 4:08 AM your time zone.
  2. Bids:
    1. Post your bids here in legible text with sufficient and enumerated headings in a 12 pt. bold font.
    2. You are allowed no more than 200 words per bid and a maximum of 2 images, neither of which may exceed 120Kb.
  3. Shipping:
    1. The box of books weights 32 pounds +/-.
    2. What is my cost of shipping?
      1. You'll have to figure that out and cite your sources as a necessary, but not sufficient part of your bid.
      2. No, you may not have my Zip Code to more accurately calculate shipping.
    3. Alternatively, if you are close, you are very welcome to come to my home pick up the box.
      1. No, I'm not telling you where I live.
      2. First, you have to tell me where you live.
      3. Then, I'll tell you if I consider pick up an option for you.
    4. Bonus points if you can arrange shipping where a member of a shipping company comes to my house, grabs the box from my porch, and doesn't walk across my lawn.
  4. Payment:
    1. I will accept any combination of cash, trades, ammo, and possibly interpretive dance which I find acceptable.
    2. The most fundamental rule of bidding is that you must prepay my cost of postage before I will take an hour off of work, stand in a line and deal with a government bureaucrat just to mail this box to you.
    3. No, I will not accept PayPal or Apple cash, or Bernie Bucks.
    4. It's either cash, gold, sealed 5.56mm XM855a "green tip", or a personal check.
    5. No money orders, bank transfers, bearer bonds.
    6. No ass, grass, or gas.
    7. Once your check clears my bank, I'll mail the box within the next 1 to 90 days.
    8. Why so long? Well, because I have a monopoly and your bid signifies your complete agreement to this condition and grants me absolute discretion regarding my actions related to, and under the conditions of this transaction..
  5. Appeals Process:
    1. It will be arbitrary and capricious and the State case law on this appeal establishes my complete right to be verbally abusive during the appeal.
    2. You may appeal my decision by hiring an arbitrator, at your sole expense, from a list of arbitrators I will provide you within 60 days of your receipt of my letter of denial.
  6. Disposal Plan:
    1. I plan to place the books in my municipality's fibrous material recycle bin Monday, Feb 10th at 10:AM Central if no bid covers at least my cost of shipping.
    2. No, I'm not going to donate them to the local public library.
    3. No, I'm not going to give them to my local planning/zoning staff or board in the city where I reside. They suck, and I'm not going to do them any favors.
  7. My Objective:
    1. Cover my cost.
    2. Inflict pain.
      1. That is why I am purposely placing bizarre bureaucratic rules between bureaucrats and their objective.
Lovingly yours,
el Guapo
 

Attachments

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
14,203
Points
48
1. Communications.
The communications section of the request has been met as I have no desire to PM, email, or even call you, but since posting on this forum was not excluded I feel this meets the requirement.

2. Bid
I am assuming you might be in the Colorado/Denver area based on the book "A Better Way to Zone", which I did not find to be a better way to do anything. With that assumption I will bid an interpretive dance involving myself, a rubber chicken in a suit, and the topic of public hearing. To receive said payment you will either have to meet me at a bar in the city next to my city or fly me up to your location. In either case I will expect immediate payment of a box of dusty books. Airfare will be the responsibility of the book box owner. This fully meets the payment section as airfare costs were not addressed in the request.

3. Appeal
I would like to start the appeal period in advance because I'm sure there's some random thing that you have an issue with and it's important to reduce the amount of time related to book transportation. This will only help you by removing the books from the property sooner.
 

RandomPlanner

Cyburbian
Messages
1,659
Points
23
I see a good one -- A Better Way to LOVE...

Oh wait, I might have misread the title there... :hug:
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
27,905
Points
70
I see a good one -- A Better Way to LOVE...

Oh wait, I might have misread the title there... :hug:
Nowhere do I see a copy of the illustrated Karma Sutra. If he was seriously looking for takers, he'd spice up the offerings a little.
 

JNA

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
25,162
Points
55
I don't need your collection of dead tree byproducts, I have my own.
 

Whose Yur Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
11,040
Points
36
He's just trying to make a snarky, snide point and pick a bone. This has more to do with his disillusionment with the public than anything.
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,991
Points
30
Too much snark?
Ok, kids, lemme break it down for yous. Does anyone want the books enough to pay for shipping?
 

Dan

Dear Leader
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
18,203
Points
64
EG, if you send me a box of 5.56mm XM855a, I’ll send some planning books your way. I’ll maybe throw in a few of my wife’s psych NP texts to sweeten the deal.
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,991
Points
30
EG, if you send me a box of 5.56mm XM855a, I’ll send some planning books your way. I’ll maybe throw in a few of my wife’s psych NP texts to sweeten the deal.
Dan,
If you really own a member of the evil assault rife family, I'll gladly donate a can of green tip to the Dick Cheney Foundation for Children Who Don't Have Guns and Other Prepper Supplies, in your name.
EG
 

Dan

Dear Leader
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
18,203
Points
64
If you really own a member of the evil assault rife family, I'll gladly donate a can of green tip to the Dick Cheney Foundation for Children Who Don't Have Guns and Other Prepper Supplies, in your name.
No assault rifles, although I have friends with AR-platform rifles. The ammo will be an appreciating asset, if there's ever a ban. :D I'll also take shares in upstart navigation AI companies, lithium mining ventures, or mixed use REITs.
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,991
Points
30
No assault rifles, although I have friends with AR-platform rifles. The ammo will be an appreciating asset, if there's ever a ban. :D I'll also take shares in upstart navigation AI companies, lithium mining ventures, or mixed use REITs.
I like the way you think about investing. Besides my small ownership stake in a child soldier uniform factory in Tashkent, I'm heavily into blood diamonds and factory farms.

Anywho, this thread is no longer relevant. The books are out on the curb waiting for the recycling truck.

[Truthy-Truth]
In all seriousness, I thought someone would want those books. Otherwise I wouldn't have posted this thread. Getting all disillusioned and trollish, as Whose Yur Planner so graciously highlighted, was just my way of drawing attention to the offer. I've found over the last 18 years that nothing draws Cyburbians to a thread faster that a heretical expression.
[/Truthy-Truth]

Love You Kids!
el Guapo
 
  • Haha
Reactions: Dan

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
13,323
Points
49
[Truthy-Truth]
In all seriousness, I thought someone would want those books. Otherwise I wouldn't have posted this thread. Getting all disillusioned and trollish, as Whose Yur Planner so graciously highlighted, was just my way of drawing attention to the offer. I've found over the last 18 years that nothing draws Cyburbians to a thread faster that a heretical expression.
[/Truthy-Truth]
[Truth-Truth]
All of us already have a copy of each (either personally or in our employers' 'library') and we seldom open the ones we have, so...
[/Truth-Truth]

I think being recycled into blown insulation and/or McD's napkins is actually a worthy reincarnation for them.
 
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Suburb Repairman

moderator in moderation
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
7,349
Points
31
[Truth-truth]
All of us already have a copy of each (either personally or in our employers' 'library') and we seldom open the ones we have, so...
[/Truth-Truth]

I think being recycled into to blown insulation and/or McD's napkins is actually a worthy reincarnation for them.
I actually have a request of eG to post of video of him detonating the box of planning books. I think it'll be cathartic and a great service to his fellow Cyburbians.
 
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