Regionalisms

[el Guapo]

I'm so sorry if this upsets the shirtless one.
I find there is truth in these observations...

You're on the West Coast when . . .
- You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy your own house.
- The high school quarterback calls a time out to answer his cell phone.
- The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
- You know how to eat an artichoke.
- You drive to your neighborhood block party.
- When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You're in New York when . . .
- You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
- You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
- You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
- You think Central Park is "nature."
- You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
- You've ever worn out a car horn.
- You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You're in Alaska when . . .
- You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
- Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
- You have more than one recipe for moose.
- Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
- The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You're in the South when . . .
- You get a movie and bait in the same store.
- "Ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
- After a year you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
- "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.

You're in Colorado when . . .
- You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
- You tell your husband to pick up granola on his way home and he stops at the day care.
- A pass does not involve a football or dating.
- The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
- Your bridal registry is at REI.

You're in the Midwest when . . .
- You've never met any celebrities (except Kirstie Alley and you think she is a moron), but the mayor knows your name.
- Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
- You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
- You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."
- When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different"
- All responses to requests for driving directions have a cardinal direction involved. "Well you can see it from here if you squint but to get there you go 6 North, two West and a 1/4 South. "

 

[Jen]

I live in Michigan not too far from Hell

other regionalisms of the midwest
- You think of the 4 major food groups as beef, pork, BBQ sauce and beer
- You have 10 favorite recipes for venison
-You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car
- You know how to play (and pronounce )Euchre

 

[el Guapo]

Western Kansas

1. It is sooo flat that if you squint at the horizon really hard you can see the back of your own head.
2. You don't get the big deal about crop circles. All crops are grown in circles.
3. You can see just as far as the Doppler radar. So why bother with a TV?
4. If it won’t handle a 100mph wind gust don’t put it outside.
5. The Bovine Doppler Effect – You can smell the town before you see it.
6. A river is a long dry sandy geographic feature that runs through your county.
7. You wear your new Carhardt jacket/overalls to funerals, court and weddings. Your wife insists.

 

[seannelson]

I received this in an email from a friend in Wisconsin. It seemed somewhat appropriate to this thread. Alright, that may be a stretch, but some are pretty good, only some.

> > NEW STATE MOTTOS
> >
> >
> > Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It-Yet
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
> > (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well
> > Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our
> > Tourism Campaign
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower
> > Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Michigan: First Line Of Defense Fr om The Canadians
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, And Very Little Else
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Nevada: Hookers and Poker!
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
> > I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent pets
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > New York: You Have The Right To Remain
> > Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney ...
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Tennessee: The Educashun State
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Vermont: Yep
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
> > Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared!

 

[Jen]

Go back to NY (said the floridian)

Mr Tasman you're not a eensy weensy bit homesick are ya?
And what is the punch line to number 42?

 

[Dan]

You may be from the West Side of Buffalo if

1) You are 5' 4", can press 325 pounds, and shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.

2) Your father owns five houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a 1976 Monte Carlo.

3) You really don't think there's anything wrong with Pat Gambino Ford commercials. ("Nahney nahn dahn, nahney nahn uh munt! Hi Mahm!")

4) You would actually consider buying a new car from Pat Gambino Ford, if it weren't for the fact that they don't sell Chevrolets or Cadillacs.

5) Your Firebird always has to be ahead of all the other cars when you are driving down Hertel Avenue.

6) Someone says they work "eaht da' pleahnt," and you know exactly where that is.

7) You brag about having "connections."

8) You consider North Buffalo to be "the suburbs."

9) You share a bathroom with your five brothers, and have no money, but drive a $35,000 Camaro.

10) Your living room has green foil wallpaper, furniture protected by clear vinyl, and "runners" to preserve the lime green shag carpeting underneath.

11) There are no non-GM cars parked on your block.

12) You have your last initial on your garage door.

13) Your front yard has at least three marble statues, one of which is a working fountain.

14) You hire one of your cousins to pave over your entire front yard, so you could have room to park a third Monte Carlo.

15) You worked at La Nova Pizzeria at any point in your life.

16) You have a good "wife beater" (tank top).

17) You have a good pair of Bills tiger-striped "Zubaz" (sweat pants).

18) Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.

19) Your two best friends are your cousin and brother-in-law's brother-in-law.

20) Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just Do Me!" wife beater.

21) You used Salvatore's Italian Gardens as the inspiration for decorating your house.

22) Two of the four station preset buttons on the stereo in your IROC are set to Kiss 98.5, one button is set to WBLK 93.7, and one is set to that dance music station from Toronto at 107.5.

23) At least five of your cousins live on your block.

24) All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather.

25) A diploma from Seneca Vocational High School and one year at ECC earned you the title of "professore" among your aunts.

26) Mickey Rats charges you rent.

27) You are on a first name basis with at least eight banquet hall owners.

28) If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 6", you think his mother had an affair.

29) You have only two degrees of separation between you and everyone that lives west of Richmond Street.

30) There are more than 25 people in your bridal party.

31) You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

32) Thirty years after immigrating to the United States, your parents still say "Pronto?" when answering the phone.

33) You yell "Yo!" when answering the phone.

34) You are offended when the wedding you attend serves less than three fish courses.

35) You share a bathroom with your five brothers, work at a pizzeria, but drive a $25,000 Camaro.

36) At some time, there was a dump truck in your life.

37) You have a $5,000 sound system in your 1978 Monte Carlo.

You may be from Amherst if

1) You ever boasted about having a Buffalo Sabre as a next door neighbor.

2) You ever worked at Stereo Advantage, or any of their affiliated
businesses ([insert name here] Advantage, Tony Walker, Aussie [insert name here], etc.).

3) You ever protested a planned apartment complex that was to be built within a mile of your house - but don't mind more big box retail like Target and Home Depot.

4) You ever bragged about how many years it has been since you last visited Downtown Buffalo.

5) People get lost trying to find your house.

6) You ever questioned the name "Eastern Hills Mall."

7) You could care less about the Bills, but you have season tickets for the Sabres.

8) You think Eggertsville is a slum.

9) You rarely venture south of I-90, except to go to the ski resorts, the Walden Galleria and Sabres games.

10) Half of your wardrobe consists of Tony Walker goods or Aussie T-shirts ("Give Blood - Play Hockey," "Pain is Temporary - Pride is Permanent," etc.)

11) Your property tax bill is higher than your mortgage payment.

12) You have more than ten cloth baseball caps, all of which have very tightly curled brims.

13) You think a three foot slope is a major hill.

14) Your house has a circular driveway, or a concrete pad perpendicular to your driveway to park yet another Acura.

15) You ever totaled your Lexus by crashing into a deer.

16) The name of your favorite restaurant ends in "Trattoria," "Bistro," "Ristorante," "Cucina," "New American Grill" or "Clay Oven."

17) You holiday in Cape Cod, not Crystal Beach.

18) The only bus you ever rode was yellow.

19) Your neighborhood has more temples, mosques and Protestant churches than Catholic churches.

20) You really don't see what the big deal is about urban sprawl.

21) You live on a street that --
- is named after the animals and trees that were killed off to build the subdivision
- is named [insert name here] Del Way
- is named [insert name here] Lea
- has an insanely British name ("Barringtonshire Court," "Wexfordham Lane," etc.)
- has a name that does not end in the word "street" or "avenue"
- is plowed daily, even when there's no snow
- is lined with real working gaslights

22) Your lot is measured in acres, not square feet.

23) You think nothing of a new Wal-Mart opening up next to a vacant building that used to be a Kmart, or a new Home Depot next to an empty Chase-Pitkin store.

24) You have a "service" mow your lawn in the summer and plow your driveway in the winter.

25) You say you're from Williamsville, Eggertsville, Snyder, East Amherst, Getzville - but not Amherst itself.

26) You don't have any discernable Buffalo accent.

You may be from Riverside (a neighborhood in Buffalo) if --

1) You consider abandoned grain mills and factories as places of worship.

2) Your car has at least two body panels that are painted in grey primer.

3) Your house smells like feet and "oregeno."

4) You consider "F**kin' a!" to be a complete, gramatically correct sentence.

5) You ever lived within walking distance of at least three adult book stores.

6) You own more than five bongs.

7) "Glass pack muffler" is a regular part of your vocabulary.

8) The most prized item in your wardrobe is a Quiet Riot concert t-shirt.

9) You know the current market price for "ounces" and "nickel bags"

10) You still consider feathered hair to be an up-to-date style.

11) You don't have a cellular phone, but you have at least three CB radios, one of which is illegally modified for "extras."

12) All the buttons of your car stereo are set to "97 F**kin' Rock, man!"

13) You ever spray-painted your significant other's name on a railroad bridge.

14) You ever spray-painted "Slayer" on a railroad bridge -- or carved it into your arm with an X-acto knife.

15) You know where "Snakeland" is.

16) You have a candle holder shaped like a skull.

 

[el Guapo]

Whoa - Don't post the entire Buffalo phone book.

I thought 7 was overdoing it on Western Kansas.
Dan, We can all pitch in for a bus ticket if you need ot get home for lent!

 

[kms]

But what is the punchline to #42? I can't believe I remembered the number after all that!

You described a lot of Western PA. We hold our wedding receptions in da fahrhall. That's also where a lot of people go to drink and socialize. The scary part is that some of them also drive the fire engine to the fires.

 

[Dan]

Re: Go back to NY (said the floridian)

Jen wrote:
And what is the punch line to number 42?

A canoe tips.

 

[boiker]

Midwest eh?

You're in the Midwest when . . .

- You've never met any celebrities (except Kirstie Alley and you think she is a moron), but the mayor knows your name.

*The weatherman is the most famous guy in town.

- Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

*Only downstate.

- You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

*been there done that.

- You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."

*Also, everyone else speaks wrong. its AAAAnt, not unt. It's ChicAAAAAgo. not Chicawgo. IT's Carrrr, not cahr.

- When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different"

*Or if you change elevation more than when driving 15 feet you complain that your 'ears are popping'.

- All responses to requests for driving directions have a cardinal direction involved. "Well you can see it from here if you squint but to get there you go 6 North, two West and a 1/4 South.

I had a friend from nebraska visit me in central illinois. He said he's never seen a flatter place in all his life.

 

[mugbub]

Forget Buffalo

Edited by El Guapo March 5, 2002 12:53pm CST; In this post the original author expressed contmept for Buffalo in a way that did not enhance our collective lives.

Update: March 22, 2002 I see our friend has adopted an avatar expressing the original sentiments expressed in the first post.

 

[J Church]

buffalo's a tough act to follow

21 Signs You are From San Francisco

1-Your co-worker tells you they have 8 body piercings but none are visible.

2-When someone says TENDERLOIN - you don't think of steak. You think of danger.

3-You make over $100,000 and still can't afford a house.

4-You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.

5-You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it.

6-You can't remember... is pot illegal?

7-You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

8-You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.

9-A really great parking space can move you to tears.

10-You know that anyone wearing shorts in April is just visiting from Ohio.

11-You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits.

12-Your boss runs in "The Bay to Breakers".... it's the first time you have seen him/her nude.

13-Your child's 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and is named "Breeze." And, after telling that to a friend, they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female.

14-You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational mandarin or a building your own web site class.

15-You haven't been to Fisherman's Wharf since the first month you moved to SF and you couldn't figure out how to drive to Coit Tower if your life depended on it.

16-A man walks on MUNI in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't notice.

17-A woman walks on MUNI with live poultry. You don't notice.

18-You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting from the midwest.

19-You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist.

20-You keep a list of companies to boycott.

21-Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy in drag.

 

[Dan]

J Church wrote:
4-You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.

... and you keep wondering "how can they can afford to live here, while I can't?"

7-You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

I thought that was Northwest Denver ...

8-You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.

Back in Denver, it was the difference between Wynkoop Railyard Ale and Odell's 90 Shilling.

10-You know that anyone wearing shorts in April is just visiting from Ohio.

Bah. In Denver, they wear 'em year 'round, despite the temperatures. Why? Because it offers self-validation of your "outdoorsiness." In Buffalo, college kids and preppy suburban high school students are known for wearing shorts all year round, even in January. It's something of a fashion statement.

11-You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits.

You assume everyone you meet works "offering robust, mission-critical e-business solutions to Global 2000 corporate clients."

13-Your child's 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and is named "Breeze." And, after telling that to a friend, they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female.

In Buffalo, everyone's third grade teacher's name starts with "Sister." Even if you're Jewish or Hindu.

14-You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational mandarin or a building your own web site class.

Buffalo -- "Metalworking," "Understanding Football," "Conversational Polish (Silesian dialect)" and "Automobile Restoration," where the group project is a rusted-out 1998 Ford Taurus.

Denver -- "Extreme Snowboarding," "Extreme Mountain Biking," "Extreme Rock Climbing," "Smooth Jazz Appreciation" and "Preparing for Your Next Olympics."

 

[J Church]

dan, i used to live in denver!

"Back in Denver, it was the difference between Wynkoop Railyard Ale and Odell's 90 Shilling."

mmhm. and fat tire. and avalanche. etc.

"In Denver, they wear 'em year 'round, despite the temperatures. Why? Because it offers self-validation of your 'outdoorsiness.'"

so, so true.

"Extreme Snowboarding," "Extreme Mountain Biking," "Extreme Rock Climbing," "Smooth Jazz Appreciation" and "Preparing for Your Next Olympics."



couldn't be more correct about this, either:

"robust, mission-critical e-business solutions to Global 2000 corporate clients."

my old boss at the dot-com sounded exactly like that. no joke.

 

[Tranplanner]

SIGNS THAT YOU MAY BE CANADIAN

- You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."
- You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a
serviette, I just spilled my poutine."
- You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
- You drink pop, not soda.
- You know what it means to be on pogey.
- You know that a mickey and a 2-4 mean, "Party at the camp, eh!!"
- You can drink legally while still a teen.
- You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
- You don't care about the fuss with Cuba, it's a cheap
place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.
- You get milk in bags, as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
- Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway
- You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
- You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
- You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
- You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
- You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
- You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical
group.
- You are excited whenever an American television show
mentions Canada.
- You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's
"Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo."
- You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
- You know what a toque is.
- You never miss "Coaches Corner."
- You know who Ernie Coombs is.
- You remember when Alanis Morisette was "Too Hot To Hold".
- You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage
Moments, including your favorites, "I smell burnt
toast, Doctor", "You all know I canna read a word..."
and "Kanata."
- You spend sleepless nights wondering if Peter Mansbridge
and Wendy Mesley will ever find again the blissful
love they once knew.
- You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet because you
can really use more change.
- You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill
in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
- You wonder idly if there is some government cover-up of
covert operation behind shifting the shooting location of
"X- Files" from British Columbia to California.
- You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few weeks early.
- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door
is one meter above the ground.
- The local paper covers national news on 2 pages, but
requires 6 pages for hockey.
- You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter
and Construction.
- You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in
Canada."
- "Eh" is a very important part of your vocabulary.

 

[Chet]

...On being a Yankee

ARE NORTHERNERS "BLUE NECKS?"

By now I''m sure that you have heard all the Redneck jokes. Now here are

some takes on how Southern folks look at their Northern Cousins.

YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUENECK IF:

1. Your think barbecue is a verb meaning, "to cook outside."

2. You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY!

3. You don't have any problems pronouncing "WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE" correctly.

4. For breakfast, you would prefer potato au gratin to grits.

5. You don't know what MOON PIE is.

6. You've never had an RC cola.

7. You've never, ever, eaten okra, fried or boiled.

8. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

9. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.

10. You have no idea what a polecat is.

11. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.

12. You don't have bangs.

13. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than SIX Flags.

14. You would never wear a pink appliqued sweat shirt.

15. You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.

16. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.

17.You have never planned your vacation around a gun-and-knife show.

18.The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on the on ramp to the highway.

19. You don't have any caps in your closet that advertise feed stores.

20. You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e.Joe Bob, Jim Bob, Fay Ellen, Bubba Dean, John Wayne, Bobbie Jo, etc).

 

[Dan]

You may be from Las Cruces, New Mexico if ...

You may be from Las Cruces, New Mexico if ...

• Directions to your house inlcude "turn off the paved road."
• You think six tons of volcanic rock makes a beautiful front lawn.
• You think firing a few hundred rounds into the sky is a perfect way to bring in the New Year, Fourth of July, Cunco de Mayo, or your sister's release from the County Holding Center.
• You've seen the image of the Virgen de Guadalupe in taco drippings or driveway oil stains.
• You've made a pilgrimage to an aberration of the Virgin de Guadalupe that appeared in taco drippings or a driveway oil stain.
• You think the two major food groups are "red" and "green."
• You have a well-worn orange jumpsuit in your wardrobe.
• You expect to pay more for a house that is made of mud.
• You don't signal any turns when you drive because "it's none of their g'damn business knowing where I'm going."
• You change your name to something that sounds Hispanic, to help your journalism career.
• The most common phrase you hear at your family reunion is "What'choo looking at, pendejo?"
• You have extended family gatherings at Wal-Mart.
• You have more than two brothers named "Chuy."
• You expect to get frisked whenever you visit your favorite bar.
• You have been told by at least one out-of-state vendor that they are going to charge you extra for "international" shipping.
• Despite the heavy reverb, rapidfire speech, and canned explosions and donkey braying, you can actually understand Mexican radio.
• You're female, and your hair stops you from walking upright through most doors.
• You remember when Amador Avenue and Lohman Avenue were dirt roads ... and drive on them as if they still were.
• You give directions like " turn right at the old Quesenberry house, and turn left where Reuben's Chow got run over last year."
• You understand directions like "go a mile past the old Johnson Steak House, and turn left where Chuy got busted for having an illegal cockfight in 1987."
• You speak with a thick Northern Mexican accent, and your last name is "Sczwolczakowski."
• You're relieved when the pavement ends because the dirt road has fewer pot-holes.
• You have ever driven with two or more temporary spare tires on your car.
• You price-shop for tortillas.
• Your car is missing a fender or bumper.
• You have ever pimped out a Plymouth Reliant, Ford Tempo, or Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera.
• You hated Texans until the Californians moved in.
• Restaurant names just don't seem right unless they have the prefix "El" or "Los."
• You drink Coors because your father drank Coors, your grandfather drank Coors, and your great grandfather drank Coors. Besides, it's what all the cowboys drink
• You drink Budweiser because your father drank Budweiser, your grandfather drank Budweiser, and your great grandfather drank Budweiser. Besides, it's what all the chollos drink,
• You think red lights and stop signs are mereley suggestions, but a speed limit is an unattainable goal.
• Two of your cousins are in Santa Fe; one in the legislature and the other in the state pen.
• If you travel anywhere, even if it's to the convenience store down the street, you must bring along a bottle of water and some moisturizer.
• The tires on your roof have more tread than the ones on your car.
• Your Christmas decorations include a cubic yard of sand and 200 paper bags.
• You ran for mayor at least twice in your life.
• You're a woman, and your 15th birthday was a bigger occasion than your 21st.
• You don't see anything wrong with drive-through window liquor sales.
• You know what goes into menudo, but you still eat it.
• You live in the barrio, and wonder who the hell is buying the thousands of $300,000-and-up houses that are being built all over town.
• You live in a new upper-middle-class subdivision, and wonder how those in the barrio can afford to raise a family of six, own a new Ford F-350 crew cab pickup with duallies, hold frequent Quinceanera parties, pay for regular bail and DUI fines, and buy six grocery carts of stuff at Wal-Mart every day on a single minimum-wage salary.
• You're Anglo, but you pronounce Spanish and Spanish-derived words even more Spanish-sounding than your Hispanic friends.
• You pass on the right because that's the fast-lane.
• You measure distance in six-packs and cigarettes.
• You've ever said "Officer, I wasn't drinking and driving. I drank before I drove."

 

[jmello]

New England

You know you are in/from New England if:

1. You know how to peel the neck off a steamer

2. You need no tools to eat lobster

3. Your driving directions always involve a Dunkin' Donuts and a rotary

4. Aunt rhymes with want, not rant

5. Routes are for driving, roots are attached to trees

6. You head to the ice cream stand in March

7. You start grilling in March, if you ever stopped

8. Anyone who speaks Spanish is referred to as Spanish

9. You put malt vinegar on your fish and chips

10. You drive on highways, not freeways

11. Blinkers and stop signs are optional

12. You drink coffee milk in elementary school

13. Everyone assumes you're Irish

14. No one you know goes to church, except for Easter and Christmas

15. You actually like the city

16. At least one of your friends is obsessed with stripers (the fish)

17. You have more than four friends named Danny

18. You've never been to a high school football game, but have been to Fenway at least twice

19. You drink from a bubbler

20. You know what a canoli is

21. You are sick of Irish pubs

22. Your friends consist of the Portuguese guy, the Spanish guy, the Irish guy, the Black guy, the Cambodian guy, the Italian guy, the Russian guy and of course the Polish guy

and most importantly:

22. You drink iced coffee almost every morning from Memorial Day to Labor Day

 

[abrowne]

I want to live in Buffalo now. Sounds similar to living in Ontario, except with different food and accents.

 

[zman]

Here's one from the Z!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM COLORADO WHEN:
1. You switch from “Heat” to “A/C” in one day.
2. You know what the “Peoples Republic of Boulder” means.
3. Your sense of direction is: towards the mountains and away from the mountains.
4. You’re a meat-eating vegetarian.
5. The bike/skis on your car is worth more than your car.
6. You use a down comforter in the summer because you have the a/c on at 55 degrees.
7. You’re able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without even flinching. But you slow down and freak out while driving in light rain.
8. You take your out-of-town guests to Pike's Peak even though you would never go there otherwise.
9. You install security lights on your house and garage but leave all the doors unlocked.
10. You think the major food groups are granola bars, tofu and Fat Tire Beer.
11. You carry jumper cables in the car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
12. You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
13. Driving is better in the winter ‘cause the pot holes are filled with snow.
14. You know all 4 seasons “almost winter, winter, still winter and “construction”.
15. You’ve been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a team’s victory.
16. You can never figure out why your out-of-town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.
17. You can drive over a 12,000 foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can’t get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.
18. You know the ‘correct’ pronunciation of Buena Vista.
19. When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz.
20. Your car insurance costs more than your car.
21. You have surge protectors on every outlet.
22. April showers bring May blizzards.
23. You see someone riding a Harley in a downpour, and you look closer to see if it’s anyone you know.
24. ‘Timberline’ is someplace you have actually been. Many times.
25. You know what a ‘Chinook’ is.
26. You know what a ‘Rocky Mountain oyster’ is.
27. You know what a ‘fourteener’ is.
28. But you don’t know what a ‘turn signal’ is.
29. A bear on your front porch doesn’t bother you nearly as much as seeing a California License Plate.
30. Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning-rod.
31. You know who Alfred Packer was.
32. SPF 90 is not out of the question.
33. People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do.
34. Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn’t seem strange.
35. Thunder has set off your car alarm! .
36. You have an $800 stereo in a $300 truck.
37. A sudden loss of cabin pressure is not a big deal.
38. You think a red light means 3 more cars can go.
39. “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads!!”
40. You know where Doc Holliday’s grave is.
41. You know where Buffalo Bill’s grave is.
42. You know where the real ‘South Park’ is.
43. You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight.
44. Driving directions usually include ‘Go over_____ Pass…’
45. You’ve ever dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka.
46. You’ve gone skiing in July.
47. You’ve gone sunbathing in January.
48. You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both downstream.

Sorry about that last one.....

 

[Richmond Jake]

You Might Be From California If...

1. Your co-worker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

5. You can't remember . . . . . is pot illegal?

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 a.m. at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

13. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."

15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers.

16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

18. Both you AND your dog have therapists.

19. The Terminator is your governor.

20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

 

[Miles Ignatius]

An Embarassment of Riches

You know you're from Buffalo if ...
9) You use the word "the" before the numbers of expressways, like "the 290," "the 90," "the 400" and so on.

49) You have seen all the real TV shows SCTV sketches are based on.

50) You know SCTV material as well as, if not better than, Monty Python sketches.

Dan - you've got the Queen City Cultural aspects nailed, again!

To which I'd only add:

#9 - The same phenomena prevails in L.A. where the locals refer to "the 405, the 10, the 101, etc...."

#49 & #50 - this is a example of real cultural superiority only surpassed by having access to rare, historical "source" documents like the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Magna Carta, etc. With this experiental knowledge, only a select few can understand Yosh and Stan Schmege as well as Sammy Maudlin....

;-)

 

[Cirrus]

Another for the Colorado list: You personally know at least one of the real life people a character from South Park is based on.

I've got some lists for DC, MD & VA at home. Will post later.

 

[zman]

Another for the Colorado list: You personally know at least one of the real life people a character from South Park is based on.

How true. I knew some guys who knew some guys....

 

[prana]

More Colorado

* You can claim to have done a Double Diamond, a 14'er, a Class 4, a 5.12 and shot 6 over within the same month and a 100 miles of each other.

*You understand why the sheep should be afraid in Wyoming.

*There is a competition amongst your friends to drive the biggest truck.

*You can name 6 brewpubs within a 15 minute drive.

*"Some rust" in a car's For Sale ad means you can only see through two of the fenders.

*You have lost your car that was parked in the street after the snow plow goes by.

*You enjoy watching tourists trying to get as close as possible to a herd of elk. And have placed bets on which idiot gets gored first!

 

[zman]

* You can claim to have done a Double Diamond, a 14'er, a Class 4, a 5.12 and shot 6 over within the same month and a 100 miles of each other.

Everything except for the 6 over. Plus, if you're from Colorado, you will know what all these terms mean.

*You can 6 brewpubs within a 15 minute drive.

Northern Colorado is a wonderful place, eh?

*You enjoy watching tourists trying to get as close as possible to a herd of elk. And have placed bets on which idiot gets gored first!

I actually have photos of this phenomenon. Taken from the safety of my car. It's really scary when they have their kids pose in front of the bull.

 

[jimi_d]

And one from England:

You know you've been in London too long when...

1) you start inexplicably eliding placenames like Streatham, Ewell, and Elephant & Castle into monosyllables.

2) you think there's only one Victoria station, and it's not in Manchester, Southend, or Sheffield.

3) you know that Victoria station is in fact two stations side by side deliberately designed to confuse "northerners".

4) you can understand the railway network in South London and, furthermore, tell where a train's going by the 2-digit headcode.

5) your blood boils when you encounter people standing two abreast on an escalator.

6) you actually know which number buses you need in Central London.

7) you can understand what taxi drivers are saying to you.

8) you think 10 minutes is an eternity to wait for your train.

9) you begin to think Peterborough's "up North".

10) if asked to find Peterborough on a map, you look blank.

11) you honestly believe London Stansted Airport's easier than Birmingham International Airport just because the former says "London" in front of it. Oh, and Birmingham's somewhere north of Peterborough, innit?

12) you start adding "innit" to the ends of sentences, innit?

13) you think it's utterly reasonable to spend £12 billion on Crossrail (and of course you don't see the irony in the fact that over half the trains would not get anywhere west of Paddington) whilst refusing to give Liverpool £¼ billion and Leeds £½ billion for three LRT lines each.

14) you think it's utterly reasonable for government departments in London to veto skyscrapers in Birmingham.

15) you don't see the point in driving.

16) you see nothing wrong with 2-up 2-downs costing £500,000...

17) ... except when it suits you to claim a bigger London weighting (which of course doesn't inflate house prices).

18) you refer to places by the first half of their postcode (e.g. SW21) and expect people to know where they are.

19) you don't see any irony in describing South London suburbs as being in "rural Surrey".

20) you start calling parks "commons" and "recs".

21) you don't actually go to West End theatres - come to think of it, you don't actually go to the West End.

22) you don't think "Cambridge" when you hear the words "King's College".

23) you speak like the cast of Eastenders, but find anyone with an "accent" funny.

 

[Bear Up North]

You Know You Are From Cyburbia When:

You know you are from Cyburbia when.....

1. The letter "c" is important to your life.
2. When not visiting Cyburbia and using regular e-mail you want to add smilies. :-D
3. The condition of Z-Man's lawn is of interest to you.
4. You know that alefest is wrong.
5. Having a fort in your office and under your desk sounds cool.
6. People from Kansas actually have something important to say.
7. Thanx to Ski and Bear you know what a "Yooper" is.
8. You associate the term "angry" with residents in all corners of the world.
9. Owning a bicycle is a big part of your life. Just don't donk your head. :-c ;-)
10. Instead of rushing home to have "relations" you rush home to post on Cyburbia. :-$ :a:
11. You now believe that Dan has the world's largest and most obscure collection of internet pictures.
12. You get regular weather reports from central and northern Florida.
13. You haven't figured out if pictures posted on Cyburbia help or hinder those who have been photographed. ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-)
14. Interesting relationships have formed before your very "internet eyes".
15. You not only understand some of MZ's posts, you actually agree with them.
16. In your mind you have divided the regular posters between "serious", "half and half" and "not so serious".
17. Even though you live in Cyburbia, De Noc sounds like a cool place. :-D
18. You have a fundamental belief that Cyburbian mods would never, ever, censor anything tha

THREAD CLOSED :-c ;-)

 

[cololi]

You know you are in Utah when:

Your mom is your brothers Aunt and your sisters cousin
You know what a MAV is
You eat jello with assorted vegetables mixed in
You don't know anything other than 3.2% beer
You know why it is called Small Lake City
You know what Family Home Evening is
People stand back and hold up a cross when you tell them you are a Democrat
You know what Brine Shrimp are
You laugh when Colorado makes the news for snowfall
You understand why the sheep in Wyoming are nervous
You know how to pronounce Tooele
you pronounce creek as crick, milk as melk, and wolf as woof
The weather changes every 15 minutes
You have to use a snorkel on a powder day
Every single national news story is reported as having a Utah connection
You can snowski in the morning, waterski in the afternoon, and play 18 holes in a single day

 

[Richmond Jake]

BUN, I need to finish dinner...stop that!!! Oh my gawd....Classic!!!

 

[Rumpy Tunanator]

You know you are from Cyburbia when.....
5. Having a fort in your office and under your desk sounds cool

I'm working on adding some large plants to the new place to hide the fort

6. People from Kansas actually have something important to say. ;-)

Not when its a call from Rudgie
Forgot to add

15. You not only understand some of MZ's posts, you actually agree with them.;-)

Thats the point in time when you check yourself in.................................................................................................................................................

 

[Michele Zone]

15. You not only understand some of MZ's posts, you actually agree with them.

Thats the point in time when you check yourself in.................................................................................................................................................

Bear must have one of the few, rare Secret Decoder Rings. I think they stopped making them.

And, dammit, I never got mine. :-{ So I don't understand myself! :-c Waaaaah.



:-D

I feel Immortalized.

 

[illinoisplanner]

More Chicagoisms

You might be from Chicago if:
You like the Cubs or White Sox, but NEVER both.

The Blues Brothers is the greatest movie ever

When the Cubs play the Brewers away, you refer to Milwaukee's Miller Park as "Wrigley North"

You treasure the picture of Mike Ditka giving the finger

Michael Jordan is your icon

You’re still in disbelief that Jerry Springer's show is filmed here

You refer to everything south of 1-80 as Southern Illinois

You get an ulcer if someone pronounces the "S" in Illinois

Your idea of a good school is one that’s brand new, no matter how inadequate the services

You don't want your town to turn into another "Schaumburg"

You refer to Rolling Meadows as "Rolling Ghettos"

You only become afraid of storms if they spawn tornadoes, but 70 MPH wind gusts and cloud-to-ground lightning is normal

Jets roaring over your house puts you to sleep at night

Metra is the way to really fly!!!

Your idea of a good commute is a 10 minute backup on the Eisenhower instead of a 20 minute one

You have picnics at the "forest preserves"

You think you might be part-Mexican if you live in Wheeling, Carpentersville, Elgin, Round Lake Beach, Aurora, Glendale Heights, Waukegan, or the west side of Chicago, regardless of your ethnicity

You love John Hughes movies (Home Alone, Uncle Buck, Ferris Bueller), because you can say...hey I know where that is, I been there before

The west coast of Florida is your home away from home

You're still in denial that WGN is broadcast across the country

You know what a Chicago style hot dog consists of and despise people who think putting a pickle on your dog is stupid

You know Chicago style deep dish pizza is the greatest in the world cause New York’s tastes like cardboard and California is messed up in that “you don’t put fruit on a pizza”

You think of 3 inches of snow as "a dusting"

You refer to Lake Michigan as “the Lake”

You think Old Style beer is the greatest

 

[dobopoq]

You might be from Baltimore if:

1. You're not afraid to eat the "mustard" on the inside of a crab.
2. You think a formstone rowhouse looks better than a brick one.
3. You buy your fruit from a man using a horse drawn cart called an "arabber".
4. You rationalize to yourself, the frequent random acts of violence occuring in your neighborhod by thinking, "Yeah, but the cost of living is so low".
5. You go to Delaware to "play the slots".
6. You think Baltimore is the only city with a train station called Penn Station.
7. You think Atman is a deli, not a religious concept.
8. You think outlying suburbs should have names that sound like elements in the periodic table such as, "Timonium, and "Linthicum".
9. When spelling out words that contain the letter "r", you pronounce it "arra".
10. You call a large party where people eat lots of food, a "bull roast".
11. When you see a stranger smile at you on the street, you either think they're crazy, or they're going to ask you for money.
12. The word "paint", makes you think of lead paint if you're a man, or nail polish if you're a woman.
13. Your preferred greeting is either "yo", or "how ya' doin''.
14. You think all cities have an amber glow at night.
15. You had a mayor named "Schmoke" who was in favor of legalizing Mary Jane.
16. You currently have a mayor with an Irish name, (O'Malley), who has his own Irish band (Or at least used to until recently).
17. Your pro-football and baseball teams both have bird names.
18. You associate anything gold and egg-shaped with the smell of a waste processing facility (Essex).
19. "Old Bay" is your preferred seasoning.
20. You listen very closely to the sound of fire trucks at night to make sure they get louder and then fade away instead of all of the sudden stop near your place.
21. White children are apparently an extinct species in the downtown area.
22. You refer to those who are attempting to climb out of poverty as "Section 9".
23. The size of a woman's earrings are an indication of her degree of promiscuity.
24. A nice apartment is one without roaches, mice, rats or frequent break-ins.
25. Your light rail stations have seats that make it anatomically impossible to actually be comfortable enough to fall asleep.

 

[Cirrus]

Washington, DC

• The President loses the pseudo-mythological status he enjoys in other states and becomes "that asshole who's always holding up the whole city with his motorcade".
• You're upset that the District is no longer #1 in murders.
• It's not the subway dammit! It's the Metro.
• Speaking of the Metro, you desperately wish it were socially acceptable to push tourists down the escalator.
• An hour-long Metro ride is a time-saving alternative to driving 6 miles.
• If your office is inside the beltway, then you're like, really cool.
• Speaking of the beltway, you will not date anyone who lives outside it.
• You think lacrosse should be considered one of the major sports.
• You put Old Bay on everything.
• You've heard of WalMart, but you're not sure it actually exists.
• Going to the mall doesn't mean you're going to be shopping.
• You become violently angry when anyone calls it Reagan Airport.
• Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Roosevelt are not dead presidents, but places you can visit (though you personally never do unless grandma is in town from Ohio).
• When you say you're going to Chevy Chase people don't ask you to get his autograph.
• You hear the "doors closing" chime from the Metro in your dreams.
• You figure Union Station is named that way because, you know, DC is the capital of the union.
• You think it makes perfect sense to RE-elect a mayor convicted and jailed for doing cocaine.

 

[jmello]

Washington, DC

You forgot:

Talking, eating or drinking on the subway (Metro) is like so gauche. I am always amazed at how quiet the trains are in DC.

 

[zman]

3. The condition of Z-Man's lawn is of interest to you.

I made number 3!!! :-D
BTW, it is still muddy, but drying out!

You laugh when Colorado makes the news for snowfall

Them's fightin words, Boy. ;-)

You're still in denial that WGN is broadcast across the country

How else can I watch the Cubbies, bad movie reruns, syndicated episodes of Becker, the Illinois (emphasis on the 's' ;-)) lottery and the local Chicago news in Colorado? ;-) :-D BTW how many lottery games do you all HAVE in Chi-town? :-o

 

[Suburb Repairman]

You know your from Texas if:

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water...
You can say 110 degrees without fainting...
You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off...
You can make instant sun tea...
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron...
The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly...
You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car...
You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window...
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance...
Hot water now comes out of both taps...
It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets...
You actually burn your hand opening the car door...
You break a sweat the instant you step outside... at 7:30 a.m. before work...
No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning...
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death"?...
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state...
You choose a brand of Mexican salsa with the same care that another might use to select a bottle of fine wine
The Blue Book value on your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
You can tell a rock from an armadillo at 300 yards.
You're disappointed when a food doesn't come in spicy flavor.
You measure distance in minutes.
You know several people who have hit a deer.
Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same hour.
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
The local papers covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Christmas.
There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "gin' Awl-Martin" or off to "Wally World." Sams Law
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop ... it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.
You recognize that beans and cornbread is a meal that must have been bestowed upon the people by the Lord Himself.
Fixinto” is one word.


You know you're from Houston if:
1. You're on your way to work one FEBRUARY morning and suddenly you're trapped in a traffic jam caused by a chuck wagon and fifty horses with riders and you look around to see that everybody in the cars around you is wearing a cowboy hat.

2. The "farm-to-market" roads have seven lanes.

3. If you want to be a snob about your grocery shopping, you can go to a Randall's Flagship, a Kroger Signature, a Rice Epicurean, or soon, an HEB Central Market to buy bread and milk (but you have to dress up, and your dog and cat are out of luck if you go to the latter - nothing as mundane as pet food there).

4. You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, two days after a low of 29 degrees.

5. You have a Roach Story: You opened your flatware drawer to find a roach the size of the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He stood up and looked you in the eye. You closed the drawer, bought new flatware - and stored it in the oven. Or your friend has a Roach Story - about a dive bomber who crashed her formal dinner party, made several passes at guests whose heads were bobbing like little dogs in car windows, and finally landed in somebody's soup.

6. When you see your neighbor dancing around the front yard, you don't think he's won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes; you know that he just stepped in a fire ant bed.

7. The name "Bud Adams" makes people snarl, and "Bum Phillips" doesn't mean a bad screwdriver.

8. "Luv ya Blue" still makes you smile, even if you did run the Oilers out of town.

9. You know that the Astrodome will always be the Eighth Wonder of the World.

10. You come to work in short sleeves and walk out at noon to find that a "blue-tailed norther" has blown through and the temperature has dropped 40 degrees in a matter of minutes.

Your neighbor's Christmas yard decorations look like a re-creation of the gunfight at the OK Corral, complete with a ten-foot tree decorated with boots and cowboy hats, and a Santa Claus who looks a lot like Wyatt Earp.

You wander into a section of town where you can't read the street signs because they're written in Asian characters instead of English, but you don't care because you can get great prices on fake designer merchandise there.

13. You go to an art festival on Westheimer and you're almost run down by two hand- holding cross dressers on roller blades.

14. The "Killer Bees" are not stinging insects, but rather members of the Houston Astros.

15. You hear everything but English spoken when you go to the Galleria to window shop. (You can't afford to buy because the prices are jacked up for all the foreign tourists.)

16. You know that "Dad gummit" has nothing to do with your father's failure to practice good dental hygiene.

17. You think "Y'all" is perfectly good usage if you're referring to more than one person.

18. For a Chili Cookoff, you'll use anything from armadillo to frog's legs, but you know that the only GOOD chili is made with chopped (not ground)- beef, and it has NO beans and NO tomatoes.

19. Spring is not the season, Katy is not the lady, and 1960 is not the year.

20. Society matrons of "a certain age" still sport big hair and faces that have gone east, west, and north rather than south.

21. You can leave your house, head out of town, and an hour later you still haven't left the city limits (during rush hour, you haven't left your NEIGHBORHOOD).

22. You've never seen I-45 in any condition other than under construction, and you've lived here for 20-30 years.

23. If the humidity is below 90 percent, it's a GOOD hair day.

24. You know that "Clutch City" has nothing to do with automobile transmissions.

25. The Dream" is not a fantasy.

26. The only REAL Mexican food is Tex-Mex.

27. A 747 with the Space Shuttle riding piggyback has actually flown low right overhead, and nobody paid any attention to it.

28. You know that while saving you money, "Mattress Mac" has amassed more than the U.S. treasury.

29. You're happy to have beaten Los Angeles out of a football team, but you'd rather they keep the title of "Smog Capital."

30. You see nothing unusual about an eighty-something former sheriff's deputy who wears a white pompadour toupee and blue sunglasses, mispronounces names, allows televising of his frequent plastic surgeries, seems unnaturally obsessed with slime in the ice machine, and SCREAMS, "MAR-VIN ZIND-ler, EYE-witness news" into a television camera every night.



Rules of Houston:

You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Ewe-stun", not "Huestun." Oh yea, it is pronounced "San Phil-a-pee," not "San Phil-eep" (San Felipe).

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own version of traffic rules...Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston. We all drive like that.

3. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610".... which has no beginning and no end.

4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic... a "Scenic Drive."

5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.

7. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Houstonian.

8. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

9. All unexplained smells are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we must be in Pasadena!!!."

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

11. All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have total right-of-way.

12. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

13. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.

14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone. *THIS IS NOT A JOKE EITHER*

15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving when they go by.

16. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.

17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana.

19. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else.This is how Houston residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where exits should have been built.



You know you're from San Antonio if:

You lost your virginity at mission drive-in
You know exactly how to get to the "Ghost Tracks" from anywhere in town.
You think "pro-choice" means flour or corn tortillas.
You've never been to the Alamo.
You think a health drink is a Margarita without salt.
You think being able to read the Taco Cabana menu makes you bilingual.
You used to live in a neighborhood you wouldn't even drive through now.
There has been a road crew on your street since before the Alamodome was built.
You remember when Crossroads Mall used to be called Wonderland.
You've been to Midget Mansion.
You know all about the "Dancing Diablo" and the "Donkey Lady" bridge.
You know that Wheatley and Brackenridge is the same school.
You remember the Captain Gus show.
Your subwoofer has twice the value of your car.
You have three rodeo outfits but never have been on a horse
You're an expert with the brake pedal, but you have no idea what a blinker is.
Your idea of culture is wearing a Hard Rock T-shirt.
You think the last supper was at Mi Tierra restaurant.
You do your grocery shopping at a flea market.
You think local politicians are crooks, but you still do not vote.
You have a "Selena Lives" bumper sticker on your car.
You care if San Antonio is in the "national spotlight".
A formal occasion is getting a glass with your longneck.
You believe Tacos, barbecue, tequilla, and beer are the four basic food groups.
You rented Pulp Fiction to escape the everyday violence of the city.
You think wearing bows in your hair will get you a husband.
Your White mother learned how to make Tamales & Menudo from your neighbors.
You know the "real" definition of FIESTA is "stay home if at all possible".
You have ordered Mexican food at a Chinese restaurant.
You had breakfast tacos at Taco Cabana on Christmas morning.
You remember the Joske's Christmas display.
You remember when JC Penney's had a restaurant.
You remember hamburgers from Whopper Burger.
You're elementary field trip was to the Butter Crust Bakery.

 

[zman]

Burb' Fixer, you guys still have Taco Cabana? They took those out of Denver years ago... I'm jealous!
_________________________
Here's some "Denver Specific" ones, some may recognize.

-You identify directions by the location of the mountains.
-Your diet consists largely of Cliff Bars, granola, tofu and Fat Tire.
-You’ve been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a team’s victory. (Or the first warm weekend in College :-$ :a: )
-Snow in June is not unheard of. Neither is 100 degree weather.
-You scoff at the weatherman on TV. Especially when giving a five-day forecast.
-"Timberline" is somewhere you’ve actually been. Many times.
-You think a red light means three more cars can go. The fast lane is for cruising and the slow lane is for passing. Turn signals are optional.
-"Wildlife" means more than squirrels and pigeons. You don’t stop and look when you see deer.
-You’re not sure if Colorado extends west of the Rockies.
-You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna.
-You think that formal wear is ironed denim.
-"Damn Rockies" is an expression you use when you can't find a parking spot Downtown.
-During a thunderstorm you wonder which I-25 underpass is flooding.
-If it rains more than 2 days straight you compare the weather to being in Seattle.
-If the humidity gets above 25%, you consider it muggy.
-People driving on the 16th Street Mall are considered "tourists".
-The biggest event of the year is the Western Stock Show on any Broncos game.
-The only RTD bus you've been on is the 16th Street shuttle.
-The two major newspapers have the same owner, yet one insists on making its own rules regarding what to call the new stadium.
-There is not enough money in the world to get you to move to the Springs.
-When giving directions, you never say "Turn left, turn right", it's always go West, then South.
-When the Broncos are losing you refer to them as the "Donkeys".
-You think 5-Points is a ghetto.
-You are the third car to run a red light after it has changed.
-You consider LoDo a tourist trap with expensive condos.
-You have a broken windshield.
-You have absolutely no recognizable accent.
-You know that "The Narrows" refers to I-25 between University and Broadway
-You know where the city ended when you were a kid, and would never move further out than that boundary.
-You merge onto the highway at 15 miles an hour.
-You never plan a picnic between 3:30 and 6:00 in Spring or Summer months.
-You only go to Lodo when friends are in from out of town.
-You see no reason to travel to Aurora.
-You think most of the people in Colorado Springs are religious freaks.
-You think the rest of the freaks live in the "People's Republic of Boulder."
-You voted for higher taxes to fund Coors field, but voted down taxes for public transportation.
-Thornton, Northglenn and Westminster are "Another State".
-You support Sainthood for John Elway, and will buy a car from his dealerships just to have his name on the back.

 

[Cirrus]

You know you're from Texas when Alaska REALLY pisses you off.

 

[zman]

So people understand the "People's Republic of Boulder" references, Here's their list:

You know You're from Boulder when:

Your diet consists largely Boca burgers, Silk Soymilk sushi, and Celestial Seasonings tea.

You understand the utility of burning a couch in the street.

Your kids wear 'Baby Gap' clothes.

You really believe that there is a war between Boulder High and Fairview.

You shop at Alfalfa's, and think that it's quilty eating.

You wear shorts in the winter.

Riding your bike in the middle of the street is okay.

You had a hour long coversation about the Ramseys, and your sure you know who "did it."

Your hybrid car is stocked with Ani Difranco and Indigo Girls CD's.

A member of your family either works or plays for C.U.

Sandals are worn year around, regardless of temperature.

You have either been, or sent your child to an alternative school, (ie. New Vista), because the other schools didn't challenge you/them enough.

Your waiter has a PhD in philosophy, and a MA in Women's Studies

You rather starve than eat something that isn't organic

You understand that "8 glasses of water a day" is what is required before 10:00 a.m.

Your sense of direction is: towards the mountains and away from the mountains.

Your friends don't eat meat, but they guzzle microbrew and designer coffee like it's water.

In any given line you can see a white person with dreadlocks who is barefoot and the next person is wearing Prada, Chanel sunglasses, a Rolex and is dripping in diamonds.

You're invited to a Halloween party only to find out "party" means serving peanut-pumpkin soup and sitting around reading Edger Allen Poe.

A "bike ride" is at least a 4-6 hour event, a "shower" is optional.

The only women wearing makeup are over 50 years old.

You know all 4 seasons: "winter," "two day spring,""drought season," and "one day fall".

The 3 most popular bumper stickers are: "Free Tibet," "I love my dog," and any array of Democratic political candidates.

The more holes a young person has in his clothes the more zeros are in his trust fund account balance.

April showers bring May blizzards.

You tell someone you're training for a 10K and they tell you they're training for a marathon and the Ironman.

The true feud which divides people is between those who "board" and the "two-plankers."

You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka.

You've gone skiing in July.

You've gone sunbathing in January.

"Rio," "Pearl," and "Walnut" have nothing to do with Rio, pearls or walnuts.

 

[Cirrus]

You're not really a Boulderite unless:

• You've developed an immunity to pepper spray.
• When you tell someone you're going to HOP or SKIP somewhere it doesn't mean you're actually going to hop or skip there.
• You've taken part in at least 5 protests, boycotts or sit-ins.
• You think cigarettes are a bane on society, but you and every last one of your friends smokes marijuana regularly.
• You know what marshmallows are REALLY good for... and how to smuggle them in to Folsom Field.
• You call Broomfield "the evil empire", but still go there at least three times a month to shop.
• You're not sure which corporation you hate more: Borders or Starbucks (although you shop at a Borders-with-another-name all the time and don't know it).
• You know chalk is the best way to advertise in town.
• You think naming a food court after a cannibal is cute.
• You were really disappointed to learn that Art Hardware, Cold Stone and Mike's Camera are chains.
• Speaking of chains, you love to espouse about how evil they are, but you are a major reason why the Whole Foods at 30th and Pearl is the top performing store in the country.
• You drive a subaru (if you're female), a jeep (if you're male) or an SUV (if you're more than 25 years old).
• You hate frat boys and sorority girls... except on Thursday nights.
• You think getting arrested is making a difference.
• You believe the two most sacred words in the English or any other language are "open space".
• You're proud that the mayor has a lisp.
• Your argument that using marijuana as ground cover instead of grass was a new xeriscaping technique played better than you could have possibly hoped down at the Park Central Building.
• The only times you're actually in Denver are when you have to go to the airport.
• You honestly think Boulder is a diverse city because the janitor is Hispanic, one of your profs is Asian and there's an Australian exchange student in one of your lectures.
• You think the best way to teach the GOP fat cats in Washington a lesson is to vote for Ralph Nader.
• You don't think there's anything sketchy about Vietnamese food served from a tiny shack in the middle of a parking lot.

OK... yeah. That took half an hour. I need to get back to work. :-$

 

[zman]

Nice Cirrus, Spot on.

 

[jmello]

You're not really a Boulderite unless

Sounds a lot like Seattle, WA, Cambridge, MA, Portland, OR, and Berkeley, CA (except the two former are actually racially diverse). This list would likely apply to all bastions of far left-wing liberalism.

 

[Cirrus]

Some of those would sure apply to such places, but a lot are very Boulder specific.
Do people in Berkeley get the HOP/SKIP line? What about the marshmallow thing? Do they know what's significant about Thursday nights specifically that would make frat boys and sorority girls OK on that night only? Do they know what I'm talking about when I refer to a Vietnamese shack? Are there cannibal-themed food courts in every liberal college town? etc etc

 

[JNA]

Some of those would sure apply to such places, but a lot are very Boulder specific.
Are there cannibal-themed food courts in every liberal college town?

Talking about Colordo's infamous icon Alfred Packer.

 

[B'lieve]

You might be from Baltimore if:
5. You go to Delaware to "play the slots".

Or Charlestown, WVa (about the same distance in the opposite direction, and you don't have to fight the Bay Bridge traffic).

14. You think all cities have an amber glow at night.

They don't?

18. You associate anything gold and egg-shaped with the smell of a waste processing facility (Essex).

Actually, the Honeypots are across the river in Dundalk. And I just got hired to teach in Essex :-D (no, I'm not--too--crazy. )

23. The size of a woman's earrings are an indication of her degree of promiscuity.

Ditto for her nails, and inversely for her skirt/shorts/shirt.

24. A nice apartment is one without roaches, mice, rats or frequent break-ins.

There's actually a lot more of those than this makes it sound, and not all of them are too expensive.

 

[BIH80]

If you can relate to this you know you're from North Carolina.

[size=-2]YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM NORTH CAROLINA IF...

You know Pepsi originated in New Bern, Cheerwine in Salisbury, and that Mountain Dew was invented in Lumberton.

You know Coke tastes better in the little bottles and that peanuts make
Coke taste even better.

You have an opinion about UNC. You went there and loved it, or you hate everyone who did.

Your folks have taken trips to the mountains to look at leaves.

Your school took a field trip to the State Fair in Raleigh.

You would elect Richard Petty or Ric Flair for governor if either ever
ran.

You watched as Dale Earnhardt was the only man who ever lived who could go 200 mph, spin somebody out, call them a you-know-what, and win the race, all in the last lap.

You skipped school or work to go to Dale Earnhardt's memorial service.
A tobaggon to you means a knit cap, not a sled.

You sold Krispy Kreme doughnuts for a school or church fundraiser before
those glazed doughnuts went global.

When you're traveling out of state, people ask if you're from Mayberry.
You remember watching the ACC Tournament on television at school.

The local newspaper covers state, national and international news in one
page, but sports requires six pages.

Most men in town consider the first day of deer season a national holiday.
Fifty degrees Fahrenheit is "a little chilly."

You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Conetoe" or "Topsail."

Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waitin' to pass a tractor on the
highway.

Your school classes were canceled because of a hurricane.

Your school classes were canceled because of hunting season.

Your school classes were canceled because of a livestock show.

You've ridden the school bus for an hour...each way.

You know more about ACC basketball than professional basketball.

You know the Carolina League is the greatest baseball league in the
country.

You think South Carolina was dead weight well shed.

You know tea is served sweet unless you specifically ask for unsweetened.

You've ever had to switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You think ethanol makes your truck run a lot better.

Stores don't have bags...they have sacks and are called Piggly Wigglys.

You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.

You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it,
no matter what time of the year.

Most of the festivals around the state are named after a fruit, vegetable
or tobacco.

Priming was your first job...and you know what it means.

Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as
the bun and comes with coleslaw on top.

You say catty-wampus, yunto, ill-ass and ah-ite.

You know the difference between a deer dog, a bear dog and a coon dog by the way they bark.

You put security lights on your house and your garage and leave both of
them unlocked.

Your four seasons are almost summer, summer, still summer, and highway
construction.

You can tell if another North Carolinian is from Eastern or Western North
Carolina as soon as he opens his mouth.

You can spell words such as Ocracoke, Fuquay-Varina and Chocowinity.

When asked how your trip to any foreign, exotic place was you say, "It was different."

Hyde County is considered a foreign or exotic place.

In the Piedmont, you see all the grown-ups go out and play in the snow.

Schools and churches hold barbecue fundraisers with banana puddin' as the dessert.

Your folks would rather eat at Bojangles's than McDonald's.

You have actually uttered the phrase, "It's too hot to go to the pool."

You consider being a "Pork Queen" an honor.

You carry jumper cables in your car.

You faithfully drink Pepsi or Mt. Dew every day of your life.

You know what "cow tipping" is.

You have your own secret BBQ sauce.

You or your neighbors have more hunting dogs than you have family members.

"You show this to some NC friends 'cuz ya know it's true, darlin'.[/size]

 

[anthony7790]

You know you're from Florida if...

You measure distance in minutes.

You've ever had to switch from heat to air conditioning in the same
day.

You see a car running in a store parking lot with no one in it, no
matter what time of the year.

You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixinto go to the store

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,
vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.

You carry jumper cables in your car..... for your OWN car.

You know what "cow tipping" is.

You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Crystal hot sauce and catsup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page
and local gossip and sports on the next six pages.

You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."

You know all four seasons: almost summer, summer, still summer, and
Christmas.

Going to Walmart is a favorite past time known as "Goin' wal-martin"
or "Off to ' Wally World'."

A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop...it's a Coke,
regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinna coke you want?"

Fried Catfish is the other white meat.

You own at least five pairs of flip flops

You know someone who's been struck by lightning

You're more scared of the freaks who live down the street than gators

Your backyard is sometimes a swamp

You're officially sick of Disney

You shrug off hurricane warnings

You've been permanently blinded by fat men in speedos

There are only two seasons - hot and hotter

You've drank a flaming alligator.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Florida.

It's not called a shopping cart, it's a buggy.

"Down South" means Key West

"Panhandling" means going to Pensacola.

You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive.

You wait with anticipation for the beginning of crawfish season.

Flip-flops are everyday wear.

Shoes are for business meetings and church.

Sweet tea can be served at any meal.

Crackers are people proudly "born and bred" here.

Rednecks have cars on cinder blocks, live in trailer parks and are named Bobby Jo or Bubba.

An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.

You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip or cruise to Florida.

You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

All the local festivals are named after a fruit.

A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.

Anything under 95° is just warm.

"D'jalleet" means "Did ya'll eat?"

You've hosted a hurricane party.

You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides.

You pass on the right and honk at the elderly.

You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.

You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee and Withlacoochee
.
You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.

Bumperstickers on the pickup in front of you include: various fish, NRA, and a confederate flag.

You were 8 before you realized they made houses without pools.

You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.

"Fixinto" is one word, "I'm fixinto go to the store."

Breakfast might include grits, biscuits n' gravy, or country fried steak.

You get angry when people say "Florida isn't really part of the SOUTH."

You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.

You know what the "stingray shuffle" is, and why it's important.

 

[Michele Zone]

You know you're from Florida if...

Some of those would apply to Georgia as well.