THE RULES OF WINTER DRIVING
KMateja said:
We've got a weather advisory here - 1 - 2 feet of snow tonight through tomorrow. So glad our travelling is all done - people are so retarded about snow driving. sigh. but it will be so nice to have a white christmas.
THE RULES OF WINTER DRIVING
RULE #1: Before you even get in the car, wipe off the roof, the hood, the trunk, your headlights, and your turn signal lights, so that snow isn't covering them. Your windshield, side windows, and rear window need to be scraped and clear of ice and snow before you get out on the road. Yes, if this means letting the car run for 10 minutes in the driveway, with the defogger grid and defroster blower and heat going full blast, then so be it. If you come out of your driveway with your car looking like it's part of a scene in a shake-'em-up snow globe, your car will be impounded and your license suspended until April.
RULE #2: If it's snowing, turn on your headlights. In fact, if it has snowed in the past 48 hours, or if skies are gray and even LOOK like it's going to snow, turn on your headlights. I don't know why people are so damned RESISTANT to switching on their headlights when the weather is foul. I think some people believe it's going to drain their battery, or maybe hurt their gas mileage. Or, maybe some people are thinking, "I have a nice white car, everybody should be able to see me just fine without my headlights." Well, lightless ladies and grayed-out gentlemen, snow is ALSO white, and with a heavy snow coming down on a snow-covered street, you're pretty much flipping INVISIBLE. So, turn on your headlights! Or, your car will be impounded and your license suspended until April.
RULE #3: If you're approaching an uphill grade, observe the hill. Are there vehicles stopped mid-way up the hill? Worse yet, are there vehicles slipping at all angles on the shoulder of the hill? If the answer to either question is 'Yes', you need to CAREFULLY CONSIDER your chances of successfully making it to the top of that hill and thereby not join those who do not make it successfully to the top of the hill. They will be having their cars impounded and their licenses suspended until April.
This seems so simple and obvious to me -- why would you even start your way up a slippery hill when a vehicle or line of traffic is standing between you and your destination at the top? I guess it's people's sheep-like nature -- "I have to follow. I have to be in that line of traffic half-way up the hill. I don't care if they are sliding backwards down the hill, I want to join them in the process." I'm telling you, impoundings and suspensions for all who proceed without having a clear shot to the top.
RULE #4: A word about speed. As the news broadcasters say, "Slow down". There is no need to go 65 on the highway in a blinding snowstorm. You should be happy just to be going 40. That's good enough. If you are passing 90% of the vehicles you encounter on the road in snow conditions, you're going too fast.
On the same token, though, if you are on a road that has been plowed and salted, and the posted speed limit is 45, and you are going 20 miles per hour (with your lights off, no doubt), and there is a 30-car-length gap in front of you, and there are 17 cars packed up tight behind you, you're going too slow.
Too fast or too slow, I don't care -- your car will be impounded and your license suspended until April.
RULE #5: When you approach a curve on a slippery road, the time to jam on your brakes in panic is not DURING your negotiation of the curve! In fact, you shouldn't EVER be jamming on your brakes in the snow. The proper thing to do is to ANTICIPATE the curve, take your foot off the accelerator if you feel you are going too fast, perhaps depress the brake softly a couple of times PRIOR to your reaching the curve, then negotiate the turn without braking. If you can't handle this simple concept of planning ahead, then just turn in your car and license. You'll get them back in April, after the snow is gone.
RULE #6a: If you have 4-wheel drive (that is designed for road speeds), please engage it when the roads are covered in slush, snow, and ice. A local sport-utility vehicle owner here in Delaware, Colleen Healey, admitted in the newspaper, "I've never engaged my four wheel drive." Now, before you work on controlling the urge to strangle Ms. Healey, let me also say that she is the spokeswoman for the American Automobile Association's (AAA) Mid-Atlantic division! Talk about the Peter Principle!
Four wheel drive helps all of your tires provide traction when you encounter slippery spots in the road. So, why not use it if you've got it? A snowstorm is exactly the condition for which 4WD was designed.
RULE #6b: This is a companion rule to #6a. Just because you have an SUV, and just because you have the 4-wheel drive engaged, this doesn't mean that you are now appointed the "Fearless King of all Roads Snowy" and you have the right to drive with your windows all iced up and fogged over, your headlights off, spinning out on hills you didn't properly evaluate, going too fast, and braking through curves in the road. Your SUV doesn't give you these rights. It's just as easy to impound your SUV as if it were a sedan, and your license will be just as easy to suspend until April.
RULE #7: This final rule applies in all weather. The left lane is designed for traffic anticipating a left turn or left exit, and for vehicles wishing to pass traffic in the right lane. The right lane is for traffic moving at normal and slower-than-normal speeds, and for vehicles anticipating a right turn or right exit. If you are just cruising along in the left lane at speeds below the posted limit, and you are not anticipating a left turn or exit, you have 5 seconds to move to the right lane where you belong, or your vehicle will be impounded and your license . . . well, you know the drill.
(The American Cynic 12/23/2002)
