Ouch. I could joke about having your own coffee maker, but still, it's not fun. I've done the house sale and cross-country trek before, and it's no picnic.
In communities that have a high cost of living, salaries for planners haven't kept up. I think it's assumed that somone working for the agency would have purchased a home before whatever real estate boom hit the area. You can live very well on a $45K salary in San Francisco ... provided you bought your house in 1990, and have a mortgage of $900 a month.
I like the Kansas City area; decent quality of life, and quite affordable. Large southwestern cities (Phoenix, Tucson, Las Vegas) offer decent salaries and affordable housing, as do most large metros in the southeast. Stay away from Pennsylvania; it has some of the lowest planner salaries in the US.
My thoughts are with you.