Spanking Children - Is it good or bad?

[el Guapo]

Your take on this beloved childhood issue?

Of course we are NOT talking about a beating or child abuse. We are talking about the controlled application of a spanking by a non-upset adult as a way of making a point to a wayward child.

 

[Chet]

I dont have kids and probably never will so my opinion is really pointless. But that's never stopped me before, so here goes:

I think its something that should be an option but rarely used. "Getting the belt" is out of the question though, I think that goes too far.

Some parents don't have the reasoning skills to know when they cross the line between punishment and abuse. I think the government should regulate the use of spankings, like pass a phych test and get a spanking license. There could be a whole new career series!

 

[Planderella]

I believe in old school discipline. "Nuff said.

 

[The Irish One]

At my sisters wedding in a van with 10 others this subject came up. Everybody in that van had a can of woop ass opened on them by mom and dad at an early age, everyone of those people are very well adjusted happy succesful adults -some physical coersion is needed. imho a spanking can be good. It depends on the kid, I couldn't handle it, just scared the sh** out of me, but my sister would challenge my parents, she would smile at them and just infuriate them even more, she's very successful.

 

[el Guapo]

I think the government should regulate the use of spankings, like pass a phych test and get a spanking license. There could be a whole new career series!

Like this...

Sixth Grade Career Day at Truman Elementary:
"Please introduce your father and tell the class what your daddy does for a living Timmy?"

"He beats bad little children for the state Mrs. Crenshaw."

 

[Repo Man]

I don't have kids, but if I did they would get spanked, but only in rare circumstances. I see kids out in public that deserved to be spanked, but the parents just ignore them or encourage terrible behavior. I just think to myself "if that was my kid, they would get a spanking when they got home!"

It seems that many parents these days are so concerned about being their kids "buddy" and fail to realize that you need to be a parent first, and a friend second.

 

[PlannerGirl]

well im all for erotic spankings

but with kids i think it should be up to the parent but used very very carefuly. i dont buy this "time out" stuff

my parents beat the snot out of me and i have stayed out of drugs and trouble, they were much more... "progressive" with my sister and she has a totaly frelled up life-you draw the conclusions

 

[Downtown]

We were also spanked, but only for being willfully and horribly disobedient - ie: straight faced lying, or temper tantrums. Like Irish, I had the fear of god in me re: spanking, but my brother also did the antagonizing smiling thing.

But I agree that a lot of people can't draw the line between spanking and abuse. Like that irish traveller case in the dept store parking lot.

 

[donk]

I was strapped a few times in grades 3-8, by the principal. looking back on the incidents I don't think i deserved most of them, but for the most part I turned out OK.

I was never spanked at home.

[CREEPY WARNING]
If / when i have kids I'm not sure what i will do, I sometimes have a pretty bad temper and can be somewhat vengeful and could see things accidentally getting out of hand.
{END CREEPY WARNING]

 

[NHPlanner]

well im all for erotic spankings

but with kids i think it should be up to the parent but used very very carefuly. i dont buy this "time out" stuff

I concurr....with both points.

 

[Downtown]

[CREEPY WARNING]
If / when i have kids I'm not sure what i will do, I sometimes have a pretty bad temper and can be somewhat vengeful and could see things accidentally getting out of hand.
{END CREEPY WARNING]

My dad also had a bad temper, so my mom administered the majority of the spankings. However, my dad was a big thrower of things. Not AT us, but across the room: a broom, a french horn, shoes, etc. That almost was scarier than being spanked. Well, except for the french horn. that was just funny.

 

[el Guapo]

I was strapped a few times in grades 3-8, by the principal. looking back on the incidents I don't think i deserved most of them, but for the most part I turned out OK.

I was never spanked at home.

[CREEPY WARNING]
If / when i have kids I'm not sure what i will do, I sometimes have a pretty bad temper and can be somewhat vengeful and could see things accidentally getting out of hand.
{END CREEPY WARNING]

Bold way to self-examine on the record and all. The warning sign professionals tell you is the moment you find yourself really wanting to shake a baby - you need to get help. Good luck for you and all the litte miscreants in your path.

 

[gkmo62u]

PG

Time out works, really.

 

[PlannerGirl]

nahh time out just gave my sister time to plot her next evil act, and me time to know i was gonna get blamed and spanked for it.

 

[donk]

K and EG.

Thanks for the support / story, I was scared it may be taken the wrong way.

 

[pete-rock]

I have rarely spanked my kids, ages 12 and 6. I was rarely spanked as a kid.

My daughter (the 12-year-old) has been spanked maybe five times her whole life, and got one whupping from me last year that I'm reeealy not proud of. She decided she didn't have to listen to me anymore since her mom and I divorced and she only visited on weekends. No more cleaning her room, doing the dishes, taking out trash, etc. I asked her to do something (I can't remember now), and she refused. It accelerated into a near-brawl between us that was broken up by my fiancee.

However, since that episode we've had no problems whatsoever; in fact, things improved tremendously. So maybe it worked?

 

[jmf]

PG

Time out works, really.

Like anything, I think it depends on the child, the problem, the parent....

I used to babysit a brother and sister who only got time-outs and they were rotten. The time-out seemed only to give them a chance to hatch the next evil plot. So, instead of sending them to their rooms (the standard protocol), one time I sent them to each others rooms. They worried so much about what the other was doing to their room that they forgot about all the evil plots, for a while.

 

[Tranplanner]

Ya know, I honestly don't remember whether I got spanked or not. I'm sure my mum did paddle me a few times, but nothing major. I usually just got sent to my room...

I think just the thought of my Dad getting angry was enough to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Donk, I think a lot of "future parents" have the same fears you expressed. I worry that I'll have the same temper my dad did - even though he never touched me (well, except one quick cuff upside the head).

 

[jmf]

I know I was spanked, not often, but I sure deserved it!

I think Tranplanner's right, Donk, a lot of us worry about how we will act with our kids. I have absolutely no patience with some things, a fact which was reinforced when I lived with my 90 year old grandfather. But I think that is where Paul comes to the rescue, he is so much more patient and when I am getting to the end of my rope he will be there.

I know that I would never do well as a single parent. It would not be good for anybody. How some women choose to do the parent thing alone is beyond me, not that I think it is wrong, I just think it would be really, really hard.

 

[kms]

Taking away priveleges works best here. A few days/weeks without computer, TV, and, now that my daughter is older, the telephone, really hurts. A spanking is over way before any of the above punishments, though I do resort occasionally to a spanking for emphasis.

 

[Dan]

Looking back on it, Child Protective Services probably should have had a full-time staff member stationed at the inner-city supermarket where I had my first job ever. I never saw so many kids getting not just spanked, but beaten, on a daily basis.

Me ... never got spanked, according to my parents. (Parents didn't even believe in "toys of mass destruction" - no guns, army men, tanks, and so on. Early childhood was during the Vietnam War.) However, memory serves different; I think I got walloped once, when I was lighting fires with my friends in a nearby school parking lot. I was probably 10; you know, the brief pyro phase that kids have.

 

[Jeff]

I got the crap beat out of me all the time growing up, when it actually hurt, "Time Out" could've probably accomplished the same thing.

When you get older though, and spanking doesn't hurt anymore, it's not really a deterrent....

I always got my point across in the Marines without ever touching someone, I'm sure I'll be able to do the same when the kids come.

 

[Habanero]

I wasn't spanked much- mostly grouded or my Mom would come up with something that fit the crime. For example, I asked her if she was smoking crack when she told me to turn my music down on a Saturday afternoon (I was 17 and pissy)- she got a locking fuse box and turned the power off to my room for a week. Another time she took my lightbulbs, another time after slamming my door 12 times when she told me not to (I'm stubborn) she took my door off. I also remember having a sheet where if I wanted out of my punishment early I could work it off- like cleaning screens, scrubbing baseboards, really obscure chores.

 

[Seabishop]

We haven't spanked but our girls are only almost-3 and 5 months. I haven't really ruled it out though if they get super-bratty. A big part is the personalities involved. Our oldest is very sensitive little girl so time out and other punishments work well so far. I only got spanked a few times as a kid if I was really bad. My wife had the "spatula treatment."

 

[Habanero]

Oh, my sister the nanny puts dolls in time out- you wanna seea little girl start acting right- you tell her Barbie is really upset she can't play because the little girl is being mean.

 

[sal95]

Wow, TexasPlanner, you're mom was really creative. . .will have to file those ideas away. . .

Me, my brother, and sister were spanked as kids by my father's nylon elastic Navy belt- OUCH! I don't remember getting spanked too often though, a stern look and a yell usually put me in my place. . . After age 10-11 or so, it turned into groundings and chores and having our mouths washed out with soap. Distinctly remember my Mom washing my brother's mouth out when he told her to shut up and I remember getting my mouth washed out when I called my brother a butt-hole. My parents were big on respect- we always had to say Yes/No Sir/Ma'am and I had no idea the first names of any adults, etc.

Personally I haven't seen time-outs be that effective and the "Now Johnny, that was wrong, say your sorry, good boy, now go play." ugh.

 

[PlannerGirl]

ya know reading this thread reminds me why im not having kids, id want to pinch the heads off of kids like my sister. reading all this just solidifies in my mind that there are indeed evil kids out there

 

[SkeLeton]

Spanking a child should be done only in rare cases and situations when the child just doesn't respond to the desired path the parents want him to.
On normal people one wouldn't need violence, but since children aren't fully developed, they tend to be quite egocentric and don't think much of the consequences.

Disclaimer: Even "normal people" sometimes act like kids, so they also need their spanking when acting like that.

 

[el Guapo]

K and EG.

Thanks for the support / story, I was scared it may be taken the wrong way.

No problem - I have a similar tendencey to want to believe that if I only was allowed by law to beat the child a little more all our problems would be solved. Anger issues often trace back to ADHD in the literature. Maybe you might give that a look.

 

[donk]

EG provided this advice

Anger issues often trace back to ADHD in the literature

Maybe this is what the Dr. I have been assigned meant when he said "you type of people".

The psychologist I had to see had a different opinion about my pleasant dispostion.

 

[SkeLeton]

I am quite convinced that many problematic kids turn out to be juvenile delinquents mainly because they needed a proper spanking when they did something very bad. A well deserved spanking is good, the bad ones are the traumatic ones. The 80's and 90's psychologists and sociologists that said that spanking kids was bad ALWAYS, were quite wrong, and mainly because of them things are like they are now. They said that spanking kids would bring them in fear and they would be traumatized for life, and other BS. Sure it'll bring them fear, a good fear, the fear that if you do a very bad thing you will be punished. That is quite near reality isn't it?

 

[el Guapo]

Skel - you are exactly correct. Well put.

 

[Mary Poppins]

I have never spanked my daughter...not because I don't believe in it, but because I have never had to. She is a fairly sensitive kid and tends to respond well to us taking away certain things in her room. Especially her TV and movies.

I on the other hand was beat as a child!! My father is not a very tolerant man when it comes to disobedience. He was a long hail truck driver so when he wasn't home I would push my mother. If i knew a spanking was coming I would bend over for her, and when she hit me I would just laugh and say "that didn't hurt:" Of course that made her very angry and they got harder, I didn't let her know it, but by the end I was in so much pain I could hardly walk.

I have been spanked, cuffed upside the head, backhanded, thrown down a hallway, pretty much anything that would work to get through to me(I was a bit stubborn as a child). Although it seemed horrible when I was a child, I think I deserved everything I got and thank my parents for keeping me as much in line as they could. I benefited from it in the long run.

 

[Chet]

When you get older though, and spanking doesn't hurt anymore, it's not really a deterrent....

Yeah, once you start enjoying it, game over.

 

[PlannerGirl]

snickers to herself and notes once one starts to enjoy it the whole game is fun ;-)

then some of us even as kids WANTED to get spanked

 

[Mastiff]

Raising kids is something alright... and my sons are so different from each other it makes it hard to dole out the punishments. That said, they've both been spanked, and I won't use my hand... it hurts. I ALWAYS wait until I'm no longer angry with them, so it stays out of the equation. Now my oldest is 14, so you can forget it, it won't work. I've ground him from doing things with friends, and he's BEGGED for a "whuppin'" instead.

On another note, you really... REALLY... have to be careful what you say to your children when you're angry. I was moving, so I was tired and frustrated, and my oldest was slacking off.(probably because he was tired, too.) So I got mad and yelled at him, but made of of those major parent errors... I yelled, "Damn it, son! You're WORTHLESS!" Bad... Mea Culpa... I sat him down five minutes later to apologize to him. That kind of crap can scar a kid, even at 14.

[hijack]

On another side note, I wish they would cane those little gang bangers like they do in Singapore. Man, it would be SO much tougher to be cool when you can't sit down... than when you come back from a couple weeks "up at county", which is more like a badge of honor.

[/hijack]

 

[AntiPlannerMovement]

Nothing feels better than coming home from a very hard day at work and looking for the smallest little thing to set me off. It feels very good letting all that agression out.

Anti-Planner Movement - The Brother of Struggle