Strange cable channels

[Dan]

The cable guy came to my new (rented) house yesterday, and now the joys of digital cable have returned to my life.

Thing is ... there's some ... oh, unusual channels that are part of the lineup. Let's see ...

* Boomerang en Espanol - all 1960s cartoons, all in Spanish.

* ZEE TV - Indian music videos. "Yes, we very much are liking our reverb very much please."

* Some Phillipino channel, with shows like "You Zo Sexy." All shows seem to be in English, Spanish and Tagalog ... all spoken in the same sentence, languages changing every few words.

* Some channel with a show featuring two elderly rabbis arguing in Russian. Turned back a half hour later, and the rabbis are still at it. Another half hour ... still going.

* A channel featuring something far, far more ... oh, interesting than Indian music videos. Arab music videos! Crank up the reverb even higher!

* The Outdoor Channel. All huntin', all the time. Flipping through, I haven't heard one non-Southern accent on that channel yet. Let's all say it ... RUGGED!

What's the most unusual thing your cable system offers?

 

[donk]

Aboriginal Peoples Network. All native all the time.

CPAC is a close second, how many times do you want to see the mounties musical ride?

 

[Tranplanner]

We had this one channel that displayed something that looked like a cross between a seismograph and an audiowave graphic. Before I could get around to figuring out what it was, it vanished.

We get the APTN too...and a lot of french channels. Unfortunately, we don't get the one that shows dirty movies on Saturday nights. "bleu nuit".

 

[SGB]

We have one channel on our cable system that shows eastern European and Asian language news programs 24-7.

I suppose these would be great if I understood the languages at all...

 

[Dan]

We had this one channel that displayed something that looked like a cross between a seismograph and an audiowave graphic. Before I could get around to figuring out what it was, it vanished.

There's something similar in the US ... or at least in activity level. The NASA Channel. Most of the time, it shows live scenes from an empty mission control room, or graphics showing some orbital pattern. I suppose the aeronautics nuts like it, though.

 

[Jeff]

I can not stand that damn HGTV and Food Network...all my wife ever watches. Drives me crazy!!

But I gotta give a big thumbs up to Dan's Outdoor Channel, The Outdoor Life Network, and Speed Cahnnel.

Good Stuff....

 

[PlannerGirl]

Dan i get that Nasa thing too i figured it was becouse i was so close to all that here in DC-they were hopeing some blow hard on the hill would see it and say "pretty pictures lets give them more money" (note to everyone i love NASA)

there seems to be this...birth channel-all i ever see on it is women giving birth. now mind you my sum total TV time in the last 6 months is probably a couple hours but every time i flip through all 150 channels there is this big ugly woman screaming her lungs out and this...alien pops out! they show a picture of the woman before the birth and she was a lovely woman-something happens, they look and act like total monsters. if i was the daddy id be terrified to be in the room.

yes im a whimp

that cured me from ever wishing i could have kids. show that to women everywhere and the birthrate would drop out the bottom.

though i will hand it to comcast they dont seem to have the blue haired crazy bible thumping woman on. you know the one with more make up than tammy faye, huge fake blue bee hive and she sobs like she has a hosepipe in her hive. *always asking for money too* (note i have no problem with religious programing but JEZZ)

 

[Tranplanner]

Speed Cahnnel.

Is that the Philly pronunciation there?

 

[Chet]

there seems to be this...birth channel-all i ever see on it is women giving birth. now mind you my sum total TV time in the last 6 months is probably a couple hours but every time i flip through all 150 channels there is this bug ugly woman screaming her lungs out and this...alien pops out!

I think that channel is called "Oxygen". We get it too.

 

[donk]

Speed channel


Is it the meth addicts station?

 

[PlannerGirl]

ok so does this channel scare the hell out of you too?

 

[Dan]

there seems to be this...birth channel-all i ever see on it is women giving birth.

Sounds like either Oxygen or Discovery Health. Another great Oxygen show is The Sunday Night Sex Show, which seems to air on the other six nights of the week as well. A very serious older woman fields phone calls, half of which are from Timmins, Ontario, about ... uhhh ... anal sex. (Tranplanner ... what's going on in Timmins?)

Usually, when I tune into Discovery Health, there's some surgery show on. Eye surgery. You know, there's probably more people that would be watching the Urban Planning Channel, if there was such a thing, than the all-eye-surgery channel.

 

[kms]

I use broadcast tv. I found a station - the Bruno-Goodworth network. No original programming. It seems like they got the rights to four or five episodes of Ozzie and Harriet, Beverly HIllbillies to show in addition ot home shopping.

Speaking of gory health programs - I was watching some kind of surgery on PBS. Doctors were constructing the face of a child who wasn't born with normal features (cheekbones). I was pretty interested until they began to complete the surgery, and they unfolded and replaced the child's face, like it was a mask. They had incised around the hairline, I guess, and just folded the face skin down around the neck and chin. I almost screamed, and haven't watched that kind of show again.

 

[Tranplanner]

Another great Oxygen show is The Sunday Night Sex Show, which seems to air on the other six nights of the week as well. A very serious older woman fields phone calls, half of which are from Timmins, Ontario, about ... uhhh ... anal sex. Most of the calls seem like they're about ... anal sex. (Tranplanner ... what's going on in Timmins?)

Oh, the Sunday Night Sex Show is awesome - Sue Johansen (?) - this very grandmotherish women talking about sex toys, diseases, performance problems, etc. She's great! It's on the "Woman's Television Network" here. I've yet to see her fazed by a question. She has these two dolls that she demonstrates positions with, and her "toy chest", out of which she pulls the device of the week.

Very educational.

As for Timmins...who knows what they're doing up there. That's Shania Twain's hometown btw.

 

[donk]

Sue came to my HS and I went and saw her, she is hilarious in her honesty and really does educate the masses in a manner they can understand. she is pretty frank and honest and sometimes has a hard time not showing her displeasure.

 

[nerudite]

To balance out all the chick-oriented television up here, we also have MenTV. It's like a 24 hour version of the Man Show with a bunch of RUGGED programming thown in.

 

[The Irish One]

All I have to say is The Political Network of Record
Created by Cable. Offered as a Public Service. Is the best.
C-SPAN1 ,C-SPAN2, AND C-SPAN3 My absolute favorite cable channel of all time. I LOVE C-SPAN and I'm proud of it.

A great man.

 

[Downtown]

there seems to be this...birth channel-all i ever see on it is women giving birth.

I'm so hooked on "A Baby Story" on TLC. It seemed before I got married, I couldn't get enough of "A Wedding Story" and now that we're trying to have kids, I've switched over. My favorite was the hippie family where the mom delivering #6 in a home birth, and in between contractions she was up making pbj sandwiches for her other kids, and then she'd be on the bed, pushing, and her 5 year old was standing next to the mid wife with a bag of doritos, watching the whole thing. hee!

 

[Planderella]

The local cable access channels and the religious zealot channels have some quite strange programming. :\

 

[donk]

religious zealot channels

On a related note, I was flipping stations last night and came across a religious zealot show. The preacher was so over the top I figured it had to be a parody, so I watched for about 2 minutes, chuckling most of the time, then i saw that the phone number on the bottom was not 555 and I turned the station.

Who watches that stuff, and do they really call in?