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The Arcata Eye Police Log (A Guilty Pleasure)

BKM

Cyburbian
Messages
6,463
Points
29
I searched the forum, and can't find any reference to this...so

May I present the world's funniest (albeit politically incorrect) small town police log: The Arcata Eye.

Arcata is a little college town behind the Redwood Curtain six hours north of the Bay Area. Its very granola, an interesting mixture of college students, loggers and papermill workers (many unemployed), and drop-outs.

The local newspaper publishes a police log that tries very hard to be clever. Definitely worth a look!

http://www.arcataeye.com/police04/index.shtml

Warning: The Editor is NOT the most sympathetic to the crustier and more inebriated members of the Arcata community.
 

Dan

Dear Leader
Staff member
Moderator
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18,752
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69
Mom and Dad live in "America's Safest City," Amherst, New York.

The Police Blotter in the Amherst Bee is something of a joke; since crime is extremely low, the Bee publishes calls to the police to fill up space.

The link goes to a blotter that includes all of Buffalo's suburbs. Let's see what's in Amherst ...

An 80-year-old Amherst man was stuck in a car window because he was trying to get out of the opening because the doors were frozen shut.

A 10-year-old boy heard noises in his bedroom on Marine Drive, Amherst; the mother did not check it out. Boy called police.

A vehicle was stuck in a pile of leaves on Carpenter Avenue.

A patrol car was egged on Hopkins Road, Amherst.

Three youths were playing with a bowling ball and hit some cars on Robin Road, Amherst.

A woman using a wheelchair was arrested for shoplifting at an Alberta Drive, Amherst, business.

A man overheard youths talk about a crack in his fence on Cambridge Square, Amherst; he thinks they’re up to no good.

A hysterical female home alone on Clearwater Drive, Amherst, reported wasps were coming into the kitchen from a nest in a gutter then a hole in the drywall.

A caller reported someone was driving a car slowly around a building on Park Club Lane. It was determined to be a middle-aged person learning how to drive.

A car took up two spaces in a Transit Road parking lot.
 
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7,649
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29
Dan,
When I lived on a military base 39 miles from the nearest town, with one road leading in or out, the big responsibility of the police on base was to pass out speeding tickets and let folks back into government quarters when they locked themselves out of the house. It is the only place I ever got a speeding ticket. :-D When someone broke into the liquor store and stole money out of the cash register and did a few thousand dollars worth of damage, the investigation that followed made the crime seem like something on the FBI's "10 most wanted" list. 8-! It was the most excitement they had in a long time.

They were serious about the speeding tickets because the one road in or out is one of the deadlier roads in the U.S., as I understand it. Thanks to the order of some general, it is lined with white crosses -- each one marks a death from a car wreck. Sometimes, they are in clusters in twos or threes, marking where several people died. While I lived there, a wreck killed 4 people. It was kind of creepy driving on that road, which was pretty desolate to begin with.
 

BKM

Cyburbian
Messages
6,463
Points
29
What I like is the fact that the local community college has its own police force. Now THAT would be a challenging job :)
 

nerudite

Cyburbian
Messages
6,544
Points
30
Small town Police Blotters rule. The Whidbey News Times used to publish their police blotter, and being a big city girl in a town of 20,000, I would just giggle my ass off whenever I read it. I used to take the blotter and put it onto a website for all my friends in So. Cal to read. Some highlights:

Wednesday, Jan 5At 5:29 p.m., a burglary was reported on Ledgewood Beach Road. A bow and arrow and a bottle of liquor were stolen.
Tuesday, April 11At 9:46 p.m., Dines Point Road residents reported that someone entered their cabin and put rat poison on their pillows. They said someone previously put rat poison in their shoes.
Wednesday, April 12 At 9:06 a.m., an Umatilla Drive resident reported that an ostrich was in his yard. It turned out to be an emu and the owner was called to pick it up.
Sunday, June 11 At 10:31 a.m., a Woods Lane resident reported that a woman assaulted him because he wouldn't go to church.
Saturday, Oct. 14At 10:26 a.m., a woman reported that a 48-year-old Crockett Lake Road man claimed to be Jesus on a mission and drove to Renton to see his ex-wife. She said the man is diabetic, didn't take his medicine and shouldn't be driving.
Monday, Oct. 30At 6:37 p.m., a Silverspur Road resident said kids came to his house trick-or-treating. They refused to leave without candy.
Monday, Jan 3At 9:12 a.m., a N.E. Sumner Drive resident reported that a lighted penguin was stolen.
Thursday, Feb. 3At 1:02 a.m., a bartender at a SE Pioneer Way bar reported that a woman, who appeared to be completely wet, was pushing a man.
Tuesday, July 4 At 7:50 p.m., a woman reported that a man in a cowboy hat was standing on Highway 20 and screaming obscenities through a bull horn.
Sunday, July 30 At 6:18 p.m., a SE Eighth Avenue resident reported that he found a dead cat that he thinks may have been part of an occult ritual. The cat's back portion and all the bones were gone.
Thursday, June 29At 3:33 p.m., there was a report of a suspicious male coming into Prairie Center and asking a woman if she wanted to look in his grocery bags.
 
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