The HORROR - Make up a newspaper headline!

[el Guapo]

With props to Repo Man for the idea.

What is the worst headline that could appear in your local newspaper about your organization?

Repo had one in another thread that went something like: City Planner's Error Costs Local Man Thousands.

Please don't mention anyone by name, even that one guy we all hate.:-c

 

[nerudite]

City Plans Road Through Protected Wetland

 

[Chet]

COUNCIL DOWNSIZES PLANNING DEPARTMENT

That *would* be the horror headline, but the unfortunate occurred this week, it didn't even get a friggin foot note.

 

[Plannerbabs]

Historic Neighborhoods Leveled for Regional Shopping Center--Thousands Displaced, Watch as Ancestral Homes Meet the Wrecking Ball

Not likely at all here, thank heaven.

 

[SGB]

_________, NY Surprised at Opening of New Private Solid Waste Landfill on Former Miller Farm.

Could happen in our region. We have communities with the combination of dying farms and absolutely no local land use regulations.

 

[biscuit]

Planning Department OK's Strip Mine in Historic District

Or even worse...

City Planning Director Exposed as Cleveland Browns Fan

 

[Cardinal]

Wal-Mart Closes Due to Competition from Local Merchants

 

[Tranplanner]

City Sends Delegation to Houston for Assistance on Zoning Issues

 

[SlaveToTheGrind]

Planners? We don't need no stinking planners!

 

[Big Easy King]

City Planning Department Fires All Qualified Planners And Hires High School Interns As Replacements

 

[Budgie]

Real News !!!

Recent headline in Abilene, Kansas (for real)

Planning Director Resigns after I-70 Drug Sting.

 

[nerudite]

City Planning Director Exposed as Cleveland Browns Fan [/B]

LOL! Here it would be: Senior Planner Reveals Allegiance to Toronto Maple Leafs. I would be run out of town!

 

[donk]

Almost all of those headlines could / have appeared in any one of the provinces papers without phasing anyone.

1) New transcanada was run through a regionally/nationally significant wetland. Home of the "button bush", the only place in the world this plant lives.

2) There would be cheers in many cities and towns if the planning departments were shrunk. It has already happened in Moncton.

3) See the west side of King Street in Saint John.

4) Toxic waste and disposal is in the news right now and was one of the first projects I ever worked on. A guy unloaded 1000 truck fulls of paper sludge claiming he was going to compost it, 8 years later it is still just a dump.

5) Province controls mining, if a resource is under the ground and someone wants it, there is almost no way to stop it.

6) Like Houston (EDIT sorry huston/EDIT), most of the province has no zoning/planning, so a trip there would seem normal.

 

[Gedunker]

Planner: 'Nuclear Waste Recycler Will Be Good Neighbor in Revitalized Downtown'

 

[mendelman]

Wal-Mart Closes Due to Competition from Local Merchants

LOL! Very nice!

mine:

City repeals entire zoning code, Ends annoying variation requests

Or,

Council tables something, Developer outraged

 

[Seabishop]

ARROGANT CITY BOARD DENIES SOMEONE THE RIGHT TO DO SOMETHING SOMEWHERE

OR

PLANNERS APPROVE MULTI-FAMILY DEVELOPMENT: RAPISTS, DRUG DEALERS AND OTHER LOSERS CELEBRATE OVER THEIR NEW HOMES

 

[SkeLeton]

Former developer becomes planning director, from now on all new developments in floodplains and wetlands are aprooved.

 

[Plannerbabs]

Installation of Sidewalks in New Development Quadruples Crime Rate: Outraged Resident Says, "He Just Strolled Away With My 56' Flat-Screen TV and DVD Player!"

 

[H]

6) Like Huston, most of the province has no zoning/planning, so a trip there would seem normal.

I know it was an accident, but it has made me soo happy to see someone misspell the City of Houston’s name with the correct spelling of the word (ie my name). This error normally occurs in the other direction.

My day has been made! :-D

 

[Gedunker]

Or this one:

Developer Testifies that Project will Harm Property Values, Cause Drainage Problems, Lead to Traffic Congestion and Over-Load Local Schools

 

[Planderella]

The City Council Upholds the Decision of the City Planning Commission

 

[mendelman]

City Council expected to submit to Cyburbia

or

Huge paradigm shift expected, Andres Duany to speak at local suburban city council meeting,

 

[donk]

My stab at it

Developer agrees to pay for required improvements to services

 

[SkeLeton]

Reading, PA Planing director to move to Michigan area. Citizens of Reading cheer, citizens from Michigan flee.

PS: Sorry Mike

 

[Jeff]

THIS JUST IN: PHILLIES BLUNT DECLARES BANKRUPTCY! PRODUCTION STOPS IMMEDIATELY!

 

[JNA]

Subdivision Roads to Connect to Adjacent Subdivision Roads

or

Billboards Approved in Residential Area, Neighbors Happy.

 

[Zoning Goddess]

Six killed in head-on collision on trail

Or

County Commission votes to gate all subdivisions

 

[pandersen]

"PLANNING = COMMUNISM"

"LOCAL GOV' T PLANNER ALWAYS SUPPORTS DEVELOPMENT REGARDLESS OF THE COSTS"

PLANNING DEPT SUPPORTS STORE FRONT CHURCHES

 

[Planderella]

City Planners Give Complete Autonomy to Residents..........Mayhem Ensues

 

[Seabishop]

Town Declared “Town Next Door” on Planning Website

James Howard Kunstler Makes Fun of Local Retiree's House

Zoning Revisions Prohibit Any 2 People from Living Together: "Will ease overcrowding" say Planners

 

[Big Easy King]

The City Council Adopts Moratorium to Prohibit Development of Single-Family Houses in a Just-Approved, New Single-Family Zoned Subdivision

 

[steveanne]

Disney announces new 300 acre theme park to be built in Manhattan. "Traffic should not be affected," says Disney exec.

 

[Rem]

CITY PLANNER WASTES TIME ON INTERNET: Practice Feared to be Widespread

ALEFEST ENDS IN VIOLENCE
Two young men were left bloodied and dishevelled after a fight broke out during a liaison organised over the internet. The two men, both town planners met over the internet. Using the names JordanB and Chet the ...........

LARGE BREASTED WOMAN DISRUPTS MECHANIC'S CONVENTION
An amply proportioned woman experiencing car trouble caused mayhem yesterday when she wondered into the 91st annual New Jersey motor mechanics convention seeking help ......

 

[Cirrus]

GAS STATION BLOWS UP - SUVs Strewn For Miles

TREE-HUGGER PUSSIES STOP WAL MART - It's All A Bunch of Long-Haired Hippy Crap!

Actually, I'd really enjoy reading both those articles

 

[Cardinal]

Is somebody sending this thread over to The Onion?

 

[lowlyplanner]

CITY COUNCILMAN SAYS "SPRAWL IS GOOD. IF IT WEREN'T FOR SPRAWL, WE'D ALL BE LIVING IN THE 'HOOD."

Oh yeah, that already happened...

 

[jordanb]

Area Around New Housing Development Excited About Prospects Of More Neighbors

 

[mendelman]

LOCAL COUNCIL ESTABLISHES "TOWN SQUARE" DISTRICT, NEW URBANISTS GET WOODIES

(sorry female new urbanists)

and

CITY PLANNER WRITES NEW ZONING REGULATION, MORE PROPERTY RIGHTS LOST, SAYS LOCAL RESIDENT.

or

LOCAL RESIDENT REALIZES HE CAN FIGHT CITY HALL

 

[Big Easy King]

New Planning Director Asks, "What's Planning?"

 

[NHPlanner]

Planning Board Asks Project Engineer If He Realizes Water Runs Downhill.

 

[Planderella]

Mayor and City Council Pimp Local Residents and Their Property

Apparently, a true story.

 

[mendelman]

A DEVELOPER FOUND NOT TO BE A STUPID, ANNOYING JERK, PLANNING WORLD SHOCKED

 

[el Guapo]

Citizens Overwhelmingly say: It's OK, You’re just doing your job, and we need enforcement of your deliciously restrictive design standards.

 

[mendelman]

I just can't stop

EXHAUSTIVE FEDERAL RESEARCH FINDS THAT THE THROBBING BRAIN OF CYBURBIA WILL SAVE OUR SOULS, CHIRISTIANS RETHINK ENTIRE THEOLOGY

(Sorry Jesus)

 

[Big Easy King]

City Planning Commission Approves Large Development Project Based Solely Upon Developer's Bad Reputation

 

[Joe Iliff]

This is just weird!


Duplex residents don't want single-family homes in their neighborhood

I just don't understand this, but here is the quote from the Thursday, September 18th edition of the Lakeside Times in Little Elm, Texas

Steven Dixon, a resident in the neighboring duplexes, said the proposal for single-family homes within the duplex addition is just weird.

"I'm very upset with this," he said. "What they're doing is making their problem our problem. We shouldn't have to suffer for this."

This is the first time I've ever heard of duplex or apartment residents being upset at the construction of single-family homes in their neighborhood.

I've thought that much of what upsets people about zoning changes (or whatever) is just a resistance to change of any kind, good or bad. But this is just beyond me.

Anyone else ever heard of someone being opposed to single-family homes and preferring duplexes or apartments?

 

[Starrdarcy]

red tape

this is mine, get the wording?

Red tape holds up new shopping center

it appeared in our local newspaper, it cracked me up.

The worst that could happen is...

city planning council dispanded

now thats bad

 

[Suburb Repairman]

Citizens Overwhelmingly say: It's OK, You’re just doing your job, and we need enforcement of your deliciously restrictive design standards.

That's funny stuff! Gotta share it with our Code Enforcement Officer...

Here's one of mine:
"City Councilman actually acts in the City's Best Interest rather than just saying he does"

"[insert big-box developer name here] complies with restrictions without complaint"

"City Council decides to listen to recommendation from Planning Commission"

"Citizens welcome sewage treatment plant saying 'it has to go somewhere'"

"City Planner raises USSR flag over city hall saying 'your assuptions about planners were correct'"

"City selects sensible location to place new city hall building"

 

[boiker]

revived!

A Downtown Experience
Local developer proposes a 'lifestyle center' east of town that will give residents the excitement of downtown shopping without the inconviences.
--------------

NEIGHBORHOOD EMBRACES CHANGE
Local business man convert single family home into a mixed use halfway house and metal reclamation facilty. Local residents are exicted of the prospects of up to 4 additional near by jobs.

 

[michaelskis]

Reading, PA Planing director to move to Michigan area. Citizens of Reading cheer, citizens from Michigan flee.

PS: Sorry Mike

Mountains in Chile "acquired" by US Planner- says he will make personal ski hill, and all current residents of the area will have to relocate to Brazil.