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The HORROR - Make up a newspaper headline!

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,995
Points
31
With props to Repo Man for the idea.

What is the worst headline that could appear in your local newspaper about your organization?

Repo had one in another thread that went something like: City Planner's Error Costs Local Man Thousands.

Please don't mention anyone by name, even that one guy we all hate.:-c
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
10,624
Points
34
COUNCIL DOWNSIZES PLANNING DEPARTMENT

That *would* be the horror headline, but the unfortunate occurred this week, it didn't even get a friggin foot note.
 

Plannerbabs

Cyburbian
Messages
1,038
Points
23
Historic Neighborhoods Leveled for Regional Shopping Center--Thousands Displaced, Watch as Ancestral Homes Meet the Wrecking Ball

Not likely at all here, thank heaven.
 

SGB

Cyburbian
Messages
3,388
Points
26
_________, NY Surprised at Opening of New Private Solid Waste Landfill on Former Miller Farm.

Could happen in our region. We have communities with the combination of dying farms and absolutely no local land use regulations.
 

biscuit

Cyburbian
Messages
3,904
Points
25
Planning Department OK's Strip Mine in Historic District

Or even worse...

City Planning Director Exposed as Cleveland Browns Fan
 

Big Easy King

Cyburbian
Messages
1,361
Points
23
City Planning Department Fires All Qualified Planners And Hires High School Interns As Replacements
 

Budgie

Cyburbian
Messages
5,270
Points
30
Real News !!!

Recent headline in Abilene, Kansas (for real)

Planning Director Resigns after I-70 Drug Sting.
 

nerudite

Cyburbian
Messages
6,544
Points
30
biscuit said:

City Planning Director Exposed as Cleveland Browns Fan
[/B]
LOL! Here it would be: Senior Planner Reveals Allegiance to Toronto Maple Leafs. I would be run out of town! ;)
 

donk

Cyburbian
Messages
6,970
Points
30
Almost all of those headlines could / have appeared in any one of the provinces papers without phasing anyone.

1) New transcanada was run through a regionally/nationally significant wetland. Home of the "button bush", the only place in the world this plant lives.

2) There would be cheers in many cities and towns if the planning departments were shrunk. It has already happened in Moncton.

3) See the west side of King Street in Saint John.

4) Toxic waste and disposal is in the news right now and was one of the first projects I ever worked on. A guy unloaded 1000 truck fulls of paper sludge claiming he was going to compost it, 8 years later it is still just a dump.

5) Province controls mining, if a resource is under the ground and someone wants it, there is almost no way to stop it.

6) Like Houston (EDIT sorry huston/EDIT), most of the province has no zoning/planning, so a trip there would seem normal.
 
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Gedunker

Moderating
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
11,374
Points
38
Planner: 'Nuclear Waste Recycler Will Be Good Neighbor in Revitalized Downtown'
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
13,689
Points
53
Cardinal said:
Wal-Mart Closes Due to Competition from Local Merchants
LOL! Very nice!

mine:

City repeals entire zoning code, Ends annoying variation requests

Or,

Council tables something, Developer outraged
 

Seabishop

Cyburbian
Messages
3,838
Points
25
ARROGANT CITY BOARD DENIES SOMEONE THE RIGHT TO DO SOMETHING SOMEWHERE

OR

PLANNERS APPROVE MULTI-FAMILY DEVELOPMENT: RAPISTS, DRUG DEALERS AND OTHER LOSERS CELEBRATE OVER THEIR NEW HOMES
 

SkeLeton

Cyburbian
Messages
4,853
Points
26
Former developer becomes planning director, from now on all new developments in floodplains and wetlands are aprooved.

:p
 

Plannerbabs

Cyburbian
Messages
1,038
Points
23
Installation of Sidewalks in New Development Quadruples Crime Rate: Outraged Resident Says, "He Just Strolled Away With My 56' Flat-Screen TV and DVD Player!"
 

H

Cyburbian
Messages
2,850
Points
24
donk said:
6) Like Huston, most of the province has no zoning/planning, so a trip there would seem normal.
I know it was an accident, but it has made me soo happy to see someone misspell the City of Houston’s name with the correct spelling of the word (ie my name). This error normally occurs in the other direction.

My day has been made! :-D
 

Gedunker

Moderating
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
11,374
Points
38
Or this one:

Developer Testifies that Project will Harm Property Values, Cause Drainage Problems, Lead to Traffic Congestion and Over-Load Local Schools
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
13,689
Points
53
City Council expected to submit to Cyburbia

or

Huge paradigm shift expected, Andres Duany to speak at local suburban city council meeting, :D
 

donk

Cyburbian
Messages
6,970
Points
30
My stab at it

Developer agrees to pay for required improvements to services
 

SkeLeton

Cyburbian
Messages
4,853
Points
26
Reading, PA Planing director to move to Michigan area. Citizens of Reading cheer, citizens from Michigan flee.

PS: Sorry Mike :p
 

Jeff

Cyburbian
Messages
4,161
Points
27
THIS JUST IN: PHILLIES BLUNT DECLARES BANKRUPTCY! PRODUCTION STOPS IMMEDIATELY!
 

JNA

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
25,568
Points
59
Subdivision Roads to Connect to Adjacent Subdivision Roads

or

Billboards Approved in Residential Area, Neighbors Happy.
 

pandersen

Cyburbian
Messages
243
Points
9
"PLANNING = COMMUNISM"

"LOCAL GOV' T PLANNER ALWAYS SUPPORTS DEVELOPMENT REGARDLESS OF THE COSTS"

PLANNING DEPT SUPPORTS STORE FRONT CHURCHES
 

Seabishop

Cyburbian
Messages
3,838
Points
25
Town Declared “Town Next Door” on Planning Website

James Howard Kunstler Makes Fun of Local Retiree's House

Zoning Revisions Prohibit Any 2 People from Living Together: "Will ease overcrowding" say Planners
 

Big Easy King

Cyburbian
Messages
1,361
Points
23
The City Council Adopts Moratorium to Prohibit Development of Single-Family Houses in a Just-Approved, New Single-Family Zoned Subdivision
 

steveanne

Member
Messages
176
Points
7
Disney announces new 300 acre theme park to be built in Manhattan. "Traffic should not be affected," says Disney exec.
 

Rem

Cyburbian
Messages
1,524
Points
23
CITY PLANNER WASTES TIME ON INTERNET: Practice Feared to be Widespread

ALEFEST ENDS IN VIOLENCE
Two young men were left bloodied and dishevelled after a fight broke out during a liaison organised over the internet. The two men, both town planners met over the internet. Using the names JordanB and Chet the ...........

LARGE BREASTED WOMAN DISRUPTS MECHANIC'S CONVENTION
An amply proportioned woman experiencing car trouble caused mayhem yesterday when she wondered into the 91st annual New Jersey motor mechanics convention seeking help ......
 

Cirrus

Cyburbian
Messages
303
Points
11
GAS STATION BLOWS UP - SUVs Strewn For Miles

TREE-HUGGER PUSSIES STOP WAL MART - It's All A Bunch of Long-Haired Hippy Crap!


Actually, I'd really enjoy reading both those articles :)
 

lowlyplanner

Cyburbian
Messages
69
Points
4
CITY COUNCILMAN SAYS "SPRAWL IS GOOD. IF IT WEREN'T FOR SPRAWL, WE'D ALL BE LIVING IN THE 'HOOD."

Oh yeah, that already happened...
 

jordanb

Cyburbian
Messages
3,232
Points
25
Area Around New Housing Development Excited About Prospects Of More Neighbors
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
13,689
Points
53
LOCAL COUNCIL ESTABLISHES "TOWN SQUARE" DISTRICT, NEW URBANISTS GET WOODIES

(sorry female new urbanists)

and

CITY PLANNER WRITES NEW ZONING REGULATION, MORE PROPERTY RIGHTS LOST, SAYS LOCAL RESIDENT.

or

LOCAL RESIDENT REALIZES HE CAN FIGHT CITY HALL
 
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NHPlanner

A shadow of my former self
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
9,927
Points
40
Planning Board Asks Project Engineer If He Realizes Water Runs Downhill.
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
13,689
Points
53
A DEVELOPER FOUND NOT TO BE A STUPID, ANNOYING JERK, PLANNING WORLD SHOCKED
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,995
Points
31
Citizens Overwhelmingly say: It's OK, You’re just doing your job, and we need enforcement of your deliciously restrictive design standards.
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
13,689
Points
53
I just can't stop

EXHAUSTIVE FEDERAL RESEARCH FINDS THAT THE THROBBING BRAIN OF CYBURBIA WILL SAVE OUR SOULS, CHIRISTIANS RETHINK ENTIRE THEOLOGY

(Sorry Jesus)
 
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Big Easy King

Cyburbian
Messages
1,361
Points
23
City Planning Commission Approves Large Development Project Based Solely Upon Developer's Bad Reputation
 

Joe Iliff

Reformed City Planner
Messages
1,441
Points
29
This is just weird!


Duplex residents don't want single-family homes in their neighborhood

I just don't understand this, but here is the quote from the Thursday, September 18th edition of the Lakeside Times in Little Elm, Texas

Steven Dixon, a resident in the neighboring duplexes, said the proposal for single-family homes within the duplex addition is just weird.

"I'm very upset with this," he said. "What they're doing is making their problem our problem. We shouldn't have to suffer for this."
This is the first time I've ever heard of duplex or apartment residents being upset at the construction of single-family homes in their neighborhood.

I've thought that much of what upsets people about zoning changes (or whatever) is just a resistance to change of any kind, good or bad. But this is just beyond me.

Anyone else ever heard of someone being opposed to single-family homes and preferring duplexes or apartments?
 

Starrdarcy

BANNED
Messages
14
Points
1
red tape

this is mine, get the wording?

Red tape holds up new shopping center

it appeared in our local newspaper, it cracked me up.

The worst that could happen is...

city planning council dispanded

now thats bad
 

Suburb Repairman

moderator in moderation
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
7,393
Points
33
el Guapo said:
Citizens Overwhelmingly say: It's OK, You’re just doing your job, and we need enforcement of your deliciously restrictive design standards.
That's funny stuff! Gotta share it with our Code Enforcement Officer...

Here's one of mine:
"City Councilman actually acts in the City's Best Interest rather than just saying he does"

"[insert big-box developer name here] complies with restrictions without complaint"

"City Council decides to listen to recommendation from Planning Commission"

"Citizens welcome sewage treatment plant saying 'it has to go somewhere'"

"City Planner raises USSR flag over city hall saying 'your assuptions about planners were correct'"

"City selects sensible location to place new city hall building"
 

boiker

Cyburbian
Messages
3,890
Points
26
revived!

A Downtown Experience
Local developer proposes a 'lifestyle center' east of town that will give residents the excitement of downtown shopping without the inconviences.
--------------

NEIGHBORHOOD EMBRACES CHANGE
Local business man convert single family home into a mixed use halfway house and metal reclamation facilty. Local residents are exicted of the prospects of up to 4 additional near by jobs.
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
Messages
19,966
Points
49
SkeLeton said:
Reading, PA Planing director to move to Michigan area. Citizens of Reading cheer, citizens from Michigan flee.

PS: Sorry Mike :p
Mountains in Chile "acquired" by US Planner- says he will make personal ski hill, and all current residents of the area will have to relocate to Brazil. :)
 
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