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The NEVERENDING aging parents caretaking thread

Bubba

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Thanks, all.

The talk went better than expected. I do not think that I was saying anything new to the old man, but my voice is a bit more, um, penetrating than my sister's or any of my aunts/uncles. Also, I'm a hell of a lot more blunt when irritated, With that said, I don't have much faith in the old man actually doing everything needs to be done to get help. However, their wonderful neighbors have mobilized to provide some support with meals in the short term, and by late in the day on Sunday I was hearing some things that seemed to indicate that at least part of what I talked to him about was sinking in.

Having to be the adult to your parents fucking sucks, by the way.
So, roughly two-and-a-half months later - my father did work through his insurance to hire a service that provides in-home care for my mother for four hours in the morning on a daily basis (and her caretaker is a wonderful woman - I guess you have to be in that line of work). But, it's just not enough. Without getting in any details, talking with my father last night was the proverbial final straw. I talked to my sister first thing this morning, and we're going to regroup on Sunday to figure out the timing of everything, but she went ahead and put down a deposit on a room at the care facility we want our mother to be in.

Ugh.
 

Michele Zone

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So, roughly two-and-a-half months later - my father did work through his insurance to hire a service that provides in-home care for my mother for four hours in the morning on a daily basis (and her caretaker is a wonderful woman - I guess you have to be in that line of work). But, it's just not enough. Without getting in any details, talking with my father last night was the proverbial final straw. I talked to my sister first thing this morning, and we're going to regroup on Sunday to figure out the timing of everything, but she went ahead and put down a deposit on a room at the care facility we want our mother to be in.

Ugh.
Consider this to be an attempt at sympathetic support. If I blow it, like pretend you didn't see this. :-$

Anyway, not a thing I really have to deal with. I'm on the West Coast with my adult sons. Most of my relatives are on the East Coast. My dad died a few years ago and my mom is still very independent.

I did live with my parents for not quite a year when my kids were teens and I was going through a divorce. Dad already was losing his memory to Alzheimer's and would routinely come to me and go "Have you seen (my first name)? I have her mail." And I would say "I'm (my first name.)"

I dealt with a lot of memory issues and the like with raising my special needs sons. My oldest son was really super about dealing with my dad because he was the one who had the worst of the cognitive functions growing up and he was very familiar with some best practices that worked for him. We de facto instituted some practices that were adopted by other members of the family that made it easier to deal with dad. Like he had "his place" at the table and no one but him sat there. So we would just put food there that he was allowed to have and he could decide if/when he wanted to eat it.

When we arrived, food was a big, fighty issue. He was missing a bunch of teeth and had special dietary needs and I think he was really underfed in spite of my mom's heroic efforts to keep him fed, so he had nasty habits like going in the freezer and eating directly out of the ice cream tub. He also got super defensive if you asked if he wanted something to eat because it was such a fighty issue.

Once we began leaving stuff at his place at the table, other people did that too. He began eating better and there was less contention surrounding the issue of feeding him.

When the mind starts going, people start relying on emotion and muscle memory as back up systems. Going to his place at the table was a routine, it was a long standing habit. He just showed up there multiple times per day. So leaving stuff at his place interacted nicely with his habits and habits rely on muscle memory. They are things you don't need to think about. The fighting was a big problem because when those cognitive functions go and people start relying on emotion, if you fight with them, they have negative feelings and don't like and trust you and so they aren't cooperative because all they can remember about you is they don't like and trust you.

Emotion is a kind of memory. It's like a summary file of everything you know about X. People with strong affect can make snap judgments. People with low affect can't. They need to think about it. Snap judgments can be biased and are prone to prejudice, but they are very useful for dealing with dangerous situations in a timely fashion. It is a robust system for surviving, though it is prone to certain kinds of sub-optimal errors. It ends up being one of the backup systems people rely upon as cognitive function declines.

Anyway, I used to run a discussion list for my sons when they were teens where we would post articles about neurological research and discuss what this means if you are actually living with such issues. So I know a lot about neurological stuff in day to day life. I'll shut up now. :-x
 

DVD

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It's rough. I think the only way we were able to take care of my MIL was having my wife stay at home which wasn't a change, and having some help from a caregiver. Even then it was a struggle for easy things like going to get groceries. You can't easily take her with you and you can't leave her at home. Same thing for picking up the kids at school. It's cruel to say, but I count it as a blessing that she went quickly. I'll just say good luck and keep the happy memories and not the hard ones.
 

Veloise

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It's rough. I think the only way we were able to take care of my MIL was having my wife stay at home which wasn't a change, and having some help from a caregiver. Even then it was a struggle for easy things like going to get groceries. You can't easily take her with you and you can't leave her at home. Same thing for picking up the kids at school. It's cruel to say, but I count it as a blessing that she went quickly. I'll just say good luck and keep the happy memories and not the hard ones.
It's not cruel at all.

In 1999 I lived an hour away from my folks, and would often drive over to spend the night, return home the next day. I was working three days a week, which was a blessing.

Ma had an oxygen machine going in the middle of the house, with a 50' canula that let her walk downstairs to the living space, or up to the bedrooms. The machine was placed in a two-story atrium with hard surfaces which amplified the sound. It was as loud as a dehumidifer when it's slightly tilted.

The whole time she was very ill -- about 20 months -- I had dreams about the @#%^&*() oxygen machine. I'd fall asleep hearing it, even when I was at my house. I'd be at their house and dream that it has stopped, oh no! Then I'd wake up and realize it was still going.

This article was in last week's paper.

After the tour, Glen tried to live at home, but even though Kim had plenty of help, caring for him proved to be too much, she says.
... Glen had become combative—getting mad and throwing and breaking dishes on the floor. Kim installed childproof locks on the cabinets, but Glen became angry and tore a cabinet off the wall.
“This was a 6-foot-tall strong man and we lived on a busy street. I fenced the back property. I sectioned off the stairs so he wouldn’t fall. I tried to protect him any way I could, but I was at my wit’s end.”
Kim admits she was depressed. She also saw the toll Glen’s deteriorating condition was taking on their children, who were in their late 20s and, to a large degree, had put their lives on hold to help their parents.
“None of us had quality of life,” she says. “Glen didn’t. The kids didn’t. I didn’t. We were trapped by Alzheimer’s.”
 

Bubba

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So, roughly two-and-a-half months later - my father did work through his insurance to hire a service that provides in-home care for my mother for four hours in the morning on a daily basis (and her caretaker is a wonderful woman - I guess you have to be in that line of work). But, it's just not enough. Without getting in any details, talking with my father last night was the proverbial final straw. I talked to my sister first thing this morning, and we're going to regroup on Sunday to figure out the timing of everything, but she went ahead and put down a deposit on a room at the care facility we want our mother to be in.
My sister and I started the paperwork yesterday to get my mother into the secure wing of the care facility (she's a wanderer and would disappear out of an unlocked building). My father was admitted into the hospital last week for what was initially going to be overnight observation for dehydration...which turned into a diagnosis of a blood infection (sepsis)...and a MRI yesterday showed that he'd also had a stroke at some point. I'm in the office this morning trying to shift as much work as possible so I can make myself scare up here for the next few weeks while we're getting this figured out.
 

Jen

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I have both my parents still and it's great, but they live in Fla and all of their kids live out of state. We grew up in S fla but we all migrated north, including my parents. So my Dad is in a nursing home, he's doing ok, has lost some of his mental acuity, call it dementia, but he's certainly alive and kicking and generally thriving meeting new people (over and over again sometimes the same folks lol) eating well and laying off the sauce. My Moms oth, is suffering for not having my Dad at home. She is not a loner by nature but has largely retreated from friends and relies on her kids (remember we all live out of state) to visit and keep her company. Her calories seem to come from bourbon and peanut butter and ciggies keep her motivated. not a great scenario. We would love it if she accepted a carer, to check in, do light housekeeping, prepare nutritious meals, but my mom, can be difficult and end up firing and locking out the help. Her mental acuity is not great, so we worry all the time about her. But she's keeping up the house and herself and has wonderful neighbors but it's still very worrisome. We feel she'll need a family member to move closer to her.

Luckily I was able to get my siblings to hire an elder law atty to set up my folks legal and medical POA, rather than the good ol boy lawyer they had lined up. I insisted on it when I was getting pushback talking about medicaid eligibilty for my Dad (they thought it wasn't worth it to apply, thought he would not qualify, I had to push and push the issue another story...) the elder law attorney immediately said yes Dad would qualify and here's what you have to do. Good news because the nursing home was sucking all their savings dry within a year- but my mom recently got a nice check reimbursing her for the nursing home care back several months.


Absolutely consult an elder law attorney, don't do anything with the house or try to transfer assets before you do!
 

Bubba

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Absolutely consult an elder law attorney, don't do anything with the house or try to transfer assets before you do!
Half of my sister's legal practice is elder law (the other half is SS disability, which ties in nicely), so that's been a big help.









[Interesting choice for post #4k, huh?]
 

luckless pedestrian

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my MIL lives with us - she's mentally okay but is a stroke survivor so falls easily and is frail - it is so freakin' hard, especially now because I work from home and the house we live in (hers) for the summer is small so while I am working in the diningroom she is right there watching tv - the other day I watched a c section, a true crime about a husband who killed his wife and an unreasonable number of episodes of Blue Bloods - she has a borderline Oedipus relationship with my husband so I am the necessary vessel of questionable DNA to produce offspring

so think about your spouse before you bring home a parent, please
 

Bubba

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- We have everything locked down now to get my mother moved into the secure wing of a great care facility; should be able to actually get her moved in next week. She's so far gone into Alzheimer's that it doesn't even register that my father hasn't been around the house the past two weeks.

- Spiked blood sugar + nasty blood infection + undiagnosed AFIB + multiple strokes (including one after being initially admitted to the hospital) takes a lot out of a man, but my father had recovered well enough by midday yesterday to be moved out of ICU into the stroke recovery floor of the hospital. He's still facing weeks and weeks of rehab, and he'll never be able to live on his own again. That's going to be a very unpleasant conversation whenever he gets his facilities back.

- Their house is a bloody mess - a quick triage on Saturday leaves me thinking it'll be a minimum two weeks of clean up to get it ready to sell, and we're leaning towards selling it "as is".

- Thank gawd their finances are in good shape - my father has enjoyed spending during his retirement, but his back accounts are still flush, and he has an old-school pension that will be enough to cover the cost of the care facility for both of them.
 

Suburb Repairman

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Bubba sounds like you're getting lucky on the financial front with that situation. That'll help the stress of dealing with resettlement of both of your parents--not having a bunch of dollar signs looming over your collective heads. Alzheimers is a real asshole of a disease, and I'm very sorry you're having to manage that with your mother. Your dad though... wow... all I can say is best of luck. I hope when he does regain himself that he realizes what went down and relents on losing some independence for the sake of his safety and your family's sanity.
 

Veloise

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pro tip: estate sale

...
- Their house is a bloody mess - a quick triage on Saturday leaves me thinking it'll be a minimum two weeks of clean up to get it ready to sell, and we're leaning towards selling it "as is".
...
A pro will come in and organize, price, hold the sale, have the leftovers donated or otherwise removed. Then you can triage the house a little better.

If pops still has considerable assets, an as-is sale might be best. Contractors are enough of a challenge when you're on-site supervising and watching them. Obviously, if there's a big hole in the roof (familiar with this) or animal stink (ditto) or deferred maintenance on exterior walls (likewise), you might have those addressed.
 

Bubba

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A pro will come in and organize, price, hold the sale, have the leftovers donated or otherwise removed. Then you can triage the house a little better.

If pops still has considerable assets, an as-is sale might be best. Contractors are enough of a challenge when you're on-site supervising and watching them. Obviously, if there's a big hole in the roof (familiar with this) or animal stink (ditto) or deferred maintenance on exterior walls (likewise), you might have those addressed.
The house is in solid shape - exterior just needs to be pressure washed, roof is new, systems are mostly new or in great shape (wiring being the exception - most of it does not meet current code as the house was built in 1963). Furniture will be handled in several phases: a good chunk of it will go to furnish both of my parents' new quarters, and then my sister and I pick what we want. The rest will be split between a few places - the husband of one of my sister's coworkers is a furniture restorer, so he'll get to pick a couple of pieces in exchange for moving the stuff my parents are taking with them, my folks' church will get a their pick of the remainder, and then we'll sell (it's a college/military town) or donate the rest to Goodwill.

The worst of the triage will be his papers (college professor for close to 40 years) and the 3,000+ books...
 

kjel

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A pro will come in and organize, price, hold the sale, have the leftovers donated or otherwise removed. Then you can triage the house a little better.

If pops still has considerable assets, an as-is sale might be best. Contractors are enough of a challenge when you're on-site supervising and watching them. Obviously, if there's a big hole in the roof (familiar with this) or animal stink (ditto) or deferred maintenance on exterior walls (likewise), you might have those addressed.
+1 on having an estate sale company. My uncle was the king of crap and although his friend (initially the executor of the estate and wisely determined he was overwhelmed by its complexity) volunteered to spearhead it, we thought better and didn't want to burden him so we hired a company.
 

Salmissra

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The house we built and then sold (not my plan) was specifically designed to have a living area with full bath downstairs for when the elderly parental units (on either side) came to stay. I believe it'll be my MIL who will move in first, because Hubby and I would not survive with my mom in the house. Dad? - sure, to a certain degree, but mom? no.

While my MIL is the youngest of all the parental units, she is not the healthiest. Bad back and knees, and some lingering mental issues (undiagnosed bipolar is my opinion, also known to act unstable). While my mom is easily the least healthy, she is so alpha that she finds ways to deal with whatever is the problem. She will be the one we have to manhandle to take away her keys, whenever that time comes. I think we have some time - maybe a couple years at the most - before adding a roommate becomes an issue. But when we build/buy the next house, we will already be planning on having permanent company.

I might need more beer/wine to deal with it, but I'll figure it out when the time comes.
 

Suburb Repairman

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The worst of the triage will be his papers (college professor for close to 40 years) and the 3,000+ books...
You might reach out to the college he worked for to see if they offer archival assistance. Not a lot do, but you might get lucky.
 

Bubba

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You might reach out to the college he worked for to see if they offer archival assistance. Not a lot do, but you might get lucky.
Oh, man, good call. I know they have a couple of boxes in their archives from his tenure as Department Chair, so they may be willing to take on some more of his research-related materials. I'll hoist a beer to honor your good name tonight, sir. :h:
 

imaplanner

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My father, who was diagnosed with dementia (likely alzheimers) 4 years ago has been driving dangerously. Routinely turning down the wrong way on major thoroughfares. The vehicle licensing department refused to help us. We finally took the keys away, and he is currently contacting lawyers to sue us for his keys back. Doubtful he gets anyone and even more doubtful he is successful, but I think perhaps he might never talk to any of us in the family ever again. Dementia is a horror.
 

Veloise

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My father, who was diagnosed with dementia (likely alzheimers) 4 years ago has been driving dangerously. Routinely turning down the wrong way on major thoroughfares. The vehicle licensing department refused to help us. We finally took the keys away, and he is currently contacting lawyers to sue us for his keys back. Doubtful he gets anyone and even more doubtful he is successful, but I think perhaps he might never talk to any of us in the family ever again. Dementia is a horror.
A dealership can create replacement keys for him without you knowing. You might want to leave the dome light on or disconnect the distributor cables.

The Carolyn Hax column addressed this a few weeks back, and there are many helpful ideas in the comments.

"My brother, who was the one who lived near our mother as she slipped in to dementia, took the distributor cap off her car. She'd go out to the garage, try to start the car, head back to the house to call the mechanic, and forget before she got there what she meant to do. Kept Mom from killing people."

"use the police, insurers, physicians, social services...c'mon, this is becoming an increasing problem for the population as a whole. I bet if you search for "how to get elderly to stop driving", you'll get a zillion hits. I've read a dozen suggestions on this board alone. This shouldn't even be a family or relationship problem anymore. Open your browser."

"This was a friend's father, who had a glioblastoma -- just like your dad, he was determined to keep driving. We removed the battery; he bought another. Removed the distributor cap; he found another. I finally wired in a second switch on the ignition for my friend; he never did find that second switch.
My grandmother, luckily, responded to one of the local cops who offered to take her keys. Showed up at the house and gently told her that she'd been seen having real problems driving, and he was here for her keys, she didn't want to hurt anyone accidentally, did she?
My mom, thankfully, had a major illness and couldn't drive for quite a while; by the time she'd recovered, she discovered she preferred being chauffeured."
 

Bubba

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My father, who was diagnosed with dementia (likely alzheimers) 4 years ago has been driving dangerously. Routinely turning down the wrong way on major thoroughfares. The vehicle licensing department refused to help us. We finally took the keys away, and he is currently contacting lawyers to sue us for his keys back. Doubtful he gets anyone and even more doubtful he is successful, but I think perhaps he might never talk to any of us in the family ever again. Dementia is a horror.
Disconnect the battery (and consider removing it), same thing with the spark plugs. Ended up doing this for both of my grandmothers.
 

Veloise

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...

The Carolyn Hax column addressed this a few weeks back, and there are many helpful ideas in the comments.
Today in Ask Amy:

"This is the first time I felt the need to weigh in, and it's in response to "Concerned Daughter," whose elderly mother won't stop driving. My husband was murdered at 45 by an elderly driver less than a mile from our home. He left behind daughters, ages 10 and 13. That was seven years ago.
We were such a typical, normal, happy, loving family. My mom calls it the Camelot years. We have never been able to put our lives back together. It tore our family apart. All three of us have had nearly successful suicide attempts. We have all been in therapy for years, but nothing can repair the damage that was done.
Take the keys."
 

TOFB

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Was at a family reunion today and 30 seconds into a conversation with my wife's 88 yr old uncle, realized he was gone. Sad.
 

Whose Yur Planner

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I had a minor scare this weekend. My folks didn't return my calls. They are in their mid-to-late 70s and live by themselves in a large city in the southwest. Come to find out they were having phone problems. It was a bit of a wakeup call for me.
 

Bubba

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- Got Mom into the memory care secure wing of a fantastic long-term care facility on Monday. I'd put her memory loss at 85 to 90% at this point - she recognizes some familiar faces, but will never be able to come up with a name, and is incapable of coherent small talk. Alzheimer's fonking sucks.

- Dad is on Day 24 in the hospital. He has full motor function in his limbs after his series of strokes, but might have some cognitive impairment - time will tell with that once he's stable enough to start rehab (possibly next Tuesday). We will be able to get him into the same facility as Mom (on a different wing) if he emerges from rehab able to walk (even with an aid like a cane or walker) and able to feed himself at the table. Rehab is going to be a long, slow grind through the end of November.

- My sister and I spent three days this week finishing the basic triage on their house and its contents, and have a plan in place moving forward on how to deal with its contents and eventually put it on the market. I amused myself during the time at their house by scaring off some of the phone scammers that had been working over my 81 year old father (I have a deep, penetrating voice and an expansive vocabulary :D). One of my tasks moving forward is going though 50+ years of Dad's papers, and sorting them into five general categories - keep, shred, or offer to donate to three places: University archives, county historical society, or their church. I'll be taking over their den next Friday night and all day Saturday to try and get through most of it - beer, pizza, football, dusty boxes, teetering piles of files, and eleventy billion paper cuts.
 

Jen

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Octogenarians do it too

A couple weeks ago the nursing home planned a "Senior Prom" and my Mom brought over Dad's tuxedo and she wore a fancy dress with heels :-c.

They boogied the night away, might've been a lap dance 8-! or two. She snuck in a couple beers and managed to spend the night snuggled up with my pops.

was told they both had had a noticeable afterglow. :-$:p;)

seriously it was therapeutic for them to have some private closeness, kinda like a respite visit.
 

luckless pedestrian

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Omg Jen that was the best post ever -

It's a wonderful epiphany when you see your parents as a married couple and even better to appreciate it in their elderly years
 

kjel

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A couple weeks ago the nursing home planned a "Senior Prom" and my Mom brought over Dad's tuxedo and she wore a fancy dress with heels :-c.

They boogied the night away, might've been a lap dance 8-! or two. She snuck in a couple beers and managed to spend the night snuggled up with my pops.

was told they both had had a noticeable afterglow. :-$:p;)

seriously it was therapeutic for them to have some private closeness, kinda like a respite visit.
Sounds like they had a lovely time.
 

Bubba

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Man, how things change in a month (the quoted post is from August 31)...

- Got Mom into the memory care secure wing of a fantastic long-term care facility on Monday. I'd put her memory loss at 85 to 90% at this point - she recognizes some familiar faces, but will never be able to come up with a name, and is incapable of coherent small talk. Alzheimer's fonking sucks.
Mom's thriving there (as much as possible) - physically healthy, looks great, and seems very happy. It took the folks there about half of a day to figure out what makes her tick.

- Dad is on Day 24 in the hospital. He has full motor function in his limbs after his series of strokes, but might have some cognitive impairment - time will tell with that once he's stable enough to start rehab (possibly next Tuesday). We will be able to get him into the same facility as Mom (on a different wing) if he emerges from rehab able to walk (even with an aid like a cane or walker) and able to feed himself at the table. Rehab is going to be a long, slow grind through the end of November.
Dad passed away late in the evening on September 19. Spent four days in a rehab facility before being rushed back to ICU with respiratory problems (ended up on a ventilator for a couple of days). Turns out his overall health issues were a lot worse than any of us knew in early August when this all started - multiple strokes, undiagnosed AFIB, very weak heart in general, etc. We eventually moved him to hospice, where he held on for just a couple of days. Incredible turnout at his funeral - I can't say enough about how my extended family (on both sides), his church, and the local community in general responded...the same goes for my team at work. My neighbors back up here in the ATL are also great folks - I have enough homemade chicken pot pie to feed a small army if any of y'all want to stop by this weekend. :D

- My sister and I spent three days this week finishing the basic triage on their house and its contents, and have a plan in place moving forward on how to deal with its contents and eventually put it on the market. I amused myself during the time at their house by scaring off some of the phone scammers that had been working over my 81 year old father (I have a deep, penetrating voice and an expansive vocabulary :D). One of my tasks moving forward is going though 50+ years of Dad's papers, and sorting them into five general categories - keep, shred, or offer to donate to three places: University archives, county historical society, or their church. I'll be taking over their den next Friday night and all day Saturday to try and get through most of it - beer, pizza, football, dusty boxes, teetering piles of files, and eleventy billion paper cuts.
We have the house contents down to six basic categories to finish sorting and disposing (disposing in a general sense, not trashing everything): clothes/linens/towels, furniture, tools and yard stuff, dishes/cookware/knickknacks, books, and the dreaded whatever is in the attic :-o.
 

Gedunker

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Sorry about your dad, Bubba. It's such a big help to have a great support network at times like that.
 

WSU MUP Student

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My condolences, Bubba, for the loss of your dad but I'm also glad to read that it sounds like your mother is doing very well in her place.
 

Veloise

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Man, how things change in a month (the quoted post is from August 31)...

Mom's thriving there (as much as possible) - physically healthy, looks great, and seems very happy. It took the folks there about half of a day to figure out what makes her tick.

Dad passed away late in the evening on September 19. Spent four days in a rehab facility before being rushed back to ICU with respiratory problems (ended up on a ventilator for a couple of days). Turns out his overall health issues were a lot worse than any of us knew in early August when this all started - multiple strokes, undiagnosed AFIB, very weak heart in general, etc. We eventually moved him to hospice, where he held on for just a couple of days. Incredible turnout at his funeral - I can't say enough about how my extended family (on both sides), his church, and the local community in general responded...the same goes for my team at work. My neighbors back up here in the ATL are also great folks - I have enough homemade chicken pot pie to feed a small army if any of y'all want to stop by this weekend. :D

We have the house contents down to six basic categories to finish sorting and disposing (disposing in a general sense, not trashing everything): clothes/linens/towels, furniture, tools and yard stuff, dishes/cookware/knickknacks, books, and the dreaded whatever is in the attic :-o.
Extending condolences on your dad's passing, and glad for you that it was not an extended process.

Did we all mention getting a pro in to handle an estate sale for you? Once or several times? ;)
 

Bubba

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Than you all. Group hug.

(Okay, that's enough - y'all can turn loose now. ;))

Did we all mention getting a pro in to handle an estate sale for you? Once or several times? ;)
Maybe...it might have been mentioned here. Possibly...

Mrs. Bubba is pushing this as well. At this point, though, after the donations and the family claiming various items, I'm not sure if there will be enough left for an estate sale. We'll see.
 

kms

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Man, how things change in a month (the quoted post is from August 31)...



Mom's thriving there (as much as possible) - physically healthy, looks great, and seems very happy. It took the folks there about half of a day to figure out what makes her tick.



Dad passed away late in the evening on September 19. Spent four days in a rehab facility before being rushed back to ICU with respiratory problems (ended up on a ventilator for a couple of days). Turns out his overall health issues were a lot worse than any of us knew in early August when this all started - multiple strokes, undiagnosed AFIB, very weak heart in general, etc. We eventually moved him to hospice, where he held on for just a couple of days. Incredible turnout at his funeral - I can't say enough about how my extended family (on both sides), his church, and the local community in general responded...the same goes for my team at work. My neighbors back up here in the ATL are also great folks - I have enough homemade chicken pot pie to feed a small army if any of y'all want to stop by this weekend. :D



We have the house contents down to six basic categories to finish sorting and disposing (disposing in a general sense, not trashing everything): clothes/linens/towels, furniture, tools and yard stuff, dishes/cookware/knickknacks, books, and the dreaded whatever is in the attic :-o.
Sad news. I'm sorry.
 

kjel

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I am sorry to hear about your dad's passing Bubba.
 

arcplans

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I am sorry for your loss Bubba. I truly know how it feels to lose your father. If you ever need to chat, hit me up.
 

luckless pedestrian

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I am sorry about your Dad, Bubba - it's very hard

We are ultimately using a company to sell and clear out my Mom's house - it's so hard and depressing - I must remember to do a de-acquisition phase when I get older so my kids won't have to do this
 

Bubba

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- Got Mom into the memory care secure wing of a fantastic long-term care facility on Monday. I'd put her memory loss at 85 to 90% at this point - she recognizes some familiar faces, but will never be able to come up with a name, and is incapable of coherent small talk. Alzheimer's fonking sucks.
Mom's thriving there (as much as possible) - physically healthy, looks great, and seems very happy. It took the folks there about half of a day to figure out what makes her tick.
Rapid deterioration, now in the last (seventh) stage of Alzheimer's, at the point where the physical deterioration is inexorable. Still in the same great facility, but we moved her over to palliative care with the local hospice for the remainder. Finally got their house to the point we can start talking to folks about managing an estate sale for it, made all of the other remaining financial decisions over the past weekend. Yippee.
 

JNA

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We are ultimately using a company to sell and clear out my Mom's house - it's so hard and depressing - I must remember to do a de-acquisition phase when I get older so my kids won't have to do this
I spent 2 weeks dealing w/ Mom's clean out so she could move & sell.
SiL spent a week doing the same.
We are still dealing with stuff because Mom shipped it cross country into a storage unit.
 

Salmissra

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My dad fell last week and hit his head hard enough to dent the wall. Then he had a seizure? episode of some kind in the ambulance on the way to the ER. He was admitted to the trauma unit because he is on bloodthinners because of the stents he had put in his heart 6-8 weeks ago.

After 4 days of tests, he is back home. No stroke, probably a mild concussion, and definately a seizure. He is using a walker to get up and down, as he has this tendency to use his core, rather than his legs, to push himself up. He has 1 new medication, and also has to do a couple of tests as an out-patient. He's mad because he basically did this to himself, but also mad because mom is not treating this as any kind of emergency and has in fact left on a trip she already had scheduled. Since he can't be left alone for 2 weeks (doctor's orders), the rest of the fmaily has to fill in while she is off on a girl's vacation.

This is not going over well with the rest of the fmaily, and she has lost any good karma she had over it. My aunt cleared her schedule for a few days, as I started a new job and can't be with him during the day. I canceled my weekend plans.

I love my dad and am worried about him. But didn't the wedding vows say for better or for worse? And didn't he take care of her when she went through chemo? I'm just not feeling the love with mom right now.
 

Salmissra

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And now dad's in the hospital again. Looks like a heart attack. This time mom drove him to his hospital of choice, rather than calling an ambulance. The episode two weeks ago (see previous post) sent him to the trauma unit rather than his preferred heart hospital.

I also just got my order of GS cookies. I have a feeling I'm going to be eating a lot of them under stress.
 
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