• We're a fun, friendly, and diverse group of planners, placemakers, built environment shapers, students, and other folks who found their people here. Create your FREE Cyburbia ID, and join us today! Register through your Reddit, Facebook, Google, Twitter, or Microsoft account, or use your email address.

The NEVERENDING Dating Thread

Michele Zone

BANNED
Messages
7,657
Points
28
From Reasons I'm glad to be a guy:
Jaxspra said:
OT:
Maybe I need to start a "dating" thread so all of you guys can school me on whats normal and whats not...just recently even became open to the idea of dating......it is a very scary thing....
As I have mentioned on previous occasions, I'm really not into the whole dating thing. But it seems like no one ever did start a Dating Thread and Natski's query about how to pick up a man on the train made me feel we really need a more general discussion -- if only because I don't want to rain on her parade with my own ponderings on the topic and inadverently cause a thread-jacking. :-x :a: As I noted in Natski's thread, I sometimes get very weird reactions from men who find me too forward. So, in addition to Jaxspra's query, please consider the following questions:

Men: Have you ever been picked up by a woman? If so, how did that happen and how did it work out? (ie did you just sleep with her and dump her? did it become a serious relationship? etc)

Women: Anyone here ever successfully pick up men rather than just let yourself get picked up? Or even successfully encourage a particular person to pick you up rather than merely waiting for someone, anyone to ask?

Add your own questions, thoughts and so forth. My intent is for this to be a General Discussion thread about the whole starting a relationship process usually called Dating.
 

imaplanner

Cyburbian
Messages
6,673
Points
27
I used to be really shy (more so than I am now) and I had a crush on a girl once. She must have noticed and she picked me up. Of course then later I found out she had a boyfriend already. :-(

But as I think I said in another post- most guys I know would be cool with a woman being forward. I will be attending a wedding this summer for a good friend who was essentially picked up by his soon to be wife (although they knew each other beforehand).

I would always advocate going for it because if the man is not cool with it than he is probably not the right dude anyways.
 

Michele Zone

BANNED
Messages
7,657
Points
28
imaplanner said:
I would always advocate going for it because if the man is not cool with it than he is probably not the right dude anyways.
I initiated my relationship with my husband. Well, the day we met, he picked an argument with me as his awkward way of (in his words years later) "getting a pretty girl to talk to him". But I had no idea at that time that he was interested, romantically. He is extremely introverted. So after we had become really good friends, I was the initiator of the romantic stuff. He was a very awkward teen (we met at age 16). But most men with better social skills than that seem to be weirded out by me if I attempt to initiate a relationship. Sigh. I am still trying to figure out what I do "wrong". (Not that I worry much about it -- plenty of men approach me, so it's not like I fear that I will end up lonely over this. It just puzzles/intrigues me.)
 

dandy_warhol

Cyburbian
Messages
8,983
Points
30
i've asked men out before. none of them minded. one of the guys i even tracked down from a party and we ended up dating for awhile. but he ended up being narcissistic and immature and plus he was a wannabe actor. (i guess i don't need to tell you i was the one who got dumped). although he was very good looking, unfortunately he knew it too.

i think one of the important rules to remember when dating is to not to move too quickly and this can be either dismissing the person too quickly or becoming emotionally attached too quickly. i'm almost ashamed to say it but one more than one occasion i didn't go out on a second date with a guy because of something very superficial e.g. fingernails. i was also a victim of moving too quickly. when i liked a guy in my head i'd have the wedding planned and the kids named. surprise surprise neither of those approaches worked very well.

when i finally relaxed and just enjoyed getting to know the guy without heavy expectations from him and from myself, i actually met a nice guy who liked me back! whodda thunk?
 

natski

Cyburbian
Messages
2,579
Points
21
As you all know from my crazy thread, i have no clue on these issues, so MZ i plan to learn heaps from this!!!

I also think that due to being much younger than everyone here, generally, i dont have the life experience to know much either. All's i know is i hate looking desperate, and in order not too, i let the guy ask me out etc.

After discussing this with friends yesterday we decided that its ok to let a guy know we are interested (i.e me introducing myself to hot train guy) but if they want anything more, its their turn to participate, shouldnt always be up to a chick to do everything! I would like to think if they like you enough they will ask you out...
 

dandy_warhol

Cyburbian
Messages
8,983
Points
30
natski said:
I also think that due to being much younger than everyone here, generally, i dont have the life experience to know much either. All's i know is i hate looking desperate, and in order not too, i let the guy ask me out etc.
i don't thinking asking a guy out makes you look desperate. i think it makes you look like you know what you want and you're not afraid to try and get it. too me it speaks more of confidence. it shows that your confident enough that either 1. the guy will want to go out with you or 2. if the guy doesn't want to go out with you it is no skin off your back.
 

Yorke790

Cyburbian
Messages
107
Points
6
Michele Zone said:
Men: Have you ever been picked up by a woman? If so, how did that happen and how did it work out? (ie did you just sleep with her and dump her? did it become a serious relationship? etc)
I've never been picked up by a woman, or at least I've never been confident enough to just assume that that is what it was. :)

I'm very very introverted, and tend to just stay away from the dating scene because of my complete ineptitude and lack of confidence. As of now, it adds up to an eight year hiatus from dating (a few pseudo first dates here and there, but nothing beyond that), and its looking permanent more and more each year.
 

donk

Cyburbian
Messages
6,970
Points
29
Every women I have dated, made the first move and asked me out. Most have worked out OK, no psychos or bad weirdness, except maybe from me.:-$
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
Messages
19,279
Points
43
Yes, I have been picked up by women before. One of them I dated for a while and it did not work out because we wanted to go different directions in life. Although my current GF did not pick me up, she is not passive and she kissed me before I had a chance to kiss her.

I think that it is a misconception about the need for guys to walk up and talk to a girl. Every time a girl comes up to talk to me, even now, I will still have a conversation with her. I will mention something about my Girl Friend so she does not get the wrong impression, but I think that most guys are flattered when a girl has the confidence to walk up to a guy. I think that a lot of guys are attracted to a woman who is confident like that. It shows the guy that she will not rely on him for everything and can hold her own.

natski said:
I also think that due to being much younger than everyone here, generally, i dont have the life experience to know much either. All's i know is i hate looking desperate, and in order not too, i let the guy ask me out etc.
Asking out a guy does not make you look desperate. If you walk up to a guy and start up a friendly conversation, then I think that most guys will respond well to that. If you walk up to a guy and try to get into his pants, that might come off as desperate, but you don’t seem like that type.

And there are a lot of younger people in here. I am only 27.
 

Lee Nellis

Cyburbian
Messages
1,371
Points
28
The most irritating thing is to look back into the past, realize that someone interesting was trying to pick you up, and know that you didn't get it. I now realize that it happened at least twice and I never got it. But I think my contribution to this thread will be to say:

Women need to know how scary it is for guys to initiate contact. The list of reasons you can come up with of why she will turn you down is endless (and quite humourous to an objective observer). Then it gets worse. As you get older you not only have the list of reasons why she will turn you down, you also develop a list of things that will probably go wrong if she says "yes."

At any rate, what mskis says is true: most guys will not think you are deperate. They will be relieved and glad to be having a conversation rather than having to approach you (or more usually decide not to) and have you think that they're trying to pick you up. You have to remember that most guys have little confidence in approaching women. If I wasn't blissfully married (to someone who made most of the first moves, including proposing, although technically I asked her out first), I think I would have gotten past that now and could comfortably (which is actually to say objectively) approach someone I found interesting - but I'm 53. Most of the guys you are talking about have all the same questions, issues, and fears you do.

If you're interested, go talk to them. If you find someone who's uncomfortable with that confidence, you've learned all you need to now and can move on.
 

DetroitPlanner

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
6,241
Points
26
I've been 'hit on' on more than one occasion. Some have went well for a while, others just crashed and burned. The ones that crashed and burned were typically group activities where I felt like I was a sheep being culled from the herd. Kind of odd to have someone you barely know treat you like a possession to be kept away from everyone else. Especially when she is drunk and you don't drink.
 

jmello

Cyburbian
Messages
2,583
Points
21
Michele Zone said:
Men: Have you ever been picked up by a woman? If so, how did that happen and how did it work out? (ie did you just sleep with her and dump her? did it become a serious relationship? etc)
One night when I was in college and worked at the school newpaper, we had an end of year get together at a local bar. Coincidentally, I had just broken up with my long-time live-in girlfriend. I organized it and for some reason the only people that showed up were a guy I was good friends with and a girl that I found very attractive. The three of us hung out for a bit. The guy got up to go to the bar and the girl ask me if I ever wanted to "hang out" with her alone (i.e. date). I said sure, how about tonight! She was surprised at my forwardness, but agreed. We ditched the guy and headed back to my house in a cab. I only saw her twice after that, as I was not looking for another long-term GF at the time.
 

CosmicMojo

Member
Messages
543
Points
16
I hindsight, from my safe, now married seat, I can see I didn't take enough risk in my dating life. So, go out on a limb every once in a while, at least you tried.

I too, often later realized someone was flirting with me and I didn't realize it at the time. So, be receptive to signals and if you think you're picking up on a little interest, respond in kind and something may spark. I never had the nerve to flirt back, so I probably missed a few good chances.

But also, remember that once you let someone know you're interested, it may be good to step back and let them make the next move. If someone wants to follow up, they will. I hate to think how much time I wasted wondering if a guy was going to call when now I know, if he wants to talk, he'll call, period.
 

vaughan

Cyburbian
Messages
335
Points
11
The relationship that has just ended for me, this week, was one that was initiated by the woman. Additionally, it was somewhat of a taboo relationship, and she was pretty darn shy. So her making the first move was HUGE for her. And i accepted, and we just had a wonderful year and a half. We've ended it really recently (tuesday, officially) because of those somewhat taboo issues (one was the age difference- she was 14 years older than me; the other I won't go into), and because we needed to go different ways.

Reflecting on that, we never would have just had the year and a half we had if she hadn't initiated it. If you're interested, go for it.
 

otterpop

Cyburbian
Messages
6,655
Points
27
Yes. I've been "picked up." Once was at a bar. I was with a bunch of friends and this woman kept giving me the "come hither" look. I realized later it was because I was the only guy there who wasn't with a woman. I smiled at her, but didn't "come hither." Later when I walked out the bar, she followed me out. We talked a bit. She said she needed a ride. We got in my car and after a little bit I realized she really didn't have anywhere in mind to go. I took her back to my place. You can guess the rest. The next morning I couldn't even remember her name. While she was in the shower I checked her purse so at least I knew that much. Made her breakfast. Dropped her off at a bar. Good bye.

The other time I got "picked up" was by a classmate. She would come over to my apartment after school. We were friends. She was the coolest woman Id ever met. She announced one day at my apartment that she fantasized about "lying on my flowered sheets." She had a husband, so that wasn't something I particularly wanted her to do. She actively pursued me, which I must admit I found flattering. She even announced that we were an item at a party (thankfully her husband was not in attendance), and I was pissed off. But I really did like her and was definitely attrracted to her. Eventually she separated from hubby and she and I were then an item. She moved away and for about two years she would just show up unannounced at my house and stay the night. I moved and didn't let her know where to. I haven't seen her for a long time.

Being a shy and introspective fellow, I always appreciated women who made the first move.
 

SW MI Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
3,195
Points
26
I'm shy in that I have never approached a guy, and don't think I ever would. Once introduced I am quite friendly and I'm a big flirt. But, I flirt with everyone though, so that is nothing new.
 

Richmond Jake

You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!
Messages
18,267
Points
43
I've only been picked up once. But that was due to a Sadie Hawkins Day dance in high school, so I guess that doesn't count. :-|
 

otterpop

Cyburbian
Messages
6,655
Points
27
Often it is said: "Why do women date jerks or bad boys?" I think part of the reason is that those bad boys and jerks are not one bit shy about asking women out. Maybe they are not the best men around, but at least they are showing interest. The "nice" guys are more likely to be reticent and less predatory. So women shouldn't be shy about asking men they like out.
 

CosmicMojo

Member
Messages
543
Points
16
otterpop said:
Often it is said: "Why do women date jerks or bad boys?" I think part of the reason is that those bad boys and jerks are not one bit shy about asking women out. Maybe they are not the best men around, but at least they are showing interest. The "nice" guys are more likely to be reticent and less predatory. So women shouldn't be shy about asking men they like out.
Agreed.
Another reason women date bad boys and men date crazy women is that the bad factor gives us a rush of adrenalin based on the fear. We know we're doing something wrong, dating a bad person and we shouldn't do it, so our body feels a rush of adrenalin. That is what our body does when we sense fear, send some adrenalin out.

The problem is we mistake that rush of adrenalin for the similar feel of lust/passion/love. They do feel similar (butterflies in stomach). We have to learn to distinguish the nuance of difference between the two and note "oh, that's just fear-based adrenalin, NOT passion" and walk away from the bad ones.
(note, I say "we" as an example only, I am happily married!)

Another reason is the bad boys and crazy girls often are more exciting, aminated, lustful. For some reason we think they can be crazy some times, but get frustrated when they end up being crazy all the time. My male neighbor asked me "why do all the best women in bed end up being crazy?" and I said, you just answered your question. They act crazy, ergo they are crazy. You just have to stop thinking you can have your cake and eat it too. You want crazy, great, go for it. But accept that you'll get crazy 24/7. You want stable? Then be consistent and go after some girls who act stable. No more drama queens who flatter you with their effusive attention.

(another note, not saying still waters don't run deep, if you know what I mean. But this guy always goes after dramatic highly emotional women and then gets frustrated 'cause they end up stalking him.)
 

clare2582

Cyburbian
Messages
194
Points
7
The one time that I really laid it on the line and told a guy that I was interested worked out great... turns out he was pretty interested too, but couldn't figure out what my deal was. We still broke up a while later, but it was a pretty good return on my investment.

I don't typically try to pick up guys. I'm not the best conversationalist in the world, and I've had some difficulty talking to guys... or anyone for that matter. Even when they try to pick me up, my mind goes completely blank.
 

Jaxspra

Cyburbian
Messages
3,517
Points
23
I'll have to start with "I don't date"...I really don't, but I go out a lot and I have a lot of guys/guy friends/potential guys around me. I am not afraid to walk up to a guy and talk, but I don't know that I could ever ask a guy to go out on a date. I definately don't think there is anything wrong with it. I do have a complex though about seeming desperate....

Last night I think I did sort of elude to it though....there is this guy (I have posted in some other thread about the 23 year old guy that has been hitting on me) that I have had an ongoing flirting thing going on for the past few months...we were talking about food or something, I asked him if he liked sushi, he told me he had never eatin it so I said "Well, I'll have to take you out to dinner some night"...I couldn't believe I said it (the several bourbon and diets beforehand may have helped me along :-$ ;) ) he said he would love to go out to dinner sometime...(no, we didn't make any plans, as usual I blew it off :r: ...like I said, I don't date :r: )
 

Mastiff

Gunfighter
Messages
7,181
Points
30
I was kind of like Jax... I never dated in the traditional manner. I had girlfriends and uh, female "buddies" when I was younger, but I never did the "can I take you out to dinner" stuff.

Of course, I'm not real typical these days, either... :a:
 

nerudite

Cyburbian
Messages
6,544
Points
29
I'm more of a serial monogamist. Find a guy I like, become friends, become more than friends, move in, get sick of each other, move out. Or at least that's how it was during my 14 years of being a bachelorette. Luckily, I broke that habit this last time around. Whew.

I've only been on a few 'real' dates in my life. And none of them were that exciting. :(
 

Michele Zone

BANNED
Messages
7,657
Points
28
otterpop said:
Often it is said: "Why do women date jerks or bad boys?" I think part of the reason is that those bad boys and jerks are not one bit shy about asking women out. Maybe they are not the best men around, but at least they are showing interest. The "nice" guys are more likely to be reticent and less predatory. So women shouldn't be shy about asking men they like out.
Actually, this is an issue that I think is significant. One example that comes readily to mind: I got hooked up with Mr. Zone about 2 weeks before I turned 18. The weekend before my 18th birthday, a guy I knew who was in his mid to late twenties (26 - 28?) came to town hoping to tell me he was interested. He had been such a gentleman the entire time I knew him that I had no idea he was attracted. By the time it was apparent that he really liked me, I was already involved with someone. My age had not stopped another man in his mid twenties from taking me out briefly. It isn't a criminal offense to let on that you find a 17 1/2 year old attractive. You just can't sleep with her. I felt so bad when I realized he came to town that weekend hoping to finally, at long last, let me know how he felt about me and he was just a tad too late.

EDIT:
nerudite, I went on about half a dozen dates when I was 16 and then swore off them "for life". I wonder sometimes how that "vow" will hold up post-divorce. But I really am not a big fan of dating per se.

So many other things I could respond to. Maybe tomorrow. :)
 

btrage

Cyburbian
Messages
6,423
Points
26
Men love it when women approach them. Men who don't like confident women are insecure themselves.

That being said, our society still has a problem seeing women as aggressive, sexual beings. Many men see aggresive women as simply easy. That's unfortunate and a result of the double standard we have. A man who sleeps with many women is a hero, while a woman who sleeps with many men is a whore.

My response to that is.."If you really love her, it doesn't matter who she's slept with before, just be happy she's sleeping with you now.";-)

(as long as she doesn't have an STD or is cheating :-{ )
 

Michele Zone

BANNED
Messages
7,657
Points
28
btrage said:
Men love it when women approach them. Men who don't like confident women are insecure themselves.
Looking back on some of my flops, I have concluded it wasn't "me" so much as circumstances beyond my control. Yeah, That's it. ;)






Now I am waiting to see if I have better success in the future, thus proving my hypothesis. :-D Or perhaps I'll flop again, thus proving I am full of crap and really do have the makings of a psycho stalker. :-c
 

Zoning Goddess

Cyburbian
Messages
13,853
Points
38
Michele Zone said:
Looking back on some of my flops, I have concluded it wasn't "me" so much as circumstances beyond my control. Yeah, That's it. ;)
I always was of the opinion that my "flops" were due more to not knowing enough about the guy before we went out, then we discovered we were totally not suited. At least if you know someone, or know a bit about them, beforehand, you can avoid some real disasters. On the other hand, had a few blind dates in my '20's that worked out wonderfully.
 

LorenzoRoyal

Cyburbian
Messages
59
Points
4
It makes things more interesting when the woman asks the man out. I'd have no problem with a woman asking me out. It's crazy out there dating and I have tendencies to freeze up when asking a female out. They say lack of confidence kills, but sometimes you don't know what you're doing when you jump into the dating pool.
 

natski

Cyburbian
Messages
2,579
Points
21
LorenzoRoyal said:
It makes things more interesting when the woman asks the man out.
How does it? Ok yeah some guys are shy, but i think it should work both ways.
 

Michele Zone

BANNED
Messages
7,657
Points
28
On second thought, please ignore the last post. If a mod would be so kind as to delete it that might simplify matters. I am concerned that my previous "clarification" will only deepen the problem. Let me state more clearly I was only attempting to get the conversation rolling, not soliciting "advice". While I appreciate that everyone here has good intentions, I feel that those good intentions are paving a road to hell in that I do not appreciate the portrait of myself which is emerging from this converstion. It is quite unflattering and makes me feel like I am still being haunted by the ghost of "Shopping For REAL Women".

Let's see if we can set the record straight:
A) If you would like to reply to my questions, please give personal anecdotes about your own experiences with a situation where the woman was the initiator. Please refrain from giving me advice. I don't need it. There is no shortage of men who would like to stand next to my fire.

B) There have been 2 or 3 misunderstandings in my life where I fell on my face Big Time. In some ways, those were mortifying experiences which still bother me. In other ways, they are rather humorous. I have mostly been poking fun at them, which seems to have been largely misinterpreted as me having some Big Problem.

C) I would also love it if other directions of inquiry were added so as to take the focus off this misperception that I desperately need dating advice. I don't date. I don't plan on dating. It has never prevented me from enjoying the company of men and working out arrangements which meet my emotional needs.

Thank you.
 

natski

Cyburbian
Messages
2,579
Points
21
Stress less MZ!!!

Ok i thought i would post this here instead of my entertaining htg thread...

Say you have known someone for a period of time (i.e 4 years) and they has previously shown they are interested in you, but had never done anything about it, and just one day come out of the wood work and tell you their feelings, what should you do?

Do you go on a date, and just give it a go? Do you turn around and say, well you had 4 years- its too late?
 

kjel

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,062
Points
33
natski said:
Stress less MZ!!!

Ok i thought i would post this here instead of my entertaining htg thread...

Say you have known someone for a period of time (i.e 4 years) and they has previously shown they are interested in you, but had never done anything about it, and just one day come out of the wood work and tell you their feelings, what should you do?

Do you go on a date, and just give it a go? Do you turn around and say, well you had 4 years- its too late?
Give it a go! The worse thing that can happen is nothing!
 

Dan

Dear Leader
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
17,549
Points
55
A question to women out there:

In the past month, I've been on two different dates with two different women where she gets a phone call, and ... lo and behold, the babysitter says the kid is acting up, and wants her mommy. We settle up the tab, and she leaves, usually never to be seen again.

I think it's all an act. A woman gets a friend to call her about an hour or so into the date. If it's going well, she'll pick up the phone, say she's okay, and hang up. If she thinks it's the date from hell (which now means anything less than sparks a'flyin'), she'll make up a story about the kid, using that as an excuse to escape.

So, is the "kid acting up" story a common ploy to get out of a date?
 

Tranplanner

maudit anglais
Messages
7,903
Points
34
Dan said:
A question to women out there:

In the past month, I've been on two different dates with two different women where she gets a phone call, and ... lo and behold, the babysitter says the kid is acting up, and wants her mommy. We settle up the tab, and she leaves, usually never to be seen again.

I think it's all an act. A woman gets a friend to call her about an hour or so into the date. If it's going well, she'll pick up the phone, say she's okay, and hang up. If she thinks it's the date from hell, she'll amke up a story about the kid, anduse that as an excuse to escape.

So, is the "kid acting up" story a common ploy to get out of a date?
Maybe your dates are clients? Pulse24 story

I would say that if this is happens, and then they never call you again, you've been fed a line. If they were still interested, I would think they would call you to set up another date or just talk. Sorry.
 

nerudite

Cyburbian
Messages
6,544
Points
29
natski said:
Do you go on a date, and just give it a go? Do you turn around and say, well you had 4 years- its too late?
Depends if you think you'd like them in that way, or if you want to stick to your original friendship. they not have been in the right place in their life for the past four years, so even if they liked you, they didn't want to waste your time. I had a good friend for many years, and we never pursued anything... but then one day it just clicked. Somehow, we had both changed but in a way that made us more compatible, when years before that we probably would have been a bad couple. It didn't last too long, and we're back to the 'just friends' thing... but it was worth a shot at the time. :)
 

kjel

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,062
Points
33
Dan said:
A question to women out there:

In the past month, I've been on two different dates with two different women where she gets a phone call, and ... lo and behold, the babysitter says the kid is acting up, and wants her mommy. We settle up the tab, and she leaves, usually never to be seen again.

I think it's all an act. A woman gets a friend to call her about an hour or so into the date. If it's going well, she'll pick up the phone, say she's okay, and hang up. If she thinks it's the date from hell (which now means anything less than sparks a'flyin'), she'll make up a story about the kid, using that as an excuse to escape.

So, is the "kid acting up" story a common ploy to get out of a date?
This reminds me of the new cell phone commercial where the guy goes to the restroom and the lady conference calls her friends asking them how to ditch the date (the date was kinda hideous). It's pretty safe to say that if they haven't called you again that it was just a ruse. Sorry....I guess I have better manners than that. I would at least stick out the date and tell you later that you were nice but nothing clicked.

As for dating...hmm well I guess that I choose not to date due to some extreme time constraints on my schedule at the moment. I've never really had a problem with it in the past. I guess that I have learned to just be myself with people and not take it personally if someone doesn't want to go out with me. Do I pick men up? lol not quite, but I am not afraid to approach a man and most men are intrigued if a woman approaches them, not to mention relieved.
 

Bear Up North

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
9,329
Points
30
I hesitated for a few days while thinking about this thread and my probable comments. What the heck.....

This Bear has been on quite a few dates. I am just an average guy yet many of those dates turned out very well. Very well could mean having a good friend to hang with for awhile, very well could mean a nice sexual relationship, very well could (and did) lead to marriage(s).

I have been picked-up a few times and some of those events turned out super and some left me wanting to run down the street screaming. It also seems that when I was between relationships (or between marriages) dating was tougher. Perhaps I came across as desperate. :-$ (EDIT THIS PARAGRAPH: This sounds like my dating is just fine when I am married or in a relationship. No, no.....I meant dating was easier when I was younger.....No, no.....ahhhhh....what the heck do I mean? Ahhhhhh.......)

When Katie and I met I was a couple years out of a bad marriage, with a woman who liked other men a bit too-too much. :-( The first few dates with Katie were wonderful.....the kind of romantic dates that we all read about and watch in the movies. Eleven years later we still have a great relationship and I am convinced that our "great dates" taught us enough about each other to justify the plunge.

Bear
 

natski

Cyburbian
Messages
2,579
Points
21
Update on Natski's dating woes

I mentioned the other day that a long time friend came out of the woodwork and told me they had feelings etc etc.

Well i decided to meet up with him for lunch the other day, and i thought it went well. I mean i guess i was slightly freaked out by how much this guy liked me, well apparently did anyway.

But today a get a phone msg saying that he didnt want a relationship. So i am like ok why and he really didnt give me one. I didnt mention before, but this guy had previously chased after me, but screwed me round a bit, and gave up trying. So Monday i got a huge apology over it all and he asked for a chance to redeem himself and today i get a no sorry... again!

I give up, i must attract idiots...

So the dating, or potential dating continues...
 

Michele Zone

BANNED
Messages
7,657
Points
28
natski said:
I give up, i must attract idiots...

So the dating, or potential dating continues...
People can have internal conflicts and not really know what they want. Some folks are commitment-phobic. And the fantasy of what he thinks a relationship with you might be like may die rapidly in the face of reality.

Sorry you feel burned...or whatever.
 

donk

Cyburbian
Messages
6,970
Points
29
I was at a book reading last night and a cute emo girl sat next to me, we chatted for awhile, until the start, and chatted in line for signings. But I lacked the nerve/confidence to ask for her number. Looking back, I think she would have given it to me, oops.
 

natski

Cyburbian
Messages
2,579
Points
21
donk said:
I was at a book reading last night and a cute emo girl sat next to me, we chatted for awhile, until the start, and chatted in line for signings. But I lacked the nerve/confidence to ask for her number. Looking back, I think she would have given it to me, oops.
Have i taught you nothing?!!!!;-)
 

LorenzoRoyal

Cyburbian
Messages
59
Points
4
donk said:
I was at a book reading last night and a cute emo girl sat next to me, we chatted for awhile, until the start, and chatted in line for signings. But I lacked the nerve/confidence to ask for her number. Looking back, I think she would have given it to me, oops.
I can see that happening. They say "just go for it" but I end up half-mumbling in the same situation.
 

Michele Zone

BANNED
Messages
7,657
Points
28
LorenzoRoyal said:
I can see that happening. They say "just go for it" but I end up half-mumbling in the same situation.
New question to discuss: What is it about the prospect of emotional/romantic rejection that makes normally intelligent, articulate people into utter ninnies? -- tongue-tied, bumbling, mumbling and so forth. At such times, they typically look (or feel) like one of the following:

:-( :-| :-c :-$ :-x :-s :-\ :s: x| +o( :-b 8-! :loser: :u:

Discuss. :)
 

LorenzoRoyal

Cyburbian
Messages
59
Points
4
Sometimes you get really worked up to ask someone out. Ask that person, and that person says no. On this occasion a strong--not a mumbling--voice is used. In other words, they showed some confidence. Some people can move on from this rejection, but it crushes others.
 

Mastiff

Gunfighter
Messages
7,181
Points
30
donk said:
I was at a book reading last night and a cute emo girl sat next to me, we chatted for awhile, until the start, and chatted in line for signings. But I lacked the nerve/confidence to ask for her number. Looking back, I think she would have given it to me, oops.
Use this one... "Hmmm... I seem to have lost my number, can I have yours?"
 
Top