The NEVERENDING Dating Thread

Gedunker

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Congratulations gtpeach! Very happy for you and CCG.

Is this when we planners also share our wedding planning expertise?8-!;)
 
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$60 and subway fare over here.
I was a dilettante and didn't know it, but we kept it under $300, IIRC.

I can't remember if our rings were $60 for the two or $60 apiece. Then there was the cost of blood tests, which I don't recall, and I think the marriage license was $20. I didn't drive and we covered cab fare on at least two separate occasions. We went to a restaurant and a movie to celebrate.

(All my money. I also routinely paid for our dates, yadda. Then I was a homemaker for two decades.)
 

gtpeach

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Congratulations peach!!! That sounds so romantic and heartfelt and personal. :l: I am very happy for you two. <:D
Thank you so much! He's talking to our pastor today. They had already planned to meet, but I feel a little guilty that he's having the initial conversation alone... although I did mention to our pastor that we'd likely be talking to him soon. :)

I am really happy and excited for the future. He's embraced the foster situation like a champ. He's gone out of his way to accommodate all my weird work and personal issues that could have potentially presented a lot of challenges and reasons to not invest in me. He's committed to doing what's in the girls' best interest and hasn't complained once about it. He's the kind of man that I knew existed, but never thought I'd be fortunate enough to end up with.
 

AG74683

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Yesterday was her birthday so I sent her a text and we talked a bit. It's the first time I've talked to her in just about a month.

I asked if maybe she wanted to get lunch this week, but she turned it down. They've had some turnover and she's working like 3 jobs so she is super stressed and just said she didn't feel like doing lunch most of the time. I floated the idea of just trying to be friends, but she seems a little apprehensive. I can't make sense of her texts when she gets kind of emotional. She said "doing friend stuff when you want more than that with that person is not something easy". I think maybe she's been in a similar situation, just on the other side, IE she was me in her past scenario (guy didn't want anything more, she did). I dunno, we will see. I'm fine with just being friends. I've thought a lot about it and think that we really just skipped the friends part and went straight to a relationship. I know little about her, and honestly think we didn't have a ton in common to begin with.

I think we were just both so lonely that we launched into whatever we found that "fit", even if the fit wasn't right. Who knows, maybe something will come out of the friendship, maybe not, I'm just glad to be talking to her again.
 
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Yesterday was her birthday so I sent her a text and we talked a bit. It's the first time I've talked to her in just about a month.

I asked if maybe she wanted to get lunch this week, but she turned it down. They've had some turnover and she's working like 3 jobs so she is super stressed and just said she didn't feel like doing lunch most of the time. I floated the idea of just trying to be friends, but she seems a little apprehensive. I can't make sense of her texts when she gets kind of emotional. She said "doing friend stuff when you want more than that with that person is not something easy". I think maybe she's been in a similar situation, just on the other side, IE she was me in her past scenario (guy didn't want anything more, she did). I dunno, we will see. I'm fine with just being friends. I've thought a lot about it and think that we really just skipped the friends part and went straight to a relationship. I know little about her, and honestly think we didn't have a ton in common to begin with.

I think we were just both so lonely that we launched into whatever we found that "fit", even if the fit wasn't right. Who knows, maybe something will come out of the friendship, maybe not, I'm just glad to be talking to her again.
I know this is going to cause me some flak. This is why I try to keep friends and love interest separate. To me they are a separate set of emotions. Should you like and have things in common with your girlfriend, absolutely. However, she's not your buddy. Plus, there is the physical element with your girlfriend that you shouldn't have with a friend.
 

AG74683

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Against everyone's advice, I've still been extremely hung up on this whole thing, and I think I finally figured it out. I think it comes down to a racial thing. She is Hispanic, I am not. She told me several times there are definite cultural differences, and expressed to a girl who works with us now that she would never date a white person because it would just be too difficult several years ago. Hell, she dated a guy from Brazil for a while several years ago, and told her it couldn't be serious ever because of that cultural difference. Of course, I shrugged it off because I don't understand these cultural differences because I've never been exposed to it (IE I'm selfish) and just said we'd work through it.

The timeline of the demise of the relationship matches perfectly. Everything was great until we made it an official thing and posted it on Facebook. Within two weeks we were at the "I need a break stage". She told me the day after the Facebook thing that there was a big blowup at her dad's birthday party because he got really upset about the relationship and refused to talk to her and that her family claimed she "ruined the party". I think she really tried hard to work through it, but just couldn't do it. I don't think she wanted to tell me this was the reason, because it makes her and her family look horrible, so she took all the blame. She was faced with a decision to choose me, or be constantly under pressure from her family over it.

Maybe I'm just making reasons where there are none, but this really fits both what she's told other people over the years, and how the relationship soured immediately. This also explains her reluctance to be friends, simply because she wants more but can't do it, and can't be with me in that way. At the end of the day, I went headlong into this relationship with no regard to what issues it would cause with her family. Granted, she never really stressed to me how difficult it would be, but I should have taken the hint and tried to work harder on that part before we made a big deal out of it.
 

Maister

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Against everyone's advice, I've still been extremely hung up on this whole thing, and I think I finally figured it out. I think it comes down to a racial thing. She is Hispanic, I am not. She told me several times there are definite cultural differences, and expressed to a girl who works with us now that she would never date a white person because it would just be too difficult several years ago. Hell, she dated a guy from Brazil for a while several years ago, and told her it couldn't be serious ever because of that cultural difference. Of course, I shrugged it off because I don't understand these cultural differences because I've never been exposed to it (IE I'm selfish) and just said we'd work through it.

The timeline of the demise of the relationship matches perfectly. Everything was great until we made it an official thing and posted it on Facebook. Within two weeks we were at the "I need a break stage". She told me the day after the Facebook thing that there was a big blowup at her dad's birthday party because he got really upset about the relationship and refused to talk to her and that her family claimed she "ruined the party". I think she really tried hard to work through it, but just couldn't do it. I don't think she wanted to tell me this was the reason, because it makes her and her family look horrible, so she took all the blame. She was faced with a decision to choose me, or be constantly under pressure from her family over it.

Maybe I'm just making reasons where there are none, but this really fits both what she's told other people over the years, and how the relationship soured immediately. This also explains her reluctance to be friends, simply because she wants more but can't do it, and can't be with me in that way. At the end of the day, I went headlong into this relationship with no regard to what issues it would cause with her family. Granted, she never really stressed to me how difficult it would be, but I should have taken the hint and tried to work harder on that part before we made a big deal out of it.
Raf, you want to chime in with any insights on the cultural divide here?
 

mendelman

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Against everyone's advice, I've still been extremely hung up on this whole thing, and I think I finally figured it out. I think it comes down to a racial thing. She is Hispanic, I am not. She told me several times there are definite cultural differences, and expressed to a girl who works with us now that she would never date a white person because it would just be too difficult several years ago. Hell, she dated a guy from Brazil for a while several years ago, and told her it couldn't be serious ever because of that cultural difference. Of course, I shrugged it off because I don't understand these cultural differences because I've never been exposed to it (IE I'm selfish) and just said we'd work through it.

The timeline of the demise of the relationship matches perfectly. Everything was great until we made it an official thing and posted it on Facebook. Within two weeks we were at the "I need a break stage". She told me the day after the Facebook thing that there was a big blowup at her dad's birthday party because he got really upset about the relationship and refused to talk to her and that her family claimed she "ruined the party". I think she really tried hard to work through it, but just couldn't do it. I don't think she wanted to tell me this was the reason, because it makes her and her family look horrible, so she took all the blame. She was faced with a decision to choose me, or be constantly under pressure from her family over it.

Maybe I'm just making reasons where there are none, but this really fits both what she's told other people over the years, and how the relationship soured immediately. This also explains her reluctance to be friends, simply because she wants more but can't do it, and can't be with me in that way. At the end of the day, I went headlong into this relationship with no regard to what issues it would cause with her family. Granted, she never really stressed to me how difficult it would be, but I should have taken the hint and tried to work harder on that part before we made a big deal out of it.
Dude.

This is harsh, but bullet dodged.

That kind of family drama would have made your life miserable (much worse that it already has).

You don't need her if her family was more important to her than you.

My in-laws are emotionally difficult (at best), but my wife is/was over their bull, so our 17 years together has worked well.
 
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I've been hesitant about posting in this thread again. First, a disclaimer, I've cross cultural and cross race dated. I've had to overcome language barriers. Yes the differences are a pain and take some getting used to. However, if both parties are committed to over coming the difference, they will. It boils down to what is more important. Plus all long term couples learn to overcome the differences. Again, it depends on what you are focusing and what is more important.
 

kjel

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I've been hesitant about posting in this thread again. First, a disclaimer, I've cross cultural and cross race dated. I've had to overcome language barriers. Yes the differences are a pain and take some getting used to. However, if both parties are committed to over coming the difference, they will. It boils down to what is more important. Plus all long term couples learn to overcome the differences. Again, it depends on what you are focusing and what is more important.
I am going to give this a +2. My first husband was from the Middle East and my current husband is from the Dominican Republic. If you truly are invested in a relationship and love someone you figure out a way to bridge the differences whether they be cultural, religious, racial, etc.

Again, I think you need to let it go and move on. Perhaps seek some therapy to figure out as to why you cannot.
 
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I am going to give this a +2. My first husband was from the Middle East and my current husband is from the Dominican Republic. If you truly are invested in a relationship and love someone you figure out a way to bridge the differences whether they be cultural, religious, racial, etc.

Again, I think you need to let it go and move on. Perhaps seek some therapy to figure out as to why you cannot.
Not to pile on and make AG feel worse, but there are plenty of biracial and bicultural couples out there. Heavens, my ex was from the Deep South and I was from the Midwest. We had plenty of cultural and some language barriers to overcome and we were together for seven years.
 
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