The NEVERENDING Dating Thread

AG74683

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Not to pile on and make AG feel worse, but there are plenty of biracial and bicultural couples out there.
Yeah but that generally takes strong people, and she isn't, at least not with things like this. I am 100% certain this was the reason. She brought up the cultural issue at least twice while we were together. She wouldn't even date another Hispanic guy someone tried to set her up with because his last name wasn't "appropriate" and her family wouldn't approve. Once I brought this up to people who know of the situation, everyone agreed that this fit the bill perfectly, and matches things she's said or done in the past.

She was incredibly hesitant to put the relationship on Facebook, and I remember specifically her mentioning that her parents didn't know about us yet and how she was concerned about how they'd react. My moms first question when I told her about the girl was "is she legal?". Both my parents had issues with it too, but never really said much. My sister dated a Hispanic person for a while too, and when I brought this up as a potential reason, she said that she always believed that's the reason why her relationship ended suddenly too.
 
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Yeah but that generally takes strong people, and she isn't, at least not with things like this. I am 100% certain this was the reason. She brought up the cultural issue at least twice while we were together. She wouldn't even date another Hispanic guy someone tried to set her up with because his last name wasn't "appropriate" and her family wouldn't approve. Once I brought this up to people who know of the situation, everyone agreed that this fit the bill perfectly, and matches things she's said or done in the past.

She was incredibly hesitant to put the relationship on Facebook, and I remember specifically her mentioning that her parents didn't know about us yet and how she was concerned about how they'd react. My moms first question when I told her about the girl was "is she legal?". Both my parents had issues with it too, but never really said much. My sister dated a Hispanic person for a while too, and when I brought this up as a potential reason, she said that she always believed that's the reason why her relationship ended suddenly too.
It sounds like both families had issues with it then. I get that to a degree. I come from a mixed religious background (Catholic/Protestant). 50+ years ago, that was a big deal and my mom converted from Catholic to Protestant and their was still issues with both sets of grandparents.
 

arcplans

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If you truly are invested in a relationship and love someone you figure out a way to bridge the differences whether they be cultural, religious, racial, etc.
This. All this. My first wife, we both had trouble with our cultural differences. Ultimately, it was partially why we broke up, but not all. My folks never accepted her, hence their sense of "relief" when I told them I was getting a divorce. It's not that my parents were "anti-" non persons other than salvadoreno decent, they should figured if I settled down, that person should able to meld with their culture norms. My ex-wife never could, my current girlfriend can. Full disclosure, they are both white.

She was incredibly hesitant to put the relationship on Facebook, and I remember specifically her mentioning that her parents didn't know about us yet and how she was concerned about how they'd react. My moms first question when I told her about the girl was "is she legal?". Both my parents had issues with it too, but never really said much. My sister dated a Hispanic person for a while too, and when I brought this up as a potential reason, she said that she always believed that's the reason why her relationship ended suddenly too.
So each "hispanic" culture is different. My folks wanted to make sure that whomever I dated was from the "proper class". Case in point, my HS sweetheart, 100% salvaderno, was not of the proper educated "middle class and above". While she could "take care of me" in the typical latina wife manner (cooking, cleaning, yanno being the domestic slave) which is great and all, they couldn't get past that her parents and family were scraping by in life, nor their daughter, with no hopes of college, to be dating their "prize son". My ex-wife came from a mormon family and they deemed her to not be worthy of me because she wasn't college educated, and viewed her domestic habits as lazy and she just wanted to spend money that wasn't earned by her. They were about 90% right on her. My current gf, my parents adore. Hard working, catholic, college educated, matriarch of the house, upbringing of middle class, great family core and strong family values in terms of taking care of not just immediate, but extended family. It's the happiest and easiest relationship I have been in.

Each culture is different. TBH i couldn't give a rip of what my folks thought of. I have dated blacks, asians, white, and hispanics. A person is a person, and as you get to know them, you introduce them to the culture. Highly educated hispanics understand this. Unfortunately, our lower echelon brethren quite haven't got there. Ultimately AG, don't use this as an excuse. The "culture differences" didn't do in my ex-wife and I. We, as individual persons did. If you are more than willing to overcome that for a person you love, you will do it. Trust me, I have had to have many conversations with the Dutch Queen (my gf) about white privilege, etc, which luckily she gets since she works with migrant farm worker's children.

AG, just let go. If she didn't want to put the work in now because "you just don't understand the culture", it's fucking bullshit excuse, and would one of many excuse because of shortcomings. Ulimtely you want your partner to say "you know, we may have culture differences, but if you are open minded, I can be too and we can do this together".
 

kjel

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So each "hispanic" culture is different. My folks wanted to make sure that whomever I dated was from the "proper class". Case in point, my HS sweetheart, 100% salvaderno, was not of the proper educated "middle class and above". While she could "take care of me" in the typical latina wife manner (cooking, cleaning, yanno being the domestic slave) which is great and all, they couldn't get past that her parents and family were scraping by in life, nor their daughter, with no hopes of college, to be dating their "prize son". My ex-wife came from a mormon family and they deemed her to not be worthy of me because she wasn't college educated, and viewed her domestic habits as lazy and she just wanted to spend money that wasn't earned by her. They were about 90% right on her. My current gf, my parents adore. Hard working, catholic, college educated, matriarch of the house, upbringing of middle class, great family core and strong family values in terms of taking care of not just immediate, but extended family. It's the happiest and easiest relationship I have been in.

Each culture is different. TBH i couldn't give a rip of what my folks thought of. I have dated blacks, asians, white, and hispanics. A person is a person, and as you get to know them, you introduce them to the culture. Highly educated hispanics understand this. Unfortunately, our lower echelon brethren quite haven't got there. Ultimately AG, don't use this as an excuse. The "culture differences" didn't do in my ex-wife and I. We, as individual persons did. If you are more than willing to overcome that for a person you love, you will do it. Trust me, I have had to have many conversations with the Dutch Queen (my gf) about white privilege, etc, which luckily she gets since she works with migrant farm worker's children.
I am not exactly sure who my husband dated when he was younger, although he did live with one woman and her two kids for 5 years before immigrating to the US but they were never married. His family is solidly middle class but come from a humble background and earned every last bit of comfort they have and are lovely people. I met his father first because he was visiting a cousin in the US so we went to see him in Boston and that trip was a lot of fun. He reported back to his wife that I seemed very nice and even spoke decent Spanish which was very surprising to all of them. His mother I didn't meet until the following year after our daughter was born but she just wanted to know if I was "settled" and could run a household. When I visited them for the first time in the Dominican Republic his mom was super nervous about meeting me, staying in their house in the countryside, the food, the language, etc. There was truly nothing to worry from my end having been around the world staying in all kinds of accommodations. His mom hated the woman he had lived with in the DR and said she was low class so I was an improvement. :-c
 

DVD

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Not a cultural thing, but my mom hated the wife when we first met. Lot's of details, but I think my mom thought poorly of my general choice in women and didn't want to really know the wife. Plus my wife can be kind of pushy. In the end I just stopped talking to mom for a while because every conversation was about my relationship (mine not hers). After a few years mom got over it. Wife hasn't entirely, but she plays nice. I think mom figured out that after 15 years this marriage works for me (last one did not). Also, I have the grandkids (my brother has no kids).
 

JNA

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By not dating, not having a wife or S.O. I have saved myself $99 plus $7.50 shipping and service according to junk mail from Danbury Mint for a "Love Pendant". ;) :p
 

gtpeach

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By not dating, not having a wife or S.O. I have saved myself $99 plus $7.50 shipping and service according to junk mail from Danbury Mint for a "Love Pendant". ;) :p
Score!


So now that me and CCG are happily married, we've decided everyone else we know needs to be, too. (TOTALLY KIDDING!) But I do have a really good friend that would like to be married, and his brother is a really great guy, so we reached out to both of them and they're open to being set up. They are both stellar, wonderful, high quality people, and all the important boxes are checked. But it's so hard to tell if they'll actually click or not.

Have any of y'all ever played matchmaker? How'd it work out?
 

Hink

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Score!


So now that me and CCG are happily married, we've decided everyone else we know needs to be, too. (TOTALLY KIDDING!) But I do have a really good friend that would like to be married, and his brother is a really great guy, so we reached out to both of them and they're open to being set up. They are both stellar, wonderful, high quality people, and all the important boxes are checked. But it's so hard to tell if they'll actually click or not.

Have any of y'all ever played matchmaker? How'd it work out?
We setup one of my wife's best friends to a guy we knew after she had an ugly divorce. They both had gone through a lot of things in their previous marriage, both liked the same sports, etc. It worked out, they are married, have a kid, and are happy.

I have a number of other stories that didn't end up working. Mostly after a date or two. There isn't really any harm in trying. If they don't like each other, just don't push it. Let them make the choice and support them both when it doesn't work.
 
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Score!


So now that me and CCG are happily married, we've decided everyone else we know needs to be, too. (TOTALLY KIDDING!) But I do have a really good friend that would like to be married, and his brother is a really great guy, so we reached out to both of them and they're open to being set up. They are both stellar, wonderful, high quality people, and all the important boxes are checked. But it's so hard to tell if they'll actually click or not.

Have any of y'all ever played matchmaker? How'd it work out?
Matchmaker, matchmaker, makes me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch.
 

DVD

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Never tried to set anyone up, but I've had people try to set me up. My attitude at the time was please stop trying and do you even know me. Why would you think she would be my type? Granted, in many cases the woman felt the same way.
 

gtpeach

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Never tried to set anyone up, but I've had people try to set me up. My attitude at the time was please stop trying and do you even know me. Why would you think she would be my type? Granted, in many cases the woman felt the same way.
Yes. I approached it very delicately. CCG thought it was a good idea, but made me send the email to his brother (I copied CCG on it and made sure that his brother knew that he also thought it was a good idea). I just asked him if he was open to being introduced and described my friend to him - he remembered seeing her at our reception, so he at least knew she what she looked like before he agreed. He was cool with it. I already knew she would be open to it, but I confirmed with her before I even approached him. Plus, we're inviting them up for wine tasting which will take the edge off of any awkwardness!
 

Gedunker

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If you're having technical issues, let me know, 'kay?
I could be wrong, but I think WYP is referencing his dislike of reading, and therefore posting, in the political discussion thread, not an actual technical glitch in posting.
 
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