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The NEVERENDING Dating Thread

Whose Yur Planner

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That right there is when you know how long it should be...
Given our long and tortured history filled with break ups and reconciliations, perhaps it was acknowledgement that needed to happen. Plus I have friends and family members that will do an involuntary commit if we got back together.
 

MD Planner

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25
There's no set amount of time you have to wait. It also depends on what you're looking for. And keep this in mind; many times the relationship is already over you just don't know it yet, i.e. you're still together but . . . .
 

kjel

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For those who know me IRL, know that my fiancé and I broke up about two months ago. My question is how long after the break up of a serious relationship should you wait before you start dating again? I have read that you should not date for as long as you were in the relationship. In my case, that will 5-6 months.
I will say the first month was pretty much a living hell. However, it did make me take step back and take a hard look at some things. It also resulted in me decamping to my folks place in Texas for about 4 days. What brought the question up was that there is a woman at the Y who has been trying to catch my attention. I finally broke down and started talking to her. There was enough interest shown to at least keep talking to her. We shall see. If nothing else, it was an acknowledgement that things between my ex fiancé and I are finally, truly over.
Sorry to hear this. I don't think there's a hard time limit. I think self reflection is important and that may take a little time, but do what feels right to you.
 

Whose Yur Planner

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Sorry to hear this. I don't think there's a hard time limit. I think self reflection is important and that may take a little time, but do what feels right to you.
Thanks, again, given our history of break ups and reconciliations, it wasn't unexpected. That history also haunted the relationship this time. Basically, always waiting for the phone call, ended it yet again. It also gets back to the adage that if hasn't worked in the past, there might be reason, not compatible, different goals, money, etc.
 

Gedunker

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Thanks, again, given our history of break ups and reconciliations, it wasn't unexpected. That history also haunted the relationship this time. Basically, always waiting for the phone call, ended it yet again. It also gets back to the adage that if hasn't worked in the past, there might be reason, not compatible, different goals, money, etc.
I always heard that "Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice".
 

Veloise

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Need some ideas for a gal pal who's 64, widowed, wants to find Mr Next.

She worked as a criminal attorney and now does a bit of pro bono work. She's fit and trim, attractive, wry sense of humor, and a badass.

Moved to my fair city from Detroit; as a couple, they'd planned to relocate here, and after the dust settled (he was diagnosed with cancer, gone a month later) she decided "I don't have any better ideas, so why not?"

She's tried dating sites, is getting the usual dodgy "here's muh dead fish, here's muh motorcycle" dudes. I did some brainstorming and thought up some local activities where she might cross paths with a more elite demographic: volunteering for the symphony, the opera, a schmancy annual charity event.

I came up with the idea of looking on a dating site for attorneys, then found elite singles dot com. Also fitness hyphen singles dot com. That wouldn't guarantee great results, but it would help narrow things down. I also mentioned the several couples I know who met via match dot com (which has taken to offering fake profiles to boost subscriptions).

Throw me some ideas!
 

Maister

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Need some ideas for a gal pal who's 64, widowed, wants to find Mr Next.

She worked as a criminal attorney and now does a bit of pro bono work. She's fit and trim, attractive, wry sense of humor, and a badass.
.....
Throw me some ideas!
Where would she be most apt to find like-minded folks?

I'm guessing she's still a member of the GR Bar association. Perhaps she may wish to consider volunteering her time for one of their community initiatives?
Decent probability of meeting and interacting with other like-minded folks operating in that capacity and meet someone nice there. The drawback of course is that these are attorneys we're talking about...so maybe 'nice' might be stretching things a bit.
 

DVD

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Meetup sometimes has some good hang out and get dinner as a group or go hiking kind of things. I looked for my mom then learned she was not interested. Long boring story. You just have to watch out for the swinging kind of meetups or the meat market kinds and stick with just people who want to hang out and do something.

Volunteer work at the right places, I'm not sure what the right places would be.

The local retirement community all hangs out at the DQ with their grandchildren/chick magnets.
 

Veloise

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Meetup sometimes has some good hang out and get dinner as a group or go hiking kind of things. I looked for my mom then learned she was not interested. Long boring story. You just have to watch out for the swinging kind of meetups or the meat market kinds and stick with just people who want to hang out and do something.

Volunteer work at the right places, I'm not sure what the right places would be.

The local retirement community all hangs out at the DQ with their grandchildren/chick magnets.
Full disclosure: she's one of my first-to-join members of the local MeetUp chapter of Finding Female Friends Past Fifty.** She's quite active with us, but mentioned her disappointment with a recent event (go dancin' at a bar!) and the sort of menfolk encountered there.

No kids, no grands. Her relatives live elsewhere, and she moved here less than two years ago.

**A FB buddy posted the article in January, and when I expressed interest, challenged me to start the local chapter "because you're good at organizing things." I set it up on a Monday, and on Weds 150 people joined. We're up to more than 550 members, and have held more than 600 get-togethers, in part due to more than 20 event coordinators who think, "hmmm, I wanna go dancin' at a bar, I'll make it a meetup."
If it were up to me, all the events would be band concerts, contra dances, and bicycle rides to travel to those.
 

Whose Yur Planner

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I have a long standing, close friendship with a lady about my age. I think it is trying to turn into something more. I have family members, who know her, that have been pushing this since the breakup with the ex fiancé. She wasn't a big fan of the ex.
 

ChairmanMeow

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80
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3
I have a long standing, close friendship with a lady about my age. I think it is trying to turn into something more. I have family members, who know her, that have been pushing this since the breakup with the ex fiancé. She wasn't a big fan of the ex.
Forget about the relatives, do you want it to turn into something more?
 

Hawkeye66

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459
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15
I have a date Friday evening after work. This person is a nurse. I seem to run into them a lot. Its my first date in some months. I have not been trying much, been more into working out and getting my move done. I always keep low expectations, but one hopes for more.
 

AG74683

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I wouldn't mind. We've already done all the hard work and laid a pretty good foundation. We already know everything about each other and come to terms with our respective pasts. She is literally my best female friend. In as much as I have a soul mate, it's her.
I have one like this. We dated a long time ago, right before I moved here. We talk basically every day. She comes and visits me, and I go to her house a lot and sometimes spend the night when I'm back home. We've talked off and on about making it more, but the distance just won't make it work. I'm not sure I'm even attracted to her in a physical sense. Sometimes I am, other time's I just don't see it.

Either way, be careful with it. Some of the best relationships come out of long term friendship, but if they fail, you'll most definitely lose her as a friend too.
 

AG74683

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Yeah, that's sat in the back of my head as well.
You know, I said that, but I directly contradicted myself too. We dated like 8 years ago, and now we're BFF's. So I guess it's possible to retain a friendship even after. We lost contact for several years, but talk every day now.
 

Whose Yur Planner

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You know, I said that, but I directly contradicted myself too. We dated like 8 years ago, and now we're BFF's. So I guess it's possible to retain a friendship even after. We lost contact for several years, but talk every day now.
Which came first, that dating or the friendship?
 

AG74683

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Which came first, that dating or the friendship?
A little bit of both maybe? We went to elementary school together. She was my second "girlfriend" when we were in 4th grade. She moved away after elementary school. She went to a different middle and high school than me so we basically lost touch from the 6th grade (1999 maybe?) to around 2011-2012. I'm pretty sure we started talking again through Facebook. We started a relationship shortly after we started talking again and dated for maybe 3-4 months. Right before I moved here we ended things. Lost touch again from 2013 until maybe 3 years ago. She really helped me through my breakup thing last year (and even now because I'm stupid and still mostly hung up on her) and she vents to me about her relationship stuff.

All told, I'd say the dating came first. Friendship well after.
 

Whose Yur Planner

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I think we've both thought about something more in the past, but never pursued it. Past week or so, the relationship has taken a different vibe.
 

Whose Yur Planner

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Different how?
I was on the bench for a long, long time between previous serious relationships. My ex fiancee probably should have gotten a tetanus shot I was so rusty. I'd forgotten how a friendship feels different from romantic relationship. The level of closeness is different. The feelings and the tone of the relationship is edging closer to the romantic than friendship.
 

Hawkeye66

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459
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15
Is a second date in the offing?
Well, I think so....but honestly I am not sure. She is leaving on a work trip shortly for the rest of the week. We had just met for a coffee date. I told her I would like to take her on a real date when she gets back. That was last night. No response to this point so we shall see. I feel like it went well, but I admit freely that I have misread things before. I guess we will see.
 

Whose Yur Planner

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Well, I think so....but honestly I am not sure. She is leaving on a work trip shortly for the rest of the week. We had just met for a coffee date. I told her I would like to take her on a real date when she gets back. That was last night. No response to this point so we shall see. I feel like it went well, but I admit freely that I have misread things before. I guess we will see.
Dating at our age does suck. I can understand why people stay married after a certain age.
 

Hawkeye66

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459
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Dating at our age does suck. I can understand why people stay married after a certain age.
Honestly I do not try much anymore. That was my first date in months. I enjoyed the time with her a lot. I felt like she enjoyed it. She told me she did anyway. I had told myself I was going to stay away from these things, and now I remember why.

Depositions and a contentious plat hearing are not as bad it seems. At least I know what to expect in those.
 

kjel

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Thankfully, my family has stopped asking when I might get married, even now that they've met my s.o.
People have started asking me when my eldest will get married. She's 26. I usually cut them off and say "When she wants to!"
 

Whose Yur Planner

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Depositions and a contentious plat hearing are not as bad it seems. At least I know what to expect in those.
I'm compared dating to interviewing in the past. Both parties are feeling each other out. Both are putting on their best faces. Both are shading the truth to a degree.
 

AG74683

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Meh, I'm over the dating scene. Just not worth the trouble to me, around here at least.
 

DVD

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When you stop looking is when the magic happens or some other motivational BS. :)
 

JNA

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When you stop looking is when the magic happens or some other motivational BS. :)
Hasn't happen yet for this old guy.

Some times I get looks from women when I am out dining alone - not sure how read them - maybe look at that sad old guy by himself.
 

MD Planner

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Hasn't happen yet for this old guy.

Some times I get looks from women when I am out dining alone - not sure how read them - maybe look at that sad old guy by himself.
Maybe if you see a lady looking and she's by herself you should ask her to join you for some nice conversation and dinner. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. The worst that can happen is she declines. Big deal. You never know what might turn up but you have to put yourself in a position for the opportunities to present themselves.
 

Doohickie

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1,836
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27
Need some ideas for a gal pal who's 64, widowed, wants to find Mr Next.

She worked as a criminal attorney and now does a bit of pro bono work. She's fit and trim, attractive, wry sense of humor, and a badass.

Moved to my fair city from Detroit; as a couple, they'd planned to relocate here, and after the dust settled (he was diagnosed with cancer, gone a month later) she decided "I don't have any better ideas, so why not?"

She's tried dating sites, is getting the usual dodgy "here's muh dead fish, here's muh motorcycle" dudes. I did some brainstorming and thought up some local activities where she might cross paths with a more elite demographic: volunteering for the symphony, the opera, a schmancy annual charity event.

I came up with the idea of looking on a dating site for attorneys, then found elite singles dot com. Also fitness hyphen singles dot com. That wouldn't guarantee great results, but it would help narrow things down. I also mentioned the several couples I know who met via match dot com (which has taken to offering fake profiles to boost subscriptions).

Throw me some ideas!
Encourage her to join cycling groups. I meet a pretty wide range of people riding bikes and there are long stretches of time on rides where you can talk with others and get to know them (especially the more social, non-competitve rides). I know of several friends who found serious relationships through riding.

The level of closeness is different. The feelings and the tone of the relationship is edging closer to the romantic than friendship.
I think this is called intimacy (not in the physical sense).
 

Veloise

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28
Encourage her to join cycling groups. I meet a pretty wide range of people riding bikes and there are long stretches of time on rides where you can talk with others and get to know them (especially the more social, non-competitve rides). I know of several friends who found serious relationships through riding.
Bwahahahaha. This has never worked for me.
To clarify: there are a bazillion people at your average club invitational, but unless you arrive for the event at the same time, ride at the same pace, or cross paths at a sag stop, you'll never meet 'em.

But I might suggest she join a work-out club, since she's been taking long walks all over downtown.
 

Doohickie

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I'm compared dating to interviewing in the past. Both parties are feeling each other out. Both are putting on their best faces. Both are shading the truth to a degree.
I don't feel like I did that. I was in college when I met Mrs. Doohickie and didn't feel like I had to sell myself to girls. I dated a few. I was pretty reserved and not very confident with girls, so the girls I dated were the ones who took the initiative. From that perspective I didn't feel much pressure. The few relationships I had prior to meeting my wife ended pretty quickly, or at least ended in my mind., and I just kind of let the relationship run its course (being in college, that usually meant the end of the school year or the end of summer break).

Bwahahahaha. This has never worked for me.
To clarify: there are a bazillion people at your average club invitational, but unless you arrive for the event at the same time, ride at the same pace, or cross paths at a sag stop, you'll never meet 'em.

But I might suggest she join a work-out club, since she's been taking long walks all over downtown.
What exactly is a "club invitational"? Here in Fort Worth we have several groups that are organized through Facebook pages. Some are formal cycling clubs, others are strictly social rides. There's so many different groups, though, that none of them are very large, often about a dozen or more people, but rarely as many as a hundred. I ride with several different groups and find that I run across the same people at many of them. If I was looking for romance it might not seem like there are too many opportunities, but in terms of making friends I've made a ton. It's just a way to expand a social network.

The two groups I ride most with are the Night Riders which does a very social, pretty easy pub crawl every Sunday night, and a more spirited (but still not too challenging) "fitness" ride on Wednesdays. The other group is called Clear Fork Bicycle Club. They do several rides a week, but I only ride with them on their Saturday morning breakfast rides which are pretty social too. If I wanted to and had the time, there are three or four other groups I could ride with, and there's a lot of "Venn Diagram" overlap between participants. And off the bike, because many of the rides are organized through Facebook, there's a lot of interactions between all these local cyclist peeps.
 

Veloise

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What exactly is a "club invitational"? ...
Hotter 'n Hell 100, Possum Pedal, Houston - Austin MS 150, Easter Hill Country Tour. (The other day someone said "a little town west of San Antonio in the Hill Country" and I replied, "Kerrville.")

Local bicycle club: nothing's short enough for a newbie. The Meetup group Ride with the Girls had 600 members when its organizer stepped down.
Late October is not the time to join a cycling group here in hopes of meeting someone tolerant of a newcomer to the sport. Supposed to snow here tonight.
 

Dan

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With the Karen meme at its peak, I realized that before I met my wife, I dated a "wine mom". She contacted me on Match. We clicked well enough for me to waive my "no kids between 4 and 17" rule, and see how things work out. What made her a "wine mom?" Short above-the-ears hair, name beginning with "K", preference for white wine over red, but no word art in her house. She was cute, but she was definitely a mom.

One of her two kids had severe separation anxiety, and it was hard to find time for just-us date nights. After one too many dates cut short due to a panicked call from home, I ended it. We still met for the occasional glass of wine together as friends, until I was a couple of months into the budding relationship with my now-significant other.

I still have a close friendship with the woman who was my first long-term girlfeiend. One of her daughters is going to college in upstate NY, so she, her husband, and her college-bound kid stopped by Ithaca to visit about a year and a half ago, during student orientation. I met one of my wife's ex-boyfriends, and she met two of my exes.
 

Doohickie

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Hotter 'n Hell 100, Possum Pedal, Houston - Austin MS 150, Easter Hill Country Tour.
I thought that might be what you meant. We call them charity rides (because most benefit some charity or other). Agreed, they aren't a great place to meet people.

I met one of my wife's ex-boyfriends, and she met two of my exes.
That's kind of weird, isn't it? I met one of my wife's ex-boyfriends and we actually got along pretty well, possibly because we were pretty similar in basic temperament.
 

kjel

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That's kind of weird, isn't it? I met one of my wife's ex-boyfriends and we actually got along pretty well, possibly because we were pretty similar in basic temperament.
I guess it depends on the break up. But I know plenty of people that are friendly with their exes and their current SO's all know each other and get along fairly well.

Because I've lived in three different states and my husband is an immigrant the chance that either of us will meet another ex is very low. His ex ended up immigrating from his country and lives about 20 minutes away from us. She's a horrible person so I have no desire to meet her and ended up getting his phone number from a cousin and it was non-stop calling and texting despite constant requests to stop. Finally we had to change his number and set the cousin straight.
 

Doohickie

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And keep this in mind; many times the relationship is already over you just don't know it yet, i.e. you're still together but . . . .
That's pretty much how I broke up with all my exes prior to my wife. I decided it wasn't going anywhere early on. Most of them, I think the girl was still interested, but circumstances intervened, usually the end of a school year or the end of summer. (I didn't date at all until my senior year in high school, and that was just to get a prom date. In retrospect she was a lovely girl and I probably should have asked her out earlier.)

There was one girl I met over the summer.... it was a brief relationship maybe one or two dates. No hanky-panky, but man, that girl could kiss. She could make me blush with her tongue.
 
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