The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

Queen B

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#21
So after two rounds of flooding in the basement, the children still have not gotten the hint to pick their things up. The eldest is out of town this weekend with a friend and I peak into her room and I can not see the floor. I pick up all her thing and bag them in trash bags. Set the bags on her bed. When she came home I made her go through all the bags and sort them and then put it all away, a process that did not take a whole hour.

They just did not manage to do anything with themselves last week...

SSSOOO dad cut the cable phone and computer this morning:-c.

And I woke them up at 7:15. No sence in burning daylight while there are things to do.:-D
 

kjel

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#22
So after two rounds of flooding in the basement, the children still have not gotten the hint to pick their things up. The eldest is out of town this weekend with a friend and I peak into her room and I can not see the floor. I pick up all her thing and bag them in trash bags. Set the bags on her bed. When she came home I made her go through all the bags and sort them and then put it all away, a process that did not take a whole hour.

They just did not manage to do anything with themselves last week...

SSSOOO dad cut the cable phone and computer this morning:-c.

And I woke them up at 7:15. No sence in burning daylight while there are things to do.:-D
You go Mom!
 

kjel

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#23
Bump....

So today I braved the back to school shopping trip with my daughter. Everything was fine until we went to get some jeans for her. We were in the dressing room and she had collected an armful of jeans in a size 6 which is one size larger than she wore last year. She tried them on and I wasn't really satisfied with the way they were fitting so I told her to go get some 8s to try on to see if they fit better. To my surprise the tears starting flowing and she was all choked up. I was shocked so I asked her what was wrong and she wouldn't answer. So I started questioning her and it finally came out that she thought that because she needed an 8 that she was fat!

I was speechless to say the very least and reassured her that she was nowhere near being fat (5'7" and 140) and that she was beautiful. She's just grown some curves and filled out in places which requires the next size up. How have any of you with girls dealt with this? (Do boys have the same problem?)
 

btrage

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#24
Bump....

So today I braved the back to school shopping trip with my daughter. Everything was fine until we went to get some jeans for her. We were in the dressing room and she had collected an armful of jeans in a size 6 which is one size larger than she wore last year. She tried them on and I wasn't really satisfied with the way they were fitting so I told her to go get some 8s to try on to see if they fit better. To my surprise the tears starting flowing and she was all choked up. I was shocked so I asked her what was wrong and she wouldn't answer. So I started questioning her and it finally came out that she thought that because she needed an 8 that she was fat!

I was speechless to say the very least and reassured her that she was nowhere near being fat (5'7" and 140) and that she was beautiful. She's just grown some curves and filled out in places which requires the next size up. How have any of you with girls dealt with this? (Do boys have the same problem?)
Please, as a father of two daugthers under the age of 5, I would also like some advanced advice on situations such as these!!!!!:-c Please Cyburbia, if you give me adivce now, I'll have approximately 10 years to prepare. :-|
 
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Queen B

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#26
What are these "children" you speak of?
They are these creature that come and inhabit your house.
They eat your food. Make messes that they say they never made. They ask for money. They feel like they have a god given right to gripe and complain.
Some days we don't know why we allow them to stay.
But somehow we are responsible for them and we have to cope, thus the reason for this thread!
 
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#27
Kids and Money.

When the soon to be Mrs. Skis and I were in marriage prep classes, the question about teaching kids about money came up... as with most things relating to money, I we agreed that we like the Dave Ramsey Plan. Starting from an early age we will give our kids a salary for doing little tasks around the house. While many of them will be a ‘helping us’ task such as helping give the dog a bath, helping clear the table, or helping clean up their room, each task will have a set value. When they complete that task, it will be marked on a task board. At the end of the week, we (the entire family) will look at the task board and pay the kids.

From that point, they will put it in three clear jars. One will be spending (2/5 of income) one will be saving (2/5 of income), and one will be giving (1/5 of income). As they get older, the tasks will get more complex... (such as mowing the lawn)... and the values will increase.

When they want to spend money on something such as a toy or a trip, we will go to the spending jar... if it is empty, then the task list will grow.
 

mendelman

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#28
Luckily, I don't have to worry about the logistics of returning my son. We're pretty happy with him and have decided to keep him.

Plus, I think I lost the receipt, anyways.



;) :-D
 

kjel

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#29
When the soon to be Mrs. Skis and I were in marriage prep classes, the question about teaching kids about money came up... as with most things relating to money, I we agreed that we like the Dave Ramsey Plan. Starting from an early age we will give our kids a salary for doing little tasks around the house. While many of them will be a ‘helping us’ task such as helping give the dog a bath, helping clear the table, or helping clean up their room, each task will have a set value. When they complete that task, it will be marked on a task board. At the end of the week, we (the entire family) will look at the task board and pay the kids.

From that point, they will put it in three clear jars. One will be spending (2/5 of income) one will be saving (2/5 of income), and one will be giving (1/5 of income). As they get older, the tasks will get more complex... (such as mowing the lawn)... and the values will increase.

When they want to spend money on something such as a toy or a trip, we will go to the spending jar... if it is empty, then the task list will grow.
You are going to pay your kid to do everything around the house? Aren't some things considered to be "household citizen" chores like keeping your room clean and picking up after yourself? Do you get paid for each and every little thing you do? Just curious. Paying for doing chores over and above what you should be doing seems to go a little further in equating work with earnings. The savings-charity-spending jar thing works pretty well from experience though.
 

Raf

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#30
hey all

**Dealing with terrible 2's**
This forum has been great for planning questions, but now is time to divulge into my personal life. Mrs. CPSU and I are just having a whale of a time dealing with our daughter who just turned 2. I know she is going through the terrible 2s because whenever she doesn't get what she wants, she goes all dramatic on us, with a flop to the ground, hit her head and start balling, or flop in our arms and feel like a little fish our of water. Worse yet is the throwing, and the occasional hitting. Yes, we do punish her through time-outs, and the occasional pat on the tush when she really knows she is not suppose to be doing something as a last resort. My wife has begin raising the issue that i am not using a "firm" voice with her, but yelling at her, which i don't think i am, but could be because i am just frustrated and at witts end. Any advice? Did i mention my daughter is like the energizer bunny who keeps going and going and going with a whole heck of a lot of energy?
 
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kjel

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#31
**Dealing with terrible 2's**
This forum has been great for planning questions, but now is time to divulge into my personal life. Mrs. CPSU and I are just having a whale of a time dealing with our daughter who just turned 2. I know she is going through the terrible 2s because whenever she doesn't get what she wants, she goes all dramatic on us, with a flop to the ground, hit her head and start balling, or flop in our arms and feel like a little fish our of water. Worse yet is the throwing, and the occasional hitting. Yes, we do punish her through time-outs, and the occasional pat on the tush when she really knows she is not suppose to be doing something as a last resort. My wife has begin raising the issue that i am not using a "firm" voice with her, but yelling at her, which i don't think i am, but could be because i am just frustrated and at witts end. Any advice? Did i mention my daughter is like the energizer bunny who keeps going and going and going with a whole heck of a lot of energy?
If only we could figure out how to harness the energy of toddlers! As far as the tantrums were concerned I only had to deal with a few and each time I just ignored her. Once she figured out she would get no attention whatsoever with that behavior it ended rather quickly. Saying no and then redirecting her from something she wasn't supposed to be doing/touching worked in our case but you have to be 100% consistent.
 

jmf

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#32
My daughter just turned 3 and I don't think she really gets time outs yet although she does understand that sometimes she (we) needs to have a little quiet time reading a book or doing a puzzle just to bring the energy down a level.

Our biggest success - CHOICES. We rarely ask/tell her to do something directly it is usually formed as a choice. For example, do you want to go to the toilet with mummy or papa? Do you want a fork or a spoon? Do you want to get out of the carseat by yourself or should mummy do it? Even "If you want a cookie, you have to eat your vegetables first." is a choice.

She feels like she is in control but the choices are limited to safe things and geared to what needs to be done. It is pretty easy to create choices.

I also limit taking her to stores where she may demand everything in sight and when we do go I rarely buy her anything. Before we go out, I tell her what errands we are doing and what exactly we are buying then I try to turn it into an adventure - who can find item X first? Then if she has behaved well I reward her with a trip to the library, playground or another favorite stop (currently a local farm that has minature horses).

As for the drama queen - don't react to her act although sometimes giggling and saying how silly she looks can work - but not always... Just make sure she is safe.

**Dealing with terrible 2's**
This forum has been great for planning questions, but now is time to divulge into my personal life. Mrs. CPSU and I are just having a whale of a time dealing with our daughter who just turned 2. I know she is going through the terrible 2s because whenever she doesn't get what she wants, she goes all dramatic on us, with a flop to the ground, hit her head and start balling, or flop in our arms and feel like a little fish our of water. Worse yet is the throwing, and the occasional hitting. Yes, we do punish her through time-outs, and the occasional pat on the tush when she really knows she is not suppose to be doing something as a last resort. My wife has begin raising the issue that i am not using a "firm" voice with her, but yelling at her, which i don't think i am, but could be because i am just frustrated and at witts end. Any advice? Did i mention my daughter is like the energizer bunny who keeps going and going and going with a whole heck of a lot of energy?
 
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#33
You are going to pay your kid to do everything around the house? Aren't some things considered to be "household citizen" chores like keeping your room clean and picking up after yourself? Do you get paid for each and every little thing you do? Just curious. Paying for doing chores over and above what you should be doing seems to go a little further in equating work with earnings. The savings-charity-spending jar thing works pretty well from experience though.
There will be some things that will be “typical household good citizen” things such as putting Landry away or putting dirty clothing in the hamper, making your bed, clearing your plate when you leave the table and typical day to day things. It would be more of the 1 or 2 times a week to a few times a month type of things that they would get paid for.

When I mention ‘Cleaning bedroom’ it is changing sheets, washing windows, dusting and that type of thing.

I think of it like this, (not sure if Dave would agree but here we go), every moment can be a teachable moment, and every task could be used as such. There are particular tasks that I agree should be done just as a good household citizen, but so many other tasks can be used to equate work and earnings. As an example, there are some tasks that I need to do every day as part of my job. If I go a long time without doing them, I run the risk of loosing my job.

For more information available in a kit form (includes Jars, stickers, and a task board) you can go to www.daveramsey.com


*I am no way affiliated nor paid by Dave Ramsey, his corporation, or anyone that he is affiliated. I just like his products and his message.
 
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#34
You are going to pay your kid to do everything around the house? Aren't some things considered to be "household citizen" chores like keeping your room clean and picking up after yourself? Do you get paid for each and every little thing you do? Just curious. Paying for doing chores over and above what you should be doing seems to go a little further in equating work with earnings. The savings-charity-spending jar thing works pretty well from experience though.
I agree with you kjelsadek. However, I never got an allowance as a kid, and I am terrible with money. I'm getting better in my old age. I wanted to spend every red dime I had. I'm not as bad as my siblings, but I can do better. On the flipside, the Mrs. always got an allowance, and she is very good with being cheap. Oops I meant, frugal. She does have her moments though. My point is that you have to be exposed to and work for money so that you can appreciate its value and power.
 

kjel

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#35
I agree with you kjelsadek. However, I never got an allowance as a kid, and I am terrible with money. I'm getting better in my old age. I wanted to spend every red dime I had. I'm not as bad as my siblings, but I can do better. On the flipside, the Mrs. always got an allowance, and she is very good with being cheap. Oops I meant, frugal. She does have her moments though. My point is that you have to be exposed to and work for money so that you can appreciate its value and power.
I didn't get an allowance either. We were lucky we had enough to have a roof, utilities, food, and basic clothing. I was always doing odd job work from the time I was 11 through babysitting, doing work for the super, picking berries, helping the old people where my grandma lived run errands, etc. until I was old enough to work at an hourly job. Then I contributed $150 to the rent and bought most of my own clothes, bought a bus pass rather than even think about a car, etc. My daughter doesn't have the opportunity to really do those things but she's pretty resourceful in offering to do extra things around the house for an asking price of a buck or two. This summer she's come to work with me every Friday and earned $20 for doing so. She ends up saving about 1/2 of it and for things like school clothes she has a fixed amount to spend, gets it in cash, but has to make a list of what she needs at a minimum and figure out how to buy it all. Same with school supplies....the kid knows how to coupon shop very well. As an incentive she gets to keep the difference she doesn't spend from the allocated budget.
 

btrage

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#36
As posted by btrage in a different thread...

Growing up, my mother never asked us kids to do the laundry and rarely asked us to the dishes and clean around the house. Us boys did help Dad with yardwork and projects around the house.

Now, as an adult, I tend to be a very clean and organized person and I am usually the one cleaning the kitchen, etc.

When my wife and her siblings were growing up they were asked to do everything around the house. As adults (with the exception of my wife...not sure how that happened) they are all very messy, disorganized people.

Although these are just two families, I've always found this comparison very interesting. I've come to the conclusion (at least in this case) that my siblings and I learned through the example of our parents, while my wife and her siblings grew to resent the chores that they were forced to do.

This leads me to wonder if children learn more by what they see us do, than by what we tell them to do.
 

wahday

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#37
When the soon to be Mrs. Skis and I were in marriage prep classes, the question about teaching kids about money came up... as with most things relating to money, I we agreed that we like the Dave Ramsey Plan. Starting from an early age we will give our kids a salary for doing little tasks around the house. While many of them will be a ‘helping us’ task such as helping give the dog a bath, helping clear the table, or helping clean up their room, each task will have a set value. When they complete that task, it will be marked on a task board. At the end of the week, we (the entire family) will look at the task board and pay the kids.

From that point, they will put it in three clear jars. One will be spending (2/5 of income) one will be saving (2/5 of income), and one will be giving (1/5 of income). As they get older, the tasks will get more complex... (such as mowing the lawn)... and the values will increase.

When they want to spend money on something such as a toy or a trip, we will go to the spending jar... if it is empty, then the task list will grow.
You should print this out and keep it for the day when you are trying to implement something like this, just so you can remind yourself of all the good ideas you might be able to pull off if you actually had any time to do them. I am amazed by all the things I said I would or wouldn't do with kids. But in reality, I threw it all out the window and started again from ground zero.

Lately, I have identified the parental rhetorical question phenomenon whereby children are asked questions that you either don't expect them to answer.

Like "What did I just say?" or "Where are you going with that fork?"

Its rather like the cop question. You know, "Can't you read, boy?" Is there really any answer that won't get you in more trouble.

I'm as guilty as the next person. I used to joke about the "what did I just say?" thing, and now its a regular part of my vocabulary.
 

btrage

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#38
You should print this out and keep it for the day when you are trying to implement something like this, just so you can remind yourself of all the good ideas you might be able to pull off if you actually had any time to do them. I am amazed by all the things I said I would or wouldn't do with kids. But in reality, I threw it all out the window and started again from ground zero.
I think this is a more valuable lesson for would-be parents to learn, rather than for them to "plan" how they are going to raise their children.

Not that rules and overall guidelines shouldn't be established, but it's ludicrous to think that there is a "one-size-fits-all" approach to parenting. Children are individual people just like their parents and each of them respond to different approaches and techniques.
 
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#39
The other night we were in the car and my son was having a meltdown because he wasn't going to get his way. He screamed "You are making me so angry." Then pow the little b*****d sucker-punched me in the jaw while I was driving! :-{

I am thinking the karate classes probably weren't a good idea. He has a good punch for a six-year-old, though. :r:

We were only a few blocks from home at the time. Needless to say, the rest of his evening was pretty bad. He got the mother of all lectures (at an elevated decibel level), his allowance and all of his weekend priveleges taken away, no dinner and had to go straight to bed. The coming weekend is going to suck for him.

The next morning he was very sorry for his actions.

He really is a great kid 90 percent of the time. He needs to work on his impulse control, obviously.

Funny thing and it is fortunate is that having his priveleges taken away and losing his allowance wasn't what bothered him the most. It was having Papa mad at him. Not playing with him and not speaking to him made him very sad indeed. I must admit I worked that. Showed him my mad face :-{ for longer than I was really angry.

He was very happy when Papa had his happy face :) once again.
 

kjel

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#40
The other night we were in the car and my son was having a meltdown because he wasn't going to get his way. He screamed "You are making me so angry." Then pow the little b*****d sucker-punched me in the jaw while I was driving! :-{

I am thinking the karate classes probably weren't a good idea. He has a good punch for a six-year-old, though. :r:

We were only a few blocks from home at the time. Needless to say, the rest of his evening was pretty bad. He got the mother of all lectures (at an elevated decibel level), his allowance and all of his weekend priveleges taken away, no dinner and had to go straight to bed. The coming weekend is going to suck for him.

The next morning he was very sorry for his actions.

He really is a great kid 90 percent of the time. He needs to work on his impulse control, obviously.

Funny thing and it is fortunate is that having his priveleges taken away and losing his allowance wasn't what bothered him the most. It was having Papa mad at him. Not playing with him and not speaking to him made him very sad indeed. I must admit I worked that. Showed him my mad face :-{ for longer than I was really angry.

He was very happy when Papa had his happy face :) once again.
I also have a "pleaser" who really doesn't respond to privileges being taken away, but it is sheer torture for her when I upset with her or refuse to allow her to do anything with me. I think you handled it well though. Perhaps a calm discussion after the storm has passed of why it's not ok to hit people even if you are angry would be in order. My SIL had this problem with her son who also studies karate, it reached it's pinnacle on Christmas Eve when he karate kicked his cousin twice after being warned to stop. We found him hiding under a bed upstairs and then he was removed to be chastised by his embarrassed father in the bathroom. He was pretty meek for the rest of the evening at the party.
 
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