• Cyburbia is a friendly big tent, where we share our experiences and thoughts about urban planning practice, planning adjacent topics, and whatever else comes to mind. No ads, no spam, no echo chambers. Create your FREE Cyburbia ID, and join us today! You can also register through your Reddit, Facebook, Google, Twitter, or Microsoft account.

The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

WSU MUP Student

Cyburbian
Messages
9,793
Points
34
We've reserved a spot for our youngest daughter to start pre-school next January. She'll be almost 3 at the time and a couple months younger than her sister was when she started preschool but she'll be fine. I think my wife is now officially anxious to get back into a job outside the house and this gets us one step closer, even if she's only in school a couple days a week. Maybe after a few months in the winter she'll be ready for 4 or 5 days a week in the fall.
 

Planit

Cyburbian
Messages
11,959
Points
38
Today’s snow means that a lot of places are closed. The Girl was supposed to get her braces off today but it’s closed. She had been counting down the days for about 2.5 months since the orthodontist told her & the appts. were set up. She’s not bummed...she is pissed. She doesn’t want to go sledding or anything snow related.

I understand completely. This is the end of the 2nd round & this time she’s had them on for over 2 years.
 

Otis

Cyburbian
Messages
5,165
Points
28
To me, it's a no-brainer. Option 1 wins easily. Enjoying life is crucial, having your parents close is a god-send. YOU decide what her education is - meaning it;s up to you to instill a love of learning and to make it happen. Having a little extra money means you can travel with her and broaden her horizons and let her learn first hand about other people and places.

So it's not the best school district around; you can make up for that and there's no downside to her being valedictorian, is there?
 

terraplnr

Cyburbian
Messages
2,237
Points
25
I think my 3 year old is going to be a planner or civil engineer. :lmao: Whenever he sees pipes inside a building, or under a sink, or wherever he asks me where they go and what they're carrying. He repeatedly asks to watch "sewer (pronounced shewer) videos" that show how wastewater goes from houses to the water treatment plant. Yesterday I asked him what he'd like to do for a special "just the two of us" day and he said he wants to visit the dump and see where the trash goes. :lmao::lmao::lmao:
 

WSU MUP Student

Cyburbian
Messages
9,793
Points
34
I think my 3 year old is going to be a planner or civil engineer. :lmao: Whenever he sees pipes inside a building, or under a sink, or wherever he asks me where they go and what they're carrying. He repeatedly asks to watch "sewer (pronounced shewer) videos" that show how wastewater goes from houses to the water treatment plant. Yesterday I asked him what he'd like to do for a special "just the two of us" day and he said he wants to visit the dump and see where the trash goes. :lmao::lmao::lmao:
The most interesting field trip I ever went on when I was in school was to the main Detroit wastewater treatment plant in the 6th or 7th grade.
 

terraplnr

Cyburbian
Messages
2,237
Points
25
The most interesting field trip I ever went on when I was in school was to the main Detroit wastewater treatment plant in the 6th or 7th grade.
One of his favorite "sewer videos" is one that the City of Windsor made about not flushing things that shouldn't be flushed into the Detroit River. :lmao:
 

Planit

Cyburbian
Messages
11,959
Points
38
The Girl had her first Driver's Ed driving yesterday evening. She said it went great except she almost hit a cat and wondered if that was rigged as part of the learning experience. Driving again tomorrow morning and on the interstate this time. --- Consider that a warning ---

Mrs. P is not ready for this. Her control freak nature is not serving her well here.
 

JNA

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
24,913
Points
52
What Parents Can Learn From a Town That Produced 11 Olympians
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/08/well/family/olympics-olympians-norwich-vermont-parents-children-sports.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur

HIGHLIGHTS:
What started out as a sports book evolved into what is essentially a parenting guide as I came to realize that Norwich’s secret to happiness and excellence can be traced to the way the town collectively raises its children.

It is an approach that stresses participation over prowess, a generosity of spirit over a hoarding of resources and sportsmanship over one-upmanship.

Treat Your Neighbor’s Child as Your Own
Frame Sports as Fun
Let Kids Own Their Activities
Karen Crouse, a New York Times sportswriter, is the author of “Norwich: One Tiny Vermont Town’s Secret to Happiness and Excellence.”
 

WSU MUP Student

Cyburbian
Messages
9,793
Points
34
When I went into her room to get my nearly-2-year-old up from her nap on Saturday, she was standing in the crib with one leg hooked over the top and a big smile on her face because she was so happy with herself. She was trying, but she just couldn't get herself up and over.



Of course, I thought it was hilarious so I sat there and tried to show her how to pull herself over more efficiently but she just couldn't do it.

Fast forward to this afternoon and my wife just texted me at work to say she had put the girl down for her nap and went to the kitchen to eat her lunch when our daughter just wandered in giggling. My wife put her in a sleepsack (why were these not branded as "Napsacks"?) and put her back in the crib and the girl is NOT HAPPY!! :-@

My wife says she's laying in there crying like a howler monkey. The mattress is already on the lowest level so we cannot move it down any further. When we moved our oldest from a crib to a bed, she would still lay in there and wouldn't climb out of bed without calling for us first. I don't think we'll have such good luck with this one.

I'm glad I didn't also tell my wife that I was encouraging the girl to climb out and showing her how. Oops!
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
13,876
Points
41
We did everything to slow down our oldest to include a tent thing that went over the crib. She tore that up. I always go with the rule that if they can climb out it's time to set them free, but sometimes it's easier said than done.

Also, you must buy everyone a beer next time you meet them or they will tell the wife about teaching the girl to climb cribs.
 

JNA

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
24,913
Points
52
Worth the read... For everyone especially parents and coaches


In Nashville, Tennessee, during the first week of January, 1996, more than 4,000 baseball coaches descended upon the Opryland Hotel for the 52nd annual ABCA convention.

While I waited in line to register with the hotel staff, I heard other more veteran coaches rumbling about the lineup of speakers scheduled to present during the weekend. One name, in particular, kept resurfacing, always with the same sentiment — “John Scolinos is here? Oh man, worth every penny of my airfare.”

Who the heck is John Scolinos, I wondered. Well, in 1996 Coach Scolinos was 78 years old and five years retired from a college coaching career that began in 1948. No matter, I was just happy to be there.

He shuffled to the stage to an impressive standing ovation, wearing dark polyester pants, a light blue shirt, and a string around his neck from which home plate hung — a full-sized, stark-white home plate. Pointed side down.

Seriously, I wondered, who in the hell is this guy?

After speaking for twenty-five minutes, not once mentioning the prop hanging around his neck, Coach Scolinos appeared to notice the snickering among some of the coaches. Even those who knew Coach Scolinos had to wonder exactly where he was going with this, or if he had simply forgotten about home plate since he’d gotten on stage.

Then, finally …

“You’re probably all wondering why I’m wearing home plate around my neck. Or maybe you think I escaped from Camarillo State Hospital,” he said, his voice growing irascible. I laughed along with the others, acknowledging the possibility.

“No,” he continued, “I may be old, but I’m not crazy. The reason I stand before you today is to share with you baseball people what I’ve learned in my life, what I’ve learned about home plate in my 78 years.”

Several hands went up when Scolinos asked how many Little League coaches were in the room. “Do you know how wide home plate is in Little League?” After a pause, someone offered, “Seventeen inches,” more question than answer.

“That’s right,” he said. “How about in Babe Ruth? Any Babe Ruth coaches in the house?”

Another long pause.

“Seventeen inches?”came a guess from another reluctant coach.

“That’s right,” said Scolinos. “Now, how many high school coaches do we have in the room?” Hundreds of hands shot up, as the pattern began to appear. “How wide is home plate in high school baseball?”

“Seventeen inches,” they said, sounding more confident.

“You’re right!” Scolinos barked. “And you college coaches, how wide is home plate in college?”

“Seventeen inches!” we said, in unison.

“Any Minor League coaches here? How wide is home plate in pro ball?”

“Seventeen inches!”

“RIGHT! And in the Major Leagues, how wide home plate is in the Major Leagues?”

“Seventeen inches!”

“SEV-EN-TEEN INCHES!” he confirmed, his voice bellowing off the walls.

“And what do they do with a a Big League pitcher who can’t throw the ball over these seventeen inches?” Pause. “They send him to Pocatello!” he hollered, drawing raucous laughter.

“What they don’t do is this: they don’t say, ‘Ah, that’s okay, Bobby. You can’t hit a seventeen-inch target? We’ll make it eighteen inches, or nineteen inches. We’ll make it twenty inches so you have a better chance of throwing the ball over it. If you can’t hit that, let us know so we can make it wider still, say twenty-five inches.’”

Pause.

“Coaches …”

Pause.

” … what do we do when our best player shows up late to practice? What do we do if he violates curfew? What if he uses drugs? Do we hold him accountable? Or do we change the rules to fit him? Do we widen home plate?

The chuckles gradually faded as four thousand coaches grew quiet, the fog lifting as the old coach’s message began to unfold.

Then he turned the plate toward himself and, using a Sharpie, began to draw something. When he turned it toward the crowd, point up, a house was revealed, complete with a freshly drawn door and two windows. “This is the problem in our homes today. With our marriages, with the way we parent our kids. With our discipline. We don’t teach accountability to our kids, and there is no consequence for failing to meet standards. We widen the plate!”

Pause. Then, to the point at the top of the house he added a small American flag.

“This is the problem in our schools today. The quality of our education is going downhill fast and teachers have been stripped of the tools they need to be successful….to educate and discipline our young people. We are allowing others to widen home plate! Where is that getting us?”

“And this is the problem in the Church, where powerful people in positions of authority have taken advantage of young children, only to have such an atrocity swept under the rug for years. Our church leaders are widening home plate!”

I was amazed. At a baseball convention where I expected to learn something about curveballs and bunting and how to run better practices, I had learned something far more valuable. From an old man with home plate strung around his neck, I had learned something about life, about myself, about my own weaknesses and about my responsibilities as a leader. I had to hold myself and others accountable to that which I knew to be right, lest our families, our faith, and our society continue down an undesirable path.

“If I am lucky,” Coach Scolinos concluded, “you will remember one thing from this old coach today. It is this: if we fail to hold ourselves to a higher standard, a standard of what we know to be right; if we fail to hold our spouses and our children to the same standards, if we are unwilling or unable to provide a consequence when they do not meet the standard; and if our schools and churches and our government fail to hold themselves accountable to those they serve, there is but one thing to look forward to …”

With that, he held home plate in front of his chest, turned it around, and revealed its dark black backside.

“… dark days ahead.”



Coach Scolinos died in 2009 at the age of 91, but not before touching the lives of hundreds of players and coaches, including mine. Meeting him at my first ABCA convention kept me returning year after year, looking for similar wisdom and inspiration from other coaches. He is the best clinic speaker the ABCA has ever known because he was so much more than a baseball coach.

His message was clear: “Coaches, keep your players — no matter how good they are — your own children, and most of all, keep yourself at seventeen inches.
 

Planit

Cyburbian
Messages
11,959
Points
38
The Girl got her Learner's Permit last week and wants to drive everywhere now (& that's fine with me). Mrs. P however is not thrilled in the least. Anyway, here's a couple random items that happened during her 1st week driving.
  • She began to explain something to me about a school project and her speed went from 45 to 20 before I said something (there was no one behind us). I've had to tell her to check her speed a couple times and its not always speeding.
  • Had no idea how to get to a place we've been to several times in the past. She never paid attention to how we got there before she had to do it.
  • Almost took the mirror off in the drive-thru.
  • Hit a squirrel a couple blocks from the house. She was very upset about that one.

She's actually done very well IMHO, Mrs. P not so much but she criticizes my driving too.
 

kjel

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,227
Points
37
Option 1:
Stay in current area, move to slightly better public school district, increase mortgage payment slightly. Send Itty Bitty to public school. Have $ available to enjoy life. Live 30 minutes from parents (Itty Bitty is super bonded to them). Hubby has 1 hour commute. I have 10 minute commute.

Option 2:
Move to new area, better services, more opportunities for everything. Live in good school district, increase mortgage payment moderately. Send Itty Bitty to private Montessori school. Have limited $ to enjoy life. Live 2 hours from parents. Hubby has 1.25 hr commute. I have 30 minute commute.

Option 3:
No idea.

How much is a good education worth?
I live in Newark which is not exactly known for high quality standard of living or decent schools. That being said I love my adopted city. Being an (over)educated person I understand the advantages a high quality K-12 education. We stressed hard regarding what to do with Bella's education. She went to a private Catholic school in the suburbs for preschool, mostly because I didn't feel the need for her to be in the Newark's free full time preschool. We had a good experience and contemplated sending her there for K-8 but logistically could not make it work with our work schedules/commute.

We looked at the Catholic school that's two blocks from our house and didn't particularly care for it. So we decided to take our chances and participate in Newark's lottery system. Newark Public Schools does not assign children to the school in their neighborhood, but requires each family to select up to 8 schools for their child and submit the lottery request. During the matching phase children are matched to a school with preferences granted for having a sibling or living in the immediate neighborhood of the school, 90% of the district's charter schools participate in the lottery. I selected 5 schools that we would be comfortable sending to her after reviewing profiles, state report cards, and visiting a couple of the schools. We were matched with our #3 choice which is the 2nd best performing elementary school in the district.

While the student body may not have the appearance of a better off suburban school, it takes educating children seriously. The facility is well maintained, orderly, and has quality teachers. It has exceeded my expectations in every way. Yes, they have Common Core standards and you know what? Nobody is complaining and test scores have steadily improved since they were adopted and student performance matches the state average. It's nothing really to be worried about and if you oppose testing you can ask for an exemption or keep the kids home. Setting aside the academics, it was important to us that the school was diverse and inclusive reflecting the character of the community which this school gets an A++++.

Test scores and district performance aren't everything. Your kids learn so much at home and what their parents expose themselves too. You can always opt into extra tutoring, enrichment, sports, etc. that the district might not offer.

The kids are going to be alright :)
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,793
Points
43
Test scores and district performance aren't everything. Your kids learn so much at home and what their parents expose themselves too. You can always opt into extra tutoring, enrichment, sports, etc. that the district might not offer.

The kids are going to be alright :)
Dittos.

Our boys are academically above average, but one is just (in 4th) starting to show signs of a good work ethic with schoolwork at least and that's an extremely important part of 'success'. Grit and good work ethic.

Plus, we expose them at home to as much additional learning and learning experiences as possible. They're such nerds in a good way.

And it is infinitely important for engaged parents and, yes, Virginia, the kids will be alright. :D
 
Last edited:

Gedunker

Moderating
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
11,148
Points
35
Apparently, I didn't get, or I overlooked, the very important change from a PIN to a username/password system on a certain college scholarship website. Hopefully that stress is behind me, because I have four more years of filling that sucker out. [knocks wood] (It's not hard to do, it just employs all the best bells and whistles of a federally designed website.:-c)
 

kms

Cyburbian
Messages
5,912
Points
31
Apparently, I didn't get, or I overlooked, the very important change from a PIN to a username/password system on a certain college scholarship website. Hopefully that stress is behind me, because I have four more years of filling that sucker out. [knocks wood] (It's not hard to do, it just employs all the best bells and whistles of a federally designed website.:-c)
Good to know. I have one more year, but I always had the kids fill out their own.
 

Gedunker

Moderating
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
11,148
Points
35
Good to know. I have one more year, but I always had the kids fill out their own.
I should point out the switch-over was two years ago. (Yes, I snail-mailed paper copies for two years :-|....) If your kids aren't stressed out about filling in your personal IRS info (like mine are), then you are most likely in good shape.
 

kjel

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,227
Points
37
Apparently, I didn't get, or I overlooked, the very important change from a PIN to a username/password system on a certain college scholarship website. Hopefully that stress is behind me, because I have four more years of filling that sucker out. [knocks wood] (It's not hard to do, it just employs all the best bells and whistles of a federally designed website.:-c)
Gotta love FAFSA, it's actually much easier these days. I did RT's the first year and made her do it every year after.
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
27,354
Points
64
Last Thursday was 'ugly tie day' at Junior's school. I let him borrow two ties: one was a wide garish relic from the 1970's and the other was a nice (albeit mismatched color-wise) brown tie I actually wear on occasion. I noticed this weekend that the nice quality tie came home and was sitting beneath his backpack near the front door. I guess I should be grateful the tie came back at all, as Junior is notorious for losing things wherever he goes, but what dismayed me was the fact that the tie had been neatly cut in two. A nice clean cut with scissors. When I confronted him about this he told me "some kid was walking around with a pair of scissors and 'accidently' cut the tie." 8-!:-@ Seriously. How stupid does he think I am? Apparently a great deal.:r: We also had parent teacher conferences last week and his English teacher told us he didn't turn in an assignment last week. When questioned by her what happened to the assignment he reportedly said "I know you're not going to believe this but the dog actually ate it." I'm not sure what to make of this fabrication, on the one hand it belies a certain sophistication as it acknowledges the cliché, but at the same time is brazen because the expectation seems to be that since he recognizes this the expectation is that he feels responsible adults should BELIEVE that nonsense.
 

kjel

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,227
Points
37
The Girl thinks the word 'NO' means ask again.
They grind you down. At least she's still in the asking phase :D

My little one does not like school. I received about the 20th note home that she isn't paying attention and only wants to draw, paint, color all day. I asked her and she said, "I'm an artist!". I told her artists still need to learn to read, write, and do math. I'm sure the teacher thinks my parenting is suspect as her homework is often submitted in technicolor writing because she refuses to use a pencil because it's "skritchy" and says the words need color.
 

Gedunker

Moderating
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
11,148
Points
35
My daughter should graduate high school this year. "Should" being the operative word. (She's had issues between doing and turning in homework since at least 3rd grade and it's biting her in the butt this year.) We talked last night and she told me she is seriously thinking about a gap year because she doesn't think she's ready for college right now. This explains why we haven't had admissions notice from her preferred school (local branch of the State School).

I agree that she is probably not ready for school next year, but we will have to talk about what a gap year would look like, e.g., work, rent, classes.

I think her mom - my ex - is not going to be wild about this idea. I get the sense it would be better to talk as a family sooner rather than later.

Thoughts?
 

kms

Cyburbian
Messages
5,912
Points
31
My daughter should graduate high school this year. "Should" being the operative word. (She's had issues between doing and turning in homework since at least 3rd grade and it's biting her in the butt this year.) We talked last night and she told me she is seriously thinking about a gap year because she doesn't think she's ready for college right now. This explains why we haven't had admissions notice from her preferred school (local branch of the State School).

I agree that she is probably not ready for school next year, but we will have to talk about what a gap year would look like, e.g., work, rent, classes.

I think her mom - my ex - is not going to be wild about this idea. I get the sense it would be better to talk as a family sooner rather than later.

Thoughts?
Go for a gap year so long as she has, and sticks to a plan, with consequences that you know you can enforce if she just wants to slack. Maybe she has to pay a portion of car insurance and fuel expenses in order to use one of your vehicles.

I’d insist that she find a job and go to work. Sometimes a crummy job turns into incentive to go to school. I know from my own experience. And, some kids, no matter how smart they are, aren’t really cut out for college. There’s no need to force someone to go to school if it turns out to be a waste of time and money.
 

kjel

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,227
Points
37
My daughter should graduate high school this year. "Should" being the operative word. (She's had issues between doing and turning in homework since at least 3rd grade and it's biting her in the butt this year.) We talked last night and she told me she is seriously thinking about a gap year because she doesn't think she's ready for college right now. This explains why we haven't had admissions notice from her preferred school (local branch of the State School).

I agree that she is probably not ready for school next year, but we will have to talk about what a gap year would look like, e.g., work, rent, classes.

I think her mom - my ex - is not going to be wild about this idea. I get the sense it would be better to talk as a family sooner rather than later.

Thoughts?
I think it's fine, but make it clear that she's not going to be sitting around and doing nothing. My offer to Emily was full time school, part time school + part time job, one year trade program, military, or volunteer service such as Americorps. Her first year she did full time school and decided that wasn't for her and took option #2 and moved home. If she's having doubts that she's ready then she's not ready, thank her for her candor.

Some alternatives:
AmeriCorps https://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/americorps/join-americorps
Job Corps https://www.jobcorps.gov/
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
27,354
Points
64
I can't be the only parent that dreads going to middle school band concerts.

We saw Junior's spring concert last night. They performed four mercifully short numbers. There was much of the out of tune playing one would expect to hear from individuals who are new to playing a musical instrument. I can accept that. Thing is, there seemed to be a certain number of kids, though, who were not only playing out of tune, but also did not appear to comprehend they were playing the wrong notes. I heard one such child ask their parent "didn't I do a good job with that solo?" Understandably, the parent responded yes, but the fact that the kid would approach that inquiry in that fashion certainly seems to suggest the kid believed in their own mind they did a good job. A more objective pair of ears (such as mine), however, would be under the impression the kid was honking out E's when clearly G's were intended, and that would not qualify as a 'good job' in anyone's book, or at any rate lowers the bar to the point its resting on the ground. The kid should have asked "didn't I do a good job of actually hitting nearly 60% of the correct notes?" would be a more honest appraisal.

My kid, naturally, performed as only a true virtuouso would. But all those other kids were completely inept, and I was never so relieved as the moment that acoustic assault they called a 'concert' ceased..
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
13,876
Points
41
I can't be the only parent that dreads going to middle school band concerts.

We saw Junior's spring concert last night. They performed four mercifully short numbers. There was much of the out of tune playing one would expect to hear from individuals who are new to playing a musical instrument. I can accept that. Thing is, there seemed to be a certain number of kids, though, who were not only playing out of tune, but also did not appear to comprehend they were playing the wrong notes. I heard one such child ask their parent "didn't I do a good job with that solo?" Understandably, the parent responded yes, but the fact that the kid would approach that inquiry in that fashion certainly seems to suggest the kid believed in their own mind they did a good job. A more objective pair of ears (such as mine), however, would be under the impression the kid was honking out E's when clearly G's were intended, and that would not qualify as a 'good job' in anyone's book, or at any rate lowers the bar to the point its resting on the ground. The kid should have asked "didn't I do a good job of actually hitting nearly 60% of the correct notes?" would be a more honest appraisal.

My kid, naturally, performed as only a true virtuouso would. But all those other kids were completely inept, and I was never so relieved as the moment that acoustic assault they called a 'concert' ceased..
Thankfully my oldest has no interest in music so no bad concerts for me. Although I do try to get her interested in learning to play something. It's just a good skill to have. I'm hoping to get away with just the bad elementary school sing along concerts where every parent must record it on the phone so all you see is a bunch of phones stuck up in the air and not the kids. And yes I know your kid is special and will be the next great singer, but I just want to see my kid have some fun and then go home. The kids want to go home just as fast. I have good kids.
 

kjel

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,227
Points
37
I can't be the only parent that dreads going to middle school band concerts.

We saw Junior's spring concert last night. They performed four mercifully short numbers. There was much of the out of tune playing one would expect to hear from individuals who are new to playing a musical instrument. I can accept that. Thing is, there seemed to be a certain number of kids, though, who were not only playing out of tune, but also did not appear to comprehend they were playing the wrong notes. I heard one such child ask their parent "didn't I do a good job with that solo?" Understandably, the parent responded yes, but the fact that the kid would approach that inquiry in that fashion certainly seems to suggest the kid believed in their own mind they did a good job. A more objective pair of ears (such as mine), however, would be under the impression the kid was honking out E's when clearly G's were intended, and that would not qualify as a 'good job' in anyone's book, or at any rate lowers the bar to the point its resting on the ground. The kid should have asked "didn't I do a good job of actually hitting nearly 60% of the correct notes?" would be a more honest appraisal.

My kid, naturally, performed as only a true virtuouso would. But all those other kids were completely inept, and I was never so relieved as the moment that acoustic assault they called a 'concert' ceased..
My mom rarely attended my school performances because of her odd work schedules. We had really strong music programs in the schools I attended so I don't think the concerts were too bad for the adults having to sit through them.
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
13,876
Points
41
I love the free range child law. My kids have been walking down the street to the park since they were about 7 and 10. Granted it's a straight walk about 8 houses down to the local school, but we did have some guy call the cops. They asked a couple questions, shrugged and walked off.
 

Planit

Cyburbian
Messages
11,959
Points
38
Yesterday, The Girl asked me if I knew a song that went _________ (she hummed a bar or two). I said sure that's ELO's Mr. Blue Sky. Then she asked if I knew a song that had the words "I'm gonna get-cha get-cha get-cha" & I said yep, that's Blondie's One Way or Another. That kinda freaked her out, but then I told her she has my vinyl records and those albums are probably in the collection which really surprised her.

I heard ELO playing last night from her bedroom.
 

kjel

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,227
Points
37
Yesterday, The Girl asked me if I knew a song that went _________ (she hummed a bar or two). I said sure that's ELO's Mr. Blue Sky. Then she asked if I knew a song that had the words "I'm gonna get-cha get-cha get-cha" & I said yep, that's Blondie's One Way or Another. That kinda freaked her out, but then I told her she has my vinyl records and those albums are probably in the collection which really surprised her.

I heard ELO playing last night from her bedroom.
I love doing that to them. Or a new song that borrows from an old song and enlightening them about where the riff came from.
 

Doohickie

Cyburbian
Messages
1,948
Points
28
I can't be the only parent that dreads going to middle school band concerts.

We saw Junior's spring concert last night. They performed four mercifully short numbers. There was much of the out of tune playing one would expect to hear from individuals who are new to playing a musical instrument. I can accept that. Thing is, there seemed to be a certain number of kids, though, who were not only playing out of tune, but also did not appear to comprehend they were playing the wrong notes. I heard one such child ask their parent "didn't I do a good job with that solo?" Understandably, the parent responded yes, but the fact that the kid would approach that inquiry in that fashion certainly seems to suggest the kid believed in their own mind they did a good job. A more objective pair of ears (such as mine), however, would be under the impression the kid was honking out E's when clearly G's were intended, and that would not qualify as a 'good job' in anyone's book, or at any rate lowers the bar to the point its resting on the ground. The kid should have asked "didn't I do a good job of actually hitting nearly 60% of the correct notes?" would be a more honest appraisal.

My kid, naturally, performed as only a true virtuouso would. But all those other kids were completely inept, and I was never so relieved as the moment that acoustic assault they called a 'concert' ceased..
Been there. Done that. Don't miss it.

I was a Band Dad for 8 years straight (not counting the middle school prelude). The highlight came in the third year when 1) the football team won a state championship, and as a Band Dad I went to the playoffs and championship game, and 2) the band itself went to the state finals. There really is a lot of interesting stuff to see during band marching competitions including great marching maneuvers (folding ribbons and stuff that look impossible but cool), not to mention some accomplished musicianship.

After 8 years of hauling water jugs, loading and unloading trucks full of instruments, and helping build and set up props, I had enough. When the youngest graduated I never went back.
 

Doohickie

Cyburbian
Messages
1,948
Points
28
Thoughts?
Go for a gap year so long as she has, and sticks to a plan, with consequences that you know you can enforce if she just wants to slack. Maybe she has to pay a portion of car insurance and fuel expenses in order to use one of your vehicles.

I’d insist that she find a job and go to work. Sometimes a crummy job turns into incentive to go to school. I know from my own experience. And, some kids, no matter how smart they are, aren’t really cut out for college. There’s no need to force someone to go to school if it turns out to be a waste of time and money.
I think it's fine, but make it clear that she's not going to be sitting around and doing nothing. My offer to Emily was full time school, part time school + part time job, one year trade program, military, or volunteer service such as Americorps. Her first year she did full time school and decided that wasn't for her and took option #2 and moved home. If she's having doubts that she's ready then she's not ready, thank her for her candor.

Some alternatives:
AmeriCorps https://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/americorps/join-americorps
Job Corps https://www.jobcorps.gov/
Good suggestions.

But.... if motivation is a problem (which it may or may not be based on the not doing homework thing), the whole "you're gonna get a job" thing might not work. I went through a few years of an undermotivated son and they were some of the most trying years of my life. We eventually found out he was having anxiety/panic issues and once addressed he seemed to do much better, but still not quite fulfilling his potential. He's 30 now, living on his own, and just switched jobs. We're hoping he's making the right choices for himself, but there's only so much you can do as a parent. And at 30, that means almost nothing above normal conversations. We can't force him to do anything.

If your daughter is similarly unmotivated (not saying she is... but if she is), there really isn't much more you can do than give her support and enough space to figure it out for herself. As much as that killed me with our son, it eventually seemed to work out.
 

Planit

Cyburbian
Messages
11,959
Points
38
More fun with The Girl and music.

This morning on the way to school, "Beth" came on the radio and I asked her what band sang that song. She said she knew the song but didn't know the band. When I told her it was KISS she said no way until I pulled it up on YouTube. She said she was going to pull that trick on a couple of her friends today.
 

WSU MUP Student

Cyburbian
Messages
9,793
Points
34
My oldest is planning to spend the night at a friend's house for the first time this weekend. She is 7 and a half and will only be about two blocks from our house (close enough that the cheap walkie talkies I bought us a couple of years ago would work) and I don't know who is more nervous - me or her! She was actually went to a birthday party for the girl across the street from us last week and it was a sleepover but she told us ahead of time that she wanted to come home and sleep in her own bed. But the girl across the street is a year older than our daughter and goes to a different school so she didn't really know anybody else there and we had a feeling she might feel uncomfortable there overnight. She did however wake up early so she could go over there and have breakfast with all of them.

I don't think I spent the night at a friend's house until I was like 10 or 11 (5th grade). How old were other Cyburbians when they stayed overnight at a friend's house?
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
27,354
Points
64
I don't think I spent the night at a friend's house until I was like 10 or 11 (5th grade). How old were other Cyburbians when they stayed overnight at a friend's house?
I think 5th grade was the first I can recall for myself. I remember we stayed up late to watch the spaghetti western "Trinity is Still My Name"

Coincidently, Junior is going to a sleepover at a friend's tonight that lives two blocks away. The first sleepover he went to was when he was 8 I think.
 

kjel

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,227
Points
37
My oldest is planning to spend the night at a friend's house for the first time this weekend. She is 7 and a half and will only be about two blocks from our house (close enough that the cheap walkie talkies I bought us a couple of years ago would work) and I don't know who is more nervous - me or her! She was actually went to a birthday party for the girl across the street from us last week and it was a sleepover but she told us ahead of time that she wanted to come home and sleep in her own bed. But the girl across the street is a year older than our daughter and goes to a different school so she didn't really know anybody else there and we had a feeling she might feel uncomfortable there overnight. She did however wake up early so she could go over there and have breakfast with all of them.

I don't think I spent the night at a friend's house until I was like 10 or 11 (5th grade). How old were other Cyburbians when they stayed overnight at a friend's house?
Around 7 or 8. RT was more of a homebody and didn't like sleeping over at other people's houses, so mostly I hosted the sleepovers. My little one is a PITA and I do not foresee that she will be sleeping over at anyone's house. She doesn't even like staying at her grandparent's or aunt's house unless one of us is with her.
 

WSU MUP Student

Cyburbian
Messages
9,793
Points
34
Her sleepover went very well. She called us around 9:30 p.m. to "facetime" us for a few minutes before she and her friend went to bed. According to the friend's mom they were awake until at least about 11:00 p.m. giggling and laughing back there but were pleasant enough at breakfast the next morning. After we picked her up we drove up to my in-laws for the day and she took a short nap up there during the day and then slept nearly the entire 90 minute car ride home. She hasn't taken a nap in a long time and very rarely falls asleep in the car so she must have been worn out.
 

WSU MUP Student

Cyburbian
Messages
9,793
Points
34
More fun with The Girl and music.

This morning on the way to school, "Beth" came on the radio and I asked her what band sang that song. She said she knew the song but didn't know the band. When I told her it was KISS she said no way until I pulled it up on YouTube. She said she was going to pull that trick on a couple of her friends today.
I'm listening to the newest edition of Slate's Hit Parade podcast and Chris Molanphy talks about Beth. It reminded me of your post.

Hit Parade: The You Give Rock a Bad Name Edition
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
13,876
Points
41
My [STRIKEOUT]kids [/STRIKEOUT]I survived a weekend without mom. The 9 yo had a friend spend the night and the 11 yo spent a lot of time watching Netflix.
 

Planit

Cyburbian
Messages
11,959
Points
38
The Girl is taking her last exam today. There is still a week of 'school' left, but since she's completed her exams, she's done and doesn't have to go anymore. The only other thing she has to do is show up for band to play at graduation next Friday.
 

kjel

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,227
Points
37
The Girl is taking her last exam today. There is still a week of 'school' left, but since she's completed her exams, she's done and doesn't have to go anymore. The only other thing she has to do is show up for band to play at graduation next Friday.
WeePee isn't so wee anymore.
 
Top