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The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

Planit

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Last night, I was laying in bed with the six-year-old and she heard my stomach making standard digesting noises. She asked if there was someone in there. I told her no, which led to her asking how babies got into mommy's tummies.

I thought for a second and said that a man had to put it in there (maybe no technically correct, but close enough to serve the purposes). She asked how he did that, and then thought for a second and said, "Oh, wait. I know, but I'm not allowed to talk about it. It's gross." So then I explained that it's something that's okay if it's with someone that you love a whole lot.

So basically I just had the sex talk with a 6 year old that already knew most of the details. There are a lot of scenarios I thought through with this whole foster parenting thing... having that conversation was not one of them!
Search YouTube for Julia Sweeney's Sex Talk!
Just the facts.
 

Michele Zone

BANNED
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7,657
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28
So basically I just had the sex talk with a 6 year old that already knew most of the details. There are a lot of scenarios I thought through with this whole foster parenting thing... having that conversation was not one of them!
By age six, yeah, lots of kids know the gist of it.

I was four when I asked my mom if "you have to do something dirty to make a baby." Mom told me "no."

I was trying to ask did you have to have sex to have a baby, but I only knew two expressions for sex and I knew the other one was not a word I could say to my mom as it contains four letters and starts with F. She was trying to say "Sex isn't dirty."

Total communication fail. But I felt lied to and jerked around.

That experience strongly shaped some of my parenting policies. Among other things, my policy was they wouldn't get in trouble for asking anything or using any particular word to try to communicate with me. I also had policies about respecting their boundaries, even if they were not able to articulate why X mattered to them. It really made an impression on me that small children face significant communication barriers and it easily goes bad places if adults don't account for the fact that kids don't necessarily know the right words for the idea they have in mind.
 

kjel

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This is so helpful. I cant thank you enough.

Right now, it's money in, money out in our household. We are spending around $1,500 a month on child care wth one kid. We eek by with one full-time, mid-level government salary (mine) and one part-time freelancer salary (hers). I have NO IDEA how families who are paying market rate rents get by in this city.

I'm partial to Westchester, as parts of it are lovely, green, and really amenable to an outdoor lifestyle, but the cost of living there is just astronomical. My thinking is that if you're going to live outside of the five boroughs, you do it to get more space and an easier lifestyle. The thing is, a lot of the new multifamily new construction going up there has unit sizes not much bigger than the city, A house is totally out of our price range unless we go 50+ miles outside of the city and I refuse to join the ranks of the harried Grand Central zombie-commuter class. What we want is what you're describing - essentially, a car-lite, walkable lifestyle with reasonable commutes.

The SO is actually from Bergen County, and we have family there, but it's the same issue as Westchester - it's a beautiful, desirable area but cost-prohibitive unless you're in finance, insurance, real estate, advertising, and you have to deal with the even more nighmarish Penn Station commute unless you score a local gig like you did.

The MIL has a house in North Carolina that she will essentially give to us if we move down there, but the area that it's in (the Triad) doesn't seem to be much of a hot spot for planning work.
It's always the rub, you need substantial means to afford a walkable lifestyle with a reasonable commute. It's why I live in Newark, I am sure you are aware of the downsides-but for us there are enough pros keeping us there that it works for us.
 

Gedunker

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My son complained of a toothache shortly after a dentist visit, where the dentist reminded him that he really needed to have his wisdom teeth extracted. So, with that in mind, we go through the possibility that it might be a cavity and concluded that it is not because it isn't particularly sensitive, so it must be the wisdom teeth. We make appointments for a consultation and extraction, and I go bring him home from college (~45 min each way) for the consult and we're set for surgery. I go get him again and we knock out an appointment for a CPAP mask fitting and next day the wisdom tooth surgery. Teeth come out (he's hilarious post-op still groggy from the drugs they used to knock him out:D), and he's back to college late the next afternoon. All good.

And then I get a text 10-days later that he's in excruciating pain from the same toothache.

Back to schlep him home from college to see the dentist, with X-rays this time, and he has an abscessed tooth.:-c:-{:not: So, another trip to college, appointment with a specialist, and this past week an extraction and bone graft followed by an extended stay at my home (not medically necessary, but the college lost heat and power due to our ice storm and my house was warm and comfy, so why the hell not?). He got his flipper the same day as the surgery and a follow-up for the week after Thanksgiving, and then - I guess - around 3-4 months, cosmetic dentistry for the permanent replacement tooth.

I assumed the abscess was from a cavity deep between the effected teeth, but I was wrong. He apparently had some form of trauma, up to as many as 12 years ago, that killed the nerve and it just decided to become infected last month.

Needless to say, my Health Savings Account took serious hit this fall. Hopefully, his mother makes good on her promise to finally repay me for his and his sister' health care.:not:
 

DVD

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Hell yes my kids want this. Which is why I will never mention it to them.

The oldest is stressing out about new school and losing all her friends. I keep giving her suggestions, but she doesn't take them. First year at a new school is always rough, but I hope she gets over it soon.
 

Whose Yur Planner

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Gave miniWYP some suggestions for a part time job. She likes fashion and clothes, so I suggested she look at clothing stores. Also told her I would help would help with application and interview.

The gf and I took her kid to a learning center/playground. Wore my @ss out.
 

Planit

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The Girl told me this morning on the way to school that she gets to take her drivers test in 37 days.

Part of me is happy because I won't have to play taxi as much, but part of me is not.
 

kjel

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Gave miniWYP some suggestions for a part time job. She likes fashion and clothes, so I suggested she look at clothing stores. Also told her I would help would help with application and interview.

The gf and I took her kid to a learning center/playground. Wore my @ss out.
Getting old. I feel you though because I have 18.5 years between mine. Thankfully RT is around quite a bit and does the high activity stuff with Bella.
 

DVD

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13,224
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33
^ I am also stopping at the store on the way home. Not related to anything above.
 

Planit

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The Girl made All District 1st Band. Big accomplishment for a sophomore - well anyone really.

She is very excited. Gets to spend her 16th birthday weekend at a university with college band directors.

She already said she is auditioning for All State in March
 

JNA

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What instrument does The Girl play ? and for how long ? and school or private lessons ?

Do you consider/call yourself a "Band Parent" ?
 

Whose Yur Planner

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Saturday went from dorking around, working out and going to go see The Upside to an all day running conversation, and going to A Dog's Way Home (a kid's movie). Had breakfast with one of the Pastors to get advise about parenting and some resources. Got some good direction and ideas. Also got some affirmation about my efforts with miniWYP.
 
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Planit

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What instrument does The Girl play ? and for how long ? and school or private lessons ?

Do you consider/call yourself a "Band Parent" ?
She's played the clarinet for just shy of 5 years now. She's only had middle & high school band classes, but played in jazz band too.

Last year she made All County 2nd Band, so she was very happy with this year's achievement.

No I am not a band parent per se. My only involvement is to work in the concession stand for home football games. No board meetings, festival volunteering, chaperone, set building, equipment toting, et cetera.

I will brag on the band though. 40% of All County bands were from her high school & 9 members made All District 1st & 2nd bands. They are quite good.
 

WSU MUP Student

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Congrats to your daughter @Planit! That's quite the accomplishment.

I will brag on the band though. 40% of All County bands were from her high school & 9 members made All District 1st & 2nd bands. They are quite good.
I don't think they do "All County" bands or anything like that here but I like that idea. Our district has two high schools (oddly, on the same road, only about a mile apart) and for some reason one of the bands is worlds away better than the other one. I was telling my wife's friend who grew up here and went to these schools and she said it was like that even when she was in high school 20+ years ago. One of them has just always had a much better band.
 

Veloise

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Congrats to your daughter @Planit! That's quite the accomplishment.



I don't think they do "All County" bands or anything like that here but I like that idea. Our district has two high schools (oddly, on the same road, only about a mile apart) and for some reason one of the bands is worlds away better than the other one. I was telling my wife's friend who grew up here and went to these schools and she said it was like that even when she was in high school 20+ years ago. One of them has just always had a much better band.
I went to one of 'em! The other is actually 1-1/2 miles away.
 

Whose Yur Planner

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She's played the clarinet for just shy of 5 years now. She's only had middle & high school band classes, but played in jazz band too.

Last year she made All County 2nd Band, so she was very happy with this year's achievement.

No I am not a band parent per se. My only involvement is to work in the concession stand for home football games. No board meetings, festival volunteering, chaperone, set building, equipment toting, et cetera.

I will brag on the band though. 40% of All County bands were from her high school & 9 members made All District 1st & 2nd bands. They are quite good.
Congrats for you daughter Planet-Great work on her part.
 

WSU MUP Student

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I went to one of 'em! The other is actually 1-1/2 miles away.
I imagine you went to the one with the better band (and the green and black colors)? There are a couple of annual parades in the area that both of the bands usually participate in and you can always here a difference in how "into it" and excited the crowd gets when the green and black band comes through compared to the maroon band.
 

Veloise

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Haven't been able to compare the two bands since 1974 (theirs was bigger).
When I switched from flute to baritone horn, I started a trend: returned for a visit, and there was a former flute player with a sax, and another with a trumpet.

I did "like" my old HS band on FB, and now that you mention it I guess they did add black. We had green uniforms.

ghs-74-5.jpg
 

JNA

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Hawkeye66

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402
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My oldest son is a college freshman majoring in music and received the honor of being invited to play with the Air Force's top band in a performance in a few weeks. Great opportunity for him. Son #2 is going to the same college next year and got admitted already in the honors program for mechanical engineering. All of it great, but I do miss my little kids sometimes.
 

DVD

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That's awesome. Once they're done with that whole cat's cradle little boy blue song stuff they'll come back and see how you're doing.
 

JNA

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Gedunker

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My daughter is working for the local Fred's store (Fred's dead, but the family still run the big boxes he left behind;)), as a baker. Her Sunday shift starts at 3:00AM, 'cause people gotta have donuts at/after service. This Sunday is Daylight Saving Time, so her shift will, I'm guessing, actually start at 2:00AM. I'm 99% sure she hasn't considered this yet. It's definitely going to suck.

BTW, this Mitten State based retailer has introduced Paczki to this region. It's a wonderment to me that they have caught on like they have. They aren't as widespread as King Cake, yet, but they are getting there.
 

JNA

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Unvaccinated child hits his head, gets tetanus. Two months and over $800K later, he recovers
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2019/03/08/anti-vax-unvaccinated-child-tetanus-fights-life-oregon/3101886002/

That amount doesn’t include the air transportation to the hospital from the farm, his time at the rehabilitation center or any follow-up costs.
https://www.oregonlive.com/health/2019/03/unvaccinated-oregon-boy-6-nearly-dies-of-tetanus-racks-up-1-million-in-bills.html

source report
https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/68/wr/mm6809a3.htm?s_cid=mm6809a3_w
 

Hink

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Tetanus is an easy shot to get. Like MMR. We need to get facts out there more. People think there are "facts" that support not vaccinating their kids. There aren't. No real medical doctor would support not vaccinating your kids.

If you want to drink apple cider vinegar and rub tree roots on your heels, go for it. Just please don't do it to your kids. The frustration is real. When we start seeing polio again is when people are going to finally realize how stupid they are being.
 

kjel

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Tetanus is an easy shot to get. Like MMR. We need to get facts out there more. People think there are "facts" that support not vaccinating their kids. There aren't. No real medical doctor would support not vaccinating your kids.

If you want to drink apple cider vinegar and rub tree roots on your heels, go for it. Just please don't do it to your kids. The frustration is real. When we start seeing polio again is when people are going to finally realize how stupid they are being.
Even without insurance, you can get a DTaP vaccine at Walgreens for $64. But no....$800K and weeks of ICU for this poor kid.

Many practicing doctors are not old enough to have ever seen vaccine preventable diseases and I fear may have difficulty in diagnosing them early causing delays in treatment.
 

WSU MUP Student

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Our youngest, who turns three on Saturday, will currently only eat dinner if we hand feed it to her while she is sitting on her tricycle doing laps around the dining room table. This has been going on for a couple of weeks now and shows no sign of letting up. She's probably going to starve when we go to Florida in a few weeks and she won't have a tricycle in the house or space to ride one anyway!
 

gtpeach

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Our six-year-old foster daughter started asking why she had to be in foster care last night. I tried to keep it very high level and not get into specifics. I told her that her family was having trouble taking care of her well and they needed some help to figure out how to do that before she could go live with them again, and emphasized how hard her mom was working on those things. I then let her counselor know so she could process through some of those questions with her on an appropriate level.

Six-year-old hears "they were having a hard time caring for you well" and responds with, "but we were swimming in a motel pool when they picked us up and that was fun." It's pretty heartbreaking.
 

DVD

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Our youngest, who turns three on Saturday, will currently only eat dinner if we hand feed it to her while she is sitting on her tricycle doing laps around the dining room table. This has been going on for a couple of weeks now and shows no sign of letting up. She's probably going to starve when we go to Florida in a few weeks and she won't have a tricycle in the house or space to ride one anyway!
Good to know my kid wasn't the only one that did the run by eating thing.

Peach, that foster parent thing is rough, but I'm glad good people like you are doing it.
 

Whose Yur Planner

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Saturday involved a long trip for a Karate competition. Having been in Tae myself when I was younger, it was interesting. Let me tell you, the little ones can have at pretty good.:oops:. She ended up getting a medal on form. However, she's not much into sparing.
 
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