• Ongoing coronavirus / COVID-19 discussion: how is the pandemic affecting your community, workplace, and wellness? 🦠

    Working from home? So are we. Come join us! Cyburbia is a friendly big tent, where we share our experiences and thoughts about urban planning practice, planning adjacent topics, and whatever else comes to mind. No ads, no spam, no social distancing.

The NEVERENDING Raising Children Thread

Salmissra

Cyburbian
Messages
5,945
Points
30
That's how I've done it. It usually ends up with 2 statements

1. Are you sure that's going to keep you warm enough? Which they always say yes.

2. After being out in the cold they complain, I', cold! My only answer is that sucks, you should have worn more clothing.
Are you sure you aren't related to my mother? That is exactly what she used to say!
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
14,636
Points
51
As long as there is no permanent damage I have no problem with my children learning through pain. Sadly they have not learned to put on enough clothing, but they have learned to bring a light sweater to certain restaurants that are always cold.
 
  • Like
Reactions: kms

kms

Cyburbian
Messages
6,322
Points
36
My daughter called to tell me that she’s engaged. I asked if her boyfriend spoke to her parents first. She said he talked to her dad.

I’m hurt, disappointed and insulted. Her dad had very little interest in her before and after he left, yet they went to him and left me out.

Yes, I should be a better person than this, but today, it’s going to be all about me.
 

Planit

Cyburbian
Messages
12,838
Points
51
My daughter called to tell me that she’s engaged. I asked if her boyfriend spoke to her parents first. She said he talked to her dad.

I’m hurt, disappointed and insulted. Her dad had very little interest in her before and after he left, yet they went to him and left me out.

Yes, I should be a better person than this, but today, it’s going to be all about me.
I guess that's the traditional thing - go to the dad - & hey at least he did it.

However I agree it sucks big time and you should feel a bit insulted and disappointed. Think you need to set up a dinner for the 3 of you...on his dime.

& BTW - Congrats!?!!!
 

MD Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
2,322
Points
34
My daughter called to tell me that she’s engaged. I asked if her boyfriend spoke to her parents first. She said he talked to her dad.

I’m hurt, disappointed and insulted. Her dad had very little interest in her before and after he left, yet they went to him and left me out.

Yes, I should be a better person than this, but today, it’s going to be all about me.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. It's pretty crappy. But who knows what kids' reasons are for doing things sometimes?
 

dandy_warhol

Cyburbian
Messages
9,345
Points
37
My daughter called to tell me that she’s engaged. I asked if her boyfriend spoke to her parents first. She said he talked to her dad.

I’m hurt, disappointed and insulted. Her dad had very little interest in her before and after he left, yet they went to him and left me out.

Yes, I should be a better person than this, but today, it’s going to be all about me.
I can understand why you are having those feelings. Hugs to you.
 

Whose Yur Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
11,258
Points
39
My daughter called to tell me that she’s engaged. I asked if her boyfriend spoke to her parents first. She said he talked to her dad.

I’m hurt, disappointed and insulted. Her dad had very little interest in her before and after he left, yet they went to him and left me out.

Yes, I should be a better person than this, but today, it’s going to be all about me.
I'm sorry to hear that and it does suck.
 

WSU MUP Student

Cyburbian
Messages
10,359
Points
43
It is generally frowned upon when sitting next to a crying baby on an airplane to ask for a new seat even when the baby is yours.
A few years ago we were flying somewhere with our daughter who was 2 or 3 at the time. I tried booking the flight online but kept getting timed-out so I called Delta directly to buy the tickets. Originally I couldn't get 3 seats together in one row so it was going to be 2 of us in one row and the 3rd in another row. Our daughter was always a really good flier so my wife and I were fine with this seating arrangement and we'd just take turns with our daughter. When the customer service rep asked for our ages and saw one was a little kid she moved other people around so we could all be in the same row. I told her that wasn't really necessary and jokingly added, "Because my wife will be fine with the baby for 4 hours!" The lady on the other end of the phone didn't think that was funny and said as retribution that if space was available she'd just move my wife to 1st Class and make me sit with the baby the whole time.
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
13,693
Points
53
Last week, my 10 yr old son enthusiastically read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in a day and a half and really enjoyed it. So, as part of my paternal responsibilities, immediately pulled my copy of The Restaurant at the End of Universe off the shelf for him to start into next.

His reading the second book in the five book trilogy has been delayed by a minecraft related novel he's reading at the moment.

I'm so proud of him. :D

Now if I can direct him toward some mid-career Vonnegut that would be good.

I also thought Girl Talk with Richard Kind was pretty funny and would love to see that as a recurring feature somewhere (Richard Kind is always one of my favorite actors though and I think I would honestly enjoy watching him read the telephone book).
Then I presume you've already seen this from Documentary Now!:

 
Last edited:

terraplnr

Cyburbian
Messages
2,353
Points
27
My daughter called to tell me that she’s engaged. I asked if her boyfriend spoke to her parents first. She said he talked to her dad.

I’m hurt, disappointed and insulted. Her dad had very little interest in her before and after he left, yet they went to him and left me out.

Yes, I should be a better person than this, but today, it’s going to be all about me.
It's totally ok to feel the way you feel. It was most likely youthful cluelessness and optimism. I'm sure during the wedding planning they'll be grateful for your help and interest! (As long as you like the guy?!)
 
  • Like
Reactions: kms

WSU MUP Student

Cyburbian
Messages
10,359
Points
43
^ I have not seen that one but I'll have to watch the whole thing. I watched the first few episodes of Documentary Now! and loved it but for some reason never watched anymore.

And thanks for bringing up Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I think my daughter would probably enjoy that one and maybe I'll reread it too.
 

terraplnr

Cyburbian
Messages
2,353
Points
27
My 15-yr old stepson and 11-yr old son like fantasy/sci-fi but I'm not sure if either has read Hitchhiker's Guide yet, will check! The 11-yr old just read Ender's Game and really liked it.

I recently re-read the first Xanth book and was going to recommend it to the boys, but I think I'll wait, especially for the 11-year old. I try not to judge older works by today's standards but it has a really weird rape trial scene and some blatant sexism at times. :oops: The series still has a fond place in my heart though, read a lot of them in high school and college.
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
13,693
Points
53
My 15-yr old stepson and 11-yr old son like fantasy/sci-fi but I'm not sure if either has read Hitchhiker's Guide yet, will check! The 11-yr old just read Ender's Game and really liked it.

I recently re-read the first Xanth book and was going to recommend it to the boys, but I think I'll wait, especially for the 11-year old. I try not to judge older works by today's standards but it has a really weird rape trial scene and some blatant sexism at times. :oops: The series still has a fond place in my heart though, read a lot of them in high school and college.
Related - I'm waiting a couple more years before I can introduce my two younger sons [11 & 10] (the two of the three that would be interested) to The Matrix.
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
14,636
Points
51
My 15-yr old stepson and 11-yr old son like fantasy/sci-fi but I'm not sure if either has read Hitchhiker's Guide yet, will check! The 11-yr old just read Ender's Game and really liked it.

I recently re-read the first Xanth book and was going to recommend it to the boys, but I think I'll wait, especially for the 11-year old. I try not to judge older works by today's standards but it has a really weird rape trial scene and some blatant sexism at times. :oops: The series still has a fond place in my heart though, read a lot of them in high school and college.
If he can read Ender's Game he can read Hitchhikers. I'll also recommend Dragonlance if they like the epic fantasy quest thing.
 

Whose Yur Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
11,258
Points
39
If he can read Ender's Game he can read Hitchhikers. I'll also recommend Dragonlance if they like the epic fantasy quest thing.
The Guide is getting dated, so he may not get the references. The Ender's series would be a good series for that age. The Martian is a good introduction to hard sci-fi. Larry Niven's Ring World is another good series. I can't comment on fantasy because I never read much of it.
 

kjel

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,384
Points
39
My daughter called to tell me that she’s engaged. I asked if her boyfriend spoke to her parents first. She said he talked to her dad.

I’m hurt, disappointed and insulted. Her dad had very little interest in her before and after he left, yet they went to him and left me out.

Yes, I should be a better person than this, but today, it’s going to be all about me.
I'd be incredibly pissed as well. You have every right to feel this way.
 
  • Like
Reactions: kms

dandy_warhol

Cyburbian
Messages
9,345
Points
37
O.M.G. this morning was a difficult one. After being sick at home for 2 days Itty Bitty headed back to school today. Getting ready for school was a challenge. I lost my cool at one point 😭. But managed to get it back together.

She is normally a good kid but when she gets in a certain place it can be difficult to help her out of it. Especially when you have the pressures of getting to school/work on time.

She gets lots of positive praise, she has boundaries, she has limits, she has enforced consequences, she knows she is loved. But sometimes it is rough.

I picked a bad day to quit chocolate.
 

kjel

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,384
Points
39
O.M.G. this morning was a difficult one. After being sick at home for 2 days Itty Bitty headed back to school today. Getting ready for school was a challenge. I lost my cool at one point 😭. But managed to get it back together.

She is normally a good kid but when she gets in a certain place it can be difficult to help her out of it. Especially when you have the pressures of getting to school/work on time.

She gets lots of positive praise, she has boundaries, she has limits, she has enforced consequences, she knows she is loved. But sometimes it is rough.

I picked a bad day to quit chocolate.
We have those mornings too. Bella is not a morning person at all which doesn't do me any favors either. Little people have lots feelings and sometimes just don't want to do things just like us sometimes. Just have to work through it. Playing one of Bella's favorite songs in the morning is a successful redirection tactic and so is yoga breathing.
 

kms

Cyburbian
Messages
6,322
Points
36
A successful redirection tactic in my house growing up would have been a quick ass-whipping. At least it definitely redirected me.
I disagree. I raised three relatively well-adjusted adults, and ass whippings weren’t part of my child rearing approach.

I made sure that my kids understood what kind of behavior I expected of them. I wasn’t their friend, but I also wasn’t the kind of parent that over-reacted when they did something they shouldn’t.

They had mornings where they didn’t want to go to school, just like I have mornings where I don’t want to to go to work. And we worked through it; ass whippings would have made a bad situation worse. If they needed to be punished, I punished them.

I used patience, understanding and creativity to get my kids though stressful moments. As a result, I have adult children who use me as a sounding board as they solve their problems and confide in me when something bothers them.

Ass whippings are over-rated.
 

MD Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
2,322
Points
34
Hey I'm not saying I agree with it. I'm just saying that's how it went at my house. Not very often, but it happened.
 

kjel

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,384
Points
39
I disagree. I raised three relatively well-adjusted adults, and ass whippings weren’t part of my child rearing approach.

I made sure that my kids understood what kind of behavior I expected of them. I wasn’t their friend, but I also wasn’t the kind of parent that over-reacted when they did something they shouldn’t.

They had mornings where they didn’t want to go to school, just like I have mornings where I don’t want to to go to work. And we worked through it; ass whippings would have made a bad situation worse. If they needed to be punished, I punished them.

I used patience, understanding and creativity to get my kids though stressful moments. As a result, I have adult children who use me as a sounding board as they solve their problems and confide in me when something bothers them.

Ass whippings are over-rated.
Same approach. I think we've raised some fine kids :heart:
 
  • Love
Reactions: kms

Veloise

Cyburbian
Messages
5,763
Points
32
We have those mornings too. Bella is not a morning person at all which doesn't do me any favors either. Little people have lots feelings and sometimes just don't want to do things just like us sometimes. Just have to work through it. Playing one of Bella's favorite songs in the morning is a successful redirection tactic and so is yoga breathing.
This gives me an idea.

I've read that retailers in China play a certain song at closing time, and it has the desired effect. Maybe Sharon, Lois, & Bram should cut a ten-minute medley about getting up, getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing teeth, and heading out the door.
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
13,693
Points
53
I remember about 5 years ago my, then, 6 year old son sincerely tried to put me in time-out. I laughed and agreed that I would lay on my bed alone with no screens for the next 30 minutes. ;)
 
  • Like
Reactions: kms

WSU MUP Student

Cyburbian
Messages
10,359
Points
43
I remember about 5 years ago my, then, 6 year old son sincerely tried to put me in time-out. I laughed and agreed that I would lay on my bed alone with no screens for the next 30 minutes. ;)
When we tell our youngest to stop doing something or scold her for something, she likes to get angry and yell, "You're being mean! Go to your room RIGHT NOW!" There have been a few times that I saw alright and go lay down in my bedroom. Usually that only lasts about 30 seconds until she comes in and wants to play or wants something from me.
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
13,693
Points
53
You're smart, but I'm just as smart and have more experience.
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
14,636
Points
51
My favorite kid line so far was my then 4 yo daughter. She was helping by pushing a little metal fire pit on wheels. She said she could do it when I asked, but it hit a seam and fell over making a big noise - it's metal. She looked at me and yelled, "See! That's why you don't let a four year old do that!" I was not going to remind her that she begged to help and I couldn't let her carry the heavy jagged metal umbrella parts.
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
28,253
Points
71
My favorite kid line so far was my then 4 yo daughter. She was helping by pushing a little metal fire pit on wheels. She said she could do it when I asked, but it hit a seam and fell over making a big noise - it's metal. She looked at me and yelled, "See! That's why you don't let a four year old do that!" I was not going to remind her that she begged to help and I couldn't let her carry the heavy jagged metal umbrella parts.
One of my favorite kid lines was when Junior was like two or three and was doing speech therapy at the nearby university. The therapist would alternate time in the play room (it had cool forts and many other toys) after a certain interval doing speech therapy activities. Junior loved the play room toys, but speech therapy....not so much. One day we walked him into the office, the therapist greeted him and said 'are you ready to get to work?' Junior without missing a beat responded "I want to go to the play room. All you ever want to do is talk, talk, talk!"
 

kjel

Super Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,384
Points
39
Bella FaceTimed her big sister last night from my phone. Bella asks her when she's coming home. She says she's going out with her banker friends for dinner & drinks and should be home around 8. Bella says, "So you'll actually be home like at 10pm. I'll tell mommy." She got home at 11pm :ha:
 

terraplnr

Cyburbian
Messages
2,353
Points
27
My kindergartener was sharing a stuffed animal with his class on Zoom and said that he couldn't tell them the animal's name because "I don't think it is school appropriate." I have no idea what its name is but I'm equally curious and mortified. :ha::oops:


UPDATE: The stuffed owl's name is "Poop." I'm proud of my son for exercising discretion. :ha:
 
Last edited:

JNA

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
25,579
Points
59
5-year-old steals parents' car after mom refuses to buy him Lamborghini: Police

Is that is what wrong with you nobody bought you a Lamborghini ?
 

Planit

Cyburbian
Messages
12,838
Points
51
The Girl & I scouted a couple local put-ins & take-outs on a local river for kayaks. I also spoke with a friend who used to be an avid paddler.

Looks like we're going on a 2-4 hour outing this weekend, but she may take a friend instead.
 

dandy_warhol

Cyburbian
Messages
9,345
Points
37
The Girl & I scouted a couple local put-ins & take-outs on a local river for kayaks. I also spoke with a friend who used to be an avid paddler.

Looks like we're going on a 2-4 hour outing this weekend, but she may take a friend instead.
Did you go? How was it?
 

Planit

Cyburbian
Messages
12,838
Points
51
Did you go? How was it?
She took a friend instead (count me surprised - not). They went to a cove on the lake rather than the river.

I've got access to a third kayak, so we're going to try again with all 3 of us this weekend and the weather is going to be much better.
 

dandy_warhol

Cyburbian
Messages
9,345
Points
37
She took a friend instead (count me surprised - not). They went to a cove on the lake rather than the river.

I've got access to a third kayak, so we're going to try again with all 3 of us this weekend and the weather is going to be much better.
Aww, sorry you got bumped for the friend. Hope the 3 of you can get out.

It was 36F here last night. 😬
 

DVD

Cyburbian
Messages
14,636
Points
51
Kid basically gave up doing math the last week. She went from a B to a C. She's going to hate me when I tell her to redo some of the assignments like the teacher told her.
 
  • Like
Reactions: JNA

Maister

Chairman of the bored
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
28,253
Points
71
Junior apparently decided he was done with 8th grade when they closed the schools. Then when the re-opened online he decided he's still done with 8th grade. I can't make him do his homework. He refuses.
 

Planit

Cyburbian
Messages
12,838
Points
51
Well all of The Girl's summer activities are cancelled. She was to be a counselor at the summer camp she's attended for years. On the 2 weeks she wasn't going to be there, she was volunteering at the Science Center, but now limited access which means they are not taking as many kids.

We had known the first session of camp was cancelled about a month ago, & she signed up for a HS mission trip with our church youth - now cancelled.

I feel bad because this is a kid who likes and wants to stay busy at her choice (not us pushing). It feeds her intrigue into things. She & I talked and she wants to look for a job now which is great, but its still crazy out there.
 
Top