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The Other Side

freewaytincan

Cyburbian
Messages
125
Points
6
A little satire I wrote originally for English class. Read, then discuss amongst yourselves.

The Wealth of the Nation

Daniel J Cornyn



The entitlement culture that we live in today is often criticized from many angles. Some will say that one “must work to earn their keep” or “one cannot keep expecting a high paying job and a good economy” or even “those who subscribe to entitlement are living in a fantasy world”. But in reality, such attacks are unnecessary; entitlement is the best way to live. Here in the United States, we have abundant resources and even more valuable freedom. This situation created what we now see as entitlement is the result of the American Dream, which of course is homeownership and the best life possible. All people deserve such a wondrous life, and the best way to assure it is to make this lifestyle compulsory.
By viewing our culture, one will notice that suburban sprawl and is the norm, and suburban life is the most accepted lifestyle. It is only logical. Who would not want a massive house filled with the finest things, a great car, and perhaps some children? Every American citizen deserves to live the suburban life, and perhaps it is time that we as a nation ensure that every American citizen gets what they deserve.
Such a program would be a massive undertaking, but with incredible benefits. First, the United States must leave other countries alone. Why, so many ask, should our nation be the world’s policeman? The rest of the planet will do just fine in figuring conflicts out themselves. All that money we spend on fighting “terrorism” could go directly into creating the greatest society ever known to man: Suburbia. The first and most important move to make is within the government. For decades now, government agencies such as the EPA have wasted billions of dollars to make life hard for developers and their clients. The strict environmental restrictions that our nation has are quite ridiculous. The ecologically obsessed environmentalists are only interested in keeping land from the American people, as well as resources from our economy. This includes our national parks and other reserved lands, which are just like what one might find anywhere else in the world. Emission standards also go too far. If it were not for environmentalists, SUVs would not be restricted to the small sizes that are in production now. Any vehicle would be acceptable, and in addition, gas prices would plummet, allowing for anyone to use as much as they want without being concerned about their budget.
Money is a primary concern in this plan. To provide infrastructure and services to all the millions of people nationwide who now live or will soon be living in the suburban expanses, taxes will have to be increased. The highest taxing must take place in the top ten percent of Americans. These are the people who have restricted growth the most, and now will be used as the means to expand the wealth of the country. The government will likely have to regulate many industries, including real estate and homebuilding industries, lumber, electricity and other utilities, and much more. Once in control of said industries, the founding of America’s greatest age will begin.
Once all the economic and government factors are set in place, the physical part of the national transformation will be free to take place. It will begin with the cities and urban areas. New York City and the surrounding region are of greatest concern. The entire section of the nation is filled with ghastly and dangerous tall buildings and wasteful pedestrian zones. As a result, any urban area will have huge amounts of crime and disasters. All the citizens of these horrid natural ghettos will be moved out of urban areas and relocated to homes that are not occupied all over the country. Once all residents and businesses are moved out of the cities, demolition of the scourge of the planet will commence. All of our major cities will be leveled to make room for single family homes, occasional garden apartment complexes, highways, office buildings, shops, pad sites, retail strip centers, malls, and well placed civic zones, such as libraries and parks. Street grids will be permanently removed, to be replaced with winding and curving streets, which are the standard in the suburbs. Every city and town will have similar building and zoning codes. For example, no one zone, such as retail, residential, commercial, or others will be allowed to come together in one area, such as the dreadful “mixed-use” developments now popular with real estate corporations.
Once all of the cities are made into the newest suburbs, outer construction will also begin. Under-producing farms are a problem in certain regions, and will be the first to become the largest sprawl movement of all time. Inter-suburban reconstruction will also be necessary. Suburbs and small towns alike have old and decrepit structure not worth saving, and will be replaced with an equivalent, such as a new mini-mansion or fast food establishment.
After about ten years, all the activity will have finally been reduced to a low, constant rate. As new homes and businesses are built, privacy will be a prime issue, as will full land ownership. New developments should have on average four acre lots for homes, and vast parking lots for commercial endeavors. Debt will become the norm, and mortgages will be set with whatever years the client desires. Such a situation would cause employees to work harder, longer, and be more productive. All in all, the results of a suburban revolution will be nothing but positive. No longer will public transportation dirty our streets and burn our money. Elitists will no longer be able to run to their beloved cities and towers; they will not exist.
Suburban sprawl truly embodies what the great entitlement culture is all about. Every American is entitled to and deserves not only the opportunity to become better, but must expect to own their own home and vehicles, and to have the nicest things in life. Sprawl is not what so many make it out to be. No, sprawl and entitlement are the keys to the future, and will be the criteria by which all other nations of the world will measure themselves by. Hopefully, what has been proposed here is implemented, it will make the world we live in a safer, friendlier, altogether better place.



Author’s note: Daniel J Cornyn is indeed a pseudonym.
 

freewaytincan

Cyburbian
Messages
125
Points
6
Seabishop said:
Whew, at first I didn't notice the word satire.

Hah!

Actually, the frightening part is that all of the statements in the piece are taken from writings and conversations I have read and heard over the years. It's all real.
 
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