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Weird Citizen Zoning Enforcement Request.

boiker

Cyburbian
Messages
3,890
Points
26
A citizen reported that a home was being used a drug house and would like zoning to address the "use" of the home as a drug house as an illegal home occupation.

"Sir? Hi, I'm from zoning. You need a permit to have a home based business. Fill out this form and as long as you don't have more than 8 clients per day, your kosher with zoning."
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
Messages
19,767
Points
47
I have a case right now that might be a chop shop for stollen cars! I am going to make them submit sign permits, site plans, get approval from planning commission, then let the cops close them.

We are going to take their money, then shut them down.
 

Seabishop

Cyburbian
Messages
3,838
Points
25
A few years ago local news did a story on how the Providence Planning Dept. was "allowing" illegal prostitution in strip clubs. ^o)
 

Dan

Dear Leader
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
18,183
Points
64
I'm going to bring back the text from a four year old post.

When I worked in "Lost Causes," in the beautiful Land of Entrapment, I got a phone call one day while I was working on the front counter. The man on the other end, speaking broken English, wanted to know how he could build a cockfighting arena on his lot. His property, despite being located in a dusty colonia, was zoned R-1, so of course a cockfighting arena was out of the question. Not only is cockfighting illegal in the city, but such a use wouldn't be permitted unde the city's home occupation regulations for a host of reasons. He said "I'll keep it quiet," "it will only be once a week tambien*" and "we won't bother many people tambien," but still, rules are rules. Dejected, the man thanked me, and hung up.

A few days later, the phone rang again, like it did 30 or 40 times in the day of an Acting Zoning Administrator (had the dutues of the job, but the pay of a Planner I). It was the same man who asked about the cokfighting arena. "I know cockfighting's not allowed, but I have a friend that raises Pit Bulls and Chows tambien. Is it okay to have, what you say, dogfight?"


* "Tambien" is Spanish for "also." Some Hispanics from southern New Mexico use the term as a filler word, like a more specialized "ummm" or "uhhh."
 

Seabishop

Cyburbian
Messages
3,838
Points
25
Our zoning code needs a lot of rewriting. As it stands now you can actually beat your wife, keep people tied in your basement, do heroin (but not sell it), and smoke cigarettes in all residential zones. All that but you can't leave a perfectly fixable '79 Dodge pickup on your front lawn. Health, safety and welfare my #ss!
 

Richmond Jake

You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!
Messages
18,311
Points
44
Where I'm currently working, I've had two requests to investigate some good ol' boys cooking up meth. Call the sheriff, stupid!!
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
27,896
Points
70
Boy, only 8 clients/day, you guys need to update your codes to keep up with the times! Most communities permit 8 clients per hour in their crack houses in residential zones (provided, of course that they have frontage on a major thoroughfare and have required 6' screening fence with no more than 50% of the fence surface covered with gangsta graffiti). You may also want to consider allowing for 'mixed uses'. While the sale of marijuana (2 keys or less in volume) in most crack houses is typically considered an 'accessory use' the recent resurgence in the popularity of herione has prompted many communities to allow heroine sales on the same premises as crack/cocaine. but if you do so, I strongly recommend considering some kind of 'loafing' limit (say, no more than two unconscious bodies per adjacent alley entrance). I also strongly advise keeping meth production and sales areas exclusively in your ag zones (the frequent explosions almost always exceed noise level limts that most communities have in their residential zones).
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
13,300
Points
49
Maister,

Are you marketing yourself for the open Zoning Adminstrator position with the City of Amsterdam? ;-)


Man, you inner-city planners get all the cool inquiries. :p
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
10,624
Points
34
A few years ago I had to deal with a home based tatoo parlor. They bloke didnt even have an autoclave. :-#
 

Maister

Chairman of the bored
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
27,896
Points
70
mendelman said:
Maister,

Are you marketing yourself for the open Zoning Adminstrator position with the City of Amsterdam? ;-)


Man, you inner-city planners get all the cool inquiries. :p
I used to do a lot more consulting a few years ago than I do now. Yeah, Amsterdam wanted me, but at the time I was helping Detroit develop standards for their Devil's Night Ordinance (They ended up not taking my advice and charging about $100 more than I thought reasonable for their 'special home burning' permits for October 30 each year - now look at how many nonpermitted burns go on each year that could have been money in their coffers...)
 

tsc

Cyburbian
Messages
1,905
Points
23
Police Department : illegal activities not matter what location
Zoning Department : legal activities in certain locations

until the ZEO gets a gun and handcuffs!
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
Messages
19,767
Points
47
One of these days, I am going to call the ZA from the City of Reading, and ask about getting a permit for a brothel / petting zoo…

How do you think that would go over?
 

otterpop

Cyburbian
Messages
6,655
Points
28
When I was a planner in Ketchikan, AK, we had an irate parent call us demanding we close down the local lingerie store because they sold a vibrator to her teenage daughter. We had to point out it wasn't a zoning issue. Also the same device was sold in the local department store as a "personal massager".
 

MD Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
2,113
Points
29
boiker said:
A citizen reported that a home was being used a drug house and would like zoning to address the "use" of the home as a drug house as an illegal home occupation.
I have a slightly different take on the same situation. In one of my previous jobs, the cops called me to check out a known crack house because he was running an illegal candy store. So like a dumbass I walk down a street I don't even recommend driving on in daylight, let alone at night. Anyway, we get to this place, I met the cop and we walk around the back and go up the outside stairs to a second floor porch. Through the window I see rows and rows of boxes of all kinds of candy bars. The cop says he sells candy to the neighborhood kids so they won't hassle him about people coming and going to his place. About that time this guy comes up. He's about 6-4 and has a mouthful of gold teeth and a bulge under his sweatshirt. I'm on the second floor porch of a known drug dealer's house with a cop and I'm now officially "concerned". I politely inform Mr. Drug Dealer that he cannot operate a business out of his house in a residential district. At this point he gets a bit perturbed and questions my ancestry and implies an incesteous relationship with my mother. I tell him again he can't sell candy out of his house and slowly work my way to the stairs and head down. The cop comes down and thanks me and I tell him I'm never doing that again. Thankfully he was arrested about 2 weeks later and is doing time for a minimum of 10 years.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Rumpy Tunanator

Cyburbian
Messages
4,473
Points
25
MD Planner said:
Thankfully he was arrested about 2 weeks later and is doing time for a minimum of 10 years.
I'll be out in a couple of months, and I remember faces, you'll get whats coming to you for trying to tell me how to run my candy business;)

Maister, do I have to get a special use permit for my crack lab?
 

Tom R

Cyburbian
Messages
2,274
Points
25
zoning

A bit ot. Our prosecutor tells the story of a guy who built a house totally inside of his barn so he could claim Ohio's agricultural exemption. I think he was one of those guys who get their jollies by getting around the law. I guess it was a matter of principal, or lack thereof.
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
Messages
10,080
Points
34
otterpop said:
When I was a planner in Ketchikan, AK, we had an irate parent call us demanding we close down the local lingerie store because they sold a vibrator to her teenage daughter. We had to point out it wasn't a zoning issue. Also the same device was sold in the local department store as a "personal massager".
With the ratio of males to females in Alaska, she buys a "personal massager?" She couldn't find a more natural... stimulant?
 

GeogPlanner

Cyburbian
Messages
1,433
Points
25
michaelskis said:
One of these days, I am going to call the ZA from the City of Reading, and ask about getting a permit for a brothel / petting zoo…

How do you think that would go over?
Are the two entities actually one in the same? I once choked one day when I heard a co-worker say that since her husband was out of town, she just stayed home and petted the cat...I'm sick, I know...but see where that is going?
 

SlaveToTheGrind

Cyburbian
Messages
1,305
Points
25
Seabishop said:
A few years ago local news did a story on how the Providence Planning Dept. was "allowing" illegal prostitution in strip clubs. ^o)
Too bad the news story did not point out those areas where legal prostitution was taking place.;) I thought news was fair and balanaced. Or is that just Fox?
 
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