I don't know, ZG. I don't think money really had anything to do with it in our case. What got me was that these people had theoretically known my husband a lot longer than I had but didn't seem to know the first thing about him.
He is a very low key individual who has always dressed conservatively, in mostly grey and black. I have taught him to dress better than he used to and with a bit more dash, but he remains very conservative, overall. Additionally, he grew up in places like Germany and doesn't get cold easily. Nonetheless, one relative of his sent him a brightly colored plaid flannel shirt every year for a number of years. These shirts never came out of the plastic. Even if they hadn't been offensively garish to his eyes, it rarely gets cold enough for him to wear a long-sleeved flannel shirt.
I tend to feel that if you really do not care that much about a person and are doing it out of a sense of obligation and have no desire whatsoever to put any time or effort or thought into trying to get a gift that might mean something to them, then send money or just a card. lol. I don't have to put up with too much of that silliness anymore: being bedridden for 4 months conveniently cleared the boards of most of my so-called "friends", thus alleviating me of a great deal of empty, obligatory nonsense. Friendships that have developed since then are much deeper and more meaningful. I have been very much blessed in the last year or so.
I think what you are railing at is not the "money" per se but the blatant expression of how little they value you. It sounds like a tasteless display of thinking they are doing something wonderful for a "poor relation" out of the goodness of their hearts. I used to get to play the "poor relation" and it is a very insulting thing to be on the recieving end of. It is the antithesis of "spiritual", treating you as if your heart and mind are irrelevant and you are solely defined by your material wealth and, clearly, you are inadequate. I got over a lot of the lack of fiscal parity when I went and took care of my premature infant niece for a month. I later took care of my sister following her mastectomy. She has made it very clear that my gifts are treasures that money could never buy and the whole "money" thing has largely evaporated. I am not close to the rest of my family and I have given up on ever making much of a connection with them.
God, don't reply directly to me when I am mildly feverish. It only encourages my pontificating.
