People will take responsibility for a community if they feel like they are part of a community. I think the lack of sense of community is a big factor i America and that is one thing I think needs to be addressed. I am not sure how to do that at a municipal or county level (or whatever).
But I do know that I, personally, set a very high bar for treating people in a way that makes them feel genuinely accepted and welcomed with open arms and I know that when I can set that as the tone for a group, it makes all members feel more like they are part of a community and genuinely welcomed, not merely tolerated. It is often the (seemingly) "small stuff" that makes the "misfits" horribly aware of not 'fitting' -- and it can be completely invisible to the people who don't have an issue with it.
I am trying to think of an example. The best one I can come up with is a little bit long and involved (my apologies): I belong to an online forum that is aimed primarily at homeschoolers of gifted kids but also welcomes people who want to do enrichment ("afterschooling") for their kids who are in school. Unlike folks who homeschool for religious reasons, most folks who homeschool their gifted kids did not plan to do so from birth. Many of us feel totally forced into it and feel like "refugees" from a school system that did not work for us/our kids. Naturally, many members of the list carry a lot of emotional baggage about their school experiences and there is a historical tendency on the list to "vent" about what "terrible" places schools are. The minority of members who still have kids in school find the tendency towards "school bashing" to be toxic behavior that makes them feel like "outsiders" who aren't really welcomed, just sort of "put up with" if they will keep their mouths shut about their icky choice of sending their kids to school.
But I think it is really important to make sure 'they" feel comfortable there (list policy says they are welcome and I back that wholly). Some people show up on the list in the midst of a crisis, trying to decide what to do. Their kids are still in school and they sign up for the list as part of their efforts to research their options and they are considering homeschooling as an option. If they feel judged for having their kid(s) in school and unable to openly discuss it -- if they feel they have to treat it like 'a dirty secret' -- then they are much less likely to have the kind of discussion that will make them feel genuinely supported as individuals and able to decide for themselves whether or not homeschooling is a viable option for them. The subtle pressure to "get with the program and become One Of Us -- a homeschooler " alienates people who are already in crisis, who find the idea of homeschooling intimidating, etc. Only if they are genuinely openly embraced as individuals with a valid reason for being there and valid needs, regardless of whether their kids are in school or not, will they be able to use the list as a valuable resource. If "acceptance" depends upon having a particular "trait", then no one can ever feel fully accepted.
So I take every opportunity that I trip across to say that I am not bitter towards the schools, that my kids would not fit in ANY school and it is no one's "fault". I take every opportunity to comment in a positive fashion about situations where some members do "part time" homeschooling, with the kid in public school for the other part. And so forth. It is not solely due to my efforts, not by any stretch, but any time I say things like that, the minority members "come out of the closet" and speak up about doing part-time schooling or whatever. And I am seeing a lot less school-bashing here lately.
I try to "open the door" -- and to do so with as little confrontation as possible, without making a big deal out of it. But I know that just being willing to "open the door" is risky business and many people will avoid it. I don't mind going down in flames if someone wants to make a big deal out of something. Hey, going down in flames once in a while can be part of the fun!

I am pretty thick-skinned and ... well, to me, it is worth it to stand up for things I believe in. "Bars do not a prison make." But I know that if I will take the risk to be the first to speak up, others will follow when the risk is slightly reduced. Just bringing it up promotes awareness. When it is no longer a "shocking" idea, when it is no longer seen as blatantly going against the grain, plenty of people will jump on the bandwagon and others will no longer make such a big deal out of it.
Anyway, the length of this post and the "rambling" nature suggest that I am probably running a fever. I don't know that it really is relevant or that anyone here "cares" to hear it. My background is 15+ years in "community building" of the organizational kind -- much of it with Army Family Support Groups, which provide training. I have published newsletters (for which I got a training packet), played "hostess", played "help desk" person (contact person -- someone to call when you need infor), etc. My background is in making that kind of person-to-person connection, making folks feel at home in a group situation. Army families tend to be highly diverse, since we move a lot, the Army has a high percentage of minority members, and a lot of guys marry foreign wives, etc. So, my skills have been honed in a way to really, seriously focus on all those "little details" that can make someone self-conscious and can make the difference between whether or not they participate. And ... now I think I should just shut up. (Anyone want to send me a "diary" for my birthday?

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