What would cats or dogs say?

otterpop · Jul 18, 2003

I read in the paper the other day that a Japanese company is marketing a device that translate a cat's meow to humanspeak. They already have a device to translate a dog's bark to humanspeak.

What do you think your cat or dog would say if it could speak to you? I believe my cat Sitka would tell me, "When are you going to do something about this little human who keeps pulling my hair, kicking me and otherwise torturing me. I was here first!

nerudite · Jul 18, 2003

I'm pretty sure they are thinking, "why the hell do I get pillows and other objects thrown at me every time I start washing my privates?"

Habanero · Jul 18, 2003

tastes like chicken.

Zoning Goddess · Jul 18, 2003

My oldest cat would say "Hairballs aside, why did you take me off of tuna?". My fat boy cat would say "Why won't the dog play with me?".

Belle · Jul 18, 2003

My big fat cat needs no translation--she only has one phrase, "wet food NOWWWWWWW" and will use it repeatedly until she gets it.

Dan · Jul 18, 2003

Whart would Guinness say? Something like this ...

"I'm a dog I'm a dog I"m a dog ho de do I'm a dog BAILEY! Haven't seen you in five minutes let me smell your butt (sniff sniff) mmmmmmmmmm don't turn around (sniff sniff) mmmmmmmmm okay I'm a dog I'm a dog I'm a dog what's outside? SQUIRREL! EVIL SQUIRREL! GET AWAY FROM THE HOUSE! EVIL SQUIRREL! I'm a dog I'm a dog I'm a dog DAN! Gotta' lick your face lick lick lick lick I love you I love you I love you hey stop pulling back I can't reach you lick lick lick I'm a dog lick lick lick can't reach you okay look out the window SQUIRREL! GO AWAY! BEGONE RODENT OF SATAN! I want a chewie no that one is too new I'll take Bailey's instead hehehe I'm a dog I'm a dog ho de do I'm a dog gotta' lick my sack wait it's still gone ooooh my butt smells nice lick lick slurp lick lick slurp mmmmmmmm poo poo butt lick lick slurp lick lick lick DAN! Hey you're petting Bailey I love you too I'm going to kiss your face lick lick lick hey don't go away I'm a dog I'm a dog I'm a dog yuppers I'm a dog what's that? water? water? BATH! NOOOOOOOO! NOT A BATH!!!! HIDE! HIDE!"

Dan · Jul 18, 2003

What would Bailey say?

"The primary theme of Scuglia's critique of patriarchial discourse is not situationism, as postcapitalist theory suggests, but postsituationism. In Death: The High Cost of Living, Gaiman affirms patriarchial discourse; in Stardust he reiterates Marxist class. GUINNESS? STOP SNIFFING MY BUTT! I'LL PLAY WITH YOU WHEN I'M GOOD AND READY However, the characteristic theme of the works of Gaiman is a self-falsifying whole ... GUINNESS! STOP BARKING! Okay, where was I? Yes ... In the works of Gaiman, a predominant concept is the concept of subconceptualist culture. GUINNESS! SHUT UP ALREADY! Bataille promotes the use of patriarchial discourse to challenge the status quo. HEY! GUINNESS! GIVE ME BACK MY CHEWIE! It could be said that several desublimations concerning the role of the artist as poet exist. DAN! pet me pet me pet me pet me pet me pet me pet me pet me belly belly belly belly belly pet me pet me pet me pet me belly belly belly belly belly belly pet me pet me pet me pet me pet me oh yeah rub my belly oh yeah don't stop hey Guinness needs a bath pet me pet me pet me"

Dan · Jul 18, 2003

Guinness: "Are we there yet are we there yet are I'm a dog are we there yet are we there yet are we there yet oooh feedlot mmmmmmmmmmm are we there yet I wanna' pee on something are we there yet I'm a dog are we there yet are we there yet I'm a dog are we there yet are we there yet are we there yet are we there yet are we there yet I wanna' pee on something are we there yet I'm a dog I'm a dog I wanna' pee on something are we there yet are we there yet?

Bailey: "In the works of Eco, a predominant concept is the distinction between creation and destruction. Guinness? Did you fart? Wait ... we must be driving through Texas. Anyhow, the primary theme of the works of Eco is the common ground between canine identity and consciousness. Many dematerialisms concerning not, in fact, discourse, but subdiscourse may be discovered. Therefore, the subject is contextualised into a posttextual paradigm of reality that includes language as a reality. I have to pee."

Zoning Goddess · Jul 18, 2003

Gee Dan, that's nice; you have several balls of yarn that you call dogs...

Dan · Jul 18, 2003

Zoning Goddess said:
Gee Dan, that's nice; you have several balls of yarn that you call dogs...

Call them Poodles, and they get very mad.

Jessie-J · Jul 18, 2003

I have two cats. The skinny siamese would tell me to get away, leave her alone, quit making so much noise. "stop looking at me, what did I do?"

The fat black one would say "I need something to chew on. Got some fingers? Got some food? mmmmmmm food, food food food foood foooooooooood. (gnaw gnaw)"

Zoning Goddess · Jul 19, 2003

Dan said:
Call them Poodles, and they get very mad.

Please tell your dogs that they absolutely do NOT look like poodles!

Chet · Jul 20, 2003

I'd imagine my 23 pound tabby cat would say something sarcastic like, "Well first off, thanks sooooo much for cutting my nuts off."

biscuit · Jul 20, 2003

One of my old roomates had an indifferent Chow-Chow that we thought would say stuff like,"Hey, why don't you go to the damn store to get me a 40 and apack of Marlboro Reds! Yeah, I'm talking to you. What the hell you looking at?"

Yeah, she was kinda butch like that.

donk · Jul 20, 2003

I am pet free right now.

I know I have already mentioned this in teh favourite pets thread, but we had a cat that would speak. he could say my name and simple sentences.

When they get the donkey translator done let me know, I need to have a conversation with allistair.

Habanero · Jul 21, 2003

The other morning James and I woke to the sound of pouring water.. that ended up being Hatcher peeing all around the bed. We're not just talking a puddle, we're talking about an entire horseshoe around the bed. Sadie Madison was watching over the entire thing from her crate and I swear she was telling him what to do, their own little Pinky and The Brain senario to get more wet food. Bizarre.

Jeff · Jul 21, 2003

My super agile, 5' high jumping 35 mph running bred for lion hunting Rhodesian Ridgeback always says....

"You I can jump over your little 5' fence as if it wasn't there. I've done it on numerous occasions, and you can't catch me when I take off, so you better be nice, or I'm gone."

michaelskis · Jul 21, 2003

otterpop said:
I read in the paper the other day that a Japanese company is marketing a device that translate a cat's meow to humanspeak. They already have a device to translate a dog's bark to humanspeak.

OK.... now how do that do that??? I think that it is cool if they could, but I find it a little far fetched.

I am sure that many dogs would be like... "WHERE DID YOU GO?? YEA YOUR HOME YOUR HOME, HAPPY ME HAPPY ME. ok LETS GO OUT SIDE, I HAVE TO PEE I HAVE TO PEE, YEA YOUR HOME. I THOUGHT YOU WHERE NEVER GOING TO COME BACK...

OR

YEAAAA NEW PEOPLE HERE TO SEE ME!!! YEAAAA NEW PEOPLE HERE TO SEE ME!!! LOVE ME, LOVE ME, PET ME, PET ME... YEAAAA NEW PEOPLE HERE TO SEE ME!!!

jordanb · Jul 21, 2003

Habanero said:
The other morning James and I woke to the sound of pouring water.. that ended up being Hatcher peeing all around the bed. We're not just talking a puddle, we're talking about an entire horseshoe around the bed.

I've just lost all desire to get a pet.

plannerkat · Jul 21, 2003

Habanero said:
The other morning James and I woke to the sound of pouring water.. that ended up being Hatcher peeing all around the bed. We're not just talking a puddle, we're talking about an entire horseshoe around the bed. Sadie Madison was watching over the entire thing from her crate and I swear she was telling him what to do, their own little Pinky and The Brain senario to get more wet food. Bizarre.

You must have really pissed him off somehow! Pets have very distinctive ways of expressing their displeasure with us...

PlannerGirl · Jul 21, 2003

(snarfles after the horse shoe piss story)

YUP thats my dogs-pinky and the brain all the way!!! and if i piss them off look out!

I will be asleep in the bed not bothering anyone and PISSSS right on top of me on the bed!! Im not kidding if i go out of town too much or date a guy too much BAM i get the piss the bed act. they look me in the eye while they do it too!

little deamons

Downtown · Jul 21, 2003

We have a very lazy and indifferent Chow/golden mix who gets very obviously annoyed with our hyper dobie/black lab mix.

Parker: Jesse - go away. leave me alone. stop licking my ears. ugh, i DO NOT want to play with you!

Jesse: PARKER! LETS PLAY! sniff sniff lick lick PLAY WITH ME! (I imagine all of jesse's "talking" is *very* loud.) PARKER! YOU"RE MY BEST FRIEND.

Parker: I hate you so very very much.

Planderella · Jul 21, 2003

I suppose the neighborhood stray cats would say "Here comes that bitch trying to run us over again. Let's go piss on her garden."

NHPlanner · Jul 21, 2003

Enos: I wonder if I can fit his whole head in my mouth.....he's clawed me enough times....I think I owe him....

Cooper: I wonmder how many times I can get him to chase me if I jump on his back from the couch a few more times....he doesn't seem to do very much when I play with him....he must be old....ooooh....there's a toy on the floor....I gotta go chase it....maybe if I meow a few more times that guy with the beard will feed me again....

(BTW: Cooper is now about double the size of this picture, and Enos has had his summer haircut)

JNA · Jul 21, 2003

if a cat and dog read cyburbia postings, and then talked
would they talk like Bucky (the cat) and Satchel (the dog) in the cartoon "Get Fuzzy"?

today's strip gave me this questionablely lame idea

Tranplanner · Jul 21, 2003

My cat: "Attack! Attack! Attack!"

Cardinal · Jul 21, 2003

Dog: "Oh, yeah. This guy's an easy mark. Scrtch me. Rub my tummy. Mmmm. Give me something tasty. Now throw that stick. Look at this. Every time I bring the stick back he throws it for me."

Cat: "Are you going to bean me in the head with a rock again?" (pause) "Ouch!"

SlaveToTheGrind · Jul 21, 2003

They would say "You are lucky I let you live in this house with me and sleep in my bed. Now get over here and scratch me and don't stop until I tell you."

Queen B · Jul 21, 2003

My dog would say, Go, I like to go, can we go, hurry up, let's go, I Like the truck can we go in the truck, I like to go, I want to go now, you are not working today when do we get to GO, GO GO NOW.
He also says, Let me go get you a ball. You have been really good to me and that reward is to get to play ball with me, now.
Oh let me go get another ball, you have been really good.

Mastiff · Jul 21, 2003

Cat: Yo! Canopener! Get on over here and open this up... Chop chop! You can be replaced, you know.

oulevin · Jul 21, 2003

The tabby we had eons ago would saunter in the room and say:

"Okay, I'm here. I like this spot. What are you looking at? Where's my milk? Aaaaahhhhhhggggggg, this is so pedestrian. Sooooooooo boring. Do something interesting....just don't look at me like that....what you expect me rub all over you? I did that last week. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........."

PlannerGirl · Jul 22, 2003

Lol its funny to see how many of us think our animals are ordering US around

i know one of mine thinks he walks on water thats for damn sure

BiteMeElmo · Jul 25, 2003

I don't own a dog right now, but I have owned a few in the past. Without exception, I think all of them would tell me, "Don't yell at me for that. You'd lick yours too if you could"

PlannerGirl · Jul 28, 2003

hehe

the beagle this morning " duuudde (best 70's voice) like, what happend to the booze, those were good beers dude"

Got a new roomie from Canada and the dog got one of his Canada beers

hehe

Cardinal · Jul 28, 2003

PlannerGirl said:
Got a new roomie from Canada ...

Careful, he could be an advance agent preparing the way for the invasion force.

BiteMeElmo · Jul 28, 2003

Michael Stumpf said:
Careful, he could be an advance agent preparing the way for the invasion force.

Preparing? Dude, the invasion's already begun. We're starting with the entertainment industry (mostly comics). The plan is to lull you with laughter, and then strike at just the right time. It's hard to take up arms when you're pissing your pants from laughing.

SkeLeton · Jul 28, 2003

My dog:**snore** **bark** **bark** Where's that intruder? Where's that intruder? Oh sh*t it was just a dream, sorry for waking everybody at 4am, please don't kick me out.. it's cold out there.

Evil mailman get away from the house! you can stick that catalogue up yours!

Evil unknown lady, we won't give you anything anyways!

ooo daddy's home!!! daddy's home!!! daddy's home!!! I love to go to a walk! I love pissing other's front yards and crapping under some tree! I rule the universe, no other dog can stop me! they just bark at me behind the fence those sissys..

If I stand up in two legs and make anoying sounds will you give that delicious looking sandwich you're eatting?

PS: My dog is a dachshund (wiener dog), hence the attitude

PlannerGirl · Jul 29, 2003

beagles are too dumb to take over the world-mine can hardly manage to make it to eating, sleeping and doing his doggy...stuff without forgetting

dumb dog

but cute as hell

Tranplanner · Jul 29, 2003

PlannerGirl said:
beagles are too dumb to take over the world-

I think Mike was referring to your roommate...

PlannerGirl · Jul 29, 2003

lol hes pretty...um well colorful himself

dairy farmer from the middle of no where...loose in DC

nerudite · Jul 29, 2003

PlannerGirl said:
lol hes pretty...um well colorful himself

dairy farmer from the middle of no where...loose in DC

I know a chick from Saskatchewan living in DC. Maybe they can hook-up and talk about the flatlands.

PlannerGirl · Jul 29, 2003

Thats where hes from!

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