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Who Wants to Marry My Daughter (Why Mass is Going to Hell #1)

Seabishop

Cyburbian
Messages
3,838
Points
25
Massachusetts woman holds contest to pick a boyfriend for her 22 year old daughter (who has a 4 year old daughter herself).

What does the winner get? "The young couple will then enjoy a romantic night at a Cuddle and Bubble motel in Cape Cod, complete with an in-room Jacuzzi and a heart-shaped bed."

So, yes, the contest is for someone to @#$% her daughter at the Cuddle and Bubble. :-\ Keep in mind the 4 year old is witnessing mommy being sold for a night to the most professional and well rounded guy. I know she's supposed to marry him, but that's what it comes accross as to me.
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,995
Points
31
Pick one.

"Whore of Babylon" or "seems about par for the these times."

The next young girl singing sensation will be a XXX porn cuttie. You don't have much room left between porn and Christina & Britney, do you?

It will just be a matter of time until the ACLU defends the porn stars to elementary school teachers program - sponsored by Larry Flynt.

Cleanse society with fire is my old testament solution. (Sorry Mike D.)

 

Dan

Dear Leader
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
18,758
Points
69
From the CNN article:

"The last guy she dated prompted my husband and I to do this," she said. "He was covered in tattoos, was a lot older than she is and was just horrifying. She has no taste in men."

"We have to make the decision because if there's one bad guy and one good guy she'll pick the bad one."

Nothing unusual about that. Seems like the usual dating preferences of most North American women.

(turns and runs)
 

Seabishop

Cyburbian
Messages
3,838
Points
25
Dan said:

Nothing unusual about that. Seems like the usual dating preferences of most North American women.


I hope not. I've got only about 12 years before I have to start seeing guys like this at my door.



Does anybody have any tips on being an intimidating father of teenage girls? Keep in mind I don't look the least bit intimidating. I'm sure just bringing 'em up right is the key but scaring away a few punks with bad intentions does count for something.
 

Seabishop

Cyburbian
Messages
3,838
Points
25
Solipsa said:
move to texas and keep a benelli shotgun by the door. that'll be intimidating.

Maybe, but in Texas that's what I'd have to do just to fit in. ;) I'm thinking 12 years of body-building, a scary tattoo I can hide at work, and always holding something that "could" be a weapon in my hands if curfews are violated.
 

Zoning Goddess

Cyburbian
Messages
13,852
Points
39
Dan said:
From the CNN article:



Nothing unusual about that. Seems like the usual dating preferences of most North American women.

(turns and runs)

Throwing down the gauntlet, eh? That got me to thinking. I have never actually dated a guy with tattoos. Or one who rode a motorcycle. Hmmm..... maybe it's time to try the bad boys....
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,995
Points
31
One possible way to meet your goals

Seabishop,
Clean your .45 with laser sight on the living room coffee table as he comes to the house to pick her up. On their way out, ask him to wait a moment, and then quietly tell him "Don't do anything to my daughter you wouldn't want me doing to you!" Then click open the switch blade you have been hiding behind your back. He'll hear the sound but he won't see the blade. Then explain that this little chat is his and your secret, and that if your daughter finds out you'll cut him like a Columbian dealer would. Then smile.
 

Queen B

Cyburbian
Messages
3,178
Points
25
Goddess,
If you have never dated any guys like that then I am afraid you need to turn in your Trailer Trash avatar!
OR go for the trash baby!!!!
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
Messages
10,080
Points
34
Re: One possible way to meet your goals

el Guapo said:
Seabishop,
Clean your .45 with laser sight on the living room coffee table as he comes to the house to pick her up. On their way out, ask him to wait a moment, and then quietly tell him "Don't do anything to my daughter you wouldn't want me doing to you!" Then click open the switch blade you have been hiding behind your back. He'll hear the sound but he won't see the blade. Then explain that this little chat is his and your secret, and that if your daughter finds out you'll cut him like a Columbian dealer would. Then smile.

What he said. Oh. you might want to let him see that red laser dot on him every once in a while, when he doesn't think you are around, just as a reminder.
 

Budgie

Cyburbian
Messages
5,270
Points
30
Mass. going to hell, try Kansas.

John Brown makes another appearance. Here's another Kansas original. I hate this man. E.G., is this what you had in mind?
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,995
Points
31
Re: Mass. going to hell, try Kansas.

Budgie said:
I hate this man. E.G., is this what you had in mind?

Well, condemnation and hellfire and brimstone sure...but not Fred Phelps style. That's just a little too judgmental. I was kidding about the whole cleanse with fire...using some of that Oxy Clean on the motel room afterwards would be just fine. Spot check it with a woods lamp. :)
 

Queen B

Cyburbian
Messages
3,178
Points
25
Fred Phelps, not anything for Kansas to be proud of. I certainly hope he has not reached anyone outside of the Kansas boarders with his stupidity.
 

donk

Cyburbian
Messages
6,970
Points
30
Does anybody have any tips on being an intimidating father of teenage girls?

Not really intimidating, but a way to embarrass them..

A girl i know from high school's father would sit ont eh front porch and play the banjo when boys came to pick up his daughter. the reason i know this is that a frined was going out with her. We went to pick her up to take her to a party and there he was picking away. The funny thing is my friend had heard about this and took his harmonica and jammed with the guy while the girl got ready. I think it upset teh father more when they broke up then teh daughter.
 

SkeLeton

Cyburbian
Messages
4,853
Points
26
now... that's f*cked up! Why can't she pick her own husband? Is she islamic? Could the great evils of Islamism be flourishing in the great ol' USA?!?!

yeah.. I'm kidding :)
 

Habanero

Cyburbian
Messages
3,241
Points
27
Seabishop said:

Does anybody have any tips on being an intimidating father of teenage girls? ]


I think the most intimidating thing was knowing if a guy picked me up he had to come in and meets my parents. Nothing like knowing your mother would humilitate the guy if he gave a weak handshake.

My friend's Dad always did the "I'm her father, not your friend" bit on the guys he didn't like that tried to get too chummy with the Dad. It ran those boys off pretty quick.
 

H

Cyburbian
Messages
2,850
Points
24
OT

Habanero said:
Nothing like knowing your mother would humilitate the guy if he gave a weak handshake.

Ohhhhh, the “dead fish”, it creeps me out when people shake limp! Do you think they know? Why would anyone do this on purpose? I am not a strong guy, but I make darn sure to put in a firm handshake, is that too much to ask of other people? Soo creepy...
 
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