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Why Kentucky and the Cledus Highway Patrol are going to hell.

Rumpy Tunanator

Cyburbian
Messages
4,473
Points
25
Warning, rant follows. Sorry to anyone who lives in Kentucky.

WTF, I'm driving back from Florida via the I-75 in order to avoid going through W. Virginia again and everything is going fine until I'm in Kentucky. Less than 40 or so miles to go before I reach the safeholds of Ohio when all of a sudden Mister Kentucky State Trooper decides to pull me over. Now if I had less than 10 or so miles to go, I would have pulled an O.J. and kept going till I crossed the Ohio River.

So I get out of the car and walk to the pig who I'll call "Cledus". I give him my license and he then ask if I have any weapons on me. WTF. So he then proceeds to tell me why he pulled me over and low and behold, its some assine backwoods bullmalarky reason. I apparently put my left turn signal on and then switched it to right turn before I got off at the exit. Total B.S. So the interigation begins and the fun questions follow while my license is checked.

Piggy: "Where ya'll comming fram? (repeat 5 times)

Rumpy: "Florida for a wedding." (question why I was there to follow and repeated 7 times)

Piggy: "Ya gots any marijuawanna, crack, meth, large amounts of U.S. currency, etc." (Repeat 10 hundred times)

Rumpy: "No" (1 million times)

Piggy: "Would ya'll lets me search your vehicle?" (asked 3 times)

Rumpy: "There's no reason to search it (1st time)". "I know my rights (2nd time asked)". "Once again there is no reason for you to search it (third time)".

Insert time waiting while he interrigates GF and walks back to car.

Piggy: "Why you acting all nerveous?" (asked about 4 or 5 times).

Rumpy: (Gee you stupid toothless pig, after burning out my nerves while driving, drinking large amounts of coffee, lack of sleep, etc.) "I've got to pee."

Piggy: "You got some sort of medicall disordar there?"

Rumpy: (Ya its, bladdepisserridous) "I've got to pee."

More waiting, then his buddy shows up.

Piggy: "I don't know why ya'll needed gas, you gots half a tank."

Rumpy: (Complete BS again) "You sure you're looking at the right gage?" (I know it was less than a quarter tank).

More waiting then he comes back to give the verdict.

Apparently I wouldn't get a ticket (because it wasn't a violation to begin with you stupid f-er).

The golden moment was this last ditch effort of a question to make the wasted time of holding me there worth their while.

Piggy: "Now if you have some personal stash, even though its illegal, we won't charge you."

Rumpy: (Wow, what an awesome deal, after answering no for over half an hour, I better take the deal and cough up the stash. You stupid pig.) "No."

Insert blantant reason for letting me off the violation and some other BS and I'm out of there to release my inner child in some gas station.

-What the hell is it with southern cops breaking northerners' balls? Is there some sort of predudice towards dem "yankees" by cousin Cledus and the highway patrol?

I bet after he couldn't pin anything on me, Cledus and Clyde went back to the station to give each other some pin the tail on the donkey, you stupid pigs.

After spending money in this stupid state, they sure rolled out the welcome carpet for me. Jeebus, this puts Kentucky up there with W.Virginia.

I feel better now, I think I'll go now and spread my love and joy to everyone;)
 
Messages
5,352
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31
Pigs with nothing better to do. Sorry you had to go through that, but you gotta admit it's funny. :-D
 

Tranplanner

maudit anglais
Messages
7,918
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37
I would think a large tuna driving a car would reason enough for the police to want to pull you over ;-)
 

Duke Of Dystopia

Cyburbian
Messages
2,713
Points
24
Should have given them a 12 pack of Rumpy's Rampage! :-D

Oh, you don't happen to have any spare construction equipment you plan to modify in the spirit of revenge on Cletus and Jethro by any chance? 8-!

I thought I would ask because I think that would be a bad idea! :-D

But if you insist I could shoot you some ideas for imporvements to your design! :-D
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Big Easy King

Cyburbian
Messages
1,361
Points
23
Road trippin' through "Cledusville"

A friend and I had a similar experience in Kentucky while on our way to Cleveland from New Orleans for a concert. We were stopped (my buddy's car) by the "Cledus" highway patrol for driving 5 mph above the speed limit. Cledus and his boy decided to ask to search the car for contraband, which we told them "No" because we had none. After continuing to request that a search be conducted, it seems a thousand times, we said "proceed (Cledus)." After nothing illegal was found Cledus said, "Y'all can go on your way to big city, Cleveland and rock on." Mind you, we were on our way to a Janet Jackson concert (Rhythm Nation tour). Oh, BTW, Cledus noticed a bag of chips on the back seat of my buddy's car and asked, " Are you gonna eat dem tater chips?" We drove off without answering.

"Cledus" and the Kentucky highway patrol definitely deserve the Darwin Award or just a few more lessons in elementary school. 8-! ;-)

(Sorry Kentucky and the highway patrol)
 

freewaytincan

Cyburbian
Messages
125
Points
6
Planderella said:
Pigs with nothing better to do. Sorry you had to go through that, but you gotta admit it's funny. :-D
I feel compelled to agree. This is the funniest story I've read in a while.
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
Messages
20,175
Points
51
At least he did not give you a ticket. I have heard of cases in Kentucky where a Cop will give someone from the north a ticket for something stupid like not having the valve stem cap tightened or dirty cover for the license plate light, knowing that we are going to pay the ticket because it is cheaper than driving back down there. Maybe you should have just peed and then charged the cop for aggravated assault and torture by preventing you from naturally eliminating toxic waste fluids from your body.

I was once pulled over for doing 32 mph in a 25 mph (going down a hill) on my bike. (mountain bike!)
 

Rumpy Tunanator

Cyburbian
Messages
4,473
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25
Big Easy King said:
Oh, BTW, Cledus noticed a bag of chips on the back seat of my buddy's car and asked, " Are you gonna eat dem tater chips?" We drove off without answering.

"Cledus" and the Kentucky highway patrol definitely deserve the Darwin Award or just a few more lessons in elementary school. 8-! ;-)
Luckily, all our snacks were out of sight or else it could have been trouble.

Tranplanner said:
I would think a large tuna driving a car would reason enough for the police to want to pull you over ;-)
Do you think I should file a discrimination suit?;)
 

chrisinmd

Cyburbian
Messages
322
Points
11
a right frame of mind

You just have to put yourself in the right frame of mind about the redneck Kentucky police (asshole).He is probably married to his cousin, who has no teeth and he lives in a tralier park outside of town. Its a nice tralier park with lots of pink flamigo's on the lawns. He may live in an actual house down in the "hollow" where his form of sewge disposal is to dump it into the creek behind the house. His only source of amusment in his life is to hassle "them nothern boys". His kids if he has any all have the IQ of 10.

My first job in planning was in Kentucky. They are just a few years behind the rest of the country, maybe about 75 years or so.

I never wore a tie while I was working in Kentucky. I had on a white shirt and tie one day and had a meeting with a mayor. I stopped at the gas station (big mistake) and asked for some directions. The guy pulled a gun on me he thought I was a revenuer, and was going to arrest everyone in town for making moonshine. I never wore another tie after that.

One piece of knowledge I got from kentucky, if you buy some "shine" , make sure you test it first, put a few drops in a bottle cap and light it--if its a blue flame then you can drink it, if its a yellow flame it will make you sterile, kill you or some importart part(s) of your body will fall off.
 

BKM

Cyburbian
Messages
6,463
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29
The funny thing is, the area of Kentucky around Lexington and Louisville is one of my favorite parts of the country.

I do remember listening to a radio program once in the area of Kentucky immediately south of the Bluegrass ("The Knobs"). The main preacher was yellin'out his message at a breakneck speed, sounding almost like a southern hills auctioneer-preacher combination: **&&***((*&&*&* Huh! (*(())*()*()) Huh! with that wierd "Huh" interjection at the end of eachj senstence. In the background was another? preacher keening out Praiiiiiiissssse Jesus. Yessssss Lord. over and below in a higher voice the primary preacher.

One of the most interesting things I've ever heard. I wish I had had a tape recorder.
 

SGB

Cyburbian
Messages
3,388
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26
I'm betting it was the bumper sticker on your car that did it. You know, the one that says:

Moonshine ain't got no class.
Drink MD 20/20.


;-)
 

H

Cyburbian
Messages
2,850
Points
24
Rumpy Tunanator said:
...Sorry to anyone who lives in Kentucky.
What about to people named Cledus? My grandfather's first name was Chessel Cledus. 8-!

*He went by nicknames.
 

Rumpy Tunanator

Cyburbian
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H said:
What about to people named Cledus? My grandfather's first name was Chestle Cledus. 8-!
I'll add this disclaimer here to clarify the post.

Disclaimer

In no way does the mention of the name "Cledus" or Cletus" refer to anybody you know. It is purely coincidental that I called this pig "Cledus", because I really meant to call him "Cletus" after the slacked-jaw yokel on a show that for privacy reasons, will remain anonymous.;)
 

H

Cyburbian
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2,850
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24
Rumpy Tunanator said:
Disclaimer

In no way does the mention of the name "Cledus" or Cletus" refer to anybody you know. It is purely coincidental that I called this pig "Cledus", because I really meant to call him "Cletus" after the slacked-jaw yokel on a show that for privacy reasons, will remain anonymous.;)
I am so relieved ;)
 

Gedunker

Moderating
Staff member
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11,492
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41
Indiana is north of Kentucky and they don't ever pull me over. ;-)
Could it be them Empire State plates what done it?
 

PlannerGirl

Cyburbian Plus
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6,377
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29
Oh my god, snortled soda all over the nice 17 inch screen!!

My god they are taking folks from Alabama and sending them to Ky. DORKS

*shakes head and mutters about inbreeding*

Yes trust me you were a "yank" and they were going to pull your chain big time.
 

freewaytincan

Cyburbian
Messages
125
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6
PlannerGirl said:
Oh my god, snortled soda all over the nice 17 inch screen!!

My god they are taking folks from Alabama and sending them to Ky. DORKS

*shakes head and mutters about inbreeding*

Yes trust me you were a "yank" and they were going to pull your chain big time.
I don't like yanks.
 

Grassroots

Cyburbian
Messages
90
Points
4
sorry rumpy, but i have to put my two cents in. i grew up in appalachia and to some extent it is a disdain for yankees. the reason is that they come from wealthier parts of the country, build houses that destroy the natural scenery up and down the mountain side, and then brag that they are doing everyone there a favor by bringing in strip mall "development" to these "poor people". then enough of them move in and take over the city council that then open the flood gates for more yanks to come down and dot the mountain side with obnoxious homes by promoting lax development rules. i was in a grocery store there one time and sitting in line with some obvious southern yankees (i.e. miami) in front of me who were literally insulting people in the store and telling them that they ought to be glad that people like them were there to bring dollars to the community. all this and these people don't pay hardly any taxes for the community and their houses are vacant 9 months out of the year. alas, a lot of it is ignorance on their part. think about the pay too. cops in your part of the country get a lot more money so they can afford to hire "brighter people". if you want to really understand why they are resentful, just look up any website on mountain top removal and you will start to get an idea. not refuting you, but i do have to stand up for where i came from and put in a different perspective.

or it could be that you yanks just talk real funny ;-)
 

The One

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Messages
8,289
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30
Illinois State Patrol

Reminds me of the time in Illinois when I was pulled over for wearing headphones while driving on the interstate (10 miles bellow speed limit). As a young college guy who hadn't shaved in a week, I couldn't even afford suitcases so I had my clothes in the back of my small truck in large black trash bags.... I got off with a warning for the headphones (radio sucked) and after a quick search of my trash bags. Got out of that one easy due to the fact my Grandmother of 70 was with me..... :)
 

jordanb

Cyburbian
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3,232
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25
The One said:
Reminds me of the time in Illinois when I was pulled over for wearing headphones while driving on the interstate (10 miles bellow speed limit).
You were supposed to slip him a fifty.

He probably let you off easy anyhow because he figured you didn't know cause you're not from around here.
 

Dragon

Cyburbian
Messages
750
Points
21
I have some family that lives in Kentucky. I wonder if it was my cousin-brother-uncle that pulled you over. :p
 

Rumpy Tunanator

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4,473
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Grassroots said:
sorry rumpy, but i have to put my two cents in. i grew up in appalachia and to some extent it is a disdain for yankees. the reason is that they come from wealthier parts of the country, build houses that destroy the natural scenery up and down the mountain side, and then brag that they are doing everyone there a favor by bringing in strip mall "development" to these "poor people".all this and these people don't pay hardly any taxes for the community and their houses are vacant 9 months out of the year. alas, a lot of it is ignorance on their part. think about the pay too. cops in your part of the country get a lot more money so they can afford to hire "brighter people".

or it could be that you yanks just talk real funny ;-)
Buffalo is one of the poorest cities in the country, and upstate isn't in the best of conditions, so I can't see how all yankees come from the wealthiest parts of the country, unless they think every yankee is from NYC. Like Gedunker said, it was probally the plates.

Now to reverse roles here, I probally should have disdain for people from N Carolinia and other southern states for manufacturing jobs leaving here and moving down there. But you don't see me tailing drivers from out of state and trying to run them off the road and ram them, or harassing them on their way to some destination.

When you have visitors to your home do you not treat them the way you would want to be treated? The same goes for people visiting your state, although I could understand that you probally will get some a-holes along the way.

Yous guys talk funnier;)


Zoning Goddess said:
So, you were in FL and didn't call any Cyburbians to meet up? We missed out on meeting the Big Tuna??;)
I didn't even have enough time to "wrassle" an alligator;). Next time if Ifly down there, the Tuna will make an appearance.:)
 
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