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Would you live here?

Dan

Dear Leader
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This could be an extension of the Juvenile Thread; I'll ask the mods to move it there if they feel it's appropriate.

Anyhow, this subdivision landed on the desk of one of the other planners at work. How would you present this on an overhead screen to the Planning Commission, at a meeting that will be aired on local cable TV?
 

NHPlanner

Forums Administrator & Gallery Moderator
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There's no way I could present that on TV....without losing it!
 

El Feo

Cyburbian
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674
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19
The opening line of my presentation would be something like, "Sigmund Freud once said 'Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar'."
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
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10,624
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33
The STAFF Report! *giggles*

1. The design follows the "lay" of the land.

2. It preserves "natural features".

3. Storwater emissions are channeled from...
 

Dan

Dear Leader
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Re: The STAFF Report! *giggles*

bturk said:
3. Storwater emissions are channeled from...
4. The townhouses the applicant is proposing to ... erect ... will range from ....

5. Utilities will require a water line extension with an eight inch pipe ...
 

Mastiff

Gunfighter
Messages
7,181
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30
Do you have a magic marker?

A little "detention basin" with some "vegetative screening" would send that meeting into pandemonium...
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
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10,624
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If you can get "turgid" into that report, you'll be my hero.
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
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10,078
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33
Based on the existing and proposed contours, it appears that some filling will be required.

Will it be necessary to rezone this subdivision to a PUD?
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
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10,078
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33
Yes, this might be a hard one to present. I wonder if the developer realized the problem when he laid it out. Staff may rise to the challenge, but what about your plan commission. Hopefully they have been exposed to this sort of thing in the past. Still, they may find it difficult to swallow.
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
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Michael Stumpf said:
Yes, this might be a hard one to present. I wonder if the developer realized the problem when he laid it out. Staff may rise to the challenge, but what about your plan commission. Hopefully they have been exposed to this sort of thing in the past. Still, they may find it difficult to swallow.
OMG. I'm in tears. Thanks Mike.
 

Dan

Dear Leader
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Michael Stumpf said:
Still, they may find it difficult to swallow.
Post of the week. Don't even try to top this, folks.
 

prudence

Cyburbian
Messages
688
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19
Michael Stumpf said:
Still, they may find it difficult to swallow.

Mike,

I think once they get their hands on it, grapple with it for a while, and really look it in the eye they'll realize it's the same as all the others they've wrestled with in the past.

Just my $0.02.
 

Dan

Dear Leader
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prudence said:
I think once they get their hands on it, grapple with it for a while, and really look it in the eye they'll realize it's the same as all the others they've wrestled with in the past.
We're still hung on some issues related to rear entry garages.
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
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10,078
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33
The folks in my office building are wondering why I am laughing so much. Great topic, Dan.
 

biscuit

Cyburbian
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3,904
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It's obvious that someone is not standing-up-straight with this development. No matter if the Planning commission hangs to the left or to the right with their ruling, they would recieve the most satisfaction from just sitting on this for awhile before deciding if they can wrestle with such rigid guidelines. Although, they will most likely just jerk-around with the developer.
 
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biscuit

Cyburbian
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3,904
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Advertisment for development:

Get a piece of the American dream. You'll be pleasently suprised at all the luxary features we've slammed in our small-package apts. So stop in and visit, you'll be glad you came.
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
10,624
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33
Advertising Continued:

Our utilities use the finest Swedish Pumps available.

Our house lot package will surprise you with its comfort and affordability.
 

Mastiff

Gunfighter
Messages
7,181
Points
30
More advertising:

- Right of the main road and easy to find! It's not hard at all!

- Very small and private!

- Owner has held onto this for years before offering it to you!

- No homeowner association! You don't have to be a member!

- Very affordable! With all utilities in, you won't have to blow a wad! It's already done!
 

Repo Man

Cyburbian
Messages
2,550
Points
24
Our homes feature natural hardwood

Home values are on the rise in this neighborhood

Our sales people won't jerk you around!
 

Habanero

Cyburbian
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3,241
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27
My sides hurt, thanks Dan, and all who have come up with the funniest things I've read in a long time-

:)
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
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10,624
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33
Complete turnkey packages available - the carpet matches the drapes.
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
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10,078
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33
Like many projects, the rate of sales is expected to be slow near the beginning of the road, but the pace will rapidly quicken as it approaches its climax.
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
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10,624
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33
We've wrapped this rascal is protective erosion control fencing for your safety.
 

Seabishop

Cyburbian
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3,838
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Dan, to prevent an hour of giggling at the meeting say up front -"Ladies and gentlemen of the Commission, applicants, and viewers at home . . . lets take a minute to laugh at the fact that this proposed development looks like a penis. . . ok, now on to the proposed drainage. . ."

You could also just deny the application based on obscenity laws.
 

Mastiff

Gunfighter
Messages
7,181
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30
Restrictive covenants:

- No kittens
- No back door entries allowed
- No children playing with balls in the street
- No unsanitary discharge
- Roofs must be guttered to alleviate excessive dripping
- Each owner must be mindful of his own gutter
- Noice must cease at the stroke of midnight
 
Messages
5,353
Points
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Mastiff said:
Restrictive covenants:

- No kittens
- No back door entries allowed
- No children playing with balls in the street
- No unsanitary discharge
- Roofs must be guttered to alleviate excessive dripping
- Each owner must be mindful of his own gutter
- Noice must cease at the stroke of midnight
Now THAT'S funny!! :D
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
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I think the Throbbing Brain of Cyburbia (tm) has come up with a new designee as "Cyburbia's Funniest Thread."
 

Mastiff

Gunfighter
Messages
7,181
Points
30
Next complaint:

Those suckers down at the end of the block are making things hard around here! I think this is going to turn into a real sticky situation...
 

nerudite

Cyburbian
Messages
6,544
Points
29
TexasPlanner said:


I tried to work it in, but it just wouldn't fit. :)
You can always propose design regulations to avoid turgid s.f. home designs, such asMcMansions. :)
 
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