Would you live here?

[Dan]

This could be an extension of the Juvenile Thread; I'll ask the mods to move it there if they feel it's appropriate.

Anyhow, this subdivision landed on the desk of one of the other planners at work. How would you present this on an overhead screen to the Planning Commission, at a meeting that will be aired on local cable TV?

 

[PlannerGirl]

eeek!

there is no way i could present on that one without laughing

 

[NHPlanner]

There's no way I could present that on TV....without losing it!

 

[El Feo]

The opening line of my presentation would be something like, "Sigmund Freud once said 'Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar'."

 

[Wannaplan?]

Perhaps it would be more satisfying in this position:

 

[Chet]

The STAFF Report! *giggles*

1. The design follows the "lay" of the land.

2. It preserves "natural features".

3. Storwater emissions are channeled from...

 

[Dan]

Re: The STAFF Report! *giggles*

3. Storwater emissions are channeled from...

4. The townhouses the applicant is proposing to ... erect ... will range from ....

5. Utilities will require a water line extension with an eight inch pipe ...

 

[Mastiff]

Do you have a magic marker?

A little "detention basin" with some "vegetative screening" would send that meeting into pandemonium...

 

[Chet]

If you can get "turgid" into that report, you'll be my hero.

 

[Cardinal]

Based on the existing and proposed contours, it appears that some filling will be required.

Will it be necessary to rezone this subdivision to a PUD?

 

[Cardinal]

Yes, this might be a hard one to present. I wonder if the developer realized the problem when he laid it out. Staff may rise to the challenge, but what about your plan commission. Hopefully they have been exposed to this sort of thing in the past. Still, they may find it difficult to swallow.

 

[Chet]

Yes, this might be a hard one to present. I wonder if the developer realized the problem when he laid it out. Staff may rise to the challenge, but what about your plan commission. Hopefully they have been exposed to this sort of thing in the past. Still, they may find it difficult to swallow.

OMG. I'm in tears. Thanks Mike.

 

[Dan]

Still, they may find it difficult to swallow.

Post of the week. Don't even try to top this, folks.

 

[Planderella]

I guess I won't even mention the cum...er...I mean cul-de-sac design.

 

[Zoning Goddess]

Would I live here? It depends. Are they building any condom-iniums?

 

[prudence]

Still, they may find it difficult to swallow.

Mike,

I think once they get their hands on it, grapple with it for a while, and really look it in the eye they'll realize it's the same as all the others they've wrestled with in the past.

Just my $0.02.

 

[Dan]

I think once they get their hands on it, grapple with it for a while, and really look it in the eye they'll realize it's the same as all the others they've wrestled with in the past.

We're still hung on some issues related to rear entry garages.

 

[Cardinal]

The folks in my office building are wondering why I am laughing so much. Great topic, Dan.

 

[Repo Man]

That design flies in the the face of good planning!

 

[biscuit]

It's obvious that someone is not standing-up-straight with this development. No matter if the Planning commission hangs to the left or to the right with their ruling, they would recieve the most satisfaction from just sitting on this for awhile before deciding if they can wrestle with such rigid guidelines. Although, they will most likely just jerk-around with the developer.

 

[prudence]

I am in f***in' tears this morning. Dan, well done.

 

[Chet]

The developer obviously has no balls.

 

[Mastiff]

You say the scale is 1" = 100'? Who the hell are YOU trying to fool?

 

[biscuit]

Advertisment for development:

Get a piece of the American dream. You'll be pleasently suprised at all the luxary features we've slammed in our small-package apts. So stop in and visit, you'll be glad you came.

 

[Chet]

Advertising Continued:

Our utilities use the finest Swedish Pumps available.

Our house lot package will surprise you with its comfort and affordability.

 

[Mastiff]

More advertising:

- Right of the main road and easy to find! It's not hard at all!

- Very small and private!

- Owner has held onto this for years before offering it to you!

- No homeowner association! You don't have to be a member!

- Very affordable! With all utilities in, you won't have to blow a wad! It's already done!

 

[Repo Man]

Our homes feature natural hardwood

Home values are on the rise in this neighborhood

Our sales people won't jerk you around!

 

[Cardinal]

Models now showing!
Visit our customer contact center
You'll be glad you came

 

[Mastiff]

The pipe has already been laid!

 

[Habanero]

My sides hurt, thanks Dan, and all who have come up with the funniest things I've read in a long time-

 

[Planderella]

Well landscaped entrance....neatly trimmed bushes....

 

[biscuit]

Enjoy the pleasures of living at the head of our sac.

 

[Chet]

Complete turnkey packages available - the carpet matches the drapes.

 

[Cardinal]

Like many projects, the rate of sales is expected to be slow near the beginning of the road, but the pace will rapidly quicken as it approaches its climax.

 

[Chet]

We've wrapped this rascal is protective erosion control fencing for your safety.

 

[Seabishop]

Dan, to prevent an hour of giggling at the meeting say up front -"Ladies and gentlemen of the Commission, applicants, and viewers at home . . . lets take a minute to laugh at the fact that this proposed development looks like a penis. . . ok, now on to the proposed drainage. . ."

You could also just deny the application based on obscenity laws.

 

[Mastiff]

Restrictive covenants:

- No kittens
- No back door entries allowed
- No children playing with balls in the street
- No unsanitary discharge
- Roofs must be guttered to alleviate excessive dripping
- Each owner must be mindful of his own gutter
- Noice must cease at the stroke of midnight

 

[Planderella]

Restrictive covenants:

- No kittens
- No back door entries allowed
- No children playing with balls in the street
- No unsanitary discharge
- Roofs must be guttered to alleviate excessive dripping
- Each owner must be mindful of his own gutter
- Noice must cease at the stroke of midnight

Now THAT'S funny!!

 

[Mastiff]

First major complaint:

My neighbor is an asshole!

 

[Cardinal]

I think the Throbbing Brain of Cyburbia (tm) has come up with a new designee as "Cyburbia's Funniest Thread."

 

[Chet]

First major complaint:

My neighbor is an asshole!

And the second -

My neighbors are nuts!

 

[nerudite]

Don't forget Cyburbia's favorite subdivision sign...

 

[Planderella]

The Neighborhood Association president is a prick.

 

[Mastiff]

Next complaint:

Those suckers down at the end of the block are making things hard around here! I think this is going to turn into a real sticky situation...

 

[Chet]

The Neighborhood Association president is a prick.

Thats a phallacy.

 

[Wannaplan?]

The developer sure has some spunk!

 

[Habanero]

I think they should sack the developer-

 

[Habanero]

If you can get "turgid" into that report, you'll be my hero.

I tried to work it in, but it just wouldn't fit.

 

[nerudite]

I tried to work it in, but it just wouldn't fit.

You can always propose design regulations to avoid turgid s.f. home designs, such asMcMansions.

 

[Wannaplan?]

The developer avoided all wet spots.