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Your town may be RUGGED! if ...

Dan

Dear Leader
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
17,559
Points
55
1) Every gas station sells diesel.

2) More than half of the businesses along Main Street have something to do with vehicles -- sales, repair, salvage, and so on.

3) There's an active anti-beautification campaign going on.

4) More residents have Nextel phones than landlines.

5) "WELCOME HUNTERS" banners are a regular sight.

6) Half of the business signs consist of auto parts or appliances mounted on poles.

7) Folks get excited over the possible opening of a United Rentals outlet.

8) The AV crew at Town Hall tests their microphones by instinctively saying "breaker one-nine for a radio check!"

9) The town motto is "LOCK AND LOAD"

10) The shoe store prides itself on having every item in stock available with steel toes.

11) At least 50% of area businesses have names that are prefixed by "Pro-", "Job-", "Dyna-," or Work-".

12) You don't need no permit to cut down no tree. That's fuel!

13) Architectural regulations REQUIRE pre-fabricated metal commercial structures.

14) At least 50% of the vehicles on the road are trucks.

15) At least 50% of those trucks are named, just as boats are, with the names displayed across the top fo the front windshield.

16) The town council passes a resolution outlawing the United Nations.

17) A town council meeting cannot end without having each member say, at least once during the meeting, the phrases "prop'ty rights" and "back in 'Nam."

18) The town has a law that allows a certain number of junked vehicles on a property.

19) There's at least one tractor trailer dealer in town.

20) It's quite allright to have a septic tank truck parked in your front yard, as part of your home occupation.

21) The male-female ratio makes Alaska look like Smith College in comparison.

22) Nobody complains about the guy who loudly idles his truck's diesel engine every day at 4:00 AM.

23) The town flag is made out of plaid flannel.

24) Nobody quite understands that the Red Green show is supposed to be a comedy.

25) Kids learn to drive on front end loaders.

26) A POW-MIA flag flies over town hall.

27) An American flag flies over town hall ... upside down.

28) A local fashion show includes black t-shirts with wolf illustrations.

29) There's more gun stores than grocery stores.

30) The town festival is called "Gunnery Sergeant Days."

31) Roadside cleanup is sponsored by the NRA ...

32) ... but nobody cares if they aren't really doing it.

33) Town council minutes are rated R, for language.

34) The busiest clothing store is a Carhartt Factory Outlet.
 

mike gurnee

Cyburbian
Messages
3,066
Points
30
The city condemns, clears, and acquires a block in the center of town: and sells it (for under $50K) to an auto dealer who paves and fills the block with pickups.
 

NHPlanner

Forums Administrator & Gallery Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
9,870
Points
38
...you have any business that is only open during hunting season.
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
Messages
10,079
Points
34
Dan wrote:
24) Nobody quite understands that the Red Green show is supposed to be a comedy.
How do you know you don't live in the north? You think the Red Green show is a comedy.
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
Messages
10,079
Points
34
For those of you not familiar with Red Green....

www.pbs.org/redgreen/

Some samples with a planning angle....

Episode #53 - "Underground Parking"
The men try to convert an abandoned gold mine into an underground parking lot. In a flood district

Episode #65 - "The Water Park"
Following an accidental cement spill, Red and the boys decide to make Possum Lake into a water theme park

Episode #78 - "The Schoolhouse Project"
An attempt by a city couple to purchase the old schoolhouse leads the locals of Possum Lake to find a way to save it, or at least make it unmarketable

Episode #91 - "The Real Estate Project"
Somebody buys the lot next door to Possum Lodge and starts fixing it up, ruining the neighbourhood.

Episode #126 "THE PETTING ZOO"
An overpopulation of local forest animals leads Lodge Members to open a petting zoo
 

Bullwinkle

Cyburbian
Messages
176
Points
7
...an economic analysis of your county specifically identifies the impact of both hunting AND fishing on your county's economy.
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,985
Points
29
35) Members of the local Posse Comantatus gets roughed up after dark cause there ain't no gays to hassle in town.

36) The town's Optimists raise most of their funds during Machine Gun Week selling 7.62x39 in bulk.

37) The term “he needed killing” is used in polite society.

38) Locals think nothing of cutting barbed wire from the fence next to the road to jump start a car.

39) Local kids get a Dale Earnheart Signature series.22 for their 8th birthday.

40) The library board deadlocks over the which is the superior periodical, Field and Stream or Inside NASCAR.

41) El Guapo is considered the town liberal.

42) Neckties are rarer than Harvard Educations.
 

mike gurnee

Cyburbian
Messages
3,066
Points
30
Each motel room has a brochure explaining where and how to dress pheasants after the hunt. (Not in the bathtub--there is an area out back.)
 

nerudite

Cyburbian
Messages
6,544
Points
29
You can find the "Spotted Owl Helper" dinner mix at the local grocers.

Spitoons are regularly dispersed throughout the Council chambers.
 

Chet

Cyburbian Emeritus
Messages
10,624
Points
33
People with animals like these are routinely run out of town:
 

Dan

Dear Leader
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
17,559
Points
55
mike gurnee wrote:
Each motel room has a brochure explaining where and how to dress pheasants after the hunt.
Slightly OT -- I was stranded in a small Kansas town during one snowstorm. The motel I found actually had those brochures in the room!
 

SW MI Planner

Cyburbian
Messages
3,195
Points
26
The local bar in town has a clothesline up over the bar that has 350 bras hanging from it.

At same local bar....asking for a bottled bud-lite will get you a 40 baby!!

BTW, this is in Marquette, Michigan...in da' UP yah!!!
 

el Guapo

Capitalist
Messages
5,985
Points
29
Get your Asses in the air!

Out near Russell, Kansas is bar called the Big Red Hiney. Various folks have consented to having their asses covered with red finger paint. Then they press these bums against a standard suspended ceiling tile - making a quite detailed print. Once the tile is signed, labeled in 2" black lettering with the name of the offender, and dry, it is placed in the ceiling. Some semi-famous people have their asses on display there. Rumor is one former presidential candiate from those parts has his parts on display. Only one person so far has needed two tiles for their bum.

This place was also the scene of a robbery gone wrong. Two gentlemen were traveling down I70 when they decided to pull over and rob a place to raise gas money for their trip to da Bronx. They unfortuantly picked the Big Red Hiney. They presented a weapon and a demand for cash, and the owner and three customers presented their weapons. The robbers lost fair and square.

That's a rugged town.
 

boiker

Cyburbian
Messages
3,890
Points
26
more rugged:

open burns are encouraged and commonplace.

Most pickup trucks have a clearance of 3 feet.
 

michaelskis

Cyburbian
Messages
19,279
Points
43
SW MI Planner said:
The local bar in town has a clothesline up over the bar that has 350 bras hanging from it.

At same local bar....asking for a bottled bud-lite will get you a 40 baby!!

BTW, this is in Marquette, Michigan...in da' UP yah!!!

It closed... lost it's liquor license... but I know more than a few women who "contributed"

#191
If you have to dig out your dorm room windows to get light in durring the 8 months of winter...

I miss NMU!!!

#192
If the on-line personals are www.ratemymullet.com

(sorry mullet people)
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
Messages
10,079
Points
34
Re: Get your Asses in the air!

el Guapo said:
This place was also the scene of a robbery gone wrong. Two gentlemen were traveling down I70 when they decided to pull over and rob a place to raise gas money for their trip to da Bronx. They unfortuantly picked the Big Red Hiney. They presented a weapon and a demand for cash, and the owner and three customers presented their weapons. The robbers lost fair and square.
I knew an army surplus store like this. When I purchased a holster I first warned the owner I was going to pull out my revolver to check the fit. Everybody there packs.
 

giff57

Corn Burning Fool
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
5,398
Points
32
Dan said:
Slightly OT -- I was stranded in a small Kansas town during one snowstorm. The motel I found actually had those brochures in the room!
I still bear a scar from a pheasant cleaning accident in the "game cleaning" room at the Tall Corn Motel in Shenandoah Iowa
 

DecaturHawk

Cyburbian
Messages
880
Points
21
Dan said:
22) Nobody complains about the guy who loudly idles his truck's diesel engine every day at 4:00 AM.
I swear I'm not making this up. At the exact moment I was reading #22, I got an e-mail notification. I opened the e-mail and read this:

[e-mail]
FYI -

Iowa State University will be conducting an "Alternatives to Truck Engine
Idling" workshop on June 22 - 23, 2004 in Des Moines Iowa.

An agenda and registration materials will be posted on the following
web-site sometime during the coming
months: http://www.ctre.iastate.edu/bulletin/truck-idling.pdf

We hope you will consider attending.
[/e-mail]

I swear I'm not making it up.

I'm also not planning on attending.
 

plankton

Cyburbian
Messages
751
Points
21
...the signs coming into town say:

"Welcome to ______. Our streets patrolled by Vigilantes for Justice."

True story. Thanks to a previous planner in that quaint lil frontier town, the signs now say:

"Welcome to ______. A citizen-patrolled community."

I paid for the damn things out of my own pocket, too.
 

otterpop

Cyburbian
Messages
6,655
Points
27
With the possible exception of No. 16, I thought everyone's hometown qualified. Maybe it a Montana thing. Here when you buy a new truck, there is already a dead six-point buck in the truckbed, and if you don't have a scruffy dog the car dealer will throw one in at no charge..
 

JNA

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
24,660
Points
50
#??.
Block heater pluggin cords hanging out of the front grill of their truck.

#??- a.
Block heater pluggins for each parking space.

If they have planning & zoning - the fish & hunt club or marina is on the notification mailing list.
 

donk

Cyburbian
Messages
6,970
Points
29
Your town has a business like this one



This is a Canadian Image.

You issue more permits for mini/mobile homes than any other style.

You can't get anything done during duck season.

Not really rugged, but in the same class - there are more religious bookstores than "normal" bookstores.

The "he needed killin'" was used this week in the newspaper to describe a murder victrim. Welcome to Canada's most dangerous place - Beaverbrook, population =529 (probably less, but that is the best I can do with teh stats can data I have) murders in 2004=1. At this rate it should be depopulated by June, with the last 2 people being bound to a murder suicide pact. ;)

My city has 14 of Dan's (probably more if I read them a bit less literally), 2 of EG's and 1 of SMMi's.
 

JNA

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
24,660
Points
50
donk said:
You can't get anything done during duck season.
How about deer season when:
the schools even declare opening day as a holiday
or
no one is in church that weekend.
 

Zoning Goddess

Cyburbian
Messages
13,853
Points
38
You feel a bit timid when you arrive at the local Army/Navy to buy your son his first set of camo to go hunting with his uncle, and discover all your neighbors there, buying Christmas presents.
 

donk

Cyburbian
Messages
6,970
Points
29
JNA said:
How about deer season when:
the schools even declare opening day as a holiday
or
no one is in church that weekend.
I guess it should just be listed as huntin' season. Moose season here is pretty crazy too.

To add to the list ,

the standard way to buy bologna is uncut / by the bag.
hunting is permitted within the city limits
 

Tom R

Cyburbian
Messages
2,274
Points
24
rugged

You're last words when going out to get a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk are "Cover me."
 

donk

Cyburbian
Messages
6,970
Points
29
That people describe their neighbourhood as

"A nice trailer park"

Hear this one frequently, and just got off teh phone with someone who said it. I wish I had some pics handy of the trailer park we were discussing.
 

SGB

Cyburbian
Messages
3,387
Points
25
.....most pickup truck owners carry chains and/or tow straps during the winter months for pulling non-locals out of snowbanks and ditches.
 

mendelman

Unfrozen Caveman Planner
Staff member
Moderator
Messages
12,520
Points
40
Along the main road out of town, there are several large piles of feed carrots, sugar beets, etc. during hunting season.
 

Plannerbabs

Cyburbian
Messages
1,038
Points
22
-Manufactured and mobile homes are permitted by right in any district--including industrial--and can be found in any district.
-If it aint't deep-fried, it ain't healthy.
-The only foreign car is a 25-year old Toyota truck, mostly primer gray, with a gun rack.
-All the dogs and all the residents look alike, and the dogs outnumber the residents 2:1
-People think nothing of swimming, bathing, doing laundry etc in the same body of water they store their leaky pontoon boats in
-The local gas station also sells groceries, bait, ammo, alcohol, hunting permits, and small engine repair parts.
 

SlaveToTheGrind

Cyburbian
Messages
1,235
Points
23
Plannerbabs said:
The local gas station also sells groceries, bait, ammo, alcohol, hunting permits, and small engine repair parts.
The local grocery store has all of that plus camo clothing, livestock feed, livestock fencing, and has plenty of deer and elk heads on the wall.

Provides fishing bait from vending machines.
 

Rumpy Tunanator

Cyburbian
Messages
4,473
Points
25
JNA said:
In my fair city a signature menu item is
a breaded, deep-fried Brain on a white bun. :-#QUOTE]

Are you refering to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre favorite known as "headcheese"?
 

donk

Cyburbian
Messages
6,970
Points
29
I'd vote odd in a Canadian way.

That is the kind of picture that gets guys fired.

I hope the girl gave the nags some sugar cubes.

Having just read the local paper, I'd like to add the following

Your town is rugged if.. a standard way to demolish buildings is to have the Fire Department burn them down for practice.
 
Last edited:

JNA

Cyburbian Plus
Messages
24,660
Points
50
donk said:
Your town is rugged if.. a standard way to demolish buildings is to have the Fire Department burn them down for practice.
When I was on a Fire Dept., I actually participated in doing that a couple of times
the other depts in the county were there also.

To be really Rugged you have to use port-a-ponds and tanker shuttle.
 

donk

Cyburbian
Messages
6,970
Points
29
JNA said:
To be really Rugged you have to use port-a-ponds and tanker shuttle.
How about having a designated hole in the ice for refilling? This is done and kept clear in my parent's "village". Standard equipment on the fire truck is a chainsaw and an ice auger.
 

Cardinal

Cyburbian
Messages
10,079
Points
34
JNA said:
When I was on a Fire Dept., I actually participated in doing that a couple of times
the other depts in the county were there also.

To be really Rugged you have to use port-a-ponds and tanker shuttle.
It happens around here a lot, except our "highly-qualified volunteer firefighters" often forge to have the building checked out for asbestos first. It keeps the DNR busy issuing citations for air quality violations.

Please note that I used quotes and did not use terms like "dumb-ass," "yokel" or "moron" to describe these hicks.
 

BiteMeElmo

Cyburbian
Messages
324
Points
11
Your town may be RUGGED if...

It is located in Northern Alberta, and it's business as usual in -35C (and lower) weather.
 

boiker

Cyburbian
Messages
3,890
Points
26
SlaveToTheGrind said:
You town has this store.

Also, i can get a suit for my living room there. I thought they were suites?

Um yes, my living room needs a jacket, it's a 44L
 

nerudite

Cyburbian
Messages
6,544
Points
29
If your town is located on the Trans-Labrador highway (pictured below), it's damn RUGGED!

Snow removal operations:


Winter driving conditions:
 
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